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Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 78
Adults living at home with Mom and DadPage 2 of 48    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I prefer the cultural perspective - as babies we all want to be held and cared for and we also push away to gain our independence - as we grow up we should strive to support and work towards this same balance - having a wonderful family that you love and want to spend time with or even live with isn't (to me) a matter of good/bad right/wrong - it's only the degree to which a person can differentiate within that environment. Can they develop healthy attachment/Independence - yeah I want to meet a women who makes tons of money and owns her own houses and vacation homes - but I don't see the value of this thread being about money and our preferences for 'accomplished' partners - but rather in the hindrance or benefit to the individuals developing sense of 'self' by living alone or with the family - and including the newly created family in this topic as a continuing excuse to not grow up or to support childlike enmeshment or patterns of family dysfunction might also have value.
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 81
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:14:15 AM
Somewhat turned off? I would say fully turned off.
Over a certain age I expect someone to live on their own. There are circumstances that would explain why someone is living at home. But in the general sense
think again m dear.

"Shaming tactics." This phrase is familiar to many Men's Rights Activists. It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who don't have the brains to argue their points with logic.

Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men's issues, romance, etc.

Charge of Puerility (Code Green) - The Peter Pan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. Examples:

* "Grow up!"
* "You are so immature!"
* "Do you live with your mother?"
* "I'm not interested in boys. I'm interested in real men."
* "Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children."

Response: It should be remembered that one's sexual history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 82
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:27:36 AM
Okay, so I work in the real estate industry and have story upon story of 40+ guys and girls living off of their parents.. my all time favorite story is when I was chatting with a client (69yr Lady) who told me that her son (43 yrs) was TOO OLD TO GET A JOB!! Apparently the last job that he had was about 10 yrs before and he had to quit it because he and his mom bought a dog - Does that make any sense to anyone?!?!?!!?
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 83
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:59:56 AM
I think realistically, you'll see more and more people staying at home longer or staying at home semi permanently. There are tons of people today, older people, who readily admit that they would not be able to afford the house they have today, and bought it ten or fifteen years ago, if they had to survive in todays current economic climate.

I have some younger guys working for me and it's brutal out there for them.

If you live in a dense popular area with a high cost of living like New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, etc, then it makes perfect sense to keep living at home.

Most people today cannot realistically afford to pay rent while simultaneously save for a downpayment on a house. They either have to buy a home far away and endure a long and painful commute or they have to move to another state with a cheaper cost of living. I can't speak for every state, but here in California, people are leaving in droves. It's just too expensive to live out here.

Every circumstance is different. If I was ten years younger, just starting out and had a regular white collar 9-5 job, I don't know if I could own a home anywhere remotely close to where I live now. If I was 25 again, and was sure I would stay single for a long time, I'd move to another state where I felt I could forecast good job prospects and a stable affordable housing market. Move out of state or stay at home, that's the only real option for many, and it's not that simple to leave all your family and friends behind just to find a cheaper place to live. And once you leave a higher cost of living area for a lower cost of living area, making a return back to your roots is pretty hard. You are often completely priced out of your former area and are literally exiled.

The reality is, the best way to own a home in current times, in a safe desirable place to live, is to run your own business versus a regular job type job. It's very hard to do for most people stuck in the cubicle rat race. Unfortunately, you can't get the start up capital or experience, unless you are in the rat race for some short duration, in which paying rent and scraping by doesn't leave you alot of wiggle room and the failure rate for new businesses is very high. Again, even in that scenario, living at home seems more practical if it's an option.

I think my first instinct would be "Yeah, go out on your own and face the world" But then I realize that the world and the economy and the housing market ten years ago is drastically different from what the 25 year olds of today have to face.

For dating? Yeah I could see living at home being a big damper on dating. But you know what, doing what's best for your long term future is always going to be more important than getting laid by someone who probably won't be there with you in 10 years.
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 2:31:24 PM
"Women who just prejudge a man just on this basis are doing just that--prejudging"
I experiencd plenty of that when I lived with my parents. Several of the women judeging me told me that I could easily afford to hire a nurse/contractor for my parents, and that my parents could do the same. After I moved out other women that lived at home, but still judged me, were worried that I would not have enough money left over to take them out.
How's that for a double standard!!!
I am the first born son of Eurpoean immigrents. I was expected to stay and contribute my share of "The Obligation to the Family" at least untill I got married. I was expected to save an invest my earnings. If I had spent all my money on fancy cars and all sorts of gadgets and designer clothing, I would have been kicked out. Thats one thing I'm very greatfull for.
After dad returned from the hospital with his new hips, I promply bought a condo that I was keeping an eye on. Immediatly my parents started thier "Why are you abandoning us?/What have we done to you?/ Where's your love of the family?/Those people that laugh at you have no family values!!!/Its wrong to live alone!!/You have been polluted by North American attitudes that have no respect for the family!!/Can you even afford it?!?!" diatribe. It took them a while, to come around. They come from multy generational households, and are convinced that most North Americans "throw" thier kids out too early, and it is the root cause of some of the problems our society is facing.
Even though they are very proud of my accomplishments, and know that I am a phone call away, they still think I abandoned them and the concept of family.
Would I date a woman that still lived with her parents? Yes, if she is contributing, and planning to make a life for herself.
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 88
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:26:09 PM
Ok does this count ?
I live in the basement suite of my parents house. I pay rent, $450 a month, I pay all my own food and bills. I work 2 jobs, I come and go as I please. Basically live alone BUT in the basement of my parents home.
Would that be considered a loser ?
In this day and age, as the feal feminists are gradually displaced by bimbos, hiding their attitude problems, under the skirts of the feminist movement, YES, you would be considered a loser.
Mostly because you don't drive a Ferrari.

What you do is get something like a Eureaka. (A VW with a cheap, but super fancy, aftermarket fibreglass body. And you simply get a sticker on the side reading Feerrari. No preach of copyright!
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 90
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:21:44 PM
Ok,I'm somewhat turned off by grown males who still live at home, it would be different if his parent(s)
Yes but then again your attitud and lifesye. You are also turned off by men who DONT live athome and don't take careof thei parents.
Yor ar also turned off by guy who don't wear their seatbelts becasue thats reckless or guys who do wear thier seatblets becasue thats sooooo immature daarrling. And you are turned off by snappy dressers becasue they outdo you or non snappy dresssrs becasue the look like slobs.

Petty and shallow. Absoloutely pathetic attitude.
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 95
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:27:25 PM
I live with my grandmother, finacially I can't afford to move as much as I want to.
She has health problems as well and I assist her. Ideally I hope to get money to buy a house and move. Hopefully this year.
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 102
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:42:10 AM
At first I wasn't too sure how I felt about this... since at one point I lived with my mom and stepdad after my divorce... but I worked, paid rent, bought groceries, did things around the house, took care of my child and eventually saved enough money to get back out on my own.

However... I recently dated someone who lives with his mother. He's 37, has a great job and a new truck... but has absolutely no motivation to move out. His mom sends him on a guilt trip every time he starts looking for his own place... and he really does have no reason to move out. He lives there for practically nothing, she cooks and cleans for him and does his laundry.

Why did we break up? Not that anyone cares, but... I just couldn't be involved with someone who depends on his mother to take care of him.
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 104
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 12:45:20 PM
This is an add-on for thread posted 3/7/07 "living with parents" look it up also more threads and insights, for your review!!
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 105
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:01:00 PM
This doesn't really add to the conversation but it is on topic :-)

Back in the summer I broke up with my GF, the apartment was in her name so I had to move.

I was so strapped for cash trying to keep the bills up on that apartment while she kept losing job after job, that when I did break up with her I had no savings and ended up moving back in with my Dad for about 3 months.

During that time I met a woman from POF. This chic was like smokin.

End the end she said she didn't want to date me because I lived with my father. Funny thing is, she was living in her grandmothers house that her parents paying the mortgage on while the grandmother was put in a home. In my eyes, the same as living at home, minus the lack of privacy.

Double standards are interesting.
 Ralph C.
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 109
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:13:10 PM
I'm going off tropic a bit so here it goes " I wish both my parents were alive too move home to!
Take Care
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 110
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:23:43 PM
I know of a guy who moved back home with his parents after he finished university. He paid of his massive student loans, paid off his car, and saved for a down payment on his house. In today's economy, I think what he did was smart.

I think there are valid and very good reasons why somebody would be living at home and there are very weird reasons. If it is for economical or health of one of the parents, I would have no problem with it. But, if they lack the social skills or ability to cut away those apron strings, I am not sure I would want any part of it.
Joined: 5/2/2007
Msg: 117
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:46:11 PM
Everyone has different reasons for living at home. For some it's laziness and wanting a free ride. For some it is because of divorce or for money reasons to get back on their feet and for some it's to take care of an elderly or sick parent so you don't have to put them in a nursing home.

For me, I have done it a few times. Once when I had just finished college and was saving up money to move to the big city, second time was when I got divorced and was saving up to get back on my feet. This time is because I wouldn't give up the opportunity to spend quality time being there for a parent who is sick and was always there for me when I needed her.

I would never judge a person's situation until I really knew the reason why...all you have to do is ask the person why they do it and you will know.

I'm going off tropic a bit so here it goes " I wish both my parents were alive too move home to!
Take Care

Very well said Ralph, people need to appreciate things (and people) while they are still around.
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 119
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:00:44 PM

The living situation says a lot about a person, to me it shows their level of responsibility to a degree, did most of our parents live at home because it was the easier method of accomplishing their goals, probably not, I know my folks didnt, they hunkered down and bit the bullet and sacrificed

If youre a adult and want a higher level of education then more power to you, why not make the neccessary sacrifices and do it own your own.

The exception to the rule are those how move back home to take care of aging parents, to that I say God bless them and their devotion to their families, or loss of home due to natural disasters or things beyond ones control, Yes there will be those who stay home with the folks because they are afraid to live on their own,or mooching or what ever to that I say grow up.

You do realize the differences in economy then and now right? When my Grandparents were my age, my grandfather could work and my grandmother could stay home and my gramps job paid sufficiently for them to have a comfortable living.

When my Parents were my age, they both worked because it made for a better life, at times when my mother couldn't work because of us boys, she could leave her job and Dad's wages could still float them.

In todays economy, if both parents aren't working, your pretty well ****ed. Assuming your not from a wealthy family or making over 75 Grand a year. Which the majority aren't.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 126
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:43:57 AM
I beg to differ on this point. I have lived at home most of my life, but not to smoch off my parents, rather to take care of them. My father was 55 when he had me and 85 when he passed away (I was 30) and I took care of him with my Mom. Then my Mom (now in her late 70's) developed Alzheimers and I have taken care of her for 3 years at home (she is now in a nursing home). I have no other family (anywhere) and so this has been my mission, particularly since they took care of me when I was a child.
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 130
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 8:01:12 PM
My situation is different. I am taking care of my parents who are both cancer patients. I also pay rent and the phone bill as well as my other bills. There is no mooching going on here. However, I can understand why people are turned off by people mooching off the folks. It makes me sick as well.
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 132
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:38:30 AM
100% agree , with the poster,
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 146
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:10:53 PM
I moved back home to take care of my Dad after we lost Mom. Has it cost personally hell yeah but I would do it every time....Just for what he gave me.
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 148
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:25:43 PM
Yeah, I am 24 and currently studying full time. I pay a rent to my parents, and I just don't have time to work -and- study- and everything else. I know some people are able to do it, but I don't have that type of energy. Doesn't mean I can't date though, and if I was financially stable and independent, I'd have no problems dating a girl in similar conditions as I am now...
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 150
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:36:51 PM
I have kind of wondered about this being 24 with a year and a half left of school... Most 24 yr olds I know are out on their own.... I live with my grandparents. The reason for this is twofold: One, I take care of the horses on the farm. one is mine, the other two are family members. Staying there, it is MUCH easier to do the associated chores two or three times a day. Also, my grandparents have very brittle health and are BAD about taking proper care of themselves (for example, at 2 this past morning, I had to get out of bed and help my grandfather off the floor in the bathroom because he'd fallen and couldn't get back up.) So I'm there to keep an eye out, do the house chores chores, grocery shop, run one or the other to doctors appointments if my gram isn't feeling well enough to drive, etc....
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 151
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:02:34 PM
You said that couple years you dated a 44 man lives his mom, 'tis understandable as that must be his choice and also a help to his mom, i said nothing wrong with that, a choice is a choice, maybe not what you want.... Definately not mama's boy.......But 'tis all good.
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 152
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:08:17 PM we get older, we need to be responsible for ourselves. In my opinion, everyone needs to know what it's like to live on their own. Paying your own bills forces you to become more financially responsible & makes you understand the value of money (ie, I bought myself a nice watch instead of paying the electric bill--now, the house is dark). When you are forced to do your own laundry & cook & clean for yourself, you become self -reliant. Knowing that you can do all these things on your own will give you more self esteem & make you a better partner for someone in the future. Male or female, when you move in with someone or get married, you will know how much work it takes to get things done & you'll naturally be more appreciative if your partner does for you & you'll know how to do for them.

well said, skylarwench. middle-aged kids living off their parents are being enabled to lifetime failure.

whether living at home, or not, the key test is whether people are giving or taking. if they're middle-aged and still immature takers in their relationship with their parents, how can they be expected to act maturely in a love relationship?
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 154
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:14:33 PM
It's becoming more of a problem these days for the younger generations to actually be able to move out of the home and get their own. The average price for a little 2-bedroom home around here with no yard is $250,000 for the "cheap" ones. I have a friend that owns her own house yet has to rent it out because she can't afford to live there herself. And the economy declining like it is isn't helping matters either. So may end up in this country like other countries how whole families may end up living in the same home and may be something that society will have to put up with in the future.
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 155
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:16:06 PM
In today's crazy economy all kinds of living arrangements are being created. While living with parents can put a damper on one's sex life it may be necessary for a variety of reasons. Ideally an in-law apartment or basement apartment is the best situation but even that can be uncomfortable. However if you look at it with a different perspective it can be a positive thing. If nothing else it will slow down a relationship so that major life decisions can be made with the time and consideration they require. It will prevent couples from jumping into living situations that can turn ugly or were not meant to be in the first place.
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