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 walkergrrl
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 451
dating an overweight person?Page 19 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
I suppose I just want to date men who are interested in me for who I am - if they don't like my current weight, then I don't want to date them right now. BUT, on the other hand, because I am working out with a trainer and actively losing weight, the last thing in the world that I would want is someone who REALLY likes BBWs and would resist/sabotage my attempts at weight loss. I think that this can be challenging for those of us who are in the process of weight loss, as some who are 'willing' to date the overweight actually prefer it.
 Opportunity101
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 452
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History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 7/31/2007 6:31:20 PM
I read every post in all 19 pages, because this subject fascinates me.

I believe the OP asked the question "would you"...
My answer would be yes I would, and have.

On the other hand, it is a lifestyle choice. Just as people come in all colors, they also come in all shapes, and just because someone is overweight, or obese, does not mean they do or do not live a certain lifestyle.

However, we all know and understand that the majority of what would be considered those things, are considered those things due to daily choices.

So I believe a claification on the OP question is in order:
Would you date an overweight or obese person, and become acclimated in the lifestyle they choose, choose to attempt a change in said lifestyle. If you are not considering the lifestyle of a person you are dating, then you are not thinking about much more than a one-nighter.

For the majority, physical attributes with regards to weight are a result of lifestyle. This does not mean a large person may not have changed their lifestyle, and are just still large, but working towards something better.

It should go unwritten, if I am working out weekly, and doing activities for the reason of attaining a more fit self, I will be looking for someone doing the same.

In the end, I hope all BBW and men are OK with themselves, and find what they are seeking, they should not be suprised if members of society do snub them. Some things are facts of life, you must accept them and move on.
 goodbyegirl3031
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 453
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History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:12:02 PM
sometimes a woman's weight is medical. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and it keeps me fat. I eat right, go to the gym alot and can run but I am still over weight. From my experience, fat girls don't get love. It is just a fact of life. I don't know why the F**K I am on here but what the hell.
 SassySky
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 454
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:00:39 PM
Well I have been both at one time or another, I was at one time over 200 pounds to be honest I have never had it a problem with dating. I have dated skinny guys, fat guys, guys that were so inlove with them selves they couldn't pass a mirror, the bottom line is the Spark. personalities. I thinkI read somewhere in one of these threads that when you are under the covers who cares. I think the problem that deters someone not dating a fat person is their attitude towards themselved. I mean If I all heard was I am sorry for the way I look" junk,,, I am going to be thinking about a way to leave with out hurting them,
I think the most important thing is do you click period, If not it isn't going to matter how good or ugly you look.
When I am interested in someone one of the first things after the spark hits, can he keep up with me on a hike. Is he even willing to try?, Can he get off the Sofa Long enough to walk outside? Is his diet so poor that am I going to give him a heart attack if I hugg or kiss him, If these things come up with a no, then I will seriously entertian the thought of going out with him,
 marinabreeze
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 455
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:01:24 PM
goodbyegirl, I totally understand b/c I have PCOS as well. I have been on just about every diet known to man, and exercised like a trojan, and it still didn't come off. I had to get on medication, and b/c of it, I have lost some weight, although it's definitely not enough to make me thin. I think it's harder for bigger women to find acceptance and love b/c of all the stigma and ignorant stereotypes related to being fat, but it's not impossible. I have a friend who is a lot larger than myself who has a much more vibrant dating life than I do. She beats the men off with a stick, and she very much has a vast array of choices, so she is by no means desperate.

To melting, I understand what you're saying, but I don't think that BBWs or anyone else are "surprised" at the snubs by society. We all desire to be loved and accepted, and this fact is what makes the stigma of fat in dating more difficult to deal with. If you're having to live with it, you'll know it's irritating, and we all have a right to our feelings, even if they don't change the world. Yes, it's a fact of life, but it doesn't make it right, and it doesn't mean that we should give up on the love we desire.

Maybe those of us who have endured being on this side of the fence take it as a learning lesson to bring more acceptance and depth to this world, and not forget the lessons from our experiences if we are able to make it to the other side.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 456
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dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:07:07 PM
Well, I have to say...I am surprised and impressed with the number of men who have said yes to this topic. It certainly hits close to home with me.

There was a time in my life when I weighed over 330 lbs. I was miserable, depressed, and tired of being 'used' by men, so I gave up and quit caring about myself for a long time. There were a lot of men who wouldn't even acknowledge I existed when I was enormously obese. They refused to even be friends. One day I woke up and realized what I had done to myself and vowed to make a change for ME. To date, I have lost over 150 lbs. I've lost 20 lbs. so far this year, and plan to be down another 20 lbs. by next summer. No surgery, no pills; I am doing it the long, hard way. I have 40 lbs left to go to get to where I want to be. I still get overlooked by alot of men who see where I am, do not know where I've been, and can't see where I'm going. THEIR LOSS!! I also have men who used to ignore me and look down on me, trying to flirt with me now. They don't even realize they once knew me. LOL Now I look at them and think...they aren't good enough for me! I am far from being conceited, I know I still have a ways to go, but if you treated me like dirt when I was extremely heavy, you can bet that I'm not going to give you the time of day now. And that goes for the men now who see the 40 lbs I still have to lose and dismiss me as a human being. I try to be kind to everyone I meet because I have learned from experience that you never know who that person you have deemed a 'loser', based on their physical appearance, is going to turn out to be someday in the future. Your comments and actions may very well come back to bite you one day. LOL

On a side note, when I got down to around 250 lbs I met a man who was crazy about me. He loved my weight and got VERY upset when I continued to lose weight. He tried everything he could to not only keep me from losing any more weight, but to gain weight back! These days, I ask anyone who is seriously interested in dating me if they would still be willing to be with me if I gained or lost 40 lbs. If the answer is no in either direction, he is not the person for me. Accept me for who I am on the inside, because this body is still a work in progress!!!
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 457
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:38:02 PM
I have read many posts on this thread and other threads about weight. It seems like many people think weight shouldn't matter or a man is shallow if he doesn't date fat women. Those things aren't necessary true. Many men might be friends with fat women, but aren't physically attracted to them. There needs to some attraction for a relationship. Everyone is attracted ( or not attracted ) to certain things. Some other men are attracted to fat women. Some people are attracted to a certain race or hairstyle. Many women ( including some fat women ) aren't attracted to short men, fat men, or bald men.

If a woman complains that men aren't attracted to her weight, then she should attempt to lose weight. Some people do have a medical condition, but weight is controllable for most people. The percentage of overweight and obese people has increased the past 20-30 years largely because many people don't exercise enough and have a poor diet. If anything, not dating a person because of weight is less 'shallow' than not dating a person because of other physical attributes. A person can't control their race, height, or being bald.

Some people seem to think if a man isn't attracted to fat women, then he only likes thin women or fit / athletic women. Not always true. He might like average women or women who are somewhat overweight, but not obese. Some other people will state that fat people are nicer than thin people and thin people are generally rude, self centered, high maintenance, shallow, materalistic snobs. It is wrong to stereotype any body type whether it's thin people, fat people, or anything in between. There are nice people and rude people from all body types.
 SatNiteFever
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 458
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:40:56 PM
I've been rejected by fat chicks. And also dumped one that was chunky in my "shallow Hal " days. What goes around comes around.
 almondcookie
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 459
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:40:55 PM
No one has answered my question yet. Most women will gain weight after they have kids. With juggling the demands of work, housekeeping and childcare, it's tough for women to get to the gym at every phase of life. So, when you marry a woman and she gains weight (and chances are she will), what do you plan to do, dump her?
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 460
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dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:41:50 PM

It seems like many people think weight shouldn't matter or a man is shallow if he doesn't date fat women.


The problem is not that a person is not attracted to someone because of their weight ( or some other physical attribute.) The problem is when they refuse to even acknowledge that you exist because of your weight. When they ignore any thing you say and continue to talking to else everyone around, when they act like they've never seen you before and never remember your name when you've been hanging out in the same group for months or years, when you say hello and they look at you like you're a disgusting bug and walk away without a word, they are simply being rude and a jerk. I have had all those things happen to me before. More than once. Now I am 'acceptable' to them and they want to flirt? I have no interest. Not wanting to date someone who is overweight is fine and understandable, but it doesn't give anyone the right to be downright rude to an overweight person. Yes, people CAN do something about their weight and appearance ...I did and I am still am. Which was exactly my point.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 461
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:05:48 PM
The problem is not that a person is not attracted to someone because of their weight ( or some other physical attribute.) The problem is when they refuse to even acknowledge that you exist because of your weight. When they ignore any thing you say and continue to talking to else everyone around, when they act like they've never seen you before and never remember your name when you've been hanging out in the same group for months or years, when you say hello and they look at you like you're a disgusting bug and walk away without a word, they are simply being rude and a jerk. I have had all those things happen to me before. More than once. Now I am 'acceptable' to them and they want to flirt? I have no interest. Not wanting to date someone who is overweight is fine and understandable, but it doesn't give anyone the right to be downright rude to an overweight person. Yes, people CAN do something about their weight and appearance ...I did and I am still am. Which was exactly my point.


I completely agree with this. It is wrong to be rude or disrespectfully to a person just because he/she is fat. My previous comments weren't specifically directed at you. My previous comments were a general response to some of the posts that I have read here.
 Deni30
Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 462
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:09:08 PM
I have a serious problem with people who complain or offer their opinions on ANYBODY else's weight as I fail to see how if it is not YOUR problem- how is it YOUR business? Why do you care? I don't go on and on about how disgusted I am about some general attribute of yours? There are many things that disgust me in other people but for me it is a private and brief observance- not a public rant I complain about as though a personal cause! Get a life!

I am going to guarantee I am MORE active than MOST people. I work out 4 x a week minimum from 30 min -2 hours and do yoga EVERYDAY. I am confident in who I am regardless of my clothing size.

I defy any stereotype you have about overweight people- I date a lot, have men interested in me daily and eat health food for the most part. I am overweight so I am able to say that for me, I’d rather be a few sizes smaller. I’m working on it. But I personally would never want to be skinny. I don’t give a damn who agrees if that’s what’s best for me because who is anybody to say what is best for me other than myself?

I have dated men who are slightly over-weight and don't care too much about a six-pack myself- I'm more interested in the total package a person presents and true confidence.

I wish that people would worry more about themselves rather than projecting negativity and judgments on others. The only life you really know about is your own- and unless you're a scientist- you don't know squat about obesity.

PS

Here's an interesting NOVA about obesity for any who might care to view

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3313/03.html

Peace, Love and Happiness :)

Denise
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 463
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:01:36 AM
^^^^^^^ NUFF SAID!!!

as for you EC22 you really don't find me attractive?????? WOW, that hurts!

I'd like to make a comment on what I think of you and your body(as if it's ANY of my business)........but you don't have a pic up...........hmmmmmmm
 kathareeene
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 464
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:18:11 AM
Y R u asking us this? if ur interested in someone overwt what r u seeing their form or their heart..i say go for the heart afta all they can lose the wt easier than u can ditch the shallow attitude...dont mean to be cruel but may i ask 'how does it feel'
 DebraJ11370
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 465
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:20:17 AM
I haven't personally, but, I know several people (male and female) that have gone to drastic measures to lose the weight. They are all still married to the same people.

I get snubbed by men all the time. Could be because of my weight or it could be because of my "I don't give a s*** attitude of late." But, whatever the reason for the weight loss, it should always be for you, not because you want to show someone what they've missed.

And, when I lose the rest of my weight, and I have men that wouldn't date me before because I was FAT (and I'm not scared to use the word) No way would I go out with them. Most of those are superficial and shallow anyway.

My reasons for weight loss does have to do with someone else. When you watch your soulmate die because of health related problems, it makes you wake up.
 Song Sparrow
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 466
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:20:39 AM
Some people don't realize that an overweight person is not always a person that s not in good shape. I am no couch potatoe but do battle with my weight and am always working on it. It's a slow and lifetime battle. I was at my sister's this weekend camping. She is building a new house on their property. After sleeping on the ground for 2 nights and shovelling gravel for them for the weekend I watched the others who were all younger and much slimmer than me who slept on their air mattresses walk around with bad backs on the first day. I slugged gravel the next day too while they handed me water!! LOL....
 jeepgurl82
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 467
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:24:59 AM
You can always lose the weight! Ugly is forever! HA HA! J/k!
By the chart in the docs office i'm considered borderline obese. But i'm really not.
I would date someone who is a little overweight as long as he's making the effort to lose it. And attempting to be a healthy person in all aspects of his life. B/c I am too!!

My thoughts changedin all this when I lost one of my very best guy friends in a bike wreck a month ago. When he got back from Iraq he gained a lot of weight. And he wasnt physically attractive. Well at his funeral they were showing pics of him from HS, a time in which I didnt know him. He was a lot thinner, healthy and he looked GOOD! But he had an AWESOME personality. I didnt date him b/c of his weight.
Losing him was an eyeopener in that aspect b/c he was a GREAT guy and I didnt want to date him b/c of something physical about him. That is something i'll NEVER do again!!!
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 468
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:25:05 AM
as for you EC22 you really don't find me attractive?????? WOW, that hurts!

I'd like to make a comment on what I think of you and your body(as if it's ANY of my business)........but you don't have a pic up...........hmmmmmmm


I'm not looking for a date. Only here for the forums at this moment. Therefore there is no need for me to have a pic.

Too many people here get offended if a man states he isn't attracted to 'BBWs' / obese women. There is nothing wrong with that.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 469
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:33:17 AM
I never dated fat people but I have drawn them... I like to practice shadowing, using all the rolls on the back fat ( flank)... to practice definition and shadowing.
problem is none of the fat people like how they look from the back.
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 470
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:38:12 AM
EC22...............do you NOT know me well enough already to know I'm phucking with you. You know damn well I don't care if you like or don't like fat people.........WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO???? that is purely YOUR choice who you like and don't like.

COME ON NOW.............surely you know this!

and my comment about your picture is simple fact.........I can't make a comment, I don't know how you look and honestly.........it wouldn't make a difference to me as I'm not drawn to what others might be drawn to...........

AGAIN, I was messin with you and I'm not really hurt either ..........I've been reading you far to long in the forums to KNOW how you feel about the fat chicks............got no problem with it...........however I do have a question................why is it you are always in the "weight threads" are you a chubby one........or just like talking about it?

Diva

btw, I have hidden money in my back flank......robbers NEVER think to look there......so see, brilliant AND fat.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 471
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:44:35 AM
AGAIN, I was messin with you and I'm not really hurt either ..........I've been reading you far to long in the forums to KNOW how you feel about the fat chicks............got no problem with it...........however I do have a question................why is it you are always in the "weight threads" are you a chubby one........or just like talking about it?


Fair enough. It's all good. To answer your question, a lot of people ( not necessary you ) on these threads will state things that I think are false such as a man is shallow if he isn't attracted to fat women or thin women are generally rude, self centered b-t-hes. Those things are just as wrong as saying that all fat women are lazy. If someone makes a false generalization about a certain group of people, I will call them out on it. Same thing applies to threads about race, height, and other groups of people.
 tattooed_teacher
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 472
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:54:52 AM
Ok GenericUser, my only response to that is don't fly economy class. LOL
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 473
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:14:48 AM
I don't think most people here have a problem with preferences (yours or anyone elses) what I think annoys people is reading a thread about something/anything and someone coming in and stating.....ALLLLLLLLLLLLL FAT PEOPLE THIS................and ALLLLL OBESE PEOPLE THAT..........and how disgusting all fat people are? And that doesn't make you think.........mmmmmm...RUDE?

SO I hear ya, I don't like those general STUPID statements either.........since they don't KNOW all fat people it IS pretty shallow sounding.........however NOT being attracted to fat people IS NOT SHALLOW! Also the mean comments about fat people really aren't neccessary are they?? Surely you've seen them? And doesn't that bother you? that people can be so hateful to a whole group of people who have NEVER done anything to them?

Really, people can say whatever the hell they want.....but like you said, "I'M GONNA CALL YOU OUT ON IT"!!!! ME TOO!

how bout this.........why don't we ADDRESS the posters' comment directly that we have issue with.....instead of blanket statements that are vague in who they are meant for..........just call a spade and spade and then there is no guess work about what you mean or for whom it was meant. Then it doesn't say alllllllll you fat people think this..... or alllll you big girls do that..............I mean really.........ALL OF US.......REALLY? Do you know this to be absolutely true? I mean, even the word MOST is pushing it....since we don't know MOSTof anyone!

Does that make sense?
 Deni30
Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 474
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:23:54 AM
I don't think a man is shallow if he isn't attracted to me (for whatever reason), actually- I want nothing to do with any guy who doesn't find me beautiful and completely sexy! No different than should anyone be annoyed that I don't care for a man who is by my definition dumb as a rock, or too short by my standards, or wears overalls and favors a comb-over. Why would I care about those who are not interested? I don't even notice them- I'm too busy with the ones who do.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 475
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:36:52 AM
Diva,

I agree with many of your points. I can certainly understand people getting offended when someone states all fat people are X and Y instead of addressing the individual poster, but there are certainly some people ( not all ) in this thread and other threads who have stated a man is shallow for not being attracted to fat women or make fun of thin women. All of these comments are rude, inaccurate and disrespectful
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