Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old... Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

It sounds more like SHE is the one doing the manipulating!



Yea, you could be right. She had just ended a relationship with a boy closer to her own age when her friendship with this older man turned into more. Right away she thought it was a relationship but he said they were only FWB. Then if he tried ending it she would persist they should be together. IMO, he took advantage of her vulnerability but didn't know what he was getting into. He never planned to be with her long term.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 36
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/17/2011 8:59:06 AM
~OT~ When I was 29, my BF was 20. We parted ways because he was TOO old for me. That was the "oldest" man I'd ever been around at that point in my life. He was a true testament to the "age is just a number" ideology. My God was that man old for his age. The only salvation I had during that time in my life was that I could legally drink and he could not. After we parted ways, I learned a year or two later that he had married someone three years older the me. Guess he didn't find women his own age appealing ~ they were likely MUCH too active/alive for him. (I went age-appropriate for me then as well, my own age.)
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 37
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/17/2011 9:05:52 AM
When I was 35 I lived with a 25 year old and the reason it didn't work out had NOTHING to do with the age difference.

Just sayin
 Shankarah
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/18/2011 11:56:26 PM
Absolutly nothing wrong with wanting that. My stepfather is three years younger than me and my mom and him are very happily married. You just need to find the right guy.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 39
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/20/2011 1:01:53 PM
I would meet the op any day and see where it goes from there. Any man idiot enough to pass up an affectionate women in her twenties especially if she's attractive would be just that, and "Idiot".
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 40
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:59:32 PM

I would meet the op any day and see where it goes from there. Any man idiot enough to pass up an affectionate women in her twenties especially if she's attractive would be just that, and "Idiot
> Im sorry and you Are?

So im a idiot because im 46 turning 47 this year(2011) for turning down a woman who is 20? good lord...... some people's ignorance never ceases to amazes me, well if you think im a idiot because i dont want to play with someone half my age I say God Bless and dont forget to flush your toilet and keep the seat down.

I rather look at meeting women around my age than look at a high school prom or someone starting college, yeah I'll pass thank you.

Idiot out.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 41
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/20/2011 8:18:26 PM
Well, according to the "older men yadda yadda myth" thread, the older men are all over the younger women and vice versa.

POF forums are such bastions of "the way it is" with their contradictory threads.

I'm sure it happens successfully and unsuccessfully - what is important is what works for the individual doesn't mean it will work for everyone.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 42
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/21/2011 8:20:14 AM
The plus side to a 20 year old they are simple. I mean no drama, issues that single women my age have

Back in the day, the plus-side of cougars (women in their mid-30s when I was in my early 20s) was that it was a simpler process. Sure, they may have a kid or two... but they've been thru the BS of the dating scene in their life and aren't going to play weird games. If they don't like you, they won't call you back, act interested to be nice or to adore attention, or otherwise make it plainly obvious they've lost interest so there's no guessing games. Young ones still are exploring (and many times don't know it).

I know a guy who dated a girl who was 16 and he was 23. Dumb move right? Well, she seemed to wear the pants in the relationship, and when she turned 18 and he in his mid 20s it wasn't as bad -- and had decent hope. Then when she hit 20 and the working world and he was 27, not so bad right? Well, she was also out of his league, even without age being a consideration. Luckily for him, she didn't hit a party phase because she didn't go to college... BUT when she turned 22, she did go out to the bars with co-workers, and wham -- they grew apart fast. It isn't just drinking age, it's them dealing with it.

It's dangerous territory, statistically. An earlier drinking age helps speed it up, I concur, but it also depends on the woman in question. Many times you want someone exposed to by their peers in the past of bars & parties, and college-related things, and getting a job, etc -- and when you're older, stick to ones who aren't in-training (ie rookies) in life.

For a FWB situation or a no-expectations-for-the-future dating situation? I think it's fine. Just don't have expectations.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 44
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/21/2011 1:56:23 PM
Interesting topic ...

My opinion is that it's foolish to have such an age gap.
As it is good while the initial sex is good, but then you figure out there are really no commonalities.

After googling the topic I hit some info worth sharing.

The end paragraph summed it up:


There will always be older men who want to date younger women. Most will discover that those relationships don't last. And a few will come to their senses and seek women closer to their own age who share common goals, interests and energy levels. But they'll have to learn for themselves.

Tom Blake is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again (Tooter's, 2001).


Here's the article if you'd like to read the pros and cons:

http://www.thirdage.com/dating/why-do-older-men-date-younger-women
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 45
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/21/2011 3:12:28 PM
^^^^ So one author's opinion sums it up for all of humanity?


It was on the internet so it MUST be true!
 davedeleteme
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 46
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/21/2011 11:09:16 PM
Op: I'm in my 30's and the only way I see it working long term is with someone in their late 20's. I didn't say 22 because that is too young. Most men who have been married and divorced in their 30's only want woman younger then them.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 47
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/22/2011 5:29:02 AM
^^^^ well based on your other thread, i'm not sure how you would know anything about it "working" longer term with somebody in their 20s, because according to you they all run off after a couple of dates and a little grabbing and they won't even tell ya why. so your model for what works clearly does not work. hey good luck with that though.
 davedeleteme
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 48
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/22/2011 10:14:53 PM
I actually cannot find my other thread. I think it was deleted or something. To answer that question there has only been a few woman that I really wanted in their 20's and yes they ran of. I have had successful relationship with woman in their 20's. Again just my opinion but I don't see myself having a long term relationship with someone my age. I just don't feel the same. Don't know why its just the way it is.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 50
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/27/2011 12:47:29 PM
The myth is that dating younger women is all about sex, and that older guys overlook communication in favour of physical attraction.

For me it's the opposite. I often find women over forty or fifty to be very attractive and sexy. I just can't stand to be around them. They're full of opinions, and judgement, and contrariness.

My GF turns 22 next month. She's not for or against anything. Her idea of repartee is to stick out her tongue and cross her eyes. She makes me laugh and I love to be around her.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 51
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/1/2011 6:51:06 AM

My GF turns 22 next month. She's not for or against anything. Her idea of repartee is to stick out her tongue and cross her eyes. She makes me laugh and I love to be around her.


This way you get to be the one who is always right and you have all the opinions, judgements and contrariness (and intelligence?). Good plan.
 1234happy
Joined: 8/26/2010
Msg: 52
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/1/2011 9:10:36 AM

This way you get to be the one who is always right and you have all the opinions, judgements and contrariness (and intelligence?). Good plan.

I dated a man who was 30 when I was 20, and I think you are spot on in that statement. Our main problem was that I grew up, and he stayed the same. It was really kind of pathetic.

I don’t see, aside from the sex, how long term can work when one of the persons involved still has a lot of growing up to do. Later in life, say 30 and 40, I can’t see age being a problem, but a 20 year old still has a lot to learn about themselves and life in general.

If you can’t date someone at your ‘level’ in life, and are looking for someone who is easy to manipulate because they haven’t yet learned any better, then dating a 20 year old, while you’re a 30 something, is right up your back alley.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 55
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/1/2011 7:10:46 PM
^^^I only have one example and that is my father. He treated women very well. Too well in fact, spent all his money on them LOL. He never had a problem attracting women - women always liked him. Heck, people liked him.

He told me that he loved the ego feeling that he got with this younger woman and that was all the whole thing was about. Once they had a child together however, she still wanted to party; whereas my father wanted to be serious and do good by this child (he kinda slacked on me) and that's when things started to go wrong.

He said that once the excitement wore off, they had nothing in common. He wanted to take care of his child, while she still wanted to party.

My father had lots of interesting wisdom and lived a very interesting life. However, I don't think he ever tried to pretend he was something he wasn't - even as a child I got that about him. I think he learned alot from that relationship.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 56
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/4/2011 7:25:50 AM
I struggled with this, I didn't find the young ones appealing. Some wanted sex, some were serious about a relationship.

I know many men who are as old as me or much older, who never grew up in the best most needed ways, so age doesn't guarantee squat.

More than a few young men have impressed me with their wisdom and maturity. My husband is one of them. His hellish story is his own to tell, but his joy and his view on life never cease to amaze me. I don't know what I would do without him. I am uh, 18 or 19 years older than him. I am about 15 years older than the two men I count as my best friends. It's not impossible to relate to someone just because they are of a different generation.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 57
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/5/2011 1:11:10 PM
I met my wife when she was 28 and I was 41...

Having been there before I feel no compulsion to have a redo...women closer to my age seem rather attractive to me.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 58
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/5/2011 3:26:05 PM
^^^Just having dated younger has caused me not to want to date anyone but my peers at this stage of life.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 59
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/5/2011 4:33:20 PM

I'm in my 30's and the only way I see it working long term is with someone in their late 20's.

You are just months away from being 40.


My GF turns 22 next month. She's not for or against anything. Her idea of repartee is to stick out her tongue and cross her eyes.

This says more about you than it does the topic at hand; I’m sorry, but how boring. I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is a desirable trait at any age.

I was 20 when I started a five year love affair with a man is his mid-thirties. He was powerful, intelligent, wealthy and gorgeous. I consider this affair one the most successful and beneficial relationships of my life. He taught me a great deal and exposed me to situations and places I would never have experienced at this young age were it not for him.

I do not believe there are generic rules for this issue. It definitely depends on the two parties involved. If a 30s man finds you undesirable there can be a multitude of reasons for this dependant on his persona.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 60
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/6/2011 1:24:57 PM
Hot, young and dumb.... that's how I like 'em.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 61
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/6/2011 2:41:52 PM
Hot, Smart, very independent and secure... THAT's how I like 'em.... Age is irrelevant.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 62
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/7/2011 10:44:26 PM
The older we are, the less that a 10, 15, 20 year difference matters. I mean, when 100, you'll share more generational memories and times with an 80 year old than a 40 year old will share with a 20 year old.

I always found, due to my unusual life, that I related very well to those who were about 30 and 40 years older than me. 5he last ten years of my life, though, I've lost many very dear friends. Something to consider, long term, if your health is not the best, what kind of burden and grief are you asking a much younger person to bear for you?

One of my biggest concerns is that I, with my poor health, do not become a burden oin my younger, healthier husband. So I bought disability insurance and I am even more focussed on my health than ever.

Also, what happens when he suddenly wants children. My baby factory is lockeddown. I have to be realistic and consider that letting him go may be part of the bargain we've struck, regardless of what he says now. He loves children, he is obviously not ready for them, but he will be, one day.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 64
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 4/9/2011 7:50:07 AM
Has it ever occured to any of you Negative Nellies that maybe, just maybe, the reason a 30+ man will form and maintain a relationship with a 20-year-0ld girl is because they, you know, LOVE each other? Why are so many people intent on (over)analyzing a situation that's really none of their business?

Arlo...
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >