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 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 30
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Has anyone ever gone from lovers to friends successfully? Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

She said that she is not ready for the committed relationship we fell into. We get along great and she wants to remain close friend and I would like that also as I love talking with her etc etc. I don’t know how to do that.


Why would you want to? A friend is someone you can count on and it's obvious you couldn't count on her to know something as basic as whether or not she was in love with you.

When I see posters saying they remained friends with their Exs I have difficulty understanding the depth of love they shared. I can see a person realizing they don't love someone and wanting to be friends but what about the other person? Why would a person who loves someone want to be friends with that someone when that someone has stopped loving them? (That's a lot of someones!)

When a person says they love you and want to share their life with you and then turn around and say they don't love you in that particular way and don't want to share their life with you isn't that a major thing?

I guess I take a more serious approach to love. After sharing my most intimate hopes and dreams and having started to build a life with someone who has stated they want to be my life partner and have them turn around and say, "Well, I'm leaving now but I'd like us to remain pals" upon what could a friendship be built? Certainly not their word.

One poster wrote if nothing happened to cause hate between them then a friendship is possible. Is love simply a degree of "like"? It definately isn't to me. I guess that's where the "list thing" comes in. I suppose if someone 'likes" according to a list and as the list is fulfilled the "like" becomes more "like" and more "like" until it's love. If certain things on the list stop being fulfilled it reverts back to "like". Hmmmm, most peculiar.



(Msg 35) it's possible if you don't have regular physical contact with the person. Preferably if you move to another town or even country! Then you can really stay pals.


Do I detect an little sarcasm there????
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 34
yes, twice
Posted: 12/11/2005 4:43:55 AM
I posted earlier that this has not worked for me in the past. Honestly, I've never really tried. There have been times I've dated guys and when it comes time to part ways, I hear the 'let's be friends', and honestly it irritated me. If I'm not someone you want to date, why am I someone you want in your life at all? On the flip side, I dated someone and it was semi-serious, and I was not ready for what we found ourselves in the midst of. I really hurt him, not purposely, and he was a nice man. He is the best friend of one of my best friends' husbands, and I have not one bad word to say about him. I would have loved to keep him in my life as a friend, but he was not having it. Can't say I blame him. It probably does all boil down to the type of relationship you had and if one of the parties' feelings were devastatingly hurt.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 35
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Has anyone ever gone from lovers to friends successfully?
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:55:06 AM

(Msg 45) i dont believe he mentioned that they proclaimed their love for each other so i dont get what you're saying?


The OP wrote
How do you go from lots of touching, making love, talking all the long term stuff to being friends.


Talking all the long term stuff and then saying one is not ready for a relationship? Either the person was deceitful or they are emotionally immature. In either case I see little benefit in pursuing a friendship with such an individual. She is just as likely to find another partner and ignore the OP altogether. He's setting himself up for a letdown. Sounds like she just wanted a warm body while she grieved.

In short, her actions and words mean nothing. Making love coupled with discussing long term plans and then saying she is not ready for a relationship demands one to ask, "Who is she?" ""What does she want?" "Who is this person that wants to be my friend?"

Sounds like she is going to be more trouble than comfort.
 dragonbabe20
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 36
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Has anyone ever gone from lovers to friends successfully?
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:31:46 AM
Yes, it can work well as long as both parties have closure. If deep down one has even a molecule of hope to revisit a relationship with that person, then NO. If, however, both parties are truly ready to move on...which takes time and distance (the amount of each depending on the individuals and the intensity of the past relationship), a friendship is very possible.. Keep in mind that some people have been "emotionally" divorced or separated for some time prior to the ACTUAL break-up. For that reason I don't have hard and fast rules about avoiding dating people within a certain time-frame of their break-up. Once I dated a guy who had been divorced 6 years prior, only to discover he was still extremely angry and didn't have closure. Time is no guarantee of closure....the person will have had to work through their feelings to arrive at a peaceful resolution of it all...that can happen more quickly for some than for others, depending on how much or how little denial they engage in during the process. Good communication about it will tell you all you need to know.
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 37
Has anyone ever gone from lovers to friends successfully?
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:43:04 AM
Another thing I would find difficult is that the people that wished to be just friends after dating also wanted a friends with benefits type of relationship. That is what irritated me. Why go from dating me and sleeping with me to just sleeping with me? And they weren't really that great as friends, either. One used to fix my car sometimes, but always expected 'something' in return. Sorry for him, but I'm not going to prostitute myself for free labor. I'd be up for making him a home cooked meal and watching a video, but the implied sex got irritating. So how many of you that remain friends with ex's DON'T do the friends with benes? Just wondering if it's a problem for anyone else. And just now reading this, I have to think I may have been a huge pain in the butt to date, or else why would several of them have tried to remain friends with benes? Hmmm. Good thing it's in my distant past and I'm perfect now.
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