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 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 26
What we have in common... OCD???Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
If your relationship with this lovely lady doesn't work out....PLEASE contact me... I think I just fell in love reading your post....

Wow.. a man who doesn't just **** and moan about the place not being perfect----you actually DO something about it!!

Do you have a brother?
 Jazzythecat
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 27
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/23/2008 11:26:31 PM
I really don't see the problem. One likes the clean, the other doesn't. So let him clean, while you relax. Geez...does it get any better then that?!?!

Most couples fight over who is going to clean. Some hire maids to solve the problem.

As for traditional roles...OMG...get over it. It's not written in stone what gender cleans what. As long as the person doing the cleaning is happy and does a good job of it...all is good.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 28
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/23/2008 11:54:11 PM
OP
You can make this difference work for the two of you. Make sure she understands that one of your strengths you bring to the relationship is organizational skills and that does not mean that she has to be the same as you (or does it???). This skill brings gives you satisfaction and brings you pride. In turn, she will have other gifts to bring to the relationship. As different as you both are, make sure that you each make the effort to admire what the other does.

I was in a similar situation with a man who couldn't organize anything even if you paid him a million. My initial mistake was thinking I could teach him how to be better organized. He couldn't find anything, bought things twice and thrice for not finding the original. Eventually, wisdom prevailed and I accepted that I organize and he does other stuff, equally wonderful. Good luck. With the right attitude, you'll both be fine.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 29
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 12:41:45 AM


........my house is not cluttered. i clean common areas if i cant get to all of it.
........the way one lives tells everything about a person.
........I cant stand a mess.
Same here.

As far as this OP's original post, that run on paragraph-less (is that even a term? lol) post doesn't seem indicative of OCD, does it...

I used to be totally anal about so much as a day's landing of dust in the house, and such... got over it though... kids will do that to ya.. they just out stamina you! lol Now that they're older, guess what... not back to anal about it, but I take no excuses for messes anywhere, and we share the housework. (I chose my battle when it came to their rooms though... I couldn't stand to live in their room(s) so I just demand they keep their door shut so I don't see it - it's their personal private space as my bedroom is for me... the rest of the house, though? Watch out...lol)
 imsophie1
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 30
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 5:24:29 AM
I was a stay-at-home mom. My house was clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. There might have been clutter and I even let the dust bunnies breed freely on occasion, but when one of my girls (or my ex) asked where something was, I could usually tell them. I could practically recite the contents of the pantry on any given day just by depletion of inventory from daily use. I could tell my daughters which drawer their favorite sweatshirt was in. I could tell my ex the location of a 2-year old magazine he wanted to look at. My ex drove truck and was gone 3-5 weeks at a time, so when my girls were little, I literally did everything in the house myself. I also took care of yard, vehicles, and 15 horses (with associated barn work). Most of the time I'm extremely organized, but I've always been a detail person.

My best friend is totally anal about cleaning and organizing. I get to see her one weekend every few years. Once I drove from PA to her home in MI for a visit. We hadn't seen each other in 3 years. During our visit, she couldn't just sit down at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of tea with me. Every few minutes she was up wiping kitchen counters or dusting something. She's always been like that. And she wants no help from anyone with anything because someone might mess up her "system". I just laugh at her because she makes herself crazy being like that.

Following an auto accident 10 years ago (tractor/trailer rearended my pickup twice) in which I sustained a "minor" spinal cord injury (if there is such a thing), I had to learn to let others do things for me, but also to let them do things in their own way. I spent 6 years learning to walk again and not being able to do "my own thing". When my ex first took over everything after the accident, I tried to make him do things my way. I was told to quit being an anal biotch. Took quite some time, but I eventually learned to appreciate the fact that someone was willing to help me out.

Life isn't (or shouldn't be) all about cleaning and organizing everything. It should be about living and taking time to smell the flowers. Children and my injury brought that idea home to me.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 31
What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:01:55 AM
if you are sincerely doing the organizing of HER place because YOU enjoy it, then that's one thing... if you are pressuring her to agree with the need to have it organized and wanting her to appreciate what you're doing as if it's a favour for her, then that's not so cool, imo

sit down with her and explain how you have this obsessive tendencies and that you hope she doesnt' mind when you go through her stuff the way you do, apologize for any stresses you're probably putting on her by doing so... (it sounds to me as though she's stressed by it, because of her feeling guilty/apologizing to you)

tell her it's what YOU need to do, for YOU and also it's one way that you have of showing that you care about her, but that it pleases you to do it while she's relaxing or doing what she wants to do

if you are really able to allow her to be herself, to live and act as she wishes, without feeling any resentment toward her if she continues to live in a way that is different from how you prefer living... then it could well work out

but don't expect anything in return for your cleaning - this is what YOu want to do, she hasn't asked you to do it and hasn't shown any desire to change in how she keeps her things...

and maybe she won't feel too pressured by having you around and organizing her life for her...

maybe...

good luck

:)
 1eyebob
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 32
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:25:42 AM
OP

My ex wife would love you! You know I wonder if you have thought about her not unpacking and not taking such good care could be something about the place that she moved to? Some places don't give us the feeling that we can make it home. If she has some doubts about the place she could unconsciously not feel that feeling of being home and keeping things in boxes and not taking the greatest care because she might want to move again. This has happened to me and really bothered me till I figured it out. Thought I had become Mr. Lazy but the place just never felt exactly right and unconsciously I was looking to move again. Unfortunatly it was my first owner experience and I really wanted to make it a good home so I tried very hard for years.
Bob
 butterflie_1207
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 33
What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:37:22 AM
If she's not as organized as you are, I doubt that she will ever be. You just have to figure out if it's something you can live with. Some of us are just more laid back about such things. I'm pretty laid back, I'll get to it when I get to it. My house is clean, but far from organized. The important (to me anyway) things are done, kitchen, bathrooms, floors, are all clean, but I'm definitely not "a place for everything and everything in it's place" type of girl.

You really need to speak to her about her feelings regarding your "helping out". She may be insulted by it. I had a sister-in-law who would take it upon herself to organize things such as my under-the-sink cabinet in my kitchen whenver she would visit. It drove me nuts, and I dreaded her coming over. I'm sure you don't want that happening with the 2 of you.
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 34
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What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/24/2008 11:52:33 PM
kle, if you hate laundry and OP has an anxiety obsession to clean, then i'd suggest you tell him it's your house (for now) and he should do the laundry folding. if it's not enough for him, find the next best thing you hate to do. however, i would only reward him with this bonus, after you have your way with him! that way, everyone will be happy. also, it has to be clear that when you visit his house, while you are there, there will be NO cleaning and you both get to mess it up a bit. that way, he'll have something to do when you leave.

if you end up "sharing" a home, do what my friends did way back. they divided the living room in half and each got to do what they wanted with their half. it was hilarious. nothing matched, his wooden ducks ended where her flower pots began on the mantel. she had flower curtains, he had plaid. the colors did not blend.

the baby crib was in the middle of the room, they took turns with who got the bottom half of the baby. her half of the room was messy, his was clean. i kid you not!!!

they were so amused at themselves and their solutions, they spent half the time together laughing and the other half inviting company over to watch them laugh!

where there is a will, there is a way.
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 35
What we have in common... OCD???
Posted: 12/25/2008 1:08:33 AM
It could be the role reversal thing, or it could be that she knows where everything is and can't find anything if you put it where you think it goes. My wife was that way, but after I learned that the only thing I needed to do was ask, it was like butter and I appreciated what she did.

I don't know. It could be different, but you need to find out what she is feeling and be really concerned about how she feels about having things where you put them.
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