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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??      Home login  
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 curiousone54
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 88
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??Page 3 of 63    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I've been on both sides of this equation so I think I can provide some insight.

Four years ago my partner committed suicide, shortly afterwards, not being able to deal with it I made an attempt that ended in a 10 day coma.

From the side of those being left behind - its a horribly selfish act. It leaves those left behind with the guilt of not taking every precaution and of not 'noticing'. In my case my husband picked a fight and went down to his brother's place. I called his brother and left him a message asking him to take away all his medication because he was on another of his slides and had made several previous attempts. His brother ignored my request and found him the next afternoon - he died 20 mins after arriving at the hospital.

From my side, I was dealing with the guilt compounded by his family and some of his friends saying that I had killed him. I couldn't see a life without him. I understand his darkness and that feeling that ending it was the only option he could see to end his mental pain.

My friends basically took over my life after I was released from the hospital - someone was always with me. But after a number of months that support dwindled and I felt myself sliding towards that brink again. I had the means - saved prescriptions, but one of my friends demanded a promise from me. She asked that I give it three years - and if after that time I still felt the same then she wouldn't be angry if I decided to go ahead.

Three years was last Christmas. I had planned that I would do it that day, knowing that everyone would be busy with their own families and I wouldn't be disturbed. Then someone entered my life just about a month before my deadline. We didn't spend the entire day together but enough time that it got me through the day. That relationship ended last spring and once again I am looking at spending the holiday alone. However, even though those pills are still hidden, the desperate feeling has waned somewhat. My son plans to have me spend Christmas morning with his family "online' by video since they are 1400 miles away. My niece has extracted a promise of my attendance at dinner at their home. And once again there is a "someone' on the horizon that may blossom to the point where I'll have a family to spend the holiday with next year.

All I can say is that I understand both sides - but if you feel that way right now - make yourself a promise to wait until a deadline in the future. You may be surprised what twists your life will take before that deadline arrives.
 justbourlier
Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 89
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:55:05 PM
It's a bad idea. I've already lost one friend due to this. I dunno whether to hate him, or feel sorry for him for it, I think I feel both.

Obviously, it sucks when the person you love ends the relationship, but as cliche as it sounds, time heals everything. Oh yeah, and a little senseless bedroom acrobatics with someone else has always helped me too .
 WorldCitizen
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 90
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:39:23 PM
The end of a relationship is like death. Nevertheless, one has the responsibility to build their lives around other things after it's over. I takes courage.

For the reason that relationships are LIKELY to end at some point, it's important for people; no matter how much in love they are with the other person; to invest in THEMSELVES and develop friendships and interests outside the relationship.

Many people don't realize that the prototypical romance/suicide story about Romeo and Juliet was a story of young lust and from the time they met to their mutual deaths was less than 24 hours.

We owe it to others who love us: our parents, our friends, our siblings, our children and even the lover who rejects us but maybe loved us at one time (if not ourselves) not to let our lives end in this tragic way and cause sadness.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 91
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:52:40 PM
Much like the A.D.D. craze where doctors were prescribing Ritalin left and right, clinical depression is also a blanket answer. Life is not always peaches and cream, and some people really get a bum deal. If you want to read a really interesting perspective on happiness, read Theodore Kaczynski's manifesto, namely the part about the "power process." He does a very good job of outlining why many people are unhappy these days. Believe it or not, he was very much a humanitarian. If you read more about the man, you'll begin to understand why he did the things he did. One big factor: He was lonely, and not from lack of friends and family, but romantically lonely. (Like many of us, he's reluctant to point out that he's a failure with women.) Constant dejection eventually got the best of him. He was a very bitter man, but if you read about him, you'll understand why. It's easy to empathize, even if you disagree with how he focused his frustration. (I'm not justifying his actions - only explaining his motives.)

This is a fragile subject, but I'm not going to paint it any color other than it is. It would be incompassionate not to recognize the full extent of the suffering of a severely depressed person. Sure, we could dope them up on drugs, or maybe give them a lobotomy. That would make them seem happy and as long as everyone else believes they're not suffering, (or at least, doesn't notice,) the problem is solved, right? No symptoms, no problem?

Practically speaking, what is the difference between drugs and a lobotomy, and why does society deem one to be unacceptable? Is it because we secretly acknowledge that the problem ISN'T in the mind?

Let me firmly state that suicide is not the answer to short-term problems. In fact, it doesn't FIX anything. If you're young, there will be plenty of chances for your life to improve. (Teenagers take notice.) After a divorce or having lost a job is not a good time to be considering suicide. Those are just bumps along the road of life. Granted, they are big bumps, but nothing new. If your drunk, don't even think about it; Your reasoning capacity is limited when you're tipsy. "Long-term solution to a short-term problem." In many cases, possibly or probably even most cases, that is true, but sometimes the problem isn't short-term. Sometimes the problem CAN'T be solved. Everything else I want to say in this regard will get this thread deleted. I'm not certain what the policy is around here on free speech.

"Richard Cory." A very poignant poem. It doesn't matter if your life is otherwise successful. If doesn't matter if you have great friends and family, a good job, a cool car and nice toys, or if you regularly get out and do fun things. People might even be envious of you, but if you're a colossal failure with the opposite sex, you're bound to be depressed. There's no avoiding that, no matter how grand your life is otherwise. Romantic love is programmed into our brains, and if you fail at it, it will ABSOLUTELY RUIN your life - to the point of suicide. It's sad, but our brains work that way. Hope keeps us alive. When hope is gone, we give up. It's sites like this that keep hope alive. It's no wonder the big pay-sites are raking in the dough from desperate people clinging to hope. I think it's a tragedy when sites like this sponsor false-hopes, but I think it's a real blessing when they actually deliver solutions to real problems. ...and a romantic partner IS a real solutions to a real problem. Loneliness is a real problem and it can kill you.

Making promises to wait until deadlines... My deadlines came and went, and their anniversaries pass every year without change. If I had made the promise, this thread would be a few posts shorter.


I always wondered why ‘Eleanor Rigby’ and Father McKenzie never got married. Sad, sad song.
 hdmech
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 92
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:54:31 PM
Not going to happen... I'm going to win... no satisfation in dying... pause kick back,, wait a few..have a fewww things get better even if you have to wait awhile..don't do it you'll regrete it someday.
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 93
view profile
History
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:03:31 PM
Too all the people that think its a joke or its some how cool shove it.

Suicide isnt the answer...life can get really shi++Y at times and things can not only seem hopeless but be hopeless. as for doing it to hurt the ones you leave behind? who knows it they will even hurt. The people that love you..friends and family will hurt but the ones that seem to push you ove rthe edge wont so dont waste your life on them.

My motto is "dont let the ba$tards win" hurt them by surviving.

As for killing yourself becuse you love left you? you wont get them back either way. Accept that you had a love and now its gone. All that is left is the pain and emptyness inside your gut. It will pass. You will get over it even if you think you wont or think you dont want to.
You will find a new love. yeah it takes time. take some time to greive for the loss of the relationship and when you are ready open yourself up to finding someone new. Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea!
 nurgle
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 94
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:10:52 PM
Anyone that would pull the plug doesn't value themselves, and anyone who would do it over someone else has some serious issue bout how they feel about themselves but also the world in general.

It's not a cop out it's just a sad state for someone to be in, but only they can fix it.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 95
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/18/2005 11:16:42 PM

..don't do it you'll regrete it someday.

Oh really? :)



...and what about the story of a old man whose parting words were, "I should have done this fifty years ago."

Many languages have multiple words for love, all meaning different things. The reason there are different words is because there is an important difference between different types of love. The love of family is different than the love of friends. The love of a lover is VERY different than the other types. It's a crucial difference. For the religious people out there, you may find it interesting that the second thing God did after breathing life into Adam was to create Eve, because he "saw that it was not good for man to be alone." He didn't waste much time in recognizing the importance of a lover. ...and if you believe that the Bible is rubbish, at least realize that the authors thought this was a pretty important point to make.

You hear stories of people who figuratively "died of loneliness," and stories about animals that literally died of loneliness. To somebody who has lost someone important to them, if they don't have hope of finding a "replacement," that would be pretty depressing. What's worse is that any new person will be perceived as a replacement - an imperfect substitute for the real thing. Suicide among the elderly is surprisingly common, and they don't bother doing the whole "cry for help" thing. Another major group that keeps the suicide numbers up are people with acquired disabilities, especially disfiguring ones. Plenty of fish in their sea? There's a perspective for you.

But over a broken heart? No.




The people that love you..friends and family will hurt but the ones that seem to push you ove rthe edge wont so dont waste your life on them.

Very good point. ...of course, it doesn't help if you feel you've ALREADY wasted your life on them, but it's unlikely that you'll be able to hurt them for it.

How do you value yourself? I don't value myself at all. It is the things in my life that I value; the things I partake in, my worldly possessions, and to a much greater extent, other people and my relationships with them. It feels good knowing they value me in the same way, but if you take that away, what do I have? Even life after death does not preclude the existential and nihilist nature of immediate life on Earth. Saving endangered species, or any other 'surrogate activity' isn't going to add meaning to my life.

Obviously though, it's completely pointless to be a martyr to make yourself happy. Spite towards another person is something else altogether. It's the ultimate insult towards the world. "You're not worth my time." Ouch. But who's listening? Again, if you're not around to appreciate the aftermath, what's the point? I think young people are strongly predisposed to end their lives foolishly based on spite or hoping to change or hurt someone. I suspect the wisdom of age makes older people much more rational about their decision, even if they are rash. This explains why their numbers are substantially lower than other demographics. You may still feel they are wrong, but they concoct much better reasons for believing they are right than younger people do.

And if life after death is your cup of tea, you might seriously want to consider letting God take you when he's good and ready. Most religions aren't very accommodating to people who operate on their own timelines.
 honeycakes
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 97
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:16:25 AM
I would have to agree with coastergal..No man or woman is ever worth commiting suicide over, it's just plain ass crazy. I can remember one guy I dated when I was 18 yrs old. At first, everything was great. We got along just fine and everything. We dated off & on for 2 yrs then on Valentines Day of 2004, we finally broke up. He's the one who ended it and there for a little while, I wanted to end my life. I didn't wanna live anymore because I thought my life was over. But then I realized that it wasn't because I had this wonderful little baby boy that needed a mother in his life. He is the most precious, most loving child that a mother could ever ask for. He is my world, heart and sould. I would do anything in this whole entire world for him. Anyways, whoever is thinking about commiting suicide, don't do it. It isn't worth it. Come on now, who would wanna kill themselves over a guy or girl just because the relationship didn't work out like you had wanted or planned?

Mandy from Owensboro, Ky
 fallon1
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 98
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:13:35 AM
suicide over a broken heart is the **** way out.if it was true love you would still be together.anyone who thinks of suicide has more deeper issuses than a broken heart.my best friend for over 15 years killed himself in august.at the time he was engaged to my friend heather,who i also knew for 15 years.well like any relationship they had problems,it didnt help matters that he was fighting a cocaine addiction.i knew what was going on with them we talked about their problems and i tried to help,best that i could.the day he died,him and heather got in a fight over his addiction,which left him feeling like he wasnt good enough for her,and that in time she would leave.i know i talked to him 30 mins before he died.he called asking if i would forgive him for anything he did,being the good friend i said yes and no matter what he did i would always love him.a few hours later heather calls me crying told me she found him in the garage with his car running and she couldnt wake him up.she asked me to come over,i got there right before the corner got there,i had to identify the body.in the end he thought he was doing her a favor by taking his own life.when all he realy did was hurt her worse,not to mention his family and me.heather was put on a suicide watch,she wanted to join him in the next world,thats how much she loved him.well thank god she made it through all of this.if your thinking of suicide,rember this.yes you will be free of all your pain,but you are just creating a life long pain and nightmares for the one who love you,and if you truly love them you would not want them to hurt the way you are hurting.get some help talk to someone and rember life is worth living it dosent feel like it all the time but it is.it takes a stronger person to make it through the hard times instead of just giving up.
 mzcuddles72
Joined: 1/2/2005
Msg: 99
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:29:25 AM
My father committed suicide because my mother finally wanted to end thier rocky, futile relationship of 30+ years. I think that suicide SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! He got what he wanted I guess and I'm here to try and deal with my and my children's grief. It's been over 1 and a half years since I found him and not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have done something to save him. Killing yourself is just not worth it, just because one person doesn't love you, doesn't mean there isn't anybody who does.
 a nice guy fishing
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 101
view profile
History
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 7:48:37 AM
well i have been going thru a broken heart for 4 years and christmas time seems to be the hardest for me i have thaught about it but im a fighter and i know i will get thew it some how and i will meet someone to share my life with. i had my soulmate once and i will find her again i hope anyway.
 Dragonfly2005s
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 102
view profile
History
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 8:00:47 AM
I want to say a lot about this but I dont know how to say it right that people would think I am a wack job....
Jail is a good place to be when you think about suicide but not for what you think I think it is.
Being dead form suicide is sorta like jail but eturnity and it is a lot more growed in the place you go and you cant communicate with those others.
and there is some truth esle where on that too on you see what your loved ones are going through because of that choce you made to solve a tempary problem....
yes there is a lot to say cause I have been there that is what more I can say and then some ...
 stan_the_girl_wonder
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 103
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 8:15:38 AM
If your dumb enough to kill yourself over another person, then you deserve to die. Just my opinion. Sure, it hurts, but theres still people who a care about you.... so in my opinion its pointless.
 SweetPeaJulia
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 104
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:09:44 AM
^^ yea that was pretty pointless.
 asweet1974
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 105
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:29:55 AM
truelove68....I have got to tell you, if it wasn't for my daughter I probably wouldn't be here. She kept me from doing anything stupid. When I broke up with my ex, it was crushing. It was mutual, but still crushing. I grew to be dependent on him (WHICH ISN'T GOOD) and he wasn't there anymore. I was listening to the radio one day and heard Reba MacIntire's song "Somebody", it is a country song. "...Somebody on the morning train, somebody in the coffee shop that you walk by everyday....Somewhere out there, there's somebody" Those are some words fromt he song, and let me tell you, it woke me up out of the slight depression I had. That there is someone out there for you (or the person you posted the thread for).
 fallon1
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 106
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:09:35 AM
if your dumb enough to kill yourself over another person you deserve to die.thats the dumbest statement ive heard all year.good thing you dont work for a hospice.every one isnt as strong and they need help.you never would have said that if you had to look at your husband or best friend in a coffin.then have to go home and explain why daddy isnt coming home or watching your child try to climb in the coffin with her dad because she so hurt.its people like you that make it so hard for the suicidial to reach out for help.they think why reach out when people think i deserve to die.so yes your opinionis pointless more to the point,inhumane.
 Jacki-O
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 108
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:37:45 PM
i think its situational. if is true love and of the most abject tragedies i say yes it is. misery is something best savored in the company of a lover, and when that person is gone....well. i do speak from experiance. i lost my fiancee 4 years ago and was hospitalized 3 times. i think after you find the one person you love the most and they are ripped out of your life, i found at least that there was really no other reason to live. for a man who loves not lives not and i cannot..at least not yet, i cannot find myself loving another man. i have lost 2 friends to suicide over love, and i do not mourn their deaths, because i know that the emptiness that comes from losing love is far to great for any one person to deal with, and that now they know some kind of peace. suicide is not the easy way out.... the people i know that have done so put alot of thought into it, as did i when i tried. its simply a way to resolve everything, its not just something done in the passion of emotion, to me it is a very thought out process. i am glad however that i didnt suceed... but as quoted earlier in the thread. for some such as myself it was the end of a world... MY world. he was gone and my world went with him, im here now to make my friends happy and that is it.dont want to see another sunrise or sunset without that person beside you. sometimes you dont want to grow old without them to comfort you....and i dont. but im here...alas im still here if only for all my friends.... if anyone has a problem with what i just said, and i dont mean people emailing me telling me im an idiot, you can email me....

"i dont want to see another star fall... this winter shall pass a cold and lonely one without your heart in my hand"
 juanchito26
Joined: 12/11/2005
Msg: 109
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 4:02:58 PM
When the 1992 presidential debates were going on, I heard Ross Perot say something that, although basic, sounded very true in terms of these love-relationship things. A cancer can't be stopped once it's eaten your whole body. You must stop it once you get the first symptoms.

If you can't stop a bad relationship (believe me, the symptoms are already there when you haven't even started dating) then how can you not expect feeling desperate when it has destroyed your happiness. No one should die for love, but at least save yourself the trouble and not get into a destructive relationship that is going to kill your happiness....
 tbc
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 110
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:47:06 PM
I absolutely HATE is when some uses that expression. Dont give a textbook answer for something you know nothing about, unless youve had some experience with those that have comitted suicide. My wife comitted suicide 10 minths ago. She was in a lot of physical and emoptional pain. I do NOT condone suicide in the least. The last 10 months have been absolutely horible. I attended a grief meeting not far from where Im staying. One of the attendees used that expression and I tore her a new one. I explained why. Ti the persson that commits suicide, it is more than not well planned out, and used as an escape for the pain they are suffering. They give NO thought to what the survivors will end up going through. Its holy hell. There was no one reason why she killed herself. It was a combination of several reasons. To the person that commits suicide, it isn't a tempory problem. Im just saying, please dont a textbook answer for something you are not familiar with.
 tbc
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 111
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:50:35 PM
My apologies for the typing errors. I was referring to the statement "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Thank you
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 112
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:34:54 PM
I think suicide is a lousy solution for any problem, but for a broken heart, that's just really stupid. We all love and lose in life, sometimes greatly. But how can you learn to appreciate something any better then knowing how it feels to lose it. There are way to many flowers to see bloom, and birds that have yet sung, sunrises and sunsets to be in awe of to just throw it all away for a broken heart. Someone will mend it, maybe you'll do it yourself, maybe it will be broken even worse, but knowing that you were loved goes a long way to making it all ok.
 Robglide
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 113
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History
What do you think of a person committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:45:28 PM
At one time I most certainly thought I had reason, lost my wife of three months in a bad car accident.

Fact is, it takes courage to live and bull your way through it.

Those that got the guts to fight live, those that don't........

Snuffing it is the easy way out, tough as it may be to actually do.

There is a better way, and a person needs to find it within themselves.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 114
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:58:26 PM
Just trying to go for record length in one post.




"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

It's so much easier to believe that when you have love, but it's almost impossible to feel that way when nobody loves you. I hear many of the opponents of suicide talk about their families, their children, and their friends. Lucky them. Some people don't have all that, but sometimes it doesn't matter even if you do, because the love of family and friends is no substitute for romantic love, and there IS a difference.

I'm going to say something that many of you will be inclined reject out of hand, but hear me out: It's truly hard to explain the motivations for suicide to someone who hasn't really been there. Sure, you THINK you've been there, but it couldn't have been that bad; you're still alive. Can you remember as a child throwing a tantrum about something you thought was unfair? And looking back on that do you recognize now how trivial it was? But you must remember at the time it seemed like a big deal - and to you, it was! At some point we've all been that child. We all understand. Unlike suicidal depression, we really can sympathize because we've all been there before. But there are some places you haven't been. If the world was deaf, and you could hear, how would you describe music to the world? How would a war veteran describe the horrors of war to a civilian? We're familiar with how somebody who has seen terrible things in war can suffer permanent psychological damage, and yet nobody doubts their suffering or dismisses what they've been through. These people often commit suicide as a direct result of what they've been through. I saw a dog get hit by a car, and I've seen people die on TV, but I don't pretend to understand what a war veteran is going through. Why do we do this with depression? It would be unfair of me to downplay the pain of a difficult breakup for the people partaking in this thread, because I know it hurts, but it's prejudiced to suggest that nobody has it worse than you. If you think they don't, you need to get off your high horse. It's insulting and condescending to people who have good reasons for the pain they're in.

A parent losing a child is an excellent example of something that can completely destroy your desire for life. For many people, their children is their life's work - it's their entire purpose for being. If you want to look at it from an evolutionary standpoint, if you fail in the biological endeavor to reproduce, you no longer serve any purpose. In the same respect, if you fail to find a mate with which to reproduce, you don't serve any purpose. Biologically, you're a failure. The very same genetic instincts that give us a sex drive also give us that intuitive awareness that failure to reproduce is a fault.

I sometimes wonder about people with a severely diminish mental capacity - the people who usually live in some sort of assisted care facility. To be blunt, I mean retards. I feel bad because they really don't stand any chance of living the type of life that most people would require to be happy. ...and yet, they usually go on without complaint. In most cases, their misfortune is also their blessing. They're literally unaware of what they're missing. But sadly, not all are that way. I've seen some who are fully capable of love and really feel the need to be loved. The problem is that their options are limited, and they become deeply depressed as a result. It does happen and it's horrible to witness because there's simply no hope. What do you tell them? "Cheer up! You'll find someone?" "Hang in there, things will get better?" Not likely. And I know what I'm saying isn't pleasant to think about, but realize that this kind of situation is common OUTSIDE of the stereotype example I just laid out.

...and you can feel bad for people with depression, and you can say nice things, but in the end what are you going to do about the depression itself? Give them drugs, fix the problem, or shout advice from the sidelines? Sometimes you can do anything but accept it and understand.

Here's a real-life situation: I have a friend who can't get a date to save his life. He's an incredibly nice guy, but relatively average looking. He tries hard to meet people and he's certainly very nice to them. He's not even very picky, at least when it comes to looks, but he is religious so there are some standards. He's lonely and he's been absolutely unsuccessful in every venture to find someone. Now, if I were in his shoes, I'd be playing chicken with a freight train. (Fortunately, the disaster that is my life isn't nearly so bad as his.) I feel bad for him. Frankly, I don't know why he sticks around. I'd like to help him, but what can I do? His other friends and myself have all done our best to give him guidance. I can't make him any more attractive. His personality seems relatively faultless, and I can't polish it up any better. I can't help him. Nobody can. He can't help himself. All he can do is keep trying and hope for the best. The problem is that he's growing old, and in all the years he's been at this, he's still not getting anywhere. Nobody knows what to do. What amazes me is that he's not terribly depressed about it. (Or if he is, he's hiding it really well.) But if he was depressed, what could I do? What hope could I give him? I don't think there is any hope. I could lie, but thankfully it's an issue I don't have to consider. If he was depressed, I wouldn't stop him from any decision he might make. I wouldn’t wish that kind of suffering on anyone. I’d understand. I'd be happy for him. He's smart enough that he could take care of all this on his own, so I don't really have to worry about my responsibility in the matter, but I would completely understand. Moreover, in the end, I think he'd appreciate that. The point is that such a person would have good reason to feel justified in their decision, and would appreciate our understanding, and would prefer we be happy for them, and not blame them or be angry, or criticize.

I'm grateful that I don't have it so bad. My life is better than his life in virtually every way, yet, unlike me, he's profoundly happy. His great misfortune barely affects him at all. I can't fathom how that could be, nevertheless it's so. Everybody else who is browsing this thread must have some reason for being here. How many of you have it as bad as he does? How many of you have it as bad as any of these examples? How many of you are ridiculously happy despite your misfortune? Some people are immune, and some are vulnerable. When you're vulnerable, AND your life sucks, that's a recipe for suicide.

Some people stick around for those who remain in their life. If you quit living, you'll be letting people down. For somebody who's depressed, it feels like a burden pretending to be happy for those around you. Friends and family depend on you to keep smiling for them. So we keep people alive by laying a guilt-trip on them? Yeah, THAT's considerate. Talk about selfish.

I was just now thinking how strange it is that everything surrounding suicide becomes a blame game. Who's fault is it? Why, why, why? ...and I have to wonder why these questions and this blame doesn't come up BEFORE such an event takes place, and then when it does happen, why are we so strongly compelled to find somebody responsible, and why are we so reluctant to share the blame? It's easiest to blame the one person who isn't around to speak in their defense. A suicide note is an inadequate advocate, which I think is part of why they're so infrequently written.

It's fortunate that most people don't have it so bad as many of the examples I'm giving. For most people, there is hope. If you've dated dozens of people, and suffer one very bad breakup, at least you have those previous successes to bolster your hope. If you've had difficulty dating anyone, and your one big shot at success goes up in flames, you're going to feel devastated, and justly so.
 biggypsyred
Joined: 8/6/2004
Msg: 115
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What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:43:09 PM
First of all, I believe that a person who has verbalized an intention to kill themselves for any reason is crying out for help, for validation, for someone to say "I care" and, I think, also to say "please save me from myself", "give me a reason to live" because "I feel bad enough to do this." Truth is, as I scanned the responses to this message, I've realized just how many strangers, with the exception of some of the strange, who really do care about anyone who is in such pain. I would remind you that the world is full of good, caring, kind, compassionate people who have responded to you in the best way they know how. Some may have few words, others, well...practically an epistle. But whatever the words, they all say to you dear truelove68, that there is hope. When one has hope, one cannot commit suicide, because suicide indicates the real or imagined loss of hope. There is hope for love, true love, and for happiness, and for life to be lived in all its richness of experience.
I know someone intimately well who has contemplated suicide often. I know that during those times, what gets them through their day is asking themselves, "Is there really no hope left?" The answer is of course is there is hope. There is always hope. It is that hope that helps them take small step by small step, through their day, their week, their month, their year, even their decade if it takes them that long to learn what they need to learn...until they heal and begin to open up to new life, to a new dawn, to a new season. A broken heart is painful, but not unmendable. The loss of a loved one, whether parent, child, partner or friend, is so awful, I would not wish it on anyone...but it does not signal the loss of hope.
So, for whoever is contemplating suicide because of a loss, I would implore you to ask yourself, "Is there really no hope for me? Is everything in my life really hopeless?"
My suicidal friend has one more bit of advice...if hope cannot be found, just tell yourself, "Just get through the moment, and then the next until you've gottent through the day. And then, take each day and then the next, until you've gotten through a week..and so on." Along the way, do things that help you find hope. Learn about yourself enough that your relationships become more loving and fulfilling. Before you know it, instead of hating your life, you will love it."
I wish you well on your journey.
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