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 goodbyegirl3031
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 151
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dating an overweight person?Page 22 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
sometimes a woman's weight is medical. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and it keeps me fat. I eat right, go to the gym alot and can run but I am still over weight. From my experience, fat girls don't get love. It is just a fact of life. I don't know why the F**K I am on here but what the hell.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 152
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History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:07:07 PM
Well, I have to say...I am surprised and impressed with the number of men who have said yes to this topic. It certainly hits close to home with me.

There was a time in my life when I weighed over 330 lbs. I was miserable, depressed, and tired of being 'used' by men, so I gave up and quit caring about myself for a long time. There were a lot of men who wouldn't even acknowledge I existed when I was enormously obese. They refused to even be friends. One day I woke up and realized what I had done to myself and vowed to make a change for ME. To date, I have lost over 150 lbs. I've lost 20 lbs. so far this year, and plan to be down another 20 lbs. by next summer. No surgery, no pills; I am doing it the long, hard way. I have 40 lbs left to go to get to where I want to be. I still get overlooked by alot of men who see where I am, do not know where I've been, and can't see where I'm going. THEIR LOSS!! I also have men who used to ignore me and look down on me, trying to flirt with me now. They don't even realize they once knew me. LOL Now I look at them and think...they aren't good enough for me! I am far from being conceited, I know I still have a ways to go, but if you treated me like dirt when I was extremely heavy, you can bet that I'm not going to give you the time of day now. And that goes for the men now who see the 40 lbs I still have to lose and dismiss me as a human being. I try to be kind to everyone I meet because I have learned from experience that you never know who that person you have deemed a 'loser', based on their physical appearance, is going to turn out to be someday in the future. Your comments and actions may very well come back to bite you one day. LOL

On a side note, when I got down to around 250 lbs I met a man who was crazy about me. He loved my weight and got VERY upset when I continued to lose weight. He tried everything he could to not only keep me from losing any more weight, but to gain weight back! These days, I ask anyone who is seriously interested in dating me if they would still be willing to be with me if I gained or lost 40 lbs. If the answer is no in either direction, he is not the person for me. Accept me for who I am on the inside, because this body is still a work in progress!!!
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 153
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:38:02 PM
I have read many posts on this thread and other threads about weight. It seems like many people think weight shouldn't matter or a man is shallow if he doesn't date fat women. Those things aren't necessary true. Many men might be friends with fat women, but aren't physically attracted to them. There needs to some attraction for a relationship. Everyone is attracted ( or not attracted ) to certain things. Some other men are attracted to fat women. Some people are attracted to a certain race or hairstyle. Many women ( including some fat women ) aren't attracted to short men, fat men, or bald men.

If a woman complains that men aren't attracted to her weight, then she should attempt to lose weight. Some people do have a medical condition, but weight is controllable for most people. The percentage of overweight and obese people has increased the past 20-30 years largely because many people don't exercise enough and have a poor diet. If anything, not dating a person because of weight is less 'shallow' than not dating a person because of other physical attributes. A person can't control their race, height, or being bald.

Some people seem to think if a man isn't attracted to fat women, then he only likes thin women or fit / athletic women. Not always true. He might like average women or women who are somewhat overweight, but not obese. Some other people will state that fat people are nicer than thin people and thin people are generally rude, self centered, high maintenance, shallow, materalistic snobs. It is wrong to stereotype any body type whether it's thin people, fat people, or anything in between. There are nice people and rude people from all body types.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 155
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History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:41:50 PM

It seems like many people think weight shouldn't matter or a man is shallow if he doesn't date fat women.


The problem is not that a person is not attracted to someone because of their weight ( or some other physical attribute.) The problem is when they refuse to even acknowledge that you exist because of your weight. When they ignore any thing you say and continue to talking to else everyone around, when they act like they've never seen you before and never remember your name when you've been hanging out in the same group for months or years, when you say hello and they look at you like you're a disgusting bug and walk away without a word, they are simply being rude and a jerk. I have had all those things happen to me before. More than once. Now I am 'acceptable' to them and they want to flirt? I have no interest. Not wanting to date someone who is overweight is fine and understandable, but it doesn't give anyone the right to be downright rude to an overweight person. Yes, people CAN do something about their weight and appearance ...I did and I am still am. Which was exactly my point.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 156
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:05:48 PM
The problem is not that a person is not attracted to someone because of their weight ( or some other physical attribute.) The problem is when they refuse to even acknowledge that you exist because of your weight. When they ignore any thing you say and continue to talking to else everyone around, when they act like they've never seen you before and never remember your name when you've been hanging out in the same group for months or years, when you say hello and they look at you like you're a disgusting bug and walk away without a word, they are simply being rude and a jerk. I have had all those things happen to me before. More than once. Now I am 'acceptable' to them and they want to flirt? I have no interest. Not wanting to date someone who is overweight is fine and understandable, but it doesn't give anyone the right to be downright rude to an overweight person. Yes, people CAN do something about their weight and appearance ...I did and I am still am. Which was exactly my point.


I completely agree with this. It is wrong to be rude or disrespectfully to a person just because he/she is fat. My previous comments weren't specifically directed at you. My previous comments were a general response to some of the posts that I have read here.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 158
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:25:05 AM
as for you EC22 you really don't find me attractive?????? WOW, that hurts!

I'd like to make a comment on what I think of you and your body(as if it's ANY of my business)........but you don't have a pic up...........hmmmmmmm


I'm not looking for a date. Only here for the forums at this moment. Therefore there is no need for me to have a pic.

Too many people here get offended if a man states he isn't attracted to 'BBWs' / obese women. There is nothing wrong with that.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 160
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:44:35 AM
AGAIN, I was messin with you and I'm not really hurt either ..........I've been reading you far to long in the forums to KNOW how you feel about the fat chicks............got no problem with it...........however I do have a question................why is it you are always in the "weight threads" are you a chubby one........or just like talking about it?


Fair enough. It's all good. To answer your question, a lot of people ( not necessary you ) on these threads will state things that I think are false such as a man is shallow if he isn't attracted to fat women or thin women are generally rude, self centered b-t-hes. Those things are just as wrong as saying that all fat women are lazy. If someone makes a false generalization about a certain group of people, I will call them out on it. Same thing applies to threads about race, height, and other groups of people.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 161
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:36:52 AM
Diva,

I agree with many of your points. I can certainly understand people getting offended when someone states all fat people are X and Y instead of addressing the individual poster, but there are certainly some people ( not all ) in this thread and other threads who have stated a man is shallow for not being attracted to fat women or make fun of thin women. All of these comments are rude, inaccurate and disrespectful
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 163
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:53:49 AM
Very interesting seeing all the different responses. Here is my story...I am that overweight person....have been all my life. And my weight has never been an excuse to approach life with any less gusto.
I'm fortunate in that I'm reasonably attractive (other person's point of view) and I am smart.
I have never wanted for male company including marriage and offers of marriage since my divorce. The mail etc. comes from younger men as well as those my age. Most of
the comments I receive, as to why the interest, relate to my smile, my confidence, etc.

I think that I can be an inspiration to some of you.....go for the brass ring and don't hold back. I've had friends in the past that didn't get out there because in their minds they were "fat".....much smaller than me....the excuse just didn't hold water.

I do concede that as you age, medical problems are mostly going to be related to your
weight issues.....and we all want to be healthier. But if you don't have the right attitude,
the size of your body is moot.

Happy Dating, Becca
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 165
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:53:11 PM

There will always be those who aren't attracted to big women. It's a fact of life. Not a fair or right one, but most certainly a fact. Those are the ones I can do without. I've dated big men and have loved them, I've dated athletic men and liked them, I've dated thin men and like them. It's rather a matter of seeing their personality and the person within that matters. Now I just have a preference for bald men no matter if they are big, thin or athletic.


Why is it wrong or unfair for some men not to be attracted to fat women. They are entitled to their preferences just you like are entitled to be attracted to bald men. There are some men who are attracted to fat women and not attracted to thin women. I wouldn't consider that to be wrong or unfair. Someone asked me why I'm on weight threads. Statements like this are a prime example why.
 joebobbriggs
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 168
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/3/2007 3:11:50 PM
When talking to my buddies about this sort of thing, it came out that some women don't like a big belly on a man. But these same gals didn't think it was a problem that their REAR END would pass the yard stick test and they often had to turn sideways to get it through the door.

Those double standards can really get to a fella.

JoeBob
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 169
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:33:42 AM
I'm still smiling at the "closet chubby" question.. lol...

To answer the question, Yes I would ate someone overweight, in fact I prefer a man with meat on his bones!!!

To all these stupid comments about how people over weight are ALL unhealthy.. BS!! Skinny people can be just as unhealthy!!! People who exercise can fall dead from a masive heart attack just like a fat person can. As you can tell by many of us over weight people.. we are just as active if not MORE active then all you health nuts!! Most people (healthy skinny) cannot keep up with ME!! As I said before, I am not worried about men who prefer skinny women, it's their choice and one that I've learned is not important to me. Over the last year I'm met some really cool women like myself that are overweight but never have a problem getting dates, while the pretty, petite, healthy or skinny gals whine all the time because they can't keep or man or even find one!! Seems to me.. they are lacking in the personality department, maybe they are too worried about looking good instead of having character.. hmm.. just a thought from a fat chick... lol
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 171
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:48:45 AM

To answer the question, Yes I would ate someone overweight, in fact I prefer a man with meat on his bones!!!


That was NOT what I meant to write.. after reading it, it sounds like I want to eat a guys with meat on his bones... lol... Yes i would DATE someone overweight!!!
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 172
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History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:28:10 AM
There are many reasons why people gain weight... if they are depressed because they were raped as a child, or abused by a spouse, are unhappy with the relationship/s

It could be medical, I gained a ton of weight after two neck surgeries, ( I got steriod injections into my neck/spine) I got so heavy (for me) friends and family treated me different, it hurt my feelings. Men stopped looking at me, then I lost the weight and everything got back to normal... it made me feel differently about people with weight issues.

Heavy people dont want to be heavy, things have changed. People used to have three meals a day, walked where they went, rode bikes, played outside as kids, restaurants served normal sized servings of food that actually had nutrients and vitamins..
Now restaurants serve enough for a family of four, the food has no vitamins, nutrients and is usually processed with added sugar, high fructose corn syrup, salt and added fat because it is cheaper and tastier to the pallet.

I have a friend that was overweight until she began dating this man, the weight fell off, she began walking with him, going out dancing, was happy, no longer just sat in front the TV, and is drop dead gorgeous!!!! I have also seen men that were heavy fall in love and drop forty pounds from just being happy.

If you pass on a person because of the weight then you are not seeing the entire picture. Some women gain weight to keep the jerks away... some men only care what the woman looks like and couldnt care less "who" she is, or what her likes and dislikes are...

Stress can lead to weight gain too, inproper dieting, drugs legal or illegal and with the entire world getting heavier and heavier, it could bankrupt our medical community. Once you are at a certain weight, it is more difficult to move, things hurt, so it gets worse and worse... I dont have the answers,,, kids cant go out and play like I was able to as a child, we would leave in the morning and had to come home for lunch, then we didnt have to be home until dark... there are too many freaks, pedophiles, rapists and murderers out there now, so because the media has scared us all into our homes and given us cable and video games,, everyone has a car, restaurants deliver, places are open 24/7 and you can get just about anything, anytime, anywhere...

I have seen men be critical to their wives, or g friends for gaining weight giving birth to their child, so the relationship fell apart, then she lost all the weight, and he wanted her back. ahahahahaha.... it is such a superficial predjudice, would people dare hold a disease like cancer against someone? A car Accident??? If you love someone, if you really know what real love is, it would only come up for the health issue, and if my partner gained weight, I would ask why or if they were unhappy, stressed and would encourage walks, better food, and professional support if warranted...

some people are just dim and dont have a clue... but hopefully someday they will learn what is important in life... if not.. it is their loss.

BL
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 174
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 6:23:59 AM
^^^^ an UN-shallow man who knows what he wants!!! I have noticed that the women are are skinny, but always on diets.. they are obsessed with the whole weight thing, they have very little personality because they are more concerned about their body, their looks... yada yada.. us chunky chicks just like to have fun!!! Or at least this one does.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 177
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:13:09 AM

Happened to me and now I resent all the attention. Down 80 lbs and I am astonished how superficial and shallow men are!


Stop with this BS. A man is NOT shallow because he isn't attracted to overweight women. I'm sure many overweight women are attracted or unattracted to certain things. There are women who aren't attracted to short men, fat men, skinny men, bald men, men with red hair, men from a certain race etc. If I met a nice woman who I'm not attracted to, then I would be friends with her. A woman doesn't need to be a beauty queen, but there should be at least some physical attraction in order for me to date her.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 178
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:13:48 AM
I think we ALL agree people that we should not look at a persons color, size or finances but it happens all the time. Thread is concerning that.. would you date??? We can all go off on the rights and wrongs and personally, I'm a wonderful person so I do not really care if a man sees me or not. Took many years to build up my self esteem but once I got it.. watch out!!!

There are always going to be people who themselves have NO right to judge others, last time I went to church, I heard there is only ONE judge.. and it's not any of us. I'd date fireknight, I think you are sexy.. and honest!!! And Diva, you are right on, it's men and women who are ugly and nasty about how they treat others, but you know what... it tells us alot about THEM as a person when we hear how they treat others, it shows that none of us would really want to be involved with them.

I have told MANY people.. when I hear them call someone ugly.. or whatever...
"THAT could be YOU.. you could very easily been born THAT PERSON... you were not, and I guess you are lucky... but that is not to say that couldn't be YOU, would YOU really want people talking about YOU if you were THEM instead of YOU?" People do not appreciate what god gives them, well most don't.. I sure do...

When I was young, and would fuss about not having a toy... or better clothes and not hand me downs... or just stupid stuff.. my Daddy would say "You have two legs, 10 fingers, you can HEAR and you can SEE, therefore you do not have the right to complain" I guess I must have listened because I believe that with all my heart, I'm way too blessed in my life to complain about things many wish they could have.... too bad other daddy's were't like mine.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 179
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:45:45 AM
Personally, I find some overweight men attractive. And some thin/fit men. And some average. I bet that's the most common scenario for the majority of people, both women and men. We find varying shapes and sizes attractive, depending on the person.


I agree. I would be attracted to some thin women, fit/athletic women, average women, curvy women, somewhat overweight women etc. The only women body types that I'm not attracted to are bony / aneorxic women, obese women, and women who are hard core body builders.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 181
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:16:47 AM
People gain and lose weight... for some of these people to say they dont date overweight people.... is stupid, sure they may be thing when you meet them, but after a few children, hormone changes or medical issues... they may find themselves overweight or their partner.... are they going to dump them or be dumped for weight?

It would be like people starting a post saying "I wouldnt date a man with a small pen*s, I think it is disgusting, pathetic, unattractive and repulsive... or..

I dont date people that make less that 250K a year... they may be making it when you meet them... but it could change... things change and the people that have the weight on... can and often do take it off,

We all have heard that stress causes a person's body to retain or store fat, medications and injuries cause weight gain... but... to totally disregard a person based on weight is pathetic... None of us are going to be "hot" for the rest of our lives and we better find something a bit deeper than weight to base a relationship on.
 Man.of.Adventure
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 182
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:42:55 AM
When I was in high school my girlfriend's mother died. My girlfriend had always been "average" weight, maybe slightly higher, but after her mom's death she really put on the pounds. The extra weight was never a problem for me, she was still very active, and I never once found her unattractive. I'm happy it happened because I feel the experience has helped make me less superficial about such matters than many.

We ended up breaking up, as high school sweethearts tend to do, but it was not because of her weight. In fact we stil stay in touch poratically. She continued to gain weight and at her heaviest she was probably 300 lbs or more.

When she approached 30 she decided that if she did not do something about it she was setting herself up for an early death (she smokes too). So she started exercising more and eating less. No atkins, no accupuncture, no vitamin injections, just a health lifestyle. She ended up loosing over 15o lbs (ie: OVER HALF what she weighed). She still has to work hard at keeping it off.

She was always a looker, and as she dropped the weight people around her who had never taken notice before started asking her out, etc. It bothered her because in her words "Where the heck were they when I was heavy?". They all of course get snubbed.

So good for her for loosing the weight, for getting some validation, and maybe a bit of revenge on the shallow people who had no interest in her before.

Chris
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 183
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:44:56 AM
People gain and lose weight... for some of these people to say they dont date overweight people.... is stupid, sure they may be thing when you meet them, but after a few children, hormone changes or medical issues... they may find themselves overweight or their partner.... are they going to dump them or be dumped for weight?


Why it is stupid for someone to say that they wouldn't date fat people? Maybe he or she simply isn't attracted to fat people? Would you date someone that you aren't attracted to? I don't think many people would complain if their spouse gained 20-25 lbs because age or having children. I think many people would object to a spouse who let him/herself go after marriage and gained 50-100 lbs due to a poor diet or lack of exercise. Your comparisons to penis size and money don't make any sense. Dating a person ONLY because of money is shallow. Not dating a fat person because of lack of attraction is NOT shallow. Penis size is never controllable. Weight is controllable in most cases.


She was always a looker, and as she dropped the weight people around her who had never taken notice before started asking her out, etc. It bothered her because in her words "Where the heck were they when I was heavy?". They all of course get snubbed.

So good for her for loosing the weight, for getting some validation, and maybe a bit of revenge on the shallow people who had no interest in her before.


Once again, a man is NOT necessary shallow because he isn't attracted to fat women. Sometimes a woman can change her appearance and become more attractive whether it's by losing weight, changing her hairstyle or wardrobe among other things. Sometimes she just simply wasn't his physical type before, but now she is his physical type. Nothing wrong with that IMO.


 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 185
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:17:52 PM

Beauty come from the inside. I did not look at your profile...my guess is you are very young...."EGO"....what do you want in life beside the trophy girl?


I mentioned the statement below on another thread and it also applies here.


I don't care how 'beautiful' a woman is on the inside, if there isn't at least some physical attraction then I would only be friends with her, not date her.
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 190
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:06:42 PM
I can't believe I am commenting on this subject, yet again. However, there are so many valid comments from everyone. As stated before, I am very overweight. Spent most of my life this way and once lost considerable weight after some surgery.
The difference in my weight made NO difference in my life. I've always had adequate attention from guys. I've been married. I've dated awesome men and am quite happy as we speak. In reading here, I think the key is still the attitude of the individual (the overweight one). If that person is confident and vibrant and interesting......the weight is not the first
thing you see. If that person lacks confidence and hides in their problem...it is evident to
others. Any guys that don't do FAT.....so be it. I don't do JERKS, LOSERS, SMOKERS, DEADBEATS and a number of other issues that have come up in my many years.
We are all different. Celebrate our difference but be TOLERANT. Regardless of whatever...I try to never be rude and uncaring. I've never told anyone they were ugly.
Any woman that would do that is just too into themselves. Who would want to date
that person anyway?
I say if you lack confidence.....do whatever it takes to gain it.....and if loosing weight is
the only way....then get busy.
Becca
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 191
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:54:39 AM
The range of women I have dated/married goes from callista flockhart to mama cass in size/shape. But I would not date a woman with a bad attitude no matter how desirable she was otherwise. And a whiner is a whiner no matter what they weigh.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 197
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:51:29 AM
Some women have complained about more men being attracted to them after the weight loss. Because they feel that they were the same person before and after the weight loss . IMO that's not true. Physical appearance is a part of who you are. Physical attraction is a part of having a romantic relationship. When a person loses or gains a lot of weight, they look a lot different. Therefore the level of physical attraction can change. When you see a random stranger, the only thing you can determine about that person right away is physical attraction. That doesn't necessary mean that someone doesn't care about other things such as personality.
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