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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 44
Third Date RulePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

That's what I tell my dates when they start trying to get sex. I let them know that I"m not interesting and they are really wasting their time. But if they want a game of canasta, I'm all for it.

Ha! That was great, I love it.
 *LadyLinda*
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 45
Third Date Rule
Posted: 2/5/2010 3:43:37 AM
If a guy approaches me with a belief that if things don't happen according to a certain timeline....I am outta there.
I have had this happen inside of what I thought was a blossoming relationship. In his mind.....he had decided at what exact moment we should have progressed to what exact point...and he showed his frustration....not by discussion.....but rather by bullying.Saying things like I must like women instead....must have past relationships issues. etc. In other words...he thought that he could convince me to do things outside my comfort zone ( like having sex on his time line) by trying to label me and wanting me to prove it wasn't true. Needless to say....the relationship died quickly after that.
If a man is not willing to wait until a woman is at a place where she has decided she wants sex....he is not worth the time.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 47
Third Date Rule
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:10:11 AM
I don't really know why people are so intent on manipulating themselves (and other people) to be physical with someone. Maybe they look at too much pornography.. or watch Grey's anatomy. (shrug)

If you like someone, you DON'T have to be physical with them. In fact, being physical with someone is a surefire way to confuse you whether you actually like the person for who they are. It ends up wasting people's times, and ends in relationships and marriages that are based on a paper thin connection. The amount of screwed up, jaded, emotionally dependent, and depressed people because of having sex so soon just blows my mind.

If you love to be with a person for 6 months or a year without the physical stuff, well then, you know you have a keeper for life.


I disagree with this because the whole reason you enter into a romantic relationship is so you can have someone special who shares your beliefs and sexual preferences with, someone to be intimate with who you can share your deepest sexual fantasies with for the rest of your life. If that is not what you want you shouldn't be dating.
 What_He_Said
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 48
Third Date Rule
Posted: 3/13/2012 4:37:44 AM

For those of you who actually believe that you are expected to have sex on the third date, what classifies as a date? Sure, it's easy to tell sometimes when it is the usual prearranged meeting to go out, but what about just running into each other, or just hanging out around the house? One guy even tried to say that stopping by on his way home from work to grab the sunglasses he'd left on my coffee table was considered a date LOL


I’m not sure that this is the central issue at work here. It’s not really about what constitutes a date per se. Instead, it’s about the nature and quality of the time spent together.

Three? Is it a hard and fast rule? Frankly, for some it is a rule.

But for others it’s more of a guideline. No hard and fast number, but a loose rule of thumb, subject to wiggle room.

Flip it around and play with this idea just a little.

Ladies; is it fair to say that there are qualities important to you that you look for in a guy? IE he has a sense of humor that makes you laugh? Or perhaps he likes the same taste in music? Certain activities? Things of that nature? I venture to guess the answer to that is yes.

If the answer is yes, then isn’t it also fair to say that you want to find out earlier rather than later (rather than not at all) that you click with these things that have meaning for you? If you like to go out to restaurants but he considers a good mean a trip to the local fast food joint his idea of a great meal you may not be a good match. Nothing wrong with the guy, but you operate on different wavelengths. You find out these things and make decisions about the guy as you continue to see him. At some point you may think he is a keeper or you may decide that you want to look for someone else. Why? It's important to you.

Well, sex is important for most guys. Sure, you have those guys who are out for a little something. For them the mantra is “The faster you can get it the better”. Doesn’t matter who the gal is. But at the other end of the dial, I would be hard pressed to say that a normal guy with his act together is going to wait forever. So for many it’s someplace in between. The real question is where.

An earlier post pretty much hit it spot on. You want to see an evolution of the relationship. From the initial ‘Let’s see if this has real potential’ on down the line….

Sex is a natural part of that progress. For some that progression is very short. For others it’s on a longer time frame. It’s not a matter of pressuring a woman to do it if she is uncomfortable with it. That’s not what I’m referring to. Not in the least. But it’s more likely that he is thinking that at certain stages of a relationship certain things develop. If they don’t develop at what he considers a normal pace then he may decide that this is something that may not work out in the long run and he will look elsewhere.
 tlcme1964
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 49
Third Date Rule
Posted: 3/13/2012 6:04:15 AM
Lets be realistic shall we. We're not all idiots & know a line when we hear it. If your dating guys who have such lines then maybe your judgment should be questioned as to the men you date.

There are rules you have in your mind prior to feeling comfortable with someone enough to be intimate with. It's NOT a set how many date rules, how many times you see each other rule or any other kind of rule other than good old fashioned common sense. I think more people should just grow up instead of playing dumb & naive baby games.
 CatitudeBoo
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 50
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/18/2012 12:24:06 PM
Forget those stupid "rules". That being said, I don't get down that easily anyway. Aside from physical attraction, I have to have some sort of mental/intellectual connection with a guy before I even desire him sexually, that takes more than 3 dates.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/18/2012 12:25:43 PM

Hush_Hush
There have been times where I've been out on 5 dates with a guy and we hadn't kissed.


And where do you find these losers, excuse me, I mean “men” who will take you out 5 times without you ever even kissing them?
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 52
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:41:38 PM
Official rules as you agreed to when joining.

first date: coffee eye contact, small talk.
second date: dinner and walk hand in hand.
third date: monkey sex

Please memorize these rules or you could face a total ban from all dating sites if you are reported.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 53
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:59:32 PM

There have been times where I've been out on 5 dates with a guy and we hadn't kissed.

There's not a woman in the world that I'd wait 2 dates to kiss, let alone 5. If she wasn't attracted to me enough to kiss me like she meant on the first date, she wasn't attracted to me enough for me to waste my time or money on a second date.

Imagine how many guys us girls would be shagging if we went with every idiot who managed to spend all of 8 total hours with us

It all depends on how good one's intuition is. If your intuition is bad, then waiting is prudent or else you would be shagging every guy you dated. Some people are better than others at figuring those things out.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 54
Third Date Rule ? NYC 20-somethings
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:19:28 PM
I thought sex was expected on the 4th date.
 bkhickman
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 55
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 12:19:46 PM
LoL... 3rd date rule... No such thing. I think it's generally accepted that your not going to have sex until at least the 3rd date, but that's not always true either. I think a date is when you go out with some one to do something in each others company. What you do is irrelevant and so is how much time you spend doing it. Yes, you agreed to meet to return sunglasses, but you weren't looking to enjoy each others company at that time.
 shelby5506
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 56
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:20:03 PM
This 3 date rule is just plain selfish and disrespectful and just demonstrates that anyone that tries to invoke the 3 date rule is shallow and only interested in their own selfish indulgence without any regard for the other person. I have also heard people say “I have to have sex first before I’ll marry you”. That is just as disrespectful and selfish and egotistic. How the hell do they think that they are any good? It is all just wrong and no matter who you are with, you need to respect them and their feelings and if you can’t then get off here and get on one of those looking for sex sites. Damn, we are all human and we all have feelings regardless of what sex we are.
 Candlesinthewind
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 57
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:25:34 PM
Really the third date huh. usually in my town you have to buy them something expencive first. and then get called a player and have to defend yourself before you get to even see a boob
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 58
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:31:19 PM
there are no rules. it's ridiculous.

And no way in the world am I having sex with someone i"ve met 3 times.
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 59
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:52:43 PM
That "rule" has been around for longer than twenty-five years! ..lol..

I don't believe in any kind of rule for scheduling sex. Then it becomes "expectations".
Expectations on a man's part of when he gets to the honey is just crude.
Really, there are men out there who firmly believe in this third date rule and...if he's pushing at you impatiently, saying unbelievable things and/or trying to guilt you into it, run as fast as you can from him.
He's not into you. He's only into himself.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 60
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:58:17 PM
The message you are replying to:
Posted By: delytful(d1078626) on 11/26/2005 204 PM
Subject: Third Date Rule
Message: For those of you who actually believe that you are expected to have sex on the third date, what classifies as a date? Sure, it's easy to tell sometimes when it is the usual prearranged meeting to go out, but what about just running into each other, or just hanging out around the house? One guy even tried to say that stopping by on his way home from work to grab the sunglasses he'd left on my coffee table was considered a date LOL


Haha nice try to get into ur pants make him wait for 6 to8 weeks first if he ain't my bf I won't even think about sex. If guy don't find me special enough to wait its his problem I find someone that will
 InspiredUsername
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 61
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:53:29 PM
Maybe I'm just naive, but I'd like to think that most people realize that human relationships are far too complex to apply a hard standard of numbers to. That being said, around the third date is an acceptable time to evaluate where you stand. If sex hasn't happened yet, are things at least escalating towards that end? If not, what are your views on the concept of sunk cost?
 Deleted1a2b3c4d5e
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 62
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:10:16 PM
I don't think anyone needs a "rule", I do think at a certain point, people have to put their cards on the table ( no "cards" is not code word for panties)

I can only speak as a guy. Some women go out with you because they like you and want to date you. Some just want free dinner or attention or someone to distract them because the guy they really want to hump is in bed with someone else.

I don't think the third date needs sex, but I think the third date is a good point to see if the two people are on the same page. ( I.E. I'm looking for this, or this is what I can't live with, or whatnot)

In the old days, if a girl was not interested in giving a guy a chance period, she said NO. And the guy only asked if he was truly INTERESTED in the girl for a relationship. The old way WORKED. Now there's this BS liberal method where both sides treat it like the Cold War, trying to figure out how much ass is worth a cup of coffee or how to get dinner or free stuff without having to say Thanks ever.
 RD2112
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 63
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:18:13 PM
...and WTH is wrong with animal attraction and chemistry right off the bat? Why not have sex on most every date and then for more fun in between. I think there are too many on this thread with "morals" . Im not a bad guy but I enjoy sex and I want a partner that enjoys it as much as me.

Sex should not be expected or be pushy about. It should just happen naturally. If you want to have sex with someone, are you going to really wait that long? If both of u are making out hot n heavy and ready to shred clothing, are you going to stop and say "we must wait". Whatever floats ur boat but I'm not cast from that mold. Do what you feel like with no expectations from others. It takes a whole lot longer than 3 dates to know if you and your partner or date are going to last. Why not enjoy what life has to offer and not waste any precious days? the two of you might not make it in the long run and you will have enjoyed bliss again.

I can't tell by three dates if we will be together for a long haul but I can tell in the first 2 if were not. If I get bad feelings of any kind then I know its over. It just escallates. If its all comfy and carefree, its got a chance.
 bonbonlicious
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 64
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:32:29 PM
third date rule??? wtf?? i'm still trying to get to the first date without a guy chickening out!! where's the rule for that?
 sookalready
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 65
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/22/2012 2:42:56 PM
lmao....Get the Book.. Act like a Woman...Think like a Man. It's a 90 day probationary period before they get to the cookie. lol It's a really good book by Stever Harvey
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 66
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/22/2012 2:46:52 PM
90 day probationary period? The book ought to be called, ``Think Like a Woman, Date Like a Nun.'' I'm trying to think of a reason I'd wait 90 days on some sort of probation and I can't think of one. I'd just go date someone else after a few dates didn't look too promising.
 desimale69
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Third Date Rule ? NYC 20-somethings
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:37:06 AM
3 day rule? hahahahahaha
As an efficiency expert, I want it done in 1 date!!!!!
 heartwwings
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 68
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:34:47 PM
I agree!
I havent been on the second date yet.....
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 69
Third Date Rule
Posted: 5/23/2012 8:37:23 PM
delytful

Men will say and do anything to get it. We know that. I had a guy who counted a 10 minute quick meet and greet and then the hour we spent having coffee the next time, as two dates and was expecting sex on the next "date". lol! After chit chat about having a shower together and week ends away on the second date. I didnt bother to see him again. I have never had a second date other than that with the few I met on dating sites although they did all front up.

When we have sex is when we feel comfortable about it, be it the first meet, the second date or the 8th. No hard and fast rules.
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