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Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 277
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Adults living at home with Mom and DadPage 5 of 48    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I don't really think it's a turn off, or at least it's definitely not a deal breaker. It can be an inconvenience, especially for those where both involved are living at home but I still wouldn't really think any less of someone who stays at home. Personally, I couldn't do it but if they are ok with it than that's all that matters.

The only thing that might bug me, since I try to see myself in a committed relationship and living with her at some point in the future, is that someone who is still living at home would probably have little or no experience on what it's like to live alone, own/maintain a home and all the costs that are involved with that. That may not always be the case obviously, it depends on the individual, but it's still something I have noticed.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 278
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:59:51 AM
I would not be interested in dating a man my age who still lived with his parents, unless he was taking care of them for instance. I have met several men who were in their 40s and had never lived on their own. All were too cheap to rent or buy their own place, as they were paying nothing to their parents when living with them. They all had not clue as to what it costs to rent or buy a house, and thought an apartment rent would be like $200.00 a month and a house payment $300.oo a month. They all had tons of money in the bank, but wouldn't part with a dime unless they absolutely had to do so. Nothing wrong with being frugal, but not renting a movie to watch because it costs money was way too cheap for me.
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 281
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:33:35 PM
Eh it depends on the circumstances for me. One of my uncles never moved out because he just couldn't have lived on his own.

My other uncle moved back but came back after him and his wife divorced. He still lives at my grandparents' house. He's had a girlfriend for ages though. He just doesn't bring her to the house to spend the night. They go to her place. I think it's good for my grandparents and my other uncle that he's still there cuz he makes sure everything gets taken care of.

My mom moved us into her parents' house after she split with my dad when I was 9. She never wanted to stay there, but she couldn't afford to move out until I was 17. But then she had to move back once I started college because the place she'd moved to was charging WAY too much rent. Now it's 5 years later and she just moved into a new apartment.

Ideally, I wouldn't want a grown guy to be living at home, but I understand how circumstances can lead you there.
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 282
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:50:18 PM
I moved back in with my father when my mother passed away for 7 years. He had legal custody of my sister's kids and there was no way he could do it himself. Not only that but he needed the emotional support to get on his feet again. So while I'm quite sure some women jumped to conclusions on this (hey, I'd rather not be there if I didn't feel a sense of honor and family), I accepted it. I guess my only point is do some investigation before you automatically dismiss him.
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 283
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 3:02:17 PM
Totoman, you sound like a fine person, and I would date a man like you who lived at home, ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 286
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:35:15 PM
That's a very kind thing to say brownlady1953. Thank you.
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 287
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:55:38 PM
There are so many factors to consider when you meet someone who is living with a parent.

My mom did it just a few years older than me. She CHOSE to take care of her parents and only after a month or so of living in their household, met the second love of her life (my dad had died). Well, quite honestly, he was also the second "loving Dad of my life." He lived with them and helped take care of my grandparents. I couldn't have asked for a better step-dad.

Ladies, don't give up on the man who may be taking care of his parent or parents. He may be the most loving man you'll ever meet.
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 288
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:42:46 PM
the only difference i'm still in school and will be graduating in september when i could finally get a fulltime job and passing my probation period, i will be moving out.
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 289
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:16:05 AM
It has become pretty sad that IF a man is living with his parents or one of them HELPING them out in some way, shape or form, the majority of women think he is full of crap. That he is mooching off them. But has always been ok for women to live at home.
Some friends it has been the "Who cares what happens to my parents, I have my own life to live" attitude, even when help is needed in some way.
I have had other friends who moved back home to help out thier one parent they only have because he/she got sick and was off work for a couple of years.
These days it is parents are to raise us and then we leave them behind because they cramp our style in finding someone. Sad real sad.
If my mother got laid off, sick etc, I wouldn't think twice, I would be there to help her out financially, living accomodations, whatever. That person raised me, not the woman who would judge me on why I am doing it.
What is also interesting is, WHEN one does become a parent, I bet they wouldn't appreciate thier own child not wanting to help them out because of what someone may think of them.
The North American way is to throw our parents into a Seniors Home and leave them there because we can't enjoy our lifestyle caring or helping them out. How sad is that?
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 290
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:51:42 AM
I agree with forums001. People need to take a look at people and who they are before judging them. I just moved back home to help my mother who is now going to be on disability for the rest of her life. It is NOT an easy move to make. It is very difficult to turn your world topsy turvy in order to help your parent/s. I COULD have called in a home health nurse, had her apply for government financial help and visited on Sundays. But I CHOSE to suck it up and be here for her. It is a very difficult move to make and a person is a stronger person for making that decision, rather then calling a stranger and pushing your FAMILY off on a stranger (or group of strangers) . If a man won't date me because of my decision then I would assume he is a selfish person who I wouldn't want anything to do with anyway. Anyone who can walk away from their family when they are in need is a despicable person who is in need of morals and ethics. I have no respect for people like that. Also what would it be teaching my child, if I just walked away from my mother when she needs me? That family is not important? That is a truly horrible lesson for a child to learn.
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 291
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:18:11 PM
i got an uncle who is 50 something he has never move out of home still lives with my granddad

i moved out of home at 20 thought it was a good age
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 292
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:47:11 PM
In my twenties I moved in about 3 times for a few weeks or several months.

Once it was by invitation to help with the start-up of a family business but it was the final straw in a doomed marriage. The other times it was because I wanted to attempt to resettle in the area or a relationship went belly up.

In all cases I found full time employment (even the business one) immediately and paid rent. I also got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

The economy and job market is way different today and has been for quite some time. So I'd want the guy to be wishing it was that simple and working towards it one step at a time.
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 296
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:03:34 PM
Two stories:

I like to play online games. I was playing in a server yesterday in the early afternoon, "I didn't have to work this day." There was about 24 people playing in a 18+ age server. You can actually do voice chat if you so desire which I don't. One guy whos voice sounded like he was at least in his late 30s said at the end of one round, "I got to go pick up my mother from work, will bbl." He left and everyone laughed...

What about parents staying with you.
One year ago last July my parents had a horrible auto accident on a freeway in another state. The Lincoln rolled 3 times and left my stepfather on top of my mother as the car landed in it's side. It took 45 minutes to cut my mother out of the car and she was airlifted. Stepfather was dead on scene and the gave my mother a 30% chance to live. I was on a plane somewhere over Asia when this happened and landed to find this out. They left the same morning i did only I had a 24 hour flight, they were 11 hours into a drive.
Our family rented an apartment near the hospital since it was out of state so we could be near her. I am the oldest of 8 children and felt very guilty being so far away. My family told me she was in a coma but stable to just stay where I was and take care of some important business then return, that's what mom would want. Wjile in Asia I was in contct with family severl time's a day.
I came home as fast as I could then drove out of state to see her. When I got there she was out of the coma but a bit outta of it. From the very first day she was there a family member or more was there. I spent quit a lot of time there myself. Ireturned home a few days before her release. Arrangements had already been made with another brother to bring her home. I decided it would be best if she came and stayed with me for awhile.
Sher survived the crash but the Doctors said when releasing her that they honestly didnt think she would las 3 days when first brough in. She spent 84 days in that hospital.
I tought my house would be best because I am self employed and could choose my hours, I also was single with a large 3 bedroom house which was kinda centrally located with the rest of the family. Well she came to my house and was very comfortable. She had many visitors from family and friends, especially her 8 children. She is now living back in her own house some 50 miles away. She was here for 6 months and for the most part it was very pleasant. My friends had no problem with her being her. Sometimes I would get up on a late saturday morning only to find my mother and a few friends sitting around having a coffee and a good chat.
There are time's in our life where we may need help and although I am far from a mommas boy I could see myself living with her for a shot while or her living back with me again. Only problem was, she seemed to start making more friends than I had but it was all good.
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 297
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:14:10 PM
I am totally turned off by 40+ yr old Baby Huey moochin off of mom and dad. Time to grow up and grow a sac for God sakes.
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 298
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:53:54 AM
I'm totally turned off by Little Donna living with her parents, free of paying rent, but bashes men who are living with thier parents helping them out financially etc. Seems a big double standard these days that women get away with living at home but when guys do women think "Something is wrong with this guy"
Is like a woman who puts a man down because of his job, yet her job is on par with his. Sad times we live in these days. Have to be doing things that gets acceptance by others? I think not. What is with the bashing and the put downs? Makes no sense.
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 299
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:29:05 AM
Its absolutely fair game for women to not like this.

I've done my time. And I am never going back.
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 300
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:33:26 PM
I've read several pages of this thread and it astounds me that I haven't run across one post that makes the point about the effect it has on Mom & Dad to have their adult child lingering on with them, long after they should be out on their own or, moving back in with them to be able to save their own money.

How is it that no one stops to consider that at some point before they're old and grey, parents are supposed to be able to turn back into the loving attentive couple they were before they had children? Whatever happened to the idea that parents give their children the best they have to offer for a set period of time and from then on, they are able to preserve their own hard-earned money to enjoy their privacy and some perks for themselves?

It's one thing for an adult child to temporarily need help and it's quite another to drag another bunch of babies home for the grandparents to take responsibility for. These people have already raised their children. Since when do adult children have the right to extend the parenting years for their parents?

While moving back home may be a "good deal" for the adult child, the cost to the parents of that adult child can be the last few years that are intended for them to enjoy the last few years of their lives. I think that very few adult children even stop to think that they may be the reason that their parents finally give up on ever being a couple by themselves again and I think in most cases, it's "mom/grandma" who allows and even, encourages it.

If I was to meet a man who had no reason to be living with his parents other than that he just couldn't be bothered to move out or he thinks that they owe him the rest of their lives, I'd think him lacking in basic consideration. If his parents or one of his parents needed help, that's a whole other subject but for any other reason, it's purely immature and inconsiderate.

And this goes for young women who see no reason to move out or even worse, drag their kids in the door because they don't care that Mom has already raised her kids and deserves some time to enjoy her life. GRRR!!!

Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 301
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 1:46:06 PM
I think it's very irresponsible and shows there's something else going on with this person like financially irresponsible bad habits gambling drugs alcohol sex addictions Where is their money going when they can't afford to live on their own? That's the question.
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 302
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:28:25 PM
Why is it that it is always assumed that men are mooching off thier parents when they live at home? Yet is it wrong to financially help out your parent(s)? I have known friends who moved back in with thier parent(s) because thier mom/dad got laid off from thier job and so the person wanted to help them out financially as it was needed.
But I guess that would be wrong to do in most women's eyes?
One thing that is sad is how alot of men will abide by what a woman tells them what she agrees and disagrees when it comes to this topic.
Alot of women feel that mothers interfere with thier sons' lives.
If my mom fell on hard times, which I know no one on here has ever done nor will because they are all financially stable, I sure would not hesitate to help her out financially. But hey that is me and my mother would come first before any women's opinion.
I'm sure of a woman's mom needed help, she would be there in an instant and if some guy told her otherwise she would tell him where to go.
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 305
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:42:45 AM
I would be so bold as to say the people like the one described 2 posts above are the minority. Some of us would much rather be in our own apartment or house, but circumstances necessitate otherwise. What I think people fail to do and fail to teach thier children is to "judge not lest ye be judged". No one wants to be judged or sterotyped, yet we all do it. I don't tolerate it, judge a person for who they are, not thier circumstances. Understandly thier circumstances are a byproduct of the type of person they are. In some instances an uncaring, selfish adult is the one who didn't move back with mom and dad, and in other instances the opposite is true. Irregardless of the reason one lives with mom the impact on both lives are profound. Privacy is gone, independence is gone, relationships are strained, roles are confusing. Before declaring a blanket statement "all people living at home are ________" step back and think about the person behind the circumstance.
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 307
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:57:35 AM
In North America we all want to show everyone what we have and hope for acceptance by all. People criticize others for petty things. But people take those petty things to heart.

Think it this way. Would you turn your back on your parents just because a woman/man told you she/he didn't like the fact you were living with your mom/dad or both, yet you were because they needed help either financially, temporarily?
If you would turn your back, then either you are selfish, do not care about your parents or maybe you have a bad relationship with them.
I know some who have not talked to thier parents in years, got the news that one parent passed away and he never cared.
Others I know have been there for thier parents, put thier lovelife on hold to help them out.
Known others where the bf/gf was totally understanding and commended he/she for being supportive to thier mom and dad.
Overall, if someone or people are putting you down for what you feel is doing the right thing, then you do not need those type of people in your life, plain and simple.

Alot of Women will always immediately think a guy who is living in his parents place is a loser and mooch. Even if you explain it to her, she will still think you shouldn't be there or that you are lying. It is a stereotype and you can't make those people think otherwise...Sad.
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 309
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:26:32 AM
Post above me: Your post pin points the problem. Assuming there is inherent baggage issues solely because someone lives at home is sterotypical and ignorant. Why is the fact that someone lives at home mean there is baggage? Mom doesn't go on date with the other person and in most cases the person can still go out without mom, maybe not for an extended period of time, but for an evening or two. I don't see how this is any different then a working person. A person can't just take off for a week without arranging things at work. So is working also baggage? Clearly I am exaggerating a bit, but am doing so on purpose to illustrate my point more clearly.

2 posts above: I pretty much agree with you wholly.
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 311
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:04:10 AM

Forums001, I feel the same way about women living at home and mooching off Mom and Dad as I do about women doing so. In both cases they need to grow up and take care of their own business. Now, some people have legitimate reasons. I have a very good friend who helped take care of an ill parent and moved in. No problem with that. However, if you are living at home, 30+ years old and pursuing you "music career" r "acting career", grow up, get out, and support yourself

I have to agree you have to take responsibility for your own life... but again, it differs when it comes to other cultures... I came from an asian culture, I do see my cousins still living with their folks back home in the Philippines... I see in some cultures that they do value their parents, and won't see them living in the retirement/nursing homes!
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 312
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:08:00 PM

Why is it sad for an adult to not want to date another adult who lives with his/her parents?

Damn "those people" who insist on being independant and making their own way, instead of reverting to their childhood position.

In this horrible, terrible economy, there are still 90% employed persons. Some of the other 10% never were employed, and never wanted to be. Others work under the table. I've been down to my last $40.00, yet I never moved in with my parents. I expect the same from a partner.

The adult children living at their parent's home need to seek out others who also live with their parents, and quit ****ing about how people who are self sufficient refuse to date them.

I never **** at people who are self sufficient. But if my mom needs me to help her out somehow, and it meant she had to move in with me or vice versa, I wouldn't say no because someone who is self sufficient thinks I shouldn't. It wouldn't be permanent, just temporary. What I have said is that so many women think men shouldn't be living with any parents regardless of the situation.
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 315
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:09:58 PM
You have to evaluate the whole situation. You have to remember what this economic crisis has done to people. Some people are forced to live at home because they can't find a job, and that's not entirely their fault at this juncture. Or, if you're sure they're just 'moochers', then you're right in assuming they're not worth getting to know better. What I'm saying is that you have to think about the big picture before you make a judgment.
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