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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??      Home login  
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 truelove68
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 77
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What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??Page 4 of 63    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
When, I first posted this post I was so down I didn't think that I could ever be happy again. I really thought that my life wasn't worth living anymore and one night I was on my computer after someone gave me advice to start dateing but, I didn't think I could because I loved the one that I lost to much and I didn't feel that Anyone could take her place...Well one night I was trying to keep my mind occupied and was playing on the computer and I typed in dating services just to see what they looked like and I came across this one..I saved it in my favorites and didn't mess with it for awhile but,as the days went by I got curious if I ccould find anyone else..I didn't think so.I posted my profile as a joke and thought that it would just sit there and laughed it off.Well just 2 days later I had 7 women write me...Some were freaks and just wanted sex and some seemed really nice and was looking for love...I talked with a few of them and none of them captured my attention..I was just about to give up and forget it all and then I got a message from a woman and I told myself if I can't find what I am looking for in her then I was going to give up...I answered her back and she sent me some private photos of herself and something told me she was the one for me..We are still talking and I have fallen for her so much..And she has told me she hasn't had anyone to care for her like I have and she cares for me also..We have talked alot and we want to meet but, haven't yet...She has showed me more compassion inher words and she cares how I feel and we can talk about anything and niether one of us gets upset.. We seem to really click..And, I am happier then I have been in along time..And the pain that I wants thought would never go away has left.And to think that if I had of killed myself I wouldn't have met the love of my life...Thanks to all for all the good advice as well as the bad..atleast you took the time to answer a person in need....
 get_over_it
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 78
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/8/2006 3:55:23 AM
a coward's way out

stupid act by a desparate person not thinking straight

no human is worth dying for unless your saving your children to give them a chance at life.

other loved ones are worth it too, but my point was that children haven't had a fair chance to live yet.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 79
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/8/2006 11:15:18 PM
Hi, I do agree that there is a difference in the way that men show their feelings, and some men are more sensitive to things than we realize. I do believe that when men truly fall in love, that it is a serious endeavor.
Thank you for noticing. Men are reluctant to admit they have hearts. Of course, some have been broken so many times they don't work anymore, some may not have been born with one, and some may never open them up. ...but when they're functioning and in love, breaking one is a big deal. Moreover, it might be fair to say that women may not appreciate the difference between the male heart and their own. (I'll get back to that.*)

As I see how this thread develops, it's slowly becoming more apparent how profoundly men and women differ in respect to love - and not in the ways you would think. Simple suicide statistics indicate that men are roughly four times more likely to kill themselves. I think that's a pretty clear indicator that men don't cope with life's challenges as well as women do. Apparently, men are quite sensitive. Who knew? Not women apparently, judging by their predominantly dismissive posts. Many of the posts by men demonstrate a great deal of empathy, and while it would be unfair to paint all women in this light, their posts tend to be quite optimistic and don't demonstrate the same degree of understanding of this issue that men do. This seems consistent with the fact that men clearly are the larger percentage of people who suicide as a result of heartbreak. Women get over it. Men don't. ...at least, as a whole, not as quickly or easily.

I'm really not trying to pick on women, but it's interesting how women are the optimists, and less frequently empathize with the suicidal person. Men more often understand. ...and it's not as though women don't also suicide over heartbreak, but it seems pretty clear that we've generally been talking about men here. It's men who can't deal with it. I think that says a lot. Women clearly have better coping skills. (Or they're just cold-blooded, if you prefer.) When men fall in love, they fall hard. It would be grossly unfair to minimalize how a woman feels when she falls in love, but is it an unrealistic possibility that men actually take love more seriously - at least their own? I know that's contradictory to the traditional perspective, but am I wrong? Little girls are renowned for falling in and out of love. Boys are known to have the occasional crush, but girls crush on everything. It's men who most often become crazy stalkers. Maybe it's because when they [finally] commit to something, they take it seriously.

...or I could be completely wrong. (*Getting back to the difference.) If I'm at least half-right though, women take note: If you do win a man's heart, be careful with it. You may believe that all men are tough, but realize that once they fall in love, they're fragile, and possibly more fragile that you are!
"No one ever kills himself for the love of a woman, but because love - any love - reveals us in our nakedness, our misery, our vulnerability, our nothingness." --- Cesare Pavese
(Cesare Pavese committed suicide at 42 as a result of an unhappy personal life.)


And on another note:

"It'll get better." I keep hearing that. Can anyone offer me a guarantee? What happens if things don't get better - will you even be around to apologize? When is the deadline? When I'm a senior citizen? ...and what about all those years in between? Can I get those years added to the "better" part of my life? Can we pro-rate that or something? It's mostly the women who keep saying it'll get better, and for them, it probably will. Men vastly outnumber women on these dating sites because of their desperation and loneliness. Men turn to dating sites because things keep 'not getting better.' How many years of it 'not getting better' does it take to show that sometimes it doesn't get better?

Fact: Some people never find that special someone. That's an optimistic thought, isn't it? Gee, I'm really looking forward to living my entire life alone. Sounds like fun. Who wants to join me?

spinksjinx, I appreciate your validation.

tarheelman, while I'm not entirely in agreement with your position, I appreciate your diligent attention to these random post by people who obviously have not read though the previous post, let alone have taken the time to understand them. So many just want to put in their two cents without much consideration of the issue. I'd just assume delete those posts, as most are redundant anyway, which only illustrates further the lack of consideration - both of the issue and towards the people who have thoughtfully contributed.

"Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live." --- Charles Caleb Colton
 Trav88
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 80
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/8/2006 11:32:46 PM
Excellent post Steel, you hit it in the butt.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 81
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:05:45 AM
I agree with you MR.STEEL 100%
 truelove68
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 82
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What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:52:13 PM
Angyson:( If you would only learn from your own lesson.Your friend reached out to you for help and you wasn't there for him and now he is gone..A true friend wouldn't have took his pain so lightly and would have done anything he could have to turn him around.I have attempted suicide before and I am going to tell you right now..You don't think of God or where you are going..You can only see the pain you are feeling..It is easy for a person that hasn't experienced the same kind of problems to pass judgment but if you walked a mile in his shoes you may have felt different. Suicide is something that should never be taken lightly..You can save a person with a word or you can help kill them with a word.The power of life and death are in the tongue..And that quote came out of the greatest book ever written (THE HOLY BIBLE).
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 83
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/11/2006 8:30:36 AM
Tons of views and philosophy have been expressed on this thread. I hope the moderators will consider closing it after reviewing Msg. 242.

The issues brought up by the OP seem to run far deeper than any "help" that can be gained from this Forum. Enough is enough!

To anyone who has been affected by someone else's suicide: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Yes, people affect people. Yes, having close relationships is important, and losing them can bring about heartache (pain and sadness) over the loss. It's like grieving a death. Yet, we can only do so much for others. People have to also help themselves. It's about personal responsibility, choices, power, self esteem, manipulation, shame, ego, emotional pain, sadness, ESCAPE from dealing with reality and feelings, on and on and on.

We all have problems. It's how we deal with them that matters most.

To anyone contemplating suicide: Most people have entertained the idea, at some point in their lives, however fleetingly or seriously. Please get help from a better and more appropriate source (e.g., psychiatrist, therapist, physician, minister, God) than this Forum. (For God's Sake -- This IS a "dating" site, although some are here strictly for the Forums!)

Having said all that, even the best shrink on the planet cannot fix your problems. Even God gave us free will. Expecting someone else to fix your problems is giving away your own personal power. A skilled mental health professional can help support you in fixing them, yourself, though. What a triumphant feeling -- fixing your own problems, yea, maybe with a little help from a friend.

About Msg. 242: Seems to be about judging someone for being judgmental. (Ironic)

About the Bible reference in Msg. 242: The Bible also states, "Thou shalt not kill." Suicide is an act of killing one's own self. Suicide cases remain in the "Homicide Division" at police departments, even after having been ruled as such.

God, please bless us all.
 truelove68
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 84
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What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:04:44 PM
This message is to: ONEREALSWEETIE: If I offened you with what I said to Angyson then I apologize...I wasn't meaning that it was there fault over there friend and now that I see how I wrote it it does look that way..I publicly apologize to ONEREALSWEETIE and Angyson....Noboby is responsible for someone else taken there own lifes because the ultimate decision is up to the individual.....What point I was trying to make but did a very poor job of doing was: You can help a person realize what all they do have to live for with some simple caring words or you can push them deeper into depression with some noncaring words...Even phyciatry helps people by talking with them....Some people just feels like they have lost everything and is searching for that one person they can call a friend to help them.. I don't think for the most part that anyone wants to kill themselves down deep in their hearts..They only want a quick fix to a severe pain they are having...It is alot like a drug addict..Alot of them don't want to do it anymore but they don't want to feel the withdrawls that comes with quitting so they return to the drug for a quick fix...Again I publicly apologize for my ill spoken words........
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 85
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/11/2006 8:52:48 PM
Although it was not necessary, apology is accepted and appreciated. My sincere hope for the OP is that support, strength, help be received in a healthier, more effective way than by "putting yourself out there" on the internet. A skilled mental health professional is better equipped to give personal, more specialized, one-on-one attention to anyone with suicidal ideation, regardless of the "reason(s)." I am concerned about the OP making himself more vulnerable by what all gets posted here, although most of the posts seem to be genuinely supportive and caring. However, this is the Net, and some of what gets posted may seem harsh, although it really might be well-intentioned. There's a saying, "Opinions are like noses. We all have one, and they've got holes in them." I don't know if this will help you or not, but the Serenity Prayer goes, "God, please help me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen." Peace be with you.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 86
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/11/2006 9:35:58 PM
And again suicide is not a mental condition..It is from being hurt all your life..OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!Where some people cannot take it no more..IT IS not a chemical inballance,Not a mental condition..It is called society!!!PERIOD!!!!Going to a wacko doctor and getting wacko pills is not the answer either..As far as these people on this thread say it is a selfish act.....Well i hope you do not think that everybody is loved in this sick world...If you think that then you need to get out of your cave....There is a lot of people that has given love hand over fist....BUT 00000000, ZIP, ZERO in return...Nothing but heart ache...I do believe there is at least 50% of the people that commit sucide never had love in their lives(NOTICE I DID NOT SAY ALL)..But society will tell them it is their fault...Which is not..Then i see men that gave all they got in romantic love just to get screw around..Then again society blames them..Which is not their fault...So the bottom line i can uderstand why people do it.....Because in my life experiences most people(LIKE 90%)could careless..They only care about their ownselves..
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 88
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/12/2006 9:48:45 AM
I totally disagree sucide is a illness or depression...I have been around and seen people that are perfectly normal in life..Then they branch out and get married...Then their mate hurt them so bad that they cannot handle it in their brain...Then they commited sucide..No i do not call that depression or a mental condition..I put the blame on the mate...
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 89
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/14/2006 5:39:25 PM
it funny though, people are trying to fight for their life with cancer etc while people want to take their life for selfish reasons.
People fight for their life against horrible ailments because they can be overcome. They can win. If the doctor told the patient there was no chance of survival, they wouldn't fight. Sometimes depression can be overcome. Sometimes depression is terminal. I'd rather have a slim chance of survival against cancer than no chance of beating depression. Some people will live with depression their entire life, and bearing more relevance to the original topic of this thread, some people will be alone their entire life. I'd rather have cancer.

katarinatwit, I notice your closing statement focused on your problems, not your son's nor his father's. Only you. Was his life worth living? What for? You didn't and still don't think much of him. Why would he think much of himself? Was he happy? It may get better for you, but it may not get better for him. He must have really been hurting. I agree that by bringing a child into this world he had assumed an obligation to be a father, but I'm sure he didn't expect to lose you at the time. It wasn't his choice to be alone. Notwithstanding his obligation and the unfortunate turn of events, do you feel that he should suffer? Would you want to know your own father if you knew he was suffering? Would you actually want him to be miserable just because you wanted him around? Is that not selfish? Think about that for a while.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 90
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 1/19/2006 12:14:10 AM

...you should check out your sources first.
My source was you. I'm not blaming you, but he was obviously very depressed. You broke his heart, and he killed himself. Did I get that part wrong? Who knows why he felt bad enough to end his life? Maybe his love was something special - something greater than any of us can understand, or maybe he was just emotionally unstable. You make it sound like I'm accusing you of something. You call him selfish, and that would indicate that you're upset with him and angry at what he did. Why do you feel he was selfish? Isn't it possible that maybe his pain was worse than yours? I'm sure he thought about you and his son, but his pain must have been pretty bad. It was bad enough that he killed himself. Apparently your pain isn't that bad. Since you claim not to have any problems, maybe depression is something you know nothing about.
 kimikals01
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 91
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What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/19/2006 8:07:44 AM
to those even thinking they have it bad enough to even think abot suicide, please thinkof all that you r leaving behind....D-Ray...i miss u badly and we r so broken hearted..i hope u leaving us was'nt a waste, but can help others some how...i'am not sure just how, but there is a reason why things happen the way they do.....i know the effect it's had on us all...and i'am trying to be strong...i miss u tho..love your sis
 veni vedi vici
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 92
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:04:52 PM
committing suicide over a broken heart?what are you retarded?just meet someone new!!give yourself time and then things will fall into place.
 lips1002
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 94
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/20/2006 3:11:48 PM
time will help ease the pain.suicide is a very selfish act.think of your family and friends and how they would feel.i broke up with a girl a year and a half ago and have been depressed on and off the whole time.i feel like i'll never find anyone who could hold a candle to her.but i wouldn't commit suicide over it.it's just too drastic.you'll get over it,i hope,just hang in there,you'll see.
 Lethguy26
Joined: 10/7/2005
Msg: 95
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/24/2006 5:03:29 PM
i think very liitle of people who commit suicide over a broken heart
 lpatkbd
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 96
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:07:19 PM
Suicide should never be an option. Everyone has had a broken heart over something or someone at one point or another, broken hearts do mend. Having someone you love commit suicide creates a hole that will forever hurt. It is a kind of pain that I don't know how to explain and would never wish on my worst enemy. Quiet a few people have made good points, I hope you listen and take from us what works for you. I want you to think about what it would do to those people you would leave behind, parents, siblings, friends and most of all the children. The person in my life who commited suicide taught me that there is always someone worse off then you are and that you are never given more then you can handle. I wish she would of listened to her own words and not put me and my other loved ones through this. I'll leave with this, the hole that is left with those that care about you will never mend, do you really want to do that to them.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 97
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:38:01 PM
Why is it that people are so quick to profess that broken hearts heal, yet the effect of a suicide on other people is permanent? What exactly is the effect of a suicide for those left behind? Think about it. The most significant result is that their hearts are broken, yes? ...but somehow these hearts don't heal?

Some people never get married. No, really - it happens. Some people never even have a romantic relationship. Yeah, that happens too*. Some people never love (or are loved) again. For those people, love is gone forever. For those people, love is dead. That kind of heartbreak is just as final as suicide. That kind of heartbreak lasts forever.

Most of you will probably love (and be loved) again, but not everyone will. Some people really are that hopeless. It's pretty insensitive to tell them to suck it up and deal with it. If you were terminally lonely, would you want romantically successful people telling you that your only alternative to loneliness is the cowards way out?



*
I've known several people who've never had a serious romantic relationship with anyone. One died at 67, all alone. Two more are in their 50's, and will end up the same way. Another is 28, and most likely will always be alone. All four examples are lonely and two are extremely unhappy as a result. I can only speculate upon the happiness of the other two, but I've little doubt their loneliness affects them more than they let on. I would never question the depth of pain they feel from their loneliness. I can think of no worse pain.
 lpatkbd
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 98
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/24/2006 9:29:25 PM
Obviously steel you are not the survivor of one that has commited suicide. You it seems to be and am glad to say have no idea what it feels like to be left behind by someone who chooses this way out. I cannot begin to explain the pain that it causes. I do agree with you that some people never get married, so what. You do not have to be married to have a happy and fulfilling life. I personally have never been married at almost 42, would love to be. I will not however let what I would like decide that I am not worthy enough to be on this planet and make a difference. You make the comment that, more or less, that people should give upon love, I totally disagree. No one is ever too old to find love, have an open heart and mind and it can find you. I think you are still looking and I hope that one day it will bite you in the ass and find you.
 steelwaters
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 99
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 2/25/2006 12:59:12 AM
Excellent post mikeylikesit121. Suicide does indeed often have a substantial impact. It's terribly foolish when young, (and even more so under the influence of alcohol, which is quite common with suicides.) Saul, I think, was rash in light of what I presume would be a young age. Since he was a father, that's evidence that he's not a total failure with the opposite sex. It would be a wonderful world if everyone had such a prospectively bright future.

Obviously lpatkbd, you have not spent your entire life alone. While I have not been terribly close to someone who suicided, I have personally known people who have. In each case I was far more drawn to empathize with them than to criticize. I could understand why their life had lost its appeal. In some ways I'm jealous of their courage and fortitude of conviction to make such a choice. It was clear to me they had little to look forward to, and the probability of an improvement in their situation was small. I know that sounds terrible, but that's my objective analysis and it's consistent with their own. These were older people, not naive and rash youths. To the best of my knowledge, broken hearts and loneliness were significant factors. Obviously they hurt pretty badly. I can only empathize when them. If I could sympathize, I wouldn't be here today. Some people can deal with being alone. Tragically, some cannot.

I am still looking [for love], and I also hope one day it will find me. Searching for love and not finding it is horribly discouraging because every day is a reminder that, apparently, nobody wants you - you're not desirable - you're inferior compared to the romantically successful people around you. Getting dumped is the ultimate insult of course, because someone is basically declaring that their initial investment was not only a waste, but that they're willing to throw you out to cut their losses. Ouch! It's far easier to just not care, but who in their right mind is able to adopt such a cavalier attitude? (And who would want someone who would?) Being involuntarily single for any length of time is a savage attack on your sense of self-worth. In addition to being lonely, you also have that attack to deal with too. Being dumped; having your heart broken is even worse. I can't explain why some people cope so well with being alone, but many people don't.

I would not outright suggest that everyone give up on love, but it's not realistic that everyone will find it. Not being loved is unfortunate. Knowing what it feels like to be loved, but living without is horrible. Living that way for a lifetime is a tragedy. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I know people like that. For those that can't cope, the part of them that matters has already died.
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