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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 1021
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Adults living at home with Mom and DadPage 43 of 48    (8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48)
^^^^^^^^^Canada too! I moved out when I was 17 and paid my rent, took a bus to work every day at 6am until 7 pm, I didn't want to be at home, I wanted to be on my own and live my life the way I wanted to without having to deal with family and siblings. It was hard, I lived like that for 2 years, but it was worth it, I had freedom, privacy and the responsibility of shaping my future, and the best thing is that I had a respect for what I had, because I worked damn hard and long for it! None of my friends stayed home, they all either got jobs or went on to Post Secondary schooling that they paid for by themselves, most of us lived in crappy apartments in the bad part of town, that was part of the experience, the goal was to get to a better place, not expect to be in a great place to start with.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 1022
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/12/2014 11:00:48 PM

None of my friends stayed home, they all either got jobs or went on to Post Secondary schooling that they paid for by themselves, most of us lived in crappy apartments in the bad part of town, that was part of the experience, the goal was to get to a better place, not expect to be in a great place to start with.


But you realize you could have started in the nicer part of the city, in a nicer apartment, right?

It kind of depends on what that living alone means to you. Yeah, those nights you bring a girl back to your apartment, it's worth it, but those nights you just want someone to hang out, drink a beer, and watch tv, it sucks living alone.

You can still respect what you have living with your parents. My friend started a business, and bought his mother a corvette living home. He made that decision that it's smarter to stay home at the time, instead of recklessly moving out just to get away from his parents. Now thanks to that decision, his kid has a business to run when he grows up, he owns a really nice house, some great cars... What do I have after moving out because it's not cool to live at home? A small apartment, and a car that I only own and have working thanks to that friend helping me out so much while I was struggling, because I was never in any responsible position to move out.

This isn't the case for everyone, but I think it's unfair to put this stigma on people who live with their parents. If possibly struggling every single week, going to bed hungry some nights because all you could afford was a crappy thing of ramen, then great, move out, otherwise, why would you purposely put yourself through that?

Some of you afforded it young. But understand, it's not that simple to just get a high enough paying job. If it were, everyone would be doing it. Most of you got lucky. You were in the right place, at the right time, and saw an opportunity to take. Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, the Revel casino in AC had a job fair, with 50 jobs to fill, that over 1,000 people showed up and applied for. A little before that, another casino closed, and 1,600 people instantly lost their jobs. This is the reality that so many of you ignore when you're talking down about people who live with parents.

It's just unfair to treat these people like they're doing something wrong, to have this idea that they don't deserve to date, to say that it's their fault if they can't afford it... Nobody should have to start a relationship by proving the other wrong about why they're living with parents, but with the reality of what our economy is, it should never even be questioned in the first place. If they have a job, their own car, why are they living home? Probably because life happened.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 1023
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:51:03 AM
The funny thing about your whole premise is that those that do make it either had a well paying job or hated the whole independence experience and it sucked. My first job paid $ 5.25 an hour, and I took a bus to work for 4 hours a day, there and back, I lived with my sister and her idiot boyfriend until I was able to get my own place. It sucked, and I rode that bus for over a year, It was dark when I left the house and dark when I got home for the first 6 months, but I was making my way and there was no option of going back as far as I was concerned.

Maybe that is the difference, I didn't assume or expect that I should have a certain standard of living without putting in the effort to earn it, the nicer apartment was the carrot, so I busted my butt to get a different job in the company I was working for that paid more money. What I had, I worked for, trust me it wasn't much, but it was mine.

I had friends and being alone wasn't an issue, I made it work, I was 19 and struggling, but that is all part of the growing process, it gave me perspective and the drive to achieve my goals.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 1024
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/13/2014 5:02:08 PM
grizzelda- The biggest problem I see with being an adult living at home is that it stunts personal growth.
If you live with someone, you have to live by their rules. There's just something off putting about someone 30+ still answering to mommy and daddy.
I didn't have my parents to turn to and my grandparents are dead.
I didn't have a choice but to put my big girl pants on and make it on my own, but I am thankful for it, because I can rely on myself.
 jml510
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 1025
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/25/2014 11:24:08 PM
The economy is improving, but times are still hard for many people, so I can understand adults who still live with their parents (my older sister being one). I know first-hand that moving out is pretty expensive; I nearly broke the bank moving on my own to Humboldt County from my parents' house in Oakland. I wouldn't necessarily be turned off if a woman tells me that she lives with her parents, but at the same time, I would be a little concerned about her parents possibly being overprotective of her.
 Chipsss
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1026
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/31/2014 9:01:03 AM
Living with your parents is overall good in the economic situation but the downside can be that they / one of them can start interacting with you in a completely different way than if you where anyone else. Like you are a 6 year old and what you say is irrelevant.

A while ago my dad signed a building contract (without reading a single word as I discovered in the end). I stayed out and took his word for it when asking him if he checked it was all legit. He discovered that the company had been previously liquidated, his solution to this was to ring them up and ask about that, to which of course they told him it’s all OK (personally I would have looked a bit further).

Eventually I had no choice but to butt in when I realized he was starting to panic having chanced upon some negative words he found about them (he decided to ring the company up again, and of course they told him that it would be OK) Also it was just about to get to the point where the conmen can enter la-la land in terms of costs, as in: “Well we’ve bought all the materials now, too late your going to have to pay for it all now mate, even if you don’t want to the work done!” That itself was also in the contract, which I read. The print size was the smallest legal size for a contract.

I told him he need’s to cancel now and do his research now. Even if they ended up being legit, it’s months of uncertainty and stress you are entering, and the deeper you’re in the worse it could get.

He didn’t.

I took time off and researched to find out that this company had been serially liquidated in the past, the owners had several other business that where serially liquidated. I found a newspaper article about them with angry victims comments to match and former CCJ’s (prior to liquidation).

I now put this case forward to my dad and he cancelled without question. I was happy that he had only lost £7,000 and was not pursued for £30,000. End of, going to court would not be worth the stress for him and the contract was not on his side (even if its credibility debatable).

After all of this he told me he was going to cancel the contract anyway.

That's a small sample, he is not senile.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 1027
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/9/2014 3:50:31 PM
jml510- I could see it things happening that might put you in a situation to have to move back home, the financial ruin that follows divorce, for one.
But what happens when you live with your parents long term and then they die?
If you are lucky, their house may be paid for, but there are still utilty's and food to pay for.
I wouldn't want to be 40 plus and THEN having to figure out how to make it own my own, jmo.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 1028
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/10/2014 2:20:21 AM

AND it's mainly an american thing. In other countries this topic rarely comes up. But that's the American way. Why save money to invest into BUYING a house, when you can rent one now?


It has absolutely nada... zero.... zilch... nothing to do with whether you need to be renting or buying... getting a house before you are ready. It has everything to do with waiting until you get your crap together before you jump into a relationship. Relationships will eventually be time-intensive things, and it is best to have the infrastructure in place to support it as it grows. Sure... some people wing it... and some people fail. If you focus on getting your situation straightened out (job, finances, etc) you have a far better chance of attracting a mate that you want.

Getting the house first? I don't know what kind of person you are. There are plenty of men who would decide what the house was going to be like before he knew what the wife was going to be like. But presenting the correct impression that you are ready for a relationship (you have a place where you can work on the relationship in privacy and intimacy) just goes that much further.

I get it that jobs are bad, and that rent is too high. I'm not advocating that anyone move out just for the sake of moving out. Never advocated that. I'm just repeating.... You get your crap together as a whole, and only one piece of that includes a place of your own. For numerous reasons that both you and your new partner will enjoy.

Is it that I'm advocating the putting off of a relationship until everything else in place? Because that seems to be the real issue. I'm saying that while you are living at your parents, you shouldn't be trying to date. Having to live at your parents should be below a minimum standard you follow, because it indicates that you lack one of the things you should consider to be a requirement for building a solid relationship... namely a place you can spend time in with just your partner, for as long as ends up being necessary. Those three-day weekends in bed really do make a difference, especially if it's not on a vacation.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 1029
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/10/2014 1:20:58 PM
This is just one of those situations where there is no right or wrong...just people who have a difference of opinion.

If you dont want to date someone still living at home, dont. If you live at home and someone turns you down for this reason...too bad so sad. Everyone has thier own choices to make in life.

My personal opinion, is that in N America, we are stupid about square feet and ownership. I do not buy into this myself. He/she who owns the most square feet is not a contest I play in or respect for that matter. But everyone is entightled to make thier own choices and if you are not someone elses choice...so be it. Learn to accept the consequences of the choices you have to make to survive. Its not like you have any other choice anyways.
 Mzinger1982
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 1030
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/13/2014 4:24:05 PM
Just because an adult lives with their mom and dad doesn't mean they are lazy or can't get a job. Sometimes, something in their life threw a curve ball their way to derail their life and it wasn't in their control.

Me, for example. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2005. Had my last treatment in 2008. This was at a time when my career *should have* begun, but, of course not. I had to quit my job at the time and undergo poisonous treatment just to get rid of it. Now, I am fighting and clawing my way back to a 'normal' life. I still haven't found a full time permanent job yet, but I am trying very hard.

Right now, my current situation is that my parents own a house in a town about an hour away from the city, and they own the condo that I live in, and that I pay rent for. They sometimes come to town, but mostly, I'm living alone.
 Chipsss
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1031
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/19/2014 4:08:25 PM
According to the following UK rent is 40% higher than the economic powerhouse of Europe.

http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=Germany&country2=United+Kingdom

If we assume German house prices are also 40% cheaper. Then as a proportion of the following stated £5.2 trillion UK housing stock value…

http://www.savills.co.uk/_news/newsitem.aspx?intSitePageId=72418&intNewsSitePageId=172125-0&intNewsMonth=01&intNewsYear=2014

…then that would mean £2.08 trillion is tied up from the UK economy by the UK capital-sink-unproductive-asset-inflation-housing-market-bubble. £2.08 trillion is the UK national debt almost twice over.

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/markets/article-2586351/National-debt-keeps-going-UK-sinks-deeper-red.html

The economy provides jobs, which means people can buy a house, but houses are sucking money from the economy so employment prospects are negatively affected contributing to people not being able to afford to buy a house, the expense of which correlates to how their wage can’t cover it. Economics of the lunatic asylum is the norm.

In Japan 40 year mortgages that you can pass onto your children are the norm. I’ll get to that soon.

~

For a lot of people there’s student loans before they’ve even begun.

http://www.alternet.org/story/152809/the_$1_trillion_student_loan_rip-off%3A_how_an_entire_generation_was_tricked_into_taking_on_crushing_debt_that_just_enriches_banks

quote: Even if by some miracle our unemployed and underemployed debt-laden graduates all win decent jobs tomorrow, the money they make will go into paying off these now-delinquent loans instead of anything productive for the economy as a whole. Banks will continue to see massive profits, in other words.

~

Japan has an under population problem, not enough children are born.

http://www.ibtimes.com/japan-encourages-young-people-date-mate-reverse-birth-rate-plunge-it-may-be-too-late-1562867

This will be down to how the cost of living is high. In Japan the 2 generation 40 year mortgage is the norm.
http://www.propertyreporter.co.uk/view.asp?ID=13140

It is well known fact that when resources are scarce, any species will multiply less, whether it’s sexual or asexual, single cell or multiple cell and that includes humans.

Japans population crisis is seen as bad in terms of looking after the elderly.

So on one hand Japan is saying to its young people:

“You need to have babies, you need to look after the old”

and on the other it says

“You can have a 2 generation 40 year mortgage that your children pay off too, perhaps you can’t tell about this debt you’ve signed them up for because they are not born yet”.

In the UK we have “help to buy” where the tax-payer now props up the property bubble.

Census Bureau deputy director Arthur Clausewitz sums it up.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/longawaited-baby-boomer-dieoff-to-begin-soon-exper,647/

In spite of the odious nature of that article, I see this is a very relevant factor, having already been aware of it and knowing that by the year 2030 baby boomers will not be voting.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 1032
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/20/2014 4:28:55 PM
Maybe it is just me. I'm not sure exactly when the conversation went from Dating while living with the Parents, to being about Living at Home is Evil.

I don't believe that living at home is evil. I don't believe that living with family and parents is evil. I can think of a number of ways where living in the family home taking care of one's parents could work out to be a great, solid thing... especially if it means being able to include a new wife at some point.

However, in that specific example, you'd be taking over all the bills, getting deeds and such legally put in your name... in short, you'd be getting your sh!t together.

If you pay a rent that meets or exceeds local prices, and you have a pile of seed money saved away, and you already have the job that would support you (and a mate, and starting a family) then you'd be getting your sh!t together, and it doesn't matter if you are living at your parents, because you are ready to step away and start something with the right mate at a moment's notice (essentially).

If you are living off your parents... meaning you are living with them because you cannot afford to pay rent and live near by, and that would be living "off" them, as they were discounting your rent and bills just because you are their child... that's something else entirely. If the fact that they are your parents is making things financially easier... a crutch as it were... then you shouldn't consider yourself to be in a position to be a stable mate. If you need that crutch, are you just going to switch to using your new mate instead of your parents? Are you going to decide that NOW that you've met someone, you are going to start stepping it up and earning more money to try to get into a better financial situation? I mean... aren't you going to be spending more money on gas, and meals, and movies, and typical dating activities? That's money you haven't been spending up to this point... and months of that money will be going out. If you are living with your parents because times are hard and there's no money... where is this dating money going to come from?

What happens months down the road when you want to take things to the next level? You've been spending a pile of money up until this point, and now you need more. That's about the time you'd wish you'd gotten your sh!t together first. That's all I'm saying. It is like Drinking and Driving. Both are great activities by themselves... and the two don't mix well. Same goes for dating while living at home as an adult. Both are fine activities... they just don't mix well.
 Chipsss
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1033
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/28/2014 2:15:50 PM
The only thing I care about is my career prospects. I couldn’t give a flying monkey’s about the housing market.

The price of housing is largely based on its purpose as a speculative source of profit (at least where I am from). Far removed from being based on the reasons suggested on this thread.

If I want to tell the time I’d buy a wristwatch.

A gold plated rolex would not offer anything more in relation to my needs.

The housing market is knock-off rolex.

Before WW1 and WW2 most men lived with their parents, then they went off to fight.
 Chipsss
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1034
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/18/2014 4:54:31 AM
This thread has gone pretty quiet for a 48 pager. I said earlier that UK rent is 40% higher than the economic powerhouse of Europe. 3 months later and it is now over 45% higher:

http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=Germany&country2=United+Kingdom

Oh my! £220,000 (converted from Euros), scroll down to check out the pictures below on this one...
http://www.immobilien-mosel-hunsrueck.de/detailansicht.xhtml?id[obj0]=1079

If you had an extra £30k you could get 2 garages in the UK, Lewes for £250,000!
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-46959842.html

Wow!
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 1035
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/18/2014 9:52:42 AM
I have been caring for elderly relatives for over a decade -living with my mom -I have no job -no money -no time -no social life -but I've work my *** off

I used to have an extreme wanderlust -couldn't even imagine putting down roots in one place much less being a full-time caregiver -but now I'm fully domesticated -which would be a plus from a woman's perspective should I eventually have a relationship :op
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 1036
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/26/2014 10:45:18 PM
I sense a little Resentment that some Males and Females have had the ability to stay with the parents for whatever circumstance.
Either for medical or perhaps culture reasons or simply to save for financial reasons...
Good luck to them.......
There not complaining ....

As long as they are working, Paying there share/Tax. Not bludging off Society as a whole !!!!!
Its no problem...
 trueyou2
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 1037
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/27/2014 9:08:16 PM
I dated someone that was 34, lived at home with his parents and still to my knowledge still does. (don't know why I dated him.) His reasons were, "he's a photographer, he use to have a successful business, someone stole his name and his credit report says he's deceased lmao. And that is why he won't get a "normal job" until he gets off of his feet. From my understanding his mom pays for his Mitsubishi Galant. His stories seemed like he was a bullshiter. He just didn't want a "normal" job. It only lasted for 2 weeks; because, I honestly thought he was below me. Yes people can be below you!
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 1038
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/25/2014 1:05:24 PM
This thread has lasted a good while. I would imagine that it has a lot to do with the economy whether we agree or not there has been a massive dose of inequality since at least the beginning part of the 1980s. Far from slowing down it has instead been dramatically increasing. While there may be differences in some circumstances, all in all, the advantages that my parents had are not at all the same today and so many find themselves living with parents/adult children far longer than they expected.

I do not believe that makes anyone any better or worse than anyone else. Situations vary greatly and should be respectfully looked at before we just write another person off.

Hope everyone is having a great day!
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 1039
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/25/2014 2:40:59 PM

... and so many find themselves living with parents/adult children far longer than they expected.
At my age, the men I find living in basements and a friend's spare room usually pawn themselves off as business owners. Their business is mowing lawns in summer and snow removal in winter. In between they live with a friend or their grown children's basement. These adults are not living at home with Mom and Dad ... rather they are living at home with their grown children.

I suppose I may be in that position someday, but I guarantee you it will be at the point in my life that I'm wearing depends and not able to get out of bed ... and I will not be spending my days looking for a date on a dating site. I'll be lucky to still be able to run the damn remote so I can switch channels on the TV!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 1040
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/25/2014 4:40:42 PM
Msg 1182

"If you are living off your parents... meaning you are living with them because you cannot afford to pay rent and live near by, and that would be living "off" them, as they were discounting your rent and bills just because you are their child... that's something else entirely. If the fact that they are your parents is making things financially easier... a crutch as it were... then you shouldn't consider yourself to be in a position to be a stable mate."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Agreed!

Also, why is Mom and Dad ALLOWING this to happen?

Of course, there are examples where there are really good reasons why an adult is living at Mom and Dads house: caring for them when they need caring etc etc.

I have two sons, one lives 70 miles away and the other who lives 5 miles away. They both are married with children. All four adults are very successful in their careers. When they were just out of high school, they wanted to move out and I thought it was great. I knew they would be fine because they had a great upbringing. Sure, I have a big house, but I knew they knew that there wasn't a revolving door here. And being who they were as people to begin with, they did just fine and continue to be. If there was an emergency, my home is always open for my family. But there is a huge difference between "emergency" and "enabling" and "allowing" adults to live at home with mom and dad. Pretty simple stuff. And contrary to lots of families, me and my family get along great because we aren't enablers!
 Chipsss
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1041
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/5/2015 3:48:58 PM
Since I last posted on July 2014 the average UK rent is now 53.52% higher than the work based economy of Germany. Up from 40% and 45% at that time.

http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=Germany&country2=United+Kingdom

Due to the lower Euro this place is now £203,000
http://www.immobilien-mosel-hunsrueck.de/detailansicht.xhtml?id[obj0]=1079

So that place costs a little more than the average UK house at £195,000
http://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/jun/03/house-price-rise-puts-average-cost-of-uk-home-at-195k

(In US dollars that makes the average UK house price just shy of $300,000)

The average wage for a surgeon in the UK is £55,000 per year http://www.netsalarycalculator.co.uk/surgeon-salary/ which is good because you only need to make £45,000 a year to get a mortgage that would only just cover the average UK house price in order to buy an overpriced capital sink that will eventually crash.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 1042
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/7/2015 1:35:42 PM
What did Castle say? "No,Mother. YOU live with ME." What about that? Does that fall in or out of able to support themselves?
I don't see anything wrong with extended families- particularly if they live in a mansion or four story house. Under most circumstances,actually.
 rhinestonesky
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 1043
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/15/2015 2:08:14 PM
I've been divorced twice but I always chose to live with my mother. I had a professional career it was just my choice.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 1044
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/15/2015 3:04:25 PM
"Rhinestonesky" ... LMAO at the picture of your dog ... What is that in your dog's mouth?

OT ...
When I left Florida to move back to Ohio, it was very convenient to move into my sister's home ... they had enough storage for my things and until I was able to find a job and get a place of my own, I occupied a child's bedroom. I paid my way.

It worked out well as they were having some extra expenses helping out one of their adult children who had moved back home in order to devote his time to going back to law school full time. His wife was also in nursing school. They were applying for grants and loans trying to pay rent and buy food by working part time but it finally got to be too much for them so they moved back home.

Now they still have so much debt that they're still living with my sister and her husband while trying to pay off some of the school debt and save enough money to buy a home (saving for a down payment).

I think what many find offensive are people who lie or greatly misrepresent about where they live to people they are trying to date. Honesty is always the best policy. I can't tell you how many times men have approached me with their lies.

They lie about being self-employed and living on their own when in real life, they are living in someone's basement and actually just mow lawns and shovel snow for spending money. There's nothing to shame when a company closes or basically has to let people go ... and if someone doesn't understand that, then they're not what you want. Being honest is more important ... there are people out there who have been there and will understand.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 1045
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/15/2015 4:42:05 PM
^^^^ The caption says it’s her ex.
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