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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When the girl wants to be "JUST FRIENDS"      Home login  
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 sqVirgo
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 401
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDSPage 17 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Yeah I've read this thread a bit and all I can say is on my "quest for love" I have made two of the best female friends I have ever had the honor of connecting with; No BTW they aren't on this site so I'm not lip-syncing for brownie points. One of these women I stated and attraction to some time ago and they accepted it and stated basically while there was an attraction I was not the right guy for them. I accepted it and now I'm glad because I talk to this gal almost every day and we are the best of friends. The other girl I just spent today thinking I would completely HUMILIATE myself with and destroy an otherwise perfect friendship but her value for our friendship overrode any distaste in my attraction apparently and we ended up having a good laugh over a 2 hour conversation today.

I've actually found two kindred spirits who don't happen to mind the fact that I would baal either one of them if given the opportunity and it makes for some pretty hilarious comedy between the three of us; So good friendships can stem from love I guess under the right circumstances.

As for the original poster to this thread yeah man I think you were being used big time. Maybe you didn't do it for her in the sac or whatever but remember the women often like masculinity even if they say otherwise. I've attracted more attention to myself in the dating scene posing as the arrogant fully-confident happy go lucky guy looking for love then I ever did trying to play Mr. nice guy and bending over backwards for people etc. etc. The women I've come across like confidence. Maybe the poster seemed flakey and her being a mega-b just played you for a fool.
 Zain.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 402
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/3/2007 12:40:51 PM
Captain, It depends on the person, Say I really liked a girl, and she had already found someone else she was dating then I can't really hold that against her. I didn't make a move. There is nothing I can do about that. but If I wanted to start dating her and she blew me off with the "let's just be friends" line She's pretty much saying I'm not good enough for her. Could you stay friends with someone after they just told you that? If yes, well then... it's your funeral. most guys wouldn't Then if it was someone I'd been friends with frends with for a long time. I probably wouldnt want to take it further because there is the possibility of it not working out. and the friendship being ruined. Or there could just be awkwardness "you're more like a brother to me" being told that is definetly better then being told you're not good enough for her.
 Jordannne
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 403
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/3/2007 8:36:21 PM
I dunno about that really... I don't think telling a person that you just wanna be friends means that you aren't good enough for them, it just means that they're not feeling the right vibe for intimacy with you. That's just a part of life - doesn't mean you can't be friends with a person... However, if I like a person more then a friend; but I can't have them, I tend to not really bother with them... simply because it hurts too much to be close to a person you yearn more from - better to move on and possibly be their friend in the future when feelings have settled down.
 Zain.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 404
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/3/2007 9:41:12 PM
It would depend on WHY they wanted to be just friends with me. If it was because they didnt find me attractive or I didnt have enough money, wasnt this or wasnt that then I would cut them off without a second thought. I'm not going to waste my time with shallow people.
I'm also not going to be friends with them just because she's "nice" She'd have to be a VERY good friend in order for me not to cut her off. Look at my pics I have enough female friends I really don't need anymore. Unless it's someone I go back a long way with, If she isn't interested in me romantically I'm not going to waste my time.
That's just me.
 The Captain
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 405
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:22:20 PM
Like you said, it depends on the person. I've gotten the "let's just be friends" line many times in the past, and many of them I've said "buh-bye" for exactly the reasons you stated. Women will bring that line out and it basically means "I would never date you but I can hang out with you sometimes" and I don't need that. But, for example, way back in my grade school days I had an awesome female friend, but we never dated or anything. We were friends for a long time, and I did broach the idea of being more than friends but it never happened, and that was that. I didn't get all bitter and hate her for eternity. We just kept it at the friend level. For the most part, if it's a fairly new person and I get the "let's just be friends" line, I usually say "see ya." There's one exception in my recent memory, but it's not my normal way of operating. For me it depends on the girl.
 Mayse
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 406
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History
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/12/2007 12:57:29 PM
Am I the only guy on here who this has never happened to and knows how to get around it? I tell you what if I ever feel down in the dumps I just come to this forum and I feel all better. Haha just messin around guys.
 Ralph1972
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 407
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/16/2007 12:07:11 AM
If you stay friends with a girl you still have feelings for, how are you gonna react when she tells you that she's dating someone new???
That is the answer to everyone's question of whether they can still be friends.
 CountryByHeart
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 408
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/16/2007 12:51:35 AM
Well I dont like the-" I cant wait until he ripps her heart out etc
Revenge.
What is it you think she has done wrong?
Shes been honest with you hasnt she?
You have helped her and been a friend to her> ; Thats nice'
Dont spoil what you have between you.
Good friends are hard to find.
If you cant cop it then move on.
Who knows .
Has it ever occured to you if you step back NICLEY she will run to you when shes recovered from a broken heart.

if you put preshure on her now you certainly wont ever stand a chance in the future.
Another thing.
You dont seem to be worried for her only angry with her.
Thats not love- or even friendship

I think she probably deserves better all round personally.

Remember- If you love something set it free - If it comes back good
If it doesnt it never was.
I think you need to search your heart and be honest with yourself
She hasnt hassled you to do thinfgs for her has she?
You have been tri[ping over yourself trying to win her heart
Your angry now becuae you cant get what you want. She ows you nothing.
Back off and maybe you might end up with the girl
Just not right now ok
Goodluck and I am sorry your sad.but better days ahead- I promise ok?
 WISHFULL99
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 409
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:06:18 AM
I FEEL being friends is great way to start a relationship but it is a first step to what we all want¸¸¸¸¸a partner to share your life with. Once you get past the first step and you mutually agree that you are good friends, one should attempt to take it to the next step. If you both realise that it`s not going to happen then you have to respect the decision and see if you are going to be happy and respect yourself remaining friends. Personally I find it very difficult to remain friends with someone I desired and has parted from my life.It has happened to me and my answer was...¨(AM I GOING TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO HOW YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND MADE LOVE TO YOU)--NO THANK-YOU ....Move-on....there is someone out there for everyone if you look hard enough..REMEMBER....CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS discovered AMERICA because he believed it was out there``( the fact that he was looking for India is totally irrelevant) You keep on looking you will find her..GOOD_LUCK
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 410
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:23:38 PM
That be my "Modus Operandi". Get to know them as well as they like as slowly as they like and eventually decide if you're gonna be just friends for now but leave the door open for more or not. You meet some women and will always just now them. Don't mean you can't hang-out and have fun and/or be there for them in whatever way necessary. That goes for "Friends" too. You just never know,one day they might just say gee... Be very,very cartful about the wanting and/or needing to be around "friends" all the time though. It sends the wrong message. Be even more careful about sending the wrong signals to "Friends" too.
 leotiger6
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 411
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/12/2007 11:55:38 PM
Im in the same boat there cusack. I've known this girl for 12 years and i guess about 5 years ago started likening her cause i broke up with my ex after 4 years..then until about 2 years ago i finally decided to tell her... and totally shut the door on my face. Never married. No kids. Was a virgin until she told me she had sex with a guy that she was dateing...but got scared and broke up with the guy. Shes 24 and lives at home. Still! Only its been 2 years since i've spoke to her. It sucks dude. Wish i knew what to do cause... i still love her! Last year when i came home i left a candy cane on her car. Which its my calling card. But, thats the only time shed tried to call me. But, i didn't pick up. Its just hard though to see something to beautiful just walk away when you were so close. she slight passes she would act as if it was an accident. The little kisses on the for-head when i brought her something. The...closeness at the movies... the look she gave my hand that was next to her on my knee. The deep stare in our eyes.. Were these signs? Least you know what it felt like to Be with her when you first met. I hardly got to hug her cause i was afraid to tell her how i felt. Now, when i go home this year. I figured i'll wait by her car one night when she gets off of work...and just not old back. She knows now... why not just plant one good passionate kiss.. then walk away. Only thing left to do really.. just surprise her ..then leave. That way I had the last say… who knows. I just want her to know exactly how I fell…and I figured doing that with the most passionate kiss I can offer her. Then let her decide. Peace Bro!
 doubleohseven
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 412
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/13/2007 1:36:27 AM
Hello Cusack
I met a woman many years ago that acted similarly to what you describe, when we met she flirted a lot with me and seemed to be very interested in me, there were other guys that were trying to flirt with her also but she seemed to like me best.
I also was very attracted to her and we went out a couple fo times and also spent some time at her place talking and messing around, the next day she decided that we should be just friends.
I fugured she was playing hard to get, so cooled off a little, things didn´t get any better.
She liked my company and flirted a lot with me but when I got closer to her she would back off, when I backed off she would get closer.
I decided that if she was not interested in me, she had a neighbor that was also attractive and flirty, I told her about it and she tried to hide here jealousy but didn´t do anything to keep me, so I went ahead and went out with her neighbor for about 5 years, anyway I broke up with her neighbor and she of course is alone and acts like she has someone, my only guess is that she is just a teaser like your friend , so my advice to you is to go out with someone else and let her know what she will be missing, find a woman or even a friend to go out with you and introduce her to your friend.
At least you will know if there ever was a chance with her or not.
Save her for a rainy day, you never know what the future might have, but don´t get your hopes up.

Gregory 007
 dancecard
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 413
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:26:18 AM
Cusack ~ Please don't be a sap ~ You got some nice memories ~ you'll have many more before your race is ran. ~

The women let go a little tail ~ and your infected with the dumb ass ~ might be why she just wants to be friend ~ she is definely a player ~ she's not looking for what you are looking for ( at this time). ~ I don't see how you can fault her.

Be thankful , be a friend and move on. If you are a good enough friend she might let you back in ~ maybe ~ but you gotta chill ~ Bill,

Move on

Dar
 hellofagal
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 414
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/20/2007 4:12:24 PM
sounds to me like this lady doesn't want any long term commitments or anything serious,and that's ok....there are a lot of men on here who feel exactly the same way...and nobody complains about them....if you think about it,we all use people who are in our life,whether it be friends/lovers/husbands....when we feel that we are being used we get disappointed and frustrated,but we all use people for something...otherwise they would serve no purpose in our life....but,being used is supposed to be good for us,makes us feel good about ourselves...maybe we shouldn't use the word,rather change it to "help" in some way and there are lots of them...we all provide our services,whatever they are....if you are doing things for her just to get into her pants,she will know it,so I suggest that you start looking at it in a different way....love grows this way....for yourself and for others...maybe you are an idiot in your eyes and looking for people to tell you that....first of all,it is none of their business because they don't know you or the situation and really shouldn't/can/t,tell you what you should be feeling....I have found that if you really care for someone,they may not know it really,because there are only so many ways that people can act towards each other,so it takes time for the other person to really trust your feelings...a friend is much better than a lover....I think that to be called a friend,is very special....friends last,lovers don't...unless they are friends too....be true to yourself...so many people aren't and they lose out...
 blueeyesinmo
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 415
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/20/2007 7:45:14 PM
Sorry pal, but a bucket of cold water is probably the best treatment for you.. so here it is...


[and she said that she didn't feel the same way but really liked me as a friend very much]

Ok, there's the baseline. She was honest with you. Many aren't.

[So I've spent all this time still in love with her ]

Ok, you made that decision, she didn't. Sounds like you didn't believe her. Or were in denial.

[So yes....I definately know what it is like to love someone and have your heart ripped out and handed back to you.]

Ok, this is so typical of us guys. And why women think we're predators, idiots or just plain ignorant.

So you really want to believe that she is doing something TO you? Come on now...


[but she would end up making me change my mind. ]

I don't mean to be sarcastic here, but ... I wonder how much of that you were doing to yourself as well...

[Love sucks...... ]

Love? I saw no evidence of love.. maybe a few other things, but love? I have to wonder...
 my1poeticmind
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 416
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/14/2008 6:26:17 PM
My main problem is how do I stop loving her and be just the friend she wants without her using me? Is that even possible? We get along great and she has such a wonderful personality unlike anyone I have ever met and part of me wants to be her friend and the other part of me hates her for how she has just used me all this time. It's a no win situation.

In answer to this I would ask you why do you even want to be friends with her? If that is how she trets her friends then I would not want to be her enemy. Son, you need to cut off all communication with her. You need to not allow her to manipulate you in any way. She can not be friends with you because she sees you as a meal ticket or a "sugar daddy" of sorts. You need to have more self respect and move on. If you remain "friends" with her, you are the only one to blame when she really hurts you or abuses your feelings. Be a man and walk away. No more communication at all. That is the very best thing that you can do right now.
 my1poeticmind
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 417
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/14/2008 6:27:05 PM
My main problem is how do I stop loving her and be just the friend she wants without her using me? Is that even possible? We get along great and she has such a wonderful personality unlike anyone I have ever met and part of me wants to be her friend and the other part of me hates her for how she has just used me all this time. It's a no win situation.

In answer to this I would ask you why do you even want to be friends with her? If that is how she treats her friends then I would not want to be her enemy. Son, you need to cut off all communication with her. You need to not allow her to manipulate you in any way. She can not be friends with you because she sees you as a meal ticket or a "sugar daddy" of sorts. You need to have more self respect and move on. If you remain "friends" with her, you are the only one to blame when she really hurts you or abuses your feelings. Be a man and walk away. No more communication at all. That is the very best thing that you can do right now.
 l bo
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 418
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:42:52 PM
My first post here, joined just to read and respond to this thread. I agree what the majority of people have said; if one half of the couple is interested in something the other half isn't then the incompatability will drive one nuts. I have 1 female friend, no sexual interest in her whatsoever. We hang out, get along, share some hobbies and have a good time. That's it, I like it like that.

I am responding though to ask a few questions about someone I recently met. Typically, when someone says "just friends" and I want something else I walk away to avoid any hardships that WILL arise. However this girl I met hit me, Cupid left his bow and arrow home and took me out like Rambo. Haven't felt like that about someone on first contact in well maybe ever. Very powerful draw.... I am 37 years old BTW and have met many females. Now what makes this girl different, and why I am ignoring the "Just Friends" line is because she is European.... from Belarus specifically. She has lived here for 6 years now. She works about 60 hours a week, goes to school too and has one day off a week. This day off she normally does school work.

Anyway I got up the nerve and asked her out, she agreed. We meet up at a little museum for an hour or so. The next time we go out, she brings her friend. (BIG red flag right?) We still had fun, lot of fun, walked the boardwalk and played some games. Then we don't talk for about 3 weeks, out of the blue she contacts me and we go to the beach for the day for some fishing and hanging out.... again with her friend. This was planed a while back, she wanted to see if we were still on. I tell her can't be "just friends" with her after this day. She knows how I feel and she was a little taken back by it..... she begged for something she could do to change my mind. I gave it more thought for a couple days and told her "sure" OK, never really did this before but willing to try and see how it works out. Granted she has plenty of friends and it seemed important to her. We went out to dinner one night, just us, and had great convo and laughter. Lots of laughter. I felt if it was anyone else I would have made a little move.... I felt it with her... but didn't do anything.

I have been told the "just friends" isn't always what it means for a EU girl, by other EU girls. We have A LOT of EU girls here during the summer, they are all over the place. Anyway we always have fun together, I make her laugh and she busts my balls about stuff all the time with her dry humor. What I found strange is that ignoring her for 3 weeks worked. Also find it odd she finds it important to tell me her plans or schedule when she is going out of town, her upcoming school and work schedules, etc. She is currently gone for 3 weeks, just left. I happened to visit the place her friend works (Dunkin Donuts) and said hi while getting my coffee. This girl I like calls the next day but I missed it. I called her back that night missed her. She called again the next and asked me why I went to see her friend. I explained I didn't go to see her friend, rather to get some coffee. She tells me she called but didn't answer, I told her I called her back but she didn't get it or see a missed call. I could tell she was a little testy, didn't like me seeing her friend at work I am guessing.

Now I am thinking these actions aren't typical of someone who wants "just friends" is it? The friends thing was only brought up before we ever went out and once again...... I never mentioned it anymore since I tod her I can't be just friends and neither has she.

Am I reading more into then should be there? Are girls from the EU a little different? Could her dedication to education and work be reasons why she isn't trying to get into a relationship. (Her last boyfriend was 2 years or more ago). Is the JF line a defense mechanism to weed out others? Or do you think she wants JF even though she has pleny of other friends.... many many friends?

Trying to figure this one out.
 toxsin
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 419
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:49:51 PM
Lame as this may sound. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this situation. In alot of ways I can relate to the situation with your girl. Only, my "Just wanna be friends girl" is dating a friend of mine who is now fighting in Iraq.

Anywho.

For me, The concept of being just friends with her is actually better off for me. I really think it's in how you wish to accept, and respect the situation. If you really love her as you say you do. Just having her as a friend should be acceptable enough. Don't turn it into a cheesy soap opera game. You can love a woman and just be friends.

Advice : Cherish and respect your friendship. Live your life. If you want a girlfriend. Keep looking. There are crap tons of wemon out there. She's in your life for a reason, and as a love interest isn't that reason. All that talking you do online and on phone. What's it about? You gotta be getting some insite and intellect from it.

Think about it. High school's over. It's time to play with the big boys & girls. If you honestly love her. Take her companionship in what ever form it's to be had. She just wants to be friends. Great. Good for you. You have a friend. Not that hard to understand, or grasp. I did it. You can too.
 sarah555555555
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 420
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:37:45 PM
I am a girl that just wants to be friends for right now.........u wanna know why? Because like many other women out there I have been hurt to the point of heartbroken, and have to somehow "build" trust again. Two men in past two yrs told me they were in it for the "long haul", I didnt even ask them that, or imply it, it was just said over and over. We laughed, we made love, we acted silly, we bonded, and they left- for women younger. Now I feel it would be better to get to know someone on a friend level first and go slow and see where it goes. "Friends first".......................
 starry_night
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 421
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:59:21 PM
Unequal attraction is something nearly everyone has to face. People have different reasons for wanting to remain friends. Some male/female friendships will always have a certain edge to them even if nothing will ever come of it. I DO have male friends where there is no question that it will ever be anything but platonic and we BOTH like it that way. I believe in keeping the friendships that are working and letting the others go, whether male or female. I wouldn't consider a relationship to go further with any man that wasn't first proven to be my friend.
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 422
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:43:01 PM
This sounds like a powderkeg waiting to explode. Even if the feelings are strong, I'd walk away. First of all, if you WERE so good to her, and this is your reward, I'd think you deserve better. Second, her flighty behavior is typically a pattern with most people.

Take her cat and make a sweater....
You got nothin left to weather.....

I'm dying to mess up that Kieth Urban song for karaoke....

Poor kitty.
 ujstgt2sml
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 423
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 8:02:22 PM
OMG! I can relate to this soooooo much!! I met a guy on this site who lives 60+ miles away from me. I only agreed to meet him for dinner because his profile stated that he was looking for a long term relationship, which is exactly what I am looking for. We have been seeing each other at least 4 times a week for about a month and a half. clicked from the very beginning and I developed very strong feelings for him very quickly, which was pretty scary for me, but he is the type of guy I have been looking for my entire life or so I thought. He shared in the strong feelings and constantly told me just that. Then a week ago I asked him if he was dating other people so I could get a better idea of where I stood. Wasn't asking for a commitment, but would have liked to at least had a small one, considering my heart was already deeply involved. Well, should have kept my mouth shut because after that conversation he became very distant. Said nothing was wrong, but I felt it. He quit telling me how much he missed me ect., So, I finally caught him on IM the other day and asked what was wrong and he said, "It's that obvious?" I responded Uh yeah! So, he proceeded to tell me that he was not going to commit to me at this time, but wanted to continue seeing me while he dated other women. That doesn't work for me, I'm sorry, but especially this day an age. So I asked him if the shoe was on the other foot would he be OK with me seeing other men. He responded very quickly, NO! Tell me what the heck is it these days!? Anyways...Sorry for throwing it all out there, but wanted to tell my story. I'm sorry that happened to you, that really sucks! I can sympathise completely. Tired of my heart getting broken! It hurts so bad doesn't it. May God Bless you and feel free to contact me if you would like to talk. Smile! I'm trying to! Good Luck!
 iluv2create
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 424
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/26/2008 2:51:32 PM
When a woman whats you as friend, that means "You be there for me, do all the work, pay all the my bills"... oops I almost forgot, you have to worship them too and no sex either...
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 425
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:20:28 AM
Wow. I am a year late here in posting. When a woman says she wants to be just friends, then she likes hanging out with you but sex isn't part of the equation.

At least she was honest enough to tell you that up front.

It could also mean that there is someone else that she is physically interested in. The bottom line is that she isn't interested in you as a physical partner.

A long time ago I heard a joke that a woman needs three men in her life: One to pay her bills; one to meet her physical needs; and a gay man to provide for her emotional needs.

I am not insinuating by any stretch of the imagination that OP is gay, but if she just wants to be friends, she is definitely not wanting to have her physical needs met there and wants to explore elsewhere. The sizzle is just not there for her.

I do not have three men in my life per se, but I have a lot of close male friends (they are good for heavy lifting and fixing stuff!). What is cool about that is that I have an endless lot of big brothers.

I hope by now OP has moved way on, but I also hope my words help the next person.
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