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 dontmakecookies
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 76
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Serious relationship after sex the first day?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Most men can't always get sex when they want, a woman can, so if she does she likes you.


A woman can, but another can't. And even a good looking woman can't always get the sex she wants, just something. Guess what, good looking guys can do that too.

Anyway, I had a woman say to me just the opposite. If she sleeps with you the first night she doesn't really like you.

I'm willing to go with the majority and say its possible but its not for me. Its not that I haven't done it. But I'd say I'm more committed to not doing it now than ever.

I believe absolutely in being physically intimate on the first date, just not sex. That's because letting the desire build breaks down the walls just as fast, if not faster, than actually having sex. You're making it clear that you find them attractive and being very intimate. But you're also letting them know you're not promiscuous and that sex for you isn't something that's a necessary consequence of any physical contact (which is a BIG thing for some women to know about a man). Also, for me, I like a woman who can be inventive with intimacy, can kiss really well, and can talk openly about things. If you go right for the sex you might not find out a lot of those things right away. There's only so many hours in a first date. I like to make the most of them when it comes to the purpose of the date. And that is discovering what I need to know in order to decide if I want to continue seeing them. Having sex isn't necessary and sometimes impedes the process.
 Smart-Blonde
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 77
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:13:17 PM
As with life, anything is possible.

Do I think the percentage is high, no.

It is working backwards in the relationship. You have sex, then you have to get to know the person. I think having sex too soon can cloud your vision of the person or the relationship. Nothing worse than having sex, then finding out later you really don't like the person they are.
 KFGuy
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 78
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Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:19:09 PM
Try the question this way....................

"Does anyone think that one can have a serious relationship with someone they have not had sex with within the first day or week that they met?"

It makes about as much sense as your post,

yours truly
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 79
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:57:45 PM
From your profile.....
I would like to meet a woman that wants to feel that special "Butterflies in the stomach" feeling when she sees me or just thinks of me....and I wish only to feel that same way about her in return. I know that life's too short to be afraid of anything, regret what you should of done or who you should have met
.....Did this woman make you feel this way? If so, then what's your problem, knowing that sooner or later you would have sex (as it's a 10 on your list), nothing wrong with sooner if your mature enough to handle it.
 jmedic
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 80
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 12:44:59 AM
no... and those of you that say yes are truly idiots. it's not o.k. let me guess"i don't usually do this" is incorperated into the discussion at some point. if you do it the first night say thank you and move on. what makes you think this hasn't happened before. you should have no respect for someone that sleeps with someone on the first, second, third, and so on. remember "i dont usually do this" has been used more than once. have some self respect.
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 81
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 5:12:37 AM
jmedic.....Ok, so you don't agree, but there is no need for name calling. I'm one of those so called idiots who ended up being in an 8 year relationship with another idiot.
I didn't think of him as easy, though he did tell me he had never done that sought of thing before. I still respected him in the morning.
 Medsecmom
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 82
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:13:45 AM
The attraction is there... you want him, he wants you, you're both on fire...
If you have sex on the first date, he will not only lose respect for you, but you will lose respect for yourself. Been there, done that!!
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 83
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:43:18 AM
I think it depends on the reason(s).

I also think - I can tell the difference.

Even though I was married most of my life and all those years were not - a different gal every two weeks ....... I can still tell the difference.

Four years ago (first became single after married for 17 years) I went out with a few gals ...... there simply was no good reason for the early sex. It is not that I lost any kind of “respect” for those gals - it was mostly due to me not feeling the least be special. I felt like I was just some guy they had sex with.

The glaring difference - was in the case of my ex wife. That was before all this online stuff. A gal that knew us both - told us both about each other. We talked on the phone a few times. First time we met in person we went to a dance place.

After about three hours of talking - rubbing our bodies all over each other on the dance floor ...... we both were pretty heated up. We left and did the 9.5 weeks thing ......... taking cloths off on the way to my place.

There was a logical / normal / human boy/girl strong connection.

So yes .... there can be a serious relationship after sex the first day.

Also yes ... some guys (me included) can get turned off by sex right off the bat. If the guy (me anyway) feels like just some guy she is having sex with ....... there is NOTHING special about it at all.

Things might be different these days. Some *******SOME****** gals may associate being an “independent woman” with also being a “sexually liberated” woman.

It is NONE OF MY BUSINESS what other people do. I gained my values/opinions about this years and years ago. I (I am just saying ME - not speaking for anyone else) am not very impressed with the apparent “sexually liberated” concepts that *****SOME***** gals seem to have these days. I get turned off by feeling I am just some guy she is having sex with.

I pretty much don’t date anymore. Hopefully someday I will meet someone and feel special to them.
 jeeprennie
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 84
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:02:22 AM
I know you can. Sex does not preclude a relationship.
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 85
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Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:11:40 PM
lol, apparently mine were serious enough...last couple of guys stuck like glue and married me....although they did go "yonder" years later. Just depends on the person I guess. (First marriage lasted just over 4 yrs, the other one, over 12 FYI)
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 86
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Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:32:01 PM
LMAO@essene...

Ok, already posted an answer to this, but something hit me funny when I went back to read the other posts, which I hadn't originally done. Some say how can ya if you don't know a person....well, who says ya DON'T know that person? Doesn't say they only know each other from online, doesn't say they never met in person before, just implies that they "met up" maybe for the first time. I can tell ya right now, yes it happened with both my husbands, but I knew them before we ever went out the first time!!! I had graduated high school with my last husband, and had known my first husband's family and was familiar with him before anything ever took place. So now that has left me wondering...do people REALLY go out with total strangers? I mean seriously??? I have never known anyone to do that, much less sleep with them. I haven't dated anyone online, just talked and phoned and such....so discounting that, in real life the only people I've ever gone out with as far as dating goes, I knew for a while or at least knew something about them for a while from family or friends before I would ever say yes to a date. The thought of someone just asking me out with me knowing ZIP about them would scare the livin hell outa me!
 Medsecmom
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 87
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/18/2007 7:54:40 PM
I learned just recently how true my earlier post was. Sleeping with, or having any sexual contact with someone too soon is just a waste of morals, values and respect for yourself. Especially when you are with someone who just wants a good BJ and nothing more. You just have to use it as a learning experience and say DUH.. what the hell were you thinking?
 edwidge
Joined: 9/13/2007
Msg: 88
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/18/2007 9:07:19 PM
Well, sex on the first date? How long is the date? 1 hour? 10 hours? Depends on that I guess...

I think you can have a relationship when sex is a part of the early stages. Sex can mean different things to different people. Some people bond by having deep intellectual discussions and then have sex later. Some people bond by having sex and then deep intellectual discussions later. Potato/Potahto.

Is it a good idea? Maybe not, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed.
This is an interesting transcript that discusses a study that shows that 1 out of three women who date online have sex on the first date. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,295437,00.html
 11thhour
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 89
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/18/2007 11:57:08 PM
It can defnitely happen, because I've experienced it. We were together for 14 years (12 years married) and had two kids together, house, white picket fence, dog, the whole nine yards. The real beauty of it was that at the time, I don't think that either of us were looking at each other as "long term"...when it happens, it just happens.
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 90
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 6:51:36 AM
Absolutely. Mine didn't work out but there were other factors. I met a younger guy on a boat-tie-up party. Every boat I was on it seem like this kid was following me, I thought he was at least 5-9 years older than he was though, 6'4", hairy chest, and a rocking body, just looking and hanging out-I'd toast to him with my beer (I toast everyone when I drink) because he didn't really say anything to me nor I to him. We docked at a bar and was a little intoxicated and hanging out, dancing to the muic, with a large group of people-him, his Dad, Dad's girlfriend, my friends, and apparently at the time I didn't know this but his Dad was friends with some friends of mine. Anyhow, I had abruptly leave and he chased after me, asked me out for dinner. He took the opportunity and timing was perfect because if he didn't chase after me and if I knew he was that much younger and if I was sober I don't think it would have went that far. We were to meet up a couple hours later and one-thing lead to another, he said the right things and did the right things-he walked to meet me because he was drinking, went out and drank more (no one existed but us at the bar-big time PDA and oblivious to our surroundings), ended up at back at my place and had sex all night long-about 5 times. But, given that I was newly out of my 8 year for only 6 months, and knowing he was 10 years younger I was not looking for a commitment at the time but was totally enamored by him and his fun and sweet personality. I fell pretty hard for this guy, even though it was me that panicked when he talked relationships. I still think about him now, it's just that my mind seems to be more realistic than my heart. And, sometimes your mind rules. We dated for about 6-8 months, and it got complicated when I told him it "takes time for me to be in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship". I panicked.

Bottomline: Anything could happen. I don't have a 3-date rule, and I don't sleep around. I don't use sex as a weapon or think I need to have sex to get into a relationship. I actually enjoy having sex, making love, with someone I am extremely attracted to. I could date for a year and not even kiss the men that I go on dates with but if I run into someone and everything felt right I'd jump in bed with him without hesitation. If we were both at the right time in our lives I don't see why it wouldn't work out. The only thing about having sex too early is both people have to be secure and trust the other person, otherwise drama...drama...drama.
 {Mojo}
Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 91
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Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:20:20 AM
Yep. I've had two serious relationhips in my life, both began that way (more or less).
 ndnspyter
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 92
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:23:14 AM
yes and we got married and was together for 10 years!!
 irish girl in mi
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 93
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:26:00 AM
Yes you can, if you are attracted to that person enough to sleep with them, then you have the starters of a beginning anyways, if you handle it properly, then sex on the first date could just be a stepping stone to something great. maturity will play factor in how it turns out.
 Li2O2
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 94
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:42:48 AM
Let’s say, what is meant by a “serious relationship”? We can plan short term ok, and long term planning really goes beyond our capacities. Even not the direst psychics would pull out an exact chart for you… Now, if the matter here is the expectation of a long lasting and nurturing relationship, well, sex is not a factor alone to determine the exact coordinates how it will be… much less of the “faith” factor…

More, a point of time sooner or later doesn’t make sex any clever and better, but experience and maturity does, and sex is at no point a insurance of faith. Ok, some dare to say that they can use sex as a weapon… though, weapons misfire too! Only caution reduce risks… not the opposite around.

Most importantly is, as horny as it can make a so called “first day”, do not do a stunt without a safety plan! Do not dismiss the great value of a rubber for the sake of a STD free life.

And if you’re completely blind, you might know that your mouth shouldn’t be used as a taste gadget... Risky business alert!!!

Consequently, brains and head are the ones that will preserve your body for longer than a so called “first day” of wild fire and flames.

Hell babe yeah, it is the IQ vs. EQ (Emotional Quotient). It makes greater results, and still you can feel better emotions throughout the process… and it is called leverage

Don’t we say that we should not judge a book by its covers? Take it to the words! Why we would be saying this too? Read at least the index...
 Craves_Simplicity
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 95
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 8:29:34 AM
Worked for me! Twice! Think of men as shoes...I mean really, would you buy any shoes without trying them on? Thats what I thought...
 Brown Eyed Woman
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 96
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:07:25 AM
I think you could have a serious relationship after sleeping with a person the first day if that is what you both want. My question to you would be why? Why not wait and get to know the other person first. That way you will never look at him and ask yourself do I love him for the great sex or because of who he is.
 anytimenow51
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 97
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:22:56 AM
I married a guy I had sex with right away. The sex was great but we spent 35-years resenting the hell out of each other because we had nothing else in common. I find it funny how all people seem to want is sex. Does anyone actually think about the diseases out there and how easily they are spread. You would think that in this day and age people would think twice about having sex with just anyone anytime. A condom does not always protect you either. I mean, gee, do all men have a death wish for a 5-second high. If a woman is going to have sex with you on the first date, how many other guys do you think she has had sex with on the first date. Well, you are also having sex with all of them, and you don't know where they have been. I would rather be picky and hold out for the picky guy who has a little self-respect and self-control.
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 98
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:27:54 AM
BrownEyedWoman: I'll tell you great sex requires chemistry and emotions too. I really can't sleep with some hot dude that has no morals or an attitude or views that are "off the wall" or totally against my own beliefs and moral being. I am pretty good at sizing a person relative to "good" or "bad". I think sex is a large part of the relationship that entails being in that relationship (the act shows how you care about someone unselfishly and relates to how you can enjoy eachother outside the bedroom). Sometimes it is better to wait for some people, but why question life and not just live it? I personally believe in going with the flow. I wouldn't pass up on a romantic moment because of social expectations or labels. At least not at this time in my life. I am way beyond the young Catholic girl learning her prayers first and pleasing everyone and living up to other's expectations besides myself. I don't really care about those things anymore or strive to do what is politically correct, more importantly my quest is to seek a partner that I can be intimate like that and more going forward. However, if it doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right. Everyone should do what makes them comfortable. But if two people are on the same level with eachother and the urge or overwhelming chemistry upon that meeting comes over them because of the terms or their engagement and the time that they spent together, why not? I rather go for it and feel and live the moment. It doesn't come often. I'm hoping for it again now. Just because two people share eachother and not wait or live by certain rules does not mean they can't obtain a healthy, honest, loving relationship going forward.
 anytimenow51
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 99
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:50:02 AM
Gee, ron9, you sound wonderful. Wish more men thought that way.
 wannashakeyourtree
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 100
Serious relationship after sex the first day?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:57:30 AM
sure you can...people seem to treat relationships like fad diets...tweaking this, changing that...when really, a healthy relationship is about hard work and committment, just like a healthy weight is.

I'd love to meet a woman, just once who doesn't throw the " oh and I won't be sleeping with you on the first date" out the first chance she gets. I mean seriously, let's try to be big boys and girls ok???
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