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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When the girl wants to be "JUST FRIENDS"      Home login  
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 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 26
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDSPage 2 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Cusack, remember the name of this site: PLENTY OF FISH! About the "friends" deal: I've had strictly platonic male friends for most of my life, and we enriched each other's lives by learning about the other gender. It can be risky, though, as sometimes one in that situation naturally develops stronger feelings for the other, and it's not always mutual. At the same time, friendship is a very important part, step of a more serious relationship, so you gotta start somewhere, right? Maybe there's a lesson to learn from all this: You guys slept together the first night! Live and learn, Dude. If you end up in the sack with her, again, I hope you use protection and get a STD check. I mean, she's sleeping with a man who lives with his ex-wife!???! Do you know if the ex-wife is sleeping with somebody else, too? So, how many people's germs are you exposing yourself to? Also, what about your self-esteem, being in a lop-sided relationship: She's a taker, and you're a giver. Would she drive 50 miles JUST TO VISIT with you? Maybe hanging out with REAL friends would help you get over her. You have my sympathy. Like others said, maybe time and distancing yourself (not necessarily a total cut-off) might help. Best wishes to ya!
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 27
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:11:39 PM
I really appreciate everyone's posts. The more and more I read all of these the better I feel. I don't know how or why I fell in love with this girl but it happened and I could write a book just on all the things I did for her and never got anything in return. I just can't see how I was so blind and even though part of me felt like I was being used all along for some crazy reason I would still do things for her or talk to her every day or so on. Even now I still want to pick up the phone and call her or something JUST to tell her that I am done even trying to be her friend but instead I'm going to just make her sit around and wonder what happened to me and why I stopped calling because I don't even see how I could be her friend anymore with all the hurt and pain she caused me. Besides, what would the point be? Even our friendship was one sided and I didn't even get anything out of that but instead would have to hear her talk about the "other guy". I think every time I would hear her talk about the "other guy" my love would die more and more till when I finally became numb to it all or something and the last few months I had become cold to her when we would talk and I had completly stopped doing things for her and was trying very hard to be JUST the friend but my problem is I'm such a compassionate type of guy I would get upset and pissed at her when I would have to listen to her talk about this "other guy" and their sex sessions on the dirt road it would piss me off to no end so of course I would tell her that this guy is just using her and then she would turn around and get pissed off at me and say no he "loves me and I love him". This girl has SERIOUS issues and even though I got really hurt and heartbroken, I have definately learned some valuable lessons out of all this. She is going to get what she has coming to her because she is in love with this guy and he has been doing this to her for about 6 months now and then goes back home to his ex-wife so if he truly loved her then he would leave his ex and be with her so maybe one day she will wake up and see just how good I treated her and realize what she lost because there is no possible way that I could ever love her or even attempt a relationship with her now. Anyways, thanks again for everyone's posts....feel free to keep em coming.
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 28
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:34:40 PM
Just for the record let me give some details on this girl:
She has 2 kids by two seperate guys. She was married to one of the guys for 1 year and has been divorced with no serious relationship for the last 4 years. Now this guy she is seeing, the "other guy" as previously mentioned lives with his ex-wife. I met her in October 04 had our one night stand and then we didn't talk for about a month. She and I quit talking after our one night stand of amazing sex and that was that. Well she met him the following month afer I met her in November 04 and then at the time he was NOT living with his ex-wife. Him and her dated for about 2 months and then they ended it and he went back with to living with his ex-wife. In January 05 after he went back to her, she emailed me and we started talking again and thats when I would go out of my way to spend time with her and talk to her almost every day on the phone or computer. Well in February or March she started talking to the other guy again and they started secretly meeting on the dirt roads, at this time she did tell me that "she really liked me very much and wanted to just remain friends" Well I was ok with that because at that time I did like her very much but was not in love with her but I had become attached to talking to her every day and seeing her all the time so like a fool thats what I continued to do. Sometime around April or May is when I was head over heels in love with her and couldn't stop thinking about her almost 24/7 and I finally told her that I was in love with her. My point is maybe this was all my fault because she did tell me that she wanted to be just friends and I couldn't control my feelings like she could and I was the one who fell in love with her but what drives me insane about the whole situation is here is this guy who lives with his ex-wife and yet has NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER been to her house since they met in January and yet she only sees him about once every 2 weeks when they meet on this dirt road to have sex for less than half an hour and they talk on the phone and that's it. This guy hasn't done anything since he got back with his ex-wife to show his love for her or do even 10% of what I have for her such as driving 3 hours out of my way to see her, taking her to dinner and lunch all the time and I've even picked her kids up at school on a couple of occasions. I could go on and on for the things I've done for her. I've giving her money (not much) on a few occasions to even help with bills. She has even called me her best friend she has ever had and we get along great when we are together laughing and having a wonderful time but yet she loves this other guy. I just don't understand it and really don't understand how I fell in love with this girl. Anyone care to shed light on this?
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 29
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/15/2005 5:03:37 PM
I want to provide an update to this story. I don't know why because all of these great posts told me to walk away from this girl but I swear she is like a bad drug of cocaine or something and I picked up the phone and called her this afternoon. Well she acted so cold to me and barely said 2 words I asked her if she wanted me to call her anymore and she said "No that it would probably be for the best if I didn't" So being such a nice guy I told her I understood and that I hope everything works out for her and she finds what she is looking for in life and hung up.
My nightmare has finally come to an end. I do wish I never fell in love with this girl and better yet never even met her or I just wish I could have kept my emotions to myself and not have fallen in love with her like I did. She is going to get what she has coming to her one day and go through all the heartache and pain like I did because I did nothing but treat her like a princess and got used and used till there is nothing left. I don't know if I will ever truly get over just how bad she used me. I think I'm scared for life.
I really appreciate everyone's post and I will NEVER EVER call or speak to this girl again. Good riddance!
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 30
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/16/2005 10:17:41 AM
Jaze,
I really appreciate all the great words of wisdom you have said. In fact everyone's post on here...well at least 90% of them have been great and I really know I shouldn't have called her. I know this girl did nothing but use me over and over again because this loser whom is just using her like a piece of meat hasn't done anything for her to show his love because "I" was the one who was there for her by taking her out to dinner, lunch, buying her things, talking to her, coming over all the time and I could go on and on and on and she knew this and thats why she wouldn't ever let me go because I tried to walk away at least 10 times for the past 4 or 5 months and I told her just how bad she hurt my feelings and was hurting me but yet she only wanted to keep me around as her friend just because she knew I didn't know how to just stop caring or loving her.
I do regret calling her but in a way I don't because I told her on the phone "I don't love you anymore and there is no possible way that if you left this guy tommorow that I could have a relationship with you because of all the pain and heartache you caused me. I also told her you had 1000 chances to be with me but you made your choice. I then said I wish you the best and hope everything works out. Which I really wanted to tell her I hope she gets her heart ripped out like mine but I'm a better person than that. Anyways, I'm done with her and will never ever call or speak to her again. I've learned my lesson...unfortunately the hard way.
Feel free to keep the posts going.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 31
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:37:35 PM
Mr.cusack...I was in the same situation 13 years ago...Just about identical...And she hurt me very very bad dude...And do you know what....It felt like it was just yesterday...Yes the hurt is still there....You would not believe the sacrifice i did for her...At this time i do not have the time to tell all the details....But as a result it has messed me up emotionly...Probably for life...It has been 13 years..And it feels like it happens to me yesterday...I think she would have been better to shoot me in my heart......I am a hard worker,good job,do not do drugs.or go to bars,buying a house,very polite...But after that incident i believe it ruined me for life in the romace department...It is a SHAME!!!!!!I pretty lost my confidence..It was pretty much flush down the toilet....It is a total disaster...I do hope the best of luck to you Mr.Cusack...As far as me..I do not know anymore!!!!!!!!!
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 32
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:45:20 PM
I am really sad to hear about all of the other guys that has gone through this mess just like me. I totally feel like the last guy who posted (tarheelman) and think I am also ruined for life. I know that there are better women out there who could appreciate me and love me back but now I'm scared to even look anymore in the fear that I will go through something like this and get hurt even more and I know I couldn't take it. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I have been listening to this alternative band called "Breaking Point" for a few months now and they have some really great songs on there that describe exactly how I feel. One of them is called "Goobye to You". I had been wanting to make her listen to this song and then say goodbye for awhile now but I never got the chance. Here are the lyrics:

There's so much I want to say now
But it's too late I know
There's no way to heal these wounds now
And my heart bleeds for you

And our love is crashing
Like a tidal wave
Coming over me

[CHORUS:]
So I wanted you to know
That i finally let you go
After all i've held on to
This is my goodbye to you
I was always there for you
But you never saw the truth
And the reason that I know
Is i've finally let you go

Yesterday you were my best friend
But tomorrow took you away
There's not much for me to say now
Just goodbye, farewell

And our love is crashing
Like a tidal wave
Coming over me

[CHORUS]

And every time I close my eyes
My heart is bleeding deep inside
But now my eyes are open
And i'm never gonna be the one for you
The one for you

[CHORUS]

I finally let you go
Let you go
Let you go so this is my goodbye to you.


You can go to www.breakingpointmusic.com to listen to clips of all the songs. I really think whomever wrote those songs has gone through this as well. Check it out.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 33
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:56:39 PM
I gave up years ago^^^^When you become a emotional basket case...Over things in your mind a 1000 times and then 1000 time again...Let alone a nervous break down...Then get back with me...Do you think i am going to risk my house,job and more very important my mental heath over another episode that i had 13 years ago...When hell freezes over...Do you think it is worth that...What do you think that most women in this country are looking for a honest man,hard working,drug free...I must say you are kidding yourself...Everyone i came in contact with they used me and then flush me down the toilet like a piece of shit....But society tell me it was my fault..I brought all this on myself in my 20s because i trust people...All i know they maybe right...But in either case i gave up..What is the since in it..
 arieto05
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 34
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:12:31 PM
I swear Let's just be friends is the worst kick in the pants. I just means she dont want to sleep with you but she wants to keep using you for all the stuff you can do for her. If your in love with her and she aint in love with you then it aint love. love is mutual. If she dont love you but still wants to keep using you tell her to get lost. stay away from her and you'll forget eventually. need help forgetting, try some whiskey, usually makes me forget stuff. Next find you another woman who will mutually love you, and not just use you.
 catman40
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 35
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 3:19:56 AM
I met a girl from another dating site . ALL she talks about is other guys when she's with me . I don't think she is really into me . sex . ha.ha . never happen with her . even on her birthday she said she was with another guy . I'm beginning George strait was right in song " good guys don't get the girls "
 Legoman2
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 36
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History
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 5:22:02 AM
cusack,

i can garuntee(spellin?) u that your not the only one who has gone/going through this crap.
met this girl a few years ago though a former high school friend. great gal(i thought) they got married, and things went all to crap last summer for them(man walked out on her). i kepted in touch with her and became good friends with her beginning of 2005. the connection that we had was.. well.. amazing. (both knew what eachother was thinkin without any words spoken ect.)she was going through a horrible time with life in general, had no place to stay, so i offered my home to her until she could find a place. i did this because i deeply cared(and still and always will) about her and her well being.. that connection grew closer and stronger by the day, and all the signals that i was getting from her, examp:
her telling me "i feel so comfortable around you, like i can just be myself, i wish we could be together all the time"
coming into my room and wakeing me up and saying"can i just lay with you for a while"
now, i knew why she needed that,and there was no sex(believe me though, i was VERY tempted but was respectful of her situation)and the reasons won't be said here.
others examples that i can't even put into words,
EVERTHING in my gut told me that "she was the one". loved her to bits
late march/05: was at the point where i HAD to tell her what i was feeling and that i loved her knowing that it was a huge risk..
know what she said after some time to think about it?in a email of all ways,"she thought i was disrespecting how she was feeling and what she was going through by telling her that i loved her"
well, i tell ya, THAT'S one way of f#$king with a guys brain. can someone please explain to me how when someone tells you that they are in love with you that there being derespectful?????
i asked her about all of the "signals" that i was getting from her that she wanted more then just friendship and that i thought that that is what she wanted, know what her response was? "oh, if i was hitting on you , you would know"
WHAT THE HELL?
i've tried to remain friends with her but from what i've learned now, IT DOES NOT WORK.
she is now dating someone that she found on POF, will probably be engaged before the new year.
my reason for tellin this to u and whoever else is reading this is that from what i have learned, the only way to move on is to completely close that chapter in your life, seal it and don't open it again, it's a vicious circle if you do.
may your heart heal and you find what your lookin' for.
my 2 pennies. take care. GB
 Legoman2
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 37
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History
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 5:26:29 AM
whoops on lack of spell check!!yiks!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 38
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:30:30 AM
Thank you for the advise MR.legoman2...About opening that chapter again...Unfornunetly(SPELLING)i did that...As result it turn out to be a disaster for me...That was a fatal mistake on my part..I have such a soft heart and had alot of compassion for women in my 20s...I am 39 now and i am pretty much in a dazz!!!
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 39
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 4:17:18 PM
Yes... I know all to well the feeling... Am going through something similar myself... Just got pick up the pieces, learn not to be so weak, and find the next one!
 cusack
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 40
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 5:26:38 PM
legoman2:
Your story sounded so much like mine. This psycho chick was the exact same way with me and I would get mixed signals all the time from her by her wanting me to come over and just lay on the couch and hold each other. All the time we were finishing each other sentences and she even gave me the exact same line about "I feel so comfortable around you and "Are you coming over again tommorow?". She would tease me sexually by walking around the house in something skimpy and to where I could see her thongs but yet did I ever get sex from her??? Nooooooooooooooooo! That's what just killed me about the whole situation that she didn't even know me but for a few hours when we first met but yet we jumped into bed and had sex and a year later after me doing all kinds of things for her and pouring my heart out to her I wasn't even good enough to f**k. She screwed me alright....but not in a good way. The second I found out she was screwing the other guy is when I should have told her where she could go and got out of there but after that I was trying so hard to really be "just a friend" and shut down my feelings for her but it just wasn't possible. We would constantly fight after that because I would tell her "this guy is just using you like a piece of meat and he is having his cake and eating it to because he is screwing you and his ex-wife.

What love and feelings I had for this girl is slowly starting to fade as each day passes and the more and more posts I read on here makes me feel better and I know in my heart she is going to get what she has coming to her. As they say...what goes around, comes around. These women that just use us guys like this should be branded with a scarlett letter so that we know to stay the hell away from them!
 shelleybear
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 41
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 5:46:18 PM
Buy her a Furby and get out of town.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 42
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:05:48 PM
That is what happened to me Mr.Cusack...I met the girl i am talking about through my roomate 13 years ago..He worked with her..I invited her over and we went out to eat seafood at about 5:30 on a saturday..When we came back to my place she jump my bones....All she siad that night over and over again(I CAN GET USE TO YOU)No lie she siad this about 50 times that night...So what i was suppose to think...I thought of her more than a friend...About 4 days later she was in the mental ward....She siad it was because of men in her life...Since i am very compassionate i call her everyday ..This all happened to me when i was 26.At that time did not have many sexual experiences...After we had sex i still was nice enough to get a aides test...By what i know now she should have been the one to get tested....Do you think she cared i did this or call her why she was in the mental ward....She careless....While she was in there she wrote me and told me we just be fiends,But meanwhile she is calling me just about everyday thinking it would go some where....This went off and on for 3 years...needless to say it was just a game to her.....But what i know now i should have not been so compassionate....You just cannot be nice to some people..
 ghostridin
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 43
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:15:28 PM
LAdies mand Gentlemen,
I , like you, have been there, done that. Take the time ,AFTER you slam those doors that are letting the bad stuff into your life, to heal, reflect, take the time to learn to enjoy being by yourself..or rather enjoying your own company. Sounds crazy...but I did it...was most difficult, and it worked for me. I took some extra steps. I moved...found a really nice fgarmhouse in the country...still close enough that my commute wasn't bad at all, it ofered LOTS of peace, quiet, privacy. I also changed my cell phone # and residential #....I kinda became a hermit.
I di meet some other women during that time...but I wasn't ready for another realtionship at all...and I told them up front ! ! I isn't easy telling a drop dead georgeous woman who is asking you out every week for 5 to 6 weeks that you aren't interested at that time.
Long story made short....it was rough, lonely, sad, alone, and also healing and good.
I am doing great now..in most areas...and learned a lot from that time alone.
 ghostridin
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 44
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:19:55 PM
WOW ! ! !
Did I ever screw up in the typing and spelling on that post ! ! !
My apologies.
 jazzhomie
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 45
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:20:07 PM

her telling me "i feel so comfortable around you, like i can just be myself, i wish we could be together all the time" coming into my room and wakeing me up and saying"can i just lay with you for a while"


Oh man, women don't say things like that unless they are messing with your head. You have to be on your toes. You should have acted slightly irritated and said: "Okay, as long as all you do is lie there and don't grope me or anything like that! I'm not one of those easy guys!" Always be alert, and be funny and challenging. You probably just caved in to her, didn't you? In other words, you behaved in exactly a predictable way, like a typical guy who can't resist a girl who wants to lie next to him.


EVERTHING in my gut told me that "she was the one". loved her to bits


There is no one. It takes millions of blades of grass to make a playing field, man.


late march/05: was at the point where i HAD to tell her what i was feeling and that i loved her knowing that it was a huge risk..


There is no such point.

Any time you tell a girl you love her, you better be lying! If you do love her, shut up about it.


she is now dating someone that she found on POF, will probably be engaged before the new year.


Bahaha. Be sure to watch how that one develops, if you have the opportunity.
 Legoman2
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 46
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:34:36 PM
gotch ya! live and learn.
 SXXXYLICIOUS
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 47
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:29:37 PM
Women only want to be friends when there is no passion or chemistry felt. That's how I feel...I keep my male friends at a distance ( no matter how hot, or smart they are ), simply bc there is no chemistry.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 48
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:56:30 AM
Which is fine^^^^^^^^^^^^As long as you are straight up with them up front...Not 3 months down the road,,,,Sorry it does not take 3 months if you have chemistry or not...Why do women do this...I really think they get a kick of hurting men...Like a man does not have no feelings....Why suould they care ..It is not their feelings they are hurting...i really become to dislike women.
 tgif2005
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 49
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/19/2005 7:41:29 AM
cusack,

I found this little gem on the net a while back:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

SURVIVE A BREAKUP

Did she say "Let's just be friends", "I am not in love with you", "I still care about you" etc.?

Then:

1. It's over - as in FINAL. She's gone. She's NOT coming back.

2. Her FOCUS in life is someone else already. You're nobody.

3. You're no longer welcome. DO NOT MAKE CONTACT. Do not call, do not write - EVER. You're annoying her.

Dumpees, Wake Up:

SHE'S ALREADY MOVED ON. SHE'S HAPPY. LEAVE HER ALONE. DON'T BOTHER HER.

4. You MUST break the attachment by focusing on YOURSELF.

5. Don't even THINK about being "friends" with her. Don't torture yourself.

6. Get her OUT of your life. Get her pictures, letters, and other reminders OUT OF SIGHT. Pack them away or trash them.

7. Acknowledge your grief - wail out loud, punch your pillow, let your heart mourn. Let the pain out.

8. Express your anger. Write a farewell letter to her, but DO NOT SEND. Write out why you were or are angry at her. Get them all down. And why you are angry at yourself for what you did not do

9. Exercise A LOT.

10. GET OUT of the house. Go do things YOU like to do.

11. Stay away from alcohol.

12. Determine the qualities she had that you want in future partners, and the qualities she had that you don't want.

13. List the lessons learned - What you should have done differently.

14. It is tempting to hold on and scary to LET GO. Say to yourself that you're letting go of her. LET THE PAST GO.

15. Structure your time and stay BUSY.

16. INTERRUPT yourself whenever you get stuck thinking about her and REDIRECT your focus onto something productive.

17. Take it ONE day at a time.

18. It's better it happened NOW rather than later down the road.

19. It's GOOD that it happened, because you're now FREE to find someone BETTER.

20. A NEW and BETTER life is waiting for you. You WILL find someone BETTER. So MOVE ON!!! - BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAS.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Catch A Star
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 50
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 12/19/2005 8:52:10 AM
I'm cutting and pasting the message directly above! I don't know that I've ever seen it said better. Kudos!
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