|unresponsive womenPage 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)|
|I hate to say it, but you're right. Only rude and/or hostile comments get responses. That's why I don't send very many emails or post very many comments in the forum's. It's easy to be a jerk whether one is a man or a woman.....especially online. Being nice is difficult because 1. it makes people think you're weak, and 2. as has already been stated, nice comments don't even get acknowledged letalone a response.|
..................................sigh...........................frustrating to say the least.
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:19:19 AM
|frustrating? Man its to the point where its ridiculous. This is a dating site-- but it seems men are doing most of the participating. Sure women come on these forums all the time trying to voice their personal claims against that idea and whatever-- proof is in the pudding. (i never say that shit but it applied hear) Did the math last night: Speaking only for myself, 45 chat mails sent/ - 1 response. thats a 2.2~% return on an investment yall and I think i'm a pretty decent guy. So I dunno what the hell they're doin on here|
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:40:34 AM
|Well yes it was nice that you took the time to write, but no one asked you to do that. Its similar to receiving a gift (especially something you didn't request or want). A gift is yours to do with as you please, as is a recevied email. |
Just because you chose to send me something doesn't mean I'm obligated (especially to some stranger) to use it, enjoy it, be grateful for it, or return any favors for it.
And a second email b*tching or trying to throw a guilttrip at me will only get you blocked.
I get enough pressure from people I DO know, let alone some text on a screen.
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:45:51 AM
Maybe they'll answer it later.
A lot of people got a few minutes to check emails, but not necessarily the time or brain energy to think up a response to answer emails at this moment.
Posted: 3/24/2006 3:35:52 AM
|Sparda, I will only reply to guys who REALLY interest me, so what is the point of my replying to you if I do not think you could be someone who I would like to get to know. I am sure your life is busy enough without your having to read rejection emails, that list several little reasons why you are not the perfect one.|
The woman who is perfect for you WILL reply.
Posted: 3/24/2006 3:42:40 AM
|Sparda By reading the forums I got a few pointers and they helped. Change the pics and add a few more, avoid profile pics. Put long term instead of friends, did that doesn't work, for the children part put something else even prefer not say. Other than that I liked what was written. A little aside I've written about 5 or 6 emails expressing honest compliments nothing else, no reply even to that, so go figure.|
Posted: 3/31/2006 10:50:59 AM
|hmmmmm...wonder what's it's like to have an inbox full of emails??? Well, I'll never know, but I do know the rules of courtesy... com'on, ladies, if you've got the time to be on these pages, then you should rightfully have the time to at least answer the mail...|
"Sorry, I'm afraid my plate's kinda full right now. But thanks for writing and good luck in your search." Type it once, block it, copy it, and paste it to your heart's content... Bill Gates and his buddies put the CTRL-C and CTRL-V in for a reason.
We, the writers, took the time to read your profile, think about how we should compose our email, write and and rewrite it (at least we should've), then send it. It wasn't easy for us to do so. Ultimately, we hit that "send" button with high hopes, good wishes and probably a prayer or two. I think that deserves at least a moment of your time, don't you?
Posted: 3/31/2006 11:59:02 AM
|^^^then go in with a more pessimistic view, not expecting to be responded to. That way when you are responded to, you'll be pleasantly suprised.|
See the problem is you don't understand what its like to have dozens of emails all basically saying the same things over and over. At 1st you answer them, but after awhile it gets really more and more like work.
Its kinda like how when Superman first got shot at he probably swatted the bullets out of the way by reflex, but after awhile he just got so used to them that he just ignores them. Same analogy here: We get so used to:
"Sup lady here's my number .... holla at cha boy"
"wanna get naked?" "lets go out to dinner tomorrow (from some total stranger I know nothing about)"
"Hey lets chat, whats your AOL?"
After 1000 of those you don't bother anymore. No offense to those guys, but its boring after awhile. If ya got something to say, then cool, I'll respond, but those cheesy dime a dozen lines are boring and get nothing from me. Especially when its 9 out of 10 emails all the time.
And an autobiography isn't necessary either. Wanna response, guys. Then comment on something she mentions in her profile. Talk about some interest she has listed or the city she's from.
Posted: 3/31/2006 12:17:30 PM
You're right--I'll never know what's it's like to get email overload. And I appreciate that some of the emails are stock or stupid and not worthy of a response. But I, for one, don't write that type. I DO write careful, considered emails, only after a lot of thought and study of a woman's profile. And surely, when the recipient reads it, she knows I put some thought into it. I deserve a moment of time for that--to ignore my effort is just plain rude. Period.
And I cannot approach any of these efforts with pessimism. If I did, it would show in my writing. No, I have to be an optimist--else I would never even pick up the pen in the first place. I am attracted and write to a woman because I think she's someone special--maybe she doesn't feel the same about me, but she should at least treat me as a decent human being...something that is sorely lacking on many of these sites.
Sorry to rant. But I've yet to be "pleasantly surprised" even once, and it's beginning to irk me... Where has our sense of compassion for fellow human beings gone???
Posted: 3/31/2006 12:22:12 PM
|People are still missing the point. The point being...no one is obligated to write to anyone on the Internet and no one is obligated to respond just because someone did write to him or her. |
Is responding the courteous thing to do? Absolutely. But just as you can't force someone to say hello when you pass them on the street (I certainly hope you don't run after them screaming abuses if they don't speak to you, however, some folks feel it is acceptable to do just that in an email) you can't force them to 'speak' to you on the Internet...no matter how much you want to. If a person has any manners at all, they will at least acknowledge the email...that being said, I have at times decided NOT to write back to someone, because something feels 'off' to me. If I get a nasty note later from that person b*tching about the fact that I didn't write to them, I feel justified in viewing them as the ass I imagined them to be in the first place.
You don't have to write to me. I don't have to write to you. And if I do write to you, you certainly don't have to answer me. It's all about choices...yours and mine. Grow up people. Get over yourself, the world really doesn't revolve around you (or me).
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:15:51 PM
|Hi. Thanks for the considered and thoughtful responses. But I respectfully disagree. In all honesty, if someone says "hello" to me on the street, then, yes, I smile back and respond in kind. I do. It is just common human decency. It is the way I want to be treated; it is, therefore, imperative that I treat people the same. I'm not a religious guy, but the "Golden Rule" has merit.|
I'm not suggesting that the door be left open for continued correspondence. But a polite "no" to a polite email inquiry is certainly warranted. If the guy persists, then, hey, by all means block him... But given him the courtesy of an initial answer. And yes, I believe that a polite email DOES obligate the recipient to respond in equal kindness, whatever the answer and decision (re: two answers up). Again, just common human decency. By mounting your profile, you are, by definition, soliciting emails; you are agreeing to be part of a community. Part of the deal is to give as well as receive. It's not a one-way street here.
Admittedly, I don't know what it's like to receive multiple emails. And admittedly, I'm a bit jealous. But if you're getting tons of emails, then you're getting what you want out of this (or whichever) site--social contacts and potential dates. And if you're receiving what you seek, then I think you are responsible to hold up your end of the bargain--and that is to be courteous to all those that are courteous to you.
And my final thought (at least 'til next time :-) )--when I have given a girl a rose (or any gift), it is because I know it will please her. It is not with any ulterior motive; it is only to demonstrate that I appreciate her. A smile and a kind "thank you" is all I ask in return, so that I know my thoughtfulness is appreciated. Substituting "email" for "rose" still results in the same expectation--just a smile and a kind "thank you." I can't see why that's too much to ask......
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:55:39 PM
By mounting your profile, you are, by definition, soliciting emails; you are agreeing to be part of a community. Part of the deal is to give as well as receive. It's not a one-way street here.
Not necessarily. You are assuming everyone is looking for love just by coming to this site and they are, willingly or unwillingly, expected to welcome any and all messages with open arms. There are many people on this site who have clearly stated in their profiles that their purpose in being here is to enjoy the friends they’ve made and/or to participate in the forums. Regardless of whether a person is here to date or for the forums, it is still their prerogative to ignore or answer any messages sent to them. Rude or not, it is still their choice and no one can force them to answer when they decide they don’t want to. I don’t condone rudeness, but I will defend a person’s right to respond or not to any message they’ve received.
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:52:05 PM
|Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute. From the very start of my entry into this thread, I said that only courteous emails that were written after review of a profile warranted response. Obviously, if the profile says a person doesn't want an email, then of course the profile was not read and any incoming email should be disregarded and ignored. It was rude to write in the first place.|
But this thread has been focused on those that ARE looking to date. And for them, I remain steadfast in my belief that courtesy should beget courtesy. Of course, no one can "force" anyone to do anything. But just because I can't force them doesn't mean what they're doing (or not doing) is right. As such, I can NEVER condone a failure to respond to a legitimately, tactfully and tastefully written email. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
Man or not, I still believe I deserve respect, as long as I am showing respect to those I am trying to contact. Failure to respond to my ernest entreaty is rude, arrogant and disrespectful. I've faced it a lot (a surprise to me--I expected better), and I have no choice but to live with it, to shrug my shoulders and say to myself that "I guess she wasn't the person I thought she was." But living with it doesn't mean I think it's right. An honest person deserves better. And nothing I've heard here has swayed me from that belief.
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:02:42 PM
|We don't need to agree to disagree. I have already said I don't condone rudeness. So...looks like we agree on that point.|
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:15:54 PM
|Its a free site and the only things we're obligated to do are follow the TOS of the site. Thats all we "have" to do on POF.|
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:19:07 AM
|OP..Have you thought that just maybe...u write too much?|
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:29:33 AM
|yea i guess there are some women that dont respond, but there are alot of men out there that dont respond either. so men can take some of the blame as well.|
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:36:01 PM
|the ones who reply immediately and excited to hear from you, more than make up for the unresponsive ones. (you gotta know there are going to be some "dead fish" in the net.|
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:36:53 PM
|Wait Wait a min, here. What do you mean by Unresponsive women, Are we suppose to jump at all the emails or IMs that start out , What are U wearing, Do U dig younger Men, Looking for a fun , Sorry I would be unresponsive to those, and I am. But If a man sends you something Like , a mature greeting or just a simple interduction, I would and do , sure that most women would respond, But then again , some of these men make you not want to even respond to the nice, romantic, type, because we are so use to the others I,m afraid to. The other night I got 1 that when I opened it up, I thoughtwahe was a pimp, and I was scared to death, Then after checking his profile, I saw him in different clothes and the 1 picture he was with a policeman, mabey he was arrested I thought, lol, but that doesnt top the other one that was satisfying himself with his web cam on ,when he im me, If any of u women or men want his profile email me, be happy to get him away from me. I even told him that he scares me and to let me alone, but I blocked his name , so he will look for someine else to enjoy himself with. That might be why some women are that way, see me i,m not at all unresponsive , and I consider myself one|
thats not shocked easly, but those 2 are in my mind 4 ever. I enjoy men telling me that I am beautiful, even if I dont see it, it makes me feel so good , exspecialy when your husband never told you those things, What women isnt responsive if she, s called sexy, So dont call us Unresposive, call us ILresponsive, Lisa
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:37:11 PM
|I wish men would do that too when I go to the trouble of writing to them. I've written to a few men who totally blew me off. One I was attracted to, and I tried it again. Still no response. It is better to let people know, then it's easier to go back to . It can be a blow to someone's ego if someone writes several emails and gets no replies in return. Even a polite, "no thanks" is better than no reply at all.|
Just my two cents' worth.
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:18:05 PM
|Dude ur a whinny ass, and not too bright a one at that. Women can see your posts as far back as 25 if they want. You writing fake posts just to look good on your profile is a little creepy. But forget about that. We outnumber (real men that is) women on this site by like 50-1. The good ones get dozens of emails a day, hundreds over a weekend. as far as I can see you don't even have a pic on ur profile, thats an automatic deletion. When I 1st joined this site I did the same thing...worked hard on an email only to have it read and deleted. I did a little whinning in the forum and got set straight on the facts, and never once did I use the term 'broad"... what a loser. Look dude I'm nothing special I have a decent pic, I worked hard on my profile to make it as honest as possible, and I get 10 or so emails a week, I don't have time to read and respond to those that don't offer a future for me. As for your email...you call that good? You need a creative writing class! Two "P.S." in a 1st email?? it's lazy and lacks style. and oh the cute lil puppies and kittens...I almost barfed! So if after you read this and if you are still looking for a 'broad" look in the yellow pages...you can call an escort a broad all day long as long as you pay! |
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:34:14 PM
|@ grtdayne |
BTW, I just read an article on the BEST jobs for 2006 and yours is listed in the top 10. I noticed it because my brother does the same thing. I would have emailed this side thought to you, but you don't accept email from my (advanced) age group.
Good luck and stay safe.
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:17:16 PM
|I don't see why anyone feels people are obligated to do anything on here. Thats an incredible amount of expectation from complete strangers. Your just setting yourself up for disappointment.|
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:35:53 AM
|Women are not going to be responsive to every single email that they receive... I get a lot of emails that I do not respond to because I am simply not interested. People that give me compliments I say thank you too atelast to acknowledge that they gave me a compliment and I appreciate it... But a word to the wise.... don't send poems professing your love or handing out your phone number right away.... That really turns women off or atleast it does me... And okay so you say something nice..... it doesn't mean that we are going to be intrested in you.... I can bet money on it that there are plenty of girls you are not interested in as well that email you.... we are not on here to boost our egos as one of the men responded... You give me a break.... We are on here just like you to find someone that peaks our interests and I have found a few people that have and I have talked with them... So I respond to the ones that I want to respond too.... I do have that right... So get over it!!!!!! Someone that is interested in you that you write to will write back..... just give it time... It will happen for you! You just never know. But I can tell you, I have had several men not write me back when I have emailed them so what does that say about YOU????? So please just get over it and move on........ For real!|
Posted: 4/5/2006 9:13:34 AM
|yeah thats nuts. The girls are looking too. Yeah its nice to get a response, but nothing to ruin your day over. If they don't find you interesting then its best to know that up front, rather get allow yourself to get led on.|
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