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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When the girl wants to be "JUST FRIENDS"      Home login  
 Goodhearted Man
Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 326
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDSPage 14 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Hey guy I can honestly say I know how you feel, it's happened to me a few of times, I just pick myself up and keep lookin cause somewhere there is someone for everyone, don't ever think yourself an idiot for that,
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 327
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/2/2006 10:22:55 PM

I wholeheartedly agree with bubblypersonality007. After reading many of the postings, I realize we are in the minority, but it's cool. I just want to support the idea that not all women who say that they want to be friends interprets as "You're unattractive, unappealing, not cool, not good enough, etc." I have a good example for you...

I met a man on this site and we spoke on the phone a few times. We had great, stimulating conversation and much in common so we planned to meet. I made it pretty clear to him that I was not looking to "hook up" or become involved in a relationship at the moment, but wanted a male friend who I could hang out with...I like to be in the company of a man sometimes rather than a woman...they offer a different perspective on things and I just totally enjoy being around them! Anyway, he seemed to understand so we met soon after. I'll be honest...this guy showed me about the best time I've ever had! We went to an Arts Festival, he introduced me to Reggae, we danced, I met his brother and his girlfriend and some of his coworkers. I felt so comfortable with him and he appeared to really enjoy my company also. And here's the kicker...I found him absolutely attractive, worthwhile and felt intense chemistry. I truly did not want the night to end.

We did have a long conversation before the night ended, though, in which we discussed relationships and where we've been and where we'd like to be with them. We've all been hurt at some point and I've been subjected to my share of jerks. I try not to carry that baggage into the next relationship so sometimes I just need a break and choose not to date on a serious level. I need that time to not only heal the hurt, but also to reflect and reevaluate what I want from a relationship.

I've made mistakes in the past and this time, especially since I figured I found someone who I was really interested in, I wanted to take things slowly. Unfortunately, I believe he took the whole "friends" thing as a slight. I told him that I would really love to go out with him again and I thought my body language spoke volumes. I mean, when you're with a "friend" at the end of the night, there's no need to embrace as long as we did, whisper in each other's ear that we didn't want to let go, or even give a quick kiss. Friends don't do that. Even after that, he must've felt slighted because I heard from him probably three times after that, none of which were positive or promising. He missed out on what might have been a beautiful friendship, if not a meaningful relationship.

I'm telling you this, guys, because whether you believe it or not...not all women are out to hurt you, take advantage, spend your money, waste your time, etc. Some of us truly just need to take things slowly...which is probably wise anyway...this way each person has a chance to really get to know the other person without the added pressure of labels or expectations. Wouldn't you rather find out that a woman is a gold-digger BEFORE you've had a chance to fall in love with her? Wouldn't you rather find out she's promiscuious BEFORE you sleep with her? The only way to know this is to wait it out. This is exactly why I do it...I figure if a man is strong enough to be my friend and take the time to discover who I am as a person first, then he's the one who will win my heart.

PS A REAL woman would never ask you for money, accept money or gifts from you, have no respect for your time or feelings, and would never lead you to believe something's there when it isn't. Run, don't walk, away from this woman. She's not planning to be your love, nor would you want her to be your friend. Friendship is a precious gift and should be treated as such.
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 328
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:24:36 AM
"A REAL woman...", where? show me one.
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 329
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:56:40 PM
..........just open your eyes and look around and you might just find one. i'm real, and i'm for real too.
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 330
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:09:44 PM
Psssst....over here.....another "REAL woman...!!!"
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 331
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/3/2006 5:56:58 PM
Hello Everyone,
Friendship is a gift that two people share,thats how I see it.
As you spend time together it slowly grows or dies.
Thats what happen to me. it died before i even had a chance
to know this person.
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 332
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/5/2006 12:12:17 PM
Oh man, I feel bad for you girls like her mess it up for other nice girls.....uhm if I had a man that really went out of his way for me I would be so super happy and know that he really is into me that I would do the same,, give more then 100% to the relation even if its online or a phone call everyday.

I have had my heart ripped out alot of times that at this point I am numb, I now cant tell if I like or love or if a guy likes me , loves me, or even uses me. That sucks doh I hope you find the right gal that appreciates you alot for who and what you are.

Good Luck!!
 unknown biker
Joined: 3/13/2004
Msg: 333
view profile
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:46:03 PM
I want that one and that other one wants me. The world goes around. Getting hurt is inevitable. Skinning your knee is inevitable. So I should never get on a bike again? Maybe the bike was too big, too small, too many gadgets. Whatever, that bike wasn't the right bike for me. What good does it do to belly ache. Wouldn't do that scratch anygood to cry over it either. Fix the damned thing and move on to another bike. It is never about the situation, but, it is always about the way we handle the situation. Take the hints quickly. Chemistry is almost always fast. It hits you like a brick. Women are used to being friends with men. They are used to men chasing them. It's been happening since they hit puberty. Be hurt man, go ahead, but do it behind closed doors. The less it's talked about the faster it will go away. You will also feel better about not portraying yourself as a weak man in a man's world when you finally can stand up straight again. Geez
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 334
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/10/2006 3:47:11 PM
hey spidey great advice going through somthing the same as cussak so think i,m gonna try and do what u say no matter how hard it is . it is just that i get from this girl that she wants to be with me just not right now as she doesn,t want to date or go out with anyone even though she does go and hang out with other guys as well as myselfso as u can see it,s hard but will try ur advice and keep you all posted as to what happens as for anybody else,s advice thank you and feed back would be appreaciated/.
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 335
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:05:02 PM
Love does suck, life's not fair. But at least it's fairer than death ;P

I would honestly just not talk to her anymore. If she wants to know why, tell her your not getting what you wanted from the relationship, where she's getting everything she wanted.

one way roads are always one way roads. No sense hurting yourself trying so hard for so long for something she doesn't feel or even know is there in front her !

hope that helps..
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 336
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/19/2006 12:12:35 PM
Trust me I've been there too. I was engaged to someone a few yrs. back and after he left for the military, he just turned into a different person. Like one minute he wants to be with me and the next week he tells me to find someone else. This has been happening for almost two yrs. now. I think that guy also has some big issues because he would act all nice and sweet to me and then the next few days later he would be all mean and would yell at me and bring up things that were already in the past.

Now it is finally over with us because I cannot and getting old to play these childish mind games. He even asked if he could marry me again and then just wants to be friends. Forget it.
 goblueand maize
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 337
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:25:25 PM
hello my dear pof friend,i feel for you,love does hurt!
and i cant beleive she slept with you while she is in love with another man, when i read that i was like WOW,sounds like she may be confused,or just playing you,im so sorry.
please know that not all woman are like her, ok
 goblueand maize
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 338
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:20:07 PM
what?!! what do you mean our friend needs are different then mens??
 goblueand maize
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 339
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/19/2006 10:01:05 PM
your wrong, good guys do get the girls,your looking in the wrong place my friend,keep searching seize the day
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 340
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/20/2006 7:37:49 AM
I get the Lets just be friends line alot. I have come to relize I am too nice but ya can't change who you are.
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 341
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/20/2006 7:41:37 AM
if you can't be my friend from the start .. you will never be my lover in the end
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 342
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/20/2006 7:49:19 AM

I totally agree with that. The best relationships come from being friends first. As friends you get to know eachother so much better. I have no problems with this. Actually it is what I do and expect. I do not rush into anything no matter how well it seems to be going. I was talking about the ones who say that and never talk to you again. They use that line as a cop out and do not have the guts to tell you the truth. I would prefer to be told we do not click and I have no interest in you. But more times than not they use the "lets just be friends" line as a cop out.
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 343
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/22/2006 3:16:20 PM
total garbage. 100%. don't believe anything david deangelo tells you. its crap. this man is not a wuss. the girl was a ****. the kind of girls who need to be "challenged" and approached like a freaking science project with all this**** and funny mumbo-jumbo are overly judgemental of themselves and others. and selfish to the hilt. mother nature knows best. always, always follow your heart. for women like this, freindship is a one way street. they take and take and take. she only befreinds a man to support her already inflated ego by putting yet another fan on her list of girl and boy freinds. and when a straight and eligible man comes along who won't join the circle, she has sex with him to get him to join. otherwise she would feel insecure about her self-worth knowing there's a man she likes out there who doesn't like her. women like this use other people to rate their self-worth, and sheild themselves emotionally by surrounding themselves with worship. they are horrible people and not worth the time of any man.
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 344
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/22/2006 3:53:20 PM
I know I am a woman and all ,but yes you are being an idiot, try not talking to her at all. move on
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 345
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/22/2006 4:10:20 PM
Yes move on. I have done it and it does hurt but ya know what. You will get over it and you will eventually find what you are seeking. It just takes time and alot of trail and error.
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 346
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/22/2006 4:41:06 PM
I've never had a friend that grew to become a lover.... Either there is sexual attraction or their isn't for me. I've had lovers that became my friends, but that is somehow different...
Joined: 10/20/2006
Msg: 347
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/30/2006 3:30:40 AM
Take responsibility for putting yourself in that position. I was abused by my ex for most of our marriage....until I took responsibility for my actions, that is, ALLOWING him to do this to me, I could not come to terms with the situation....once I took that responsibility...I can now look at him...not hate him, but actually feel sorry for the poor SOB. I now live with that pity...for him...and all the bad things he ever did to me evaporated. Now this is some tough love talk...upon taking responsibility for YOUR allowing this to happen to you, all her power she had over you...the what if's ...will make you all the more stronger...and she becomes weaker and has no earthly idea how the tables got turned...we don't talk about these things...but I hear him whine, moan and groan...and the pity also evaporated...his strength...power..he thought he had over taken away from him...just as if I had ripped out his heart and handed it to him on a platter. He now knows...I feel NADA for him...I took his power away...I still don't hate what he did to me...I ended up forgiving he feels the guilt...and it is slowly killing him and he is totally CLUELESS as to how this happened. Yet I didn't lift a finger to hurt him, and this leaves me guiltfree....I sleep well at night knowing he is suffering. But I cannot lift a finger to help him..payback's a real B*tch...what goes around comes around 10 fold.

But you must take that first terrible step....accept your responsibility in this fiasco. The rest is hers to either accept or not....and I'd stake my life on it that she won't know what hit her. And don't help her..because she'll come running to's the only way to make her accept her end of the deal. You cannot advise her as to how you did it...she will never can't help the stupidity in this world...or the selfish...ignorance is another, she's getting's a hard lesson to's even harder for you to have to sit there and watch her struggle with she knows not what. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. this isn't your's hers.....she will come to know she screwed up terribly...perhaps...on the other hand, she may never come to terms with what she did...and will suffer the rest of her life. Not your prob...leave her be....and she will be watching you, wondering how the hell did you "abandon" her and prosper/learn from it. That is the ultimate irony. You will not be held responsible for her actions the second you start taking your responsibilities to heart. Ironic...the powers that be have a VERY sick sense of humor....she will bear the entire weight. while you get on with your life. And even if you wanted to, you couldn't help is what it is...payback...big time. Don't forget to learn from this. You are being taught a lesson. Do not repeat the mistake.
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 348
view profile
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:10:49 AM
Geez Mate , we didn't need your life story,
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 349
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:01:01 AM
Dont let them smell your fear!

Be nice, but not in a girly way.

Stand up for yourself, if you have a way of doing things, do them!

Dont switch your values, if you believe in something, stick to it.

Compromise...there are a few things you can bend where to eat or whatever.

Be a man, for christ sake you dont have to like candel light dinners to be a man!...its good every once in a while...on a special occasion.

When it starts to feel like you are being probly what you have to do to fix the problem, or get out...simple.

You can love someone all you want, and most of the time they will accept it, because hey....who doesnt like attention?...but when they dont return it....its a no brainer!
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 350
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 11/2/2006 12:13:36 AM
Wow, awesome post everybody!! I can't believe I almost finished read all of them, you know why, cause I'm in this mess right this MOMENT!

I'm 29, she is 26, met her back in Feb 06, went out to lunch first, then some nights and she came over to my place, no, we did not sleep together, why? first, she wants to be "JUST FRIENDS" and worst of all, she is my CO-WORKER!!

She even told me, she likes "a challenge", so what did I do, I try to be THAT challenge that she wanted, did I ever succeed, hell no, else I won't be here ...

Here's the worst part, I can't get away from her, cause we work together. Try to put on my head phones so that I don't hear her voice and not IM her. But I still see her and worst when she comes over to my aisle and talk to some other guy instead of me. I thought since she knows me so much better, she should at least say "hi" or something ... she acts sometimes like she does not even know me and yet sometimes she says, Oh, let's do this, let's do that.
I fell for it, plan for a great night and she would say, oh, I really really like to but I think I'm gonna hang out with my girl friends tonight, **** that!!

So, yes, I know I'm in a mess right now and I want to fix it, but here are couple of challenges.

1. We work together, she sits on the next ailse.
2. Its hard to meet women outthere. Eversince I left college, I felt where can I meet women other than work place. Tried bars, clubs, churches, classes, ....

What can I do?
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