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 PureElegance4you
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 1308
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 19 of 59    (5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45)
This is an old post, but i want to add something in it. When i first started dating my ex, i didnt want to be his"girlfriend" tho we had a sexual relationship. I was married for over 18yrs and my husband had passed away. I never once cheated on him. I married younge and was ready to go out met people and have fun. So when i was with my ex i told him point blank i was just with him. He called it cheating. I didnt. When i was ready to be with just him, and we talked about it i never ever slept with another man again. We did get married, which yahhhhhhh he ended up in drugs and drinking which i ended the relationship. SO he in his mind thought i was "cheating' so i did stop once i just wantd to be with him and never did when we were married.
 pirateforgood
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 1309
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:44:06 PM
I can and I have when I was married.
 NorthernLights4U
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 1310
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:47:01 PM
Excuse my French, but...no f-ing way. I would not willingly subject myself to someone who would take away my comfort level, my sense of security and sense of attractiveness as a woman. My opinion of the cheater would change so drastically there's no way I could forgive and forget. I'd like to think we're not animals and have some control over our impulses. I can understand feeling tempted, but to actually go through with an act that could potentially crush someone's self esteem is the height of selfishness and I just don't think I could get past that. I haven't had this happen to me (that I know of), but it happened to someone who meant the world to me and I'll never forget the pain he went through. Still brings tears to my eyes to this day when I think of it.
 StormMike2
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1311
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:19:06 PM
Some old sayings are old because the have stood the test of time.
" FORGIVE & FORGET "
I have learned to forgive because it is essential to my mental, emotional and spiritual well being. The anger and animosity that comes with ' not forgiving ' tears at everything. It tears at everything from the inside out. It is like a cancer that will eat you alive from inside. Sometimes to the point where, for some, death is preferable.
It is preferable only because you believe the hurt of betrayal and abandonment will never go away.
I don't feel these things anymore, because I have learned to forgive.
" BUT DO NOT ASK ME TO FORGET !"
I need the reference of the things that have happened so that I am wise enough for it not to happen again.
Recently, someone I cared for very much did not honor her words. I don't think she knows that there were lies of omission ( lies non the less ) that I knew of. Maybe she did, maybe not.
Saying you will call someone and not calling, is one thing.
Being on line at that time you said you would call is another.
Telling someone the next day " I'm sorry I didn't call. I fell asleep."
Is a different animal and it is ugly and should be extinct ( the act not the person ).
So I said nothing and let it drift apart, then gave her the out that " We don't seam to be working out." She agreed, and so it goes.
But I too continue, because I can forgive...but I will not ....FORGET.

It is nice to have a choice.
 babaloka
Joined: 11/25/2004
Msg: 1312
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:19:07 PM
I will never forgive if it is intetional.....why?
 StormMike2
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1313
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:55:47 AM

I will never forgive if it is intetional.....why?


Cheating by its happening IS INTENTIONAL ! ! ! ! !
There are some other choice words I could pick to your response.
I don't think you would get it anyway.
 cheaterzzzcom
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 1314
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/17/2009 5:26:30 PM
i've been cheated on before - by several women - and eventually forgiven them.

i've also been on the other side and have been the cheater. i hurt a really nice girl and have told myself from that point on that i would never cheat again.

it really sucks. no one should cheat. and it happens far more than anyone knows or realizes. look at ashleymadison, or even sites like womansavers, dontdatehimgirl, or cheaterzzz.com. people are scandalous!!!
 dardika
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 1315
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/17/2009 5:29:11 PM
No. I don't cheat or even flirt with other men when I am in a relationship...I expect the same kind of commitment from my SO. If he wants someone else then that means he no longer wants me.
 freedomagn
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 1316
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:23:00 PM
Probably but you'll never forget. NEVER.
 jarbarian2
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 1317
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:25:59 PM
Forgive? Yes. Absolutely.

Take them back? NEVER, EVER!

Once someone destroys trust, there is no longer a solid foundation for a relationship. And the last thing I want to do is be with someone that I have to constantly wonder "when are they going to do it again?"

No thank you.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1318
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:26:41 PM
If I was married to someone and wanted to keep the marriage together and it was the first time, I probably would. If I was dating someone and he cheated, he could just kiss my sweet backside goodbye.
 sharp278
Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 1319
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/23/2009 5:04:55 PM
i know from experience, that once they do it, nothing is the same again. i was married to a guy, that in,fact has a profile on here, for over 10 years. once that trust is gone it will never return. i feel sorry for his next victim, hopefully any of you ladies on here that he contacts, will be smart enough to run the other way.
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 1320
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/23/2009 7:30:37 PM
hi... yes, if my honest intent was to forgive, God would give me the Power to replace the pain and anger with Love and Forgiveness... this has already happened in my life so I am speaking from Living Truth.... many blessings
 scoobysnak
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 1322
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:33:37 AM
I know this is an older post but i thought i would just add my thoughts on the situation (not that it really matters) ...
Ive been cheated on in the past and after 4 years she cheated on me and it sucks to be cheated on. Your feelings are hurt and honestly theres no words to even describe it. Anyways we tried to work through it and did for another 3 years.... then it happend again. So this is the conclusion i came up with .... if someone has the audacity to cheat on you once, then they have the ability to do it again - that is a fact. You can and SHOULD forgive them... but the bottem line is you will never forget what they did to you. Things will never be the same and if you cant accept that, then definitly move on. If you think you can handle it, then your a better person then me ;)
anyways just my thoughts
 logs2bcut
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 1323
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:03:17 PM
anything can be forgiven, but forgotten? NOT HARDLY!!
 always_the_optimist
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 1325
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:22:39 PM
NO. I found out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me. I loved him and planned to marry him, but when I found out I broke up with him and never spoke to him again. If he'd cheat on me once, he'd do it again. If you are married and have kids it's worth working it out, but otherwise, it's not worth the heart ache.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 1328
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:52:17 PM

I actually called up the last two cunexttuesdays (don't want to curse!) and said calmly "hey, would you mind coming over and taking care of our 3 children, do the housework/laundry/errands/cooking/shopping/dog work, etc, while my H and I go out somewhere? They hung up on me, never to be heard from again. Interesting

I love it.......good for you!!
\
In my first marriage my friend thought my ex was EVERYTHING......i think had a lot to do with the $$$$$$, as he had a bunch!!
However she kept coming down to ask him for help with different things, help with kids swingset, etc.
I walked out to the car after second time she came down. I told her." I have absolutely NO Problem with you wanting my husband.you can have him...but take his laundry with you.....and for Goodness' sake don't think you are gonna return him!!"
My husband was dumbfounded. He was actually helping her out because she was a
" friend" of mine and he thought he should because of me. She got all red in the face, peeled out and I never saw her again. I did hear from my other friends how cute she thought he was, that I was too goody two shoes, and he would get tired of me soon.
Well as it ended, I left him, but it had nothing to do with cheating.
 andy.pandy
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 1329
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:12:15 PM
i have been down this road befor trying to forgive and try to forget but it does not work the feeling goes way and then a few weeks later you will feel untrustworthy again towards them
in my case my ex was texting another guy and sending nude pics of her self its not psychical cheating but cheating none the less. maybe if we had kids id stick with it for them but we didnt . even if you had kids you would never be able to fully get over it
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 1330
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 4:02:41 PM

Cheating- can you forgive?

My answer on this has always been No.
And to the best of my knowledge Ive never been cheated on.

Then after reading many of the fora... it made me reconsider my stance as Ive matured... Im older now supposedly wiser... so could I?
... could I forgive them? but thats not really what is the foundation to this is to me.

Could I forgive them? meh... doesnt really matter. I dont need to forgive someone to move through pain. Some people might have to... I dont.
I know what they did, they know it too... Ive "seen" what they are and thats enough for me.

Back to the age thing. At my age I dont believe there's any reason for it.
When we're young... people do stupid things... but in my 40s? No excuse for it.

Cheating tells me one of a few things about a person
1. their immaturity... meaning they're unable to resolve whatever the issue is with their partner without thinking they've got to reach elsewhere for it... and in someone elses bed isnt gonna give it to you... but will cause a sh*tload of other problems
2. or they simply are unwilling or unable to control themselves
3. or... they want out. And doing it that way... honestly... its just a cowards way and I have zero respect for cowards in any capacity and want nothing to do with them.

So after pondering my feelings on this for a loooooooong time... my answer is still No.
Not to the forgiveness... which as I stated is a moot point to me... but to giving them the opportunity to do it again.

There's more to it than just that.
If I dont love someone... I dont give a damn what they do... and if I do... I know cheating will stab me directly in the heart.
This is why many men (and women too)... get involved with somebody else so quickly during a breakup... its the ultimate act to hurt.
So for any of you out there who've been in the position.. you can keep in mind that its not about the other person and how great they are or what you're lacking... its all about hurting you... for no other reason than they can. Another immaturity issue.

I know myself well enough to know I will find it exceptionally difficult to not let my contempt for a person who did that to me reflect straight back at them.
And staying in a relationship with them will not let me heal... seeing the cause of my pain in my face every single day would just eat me up inside like a cancer.
Especially if they had the audacity to undermine the seriousness of what they'd done.
Cancerous feelings flow onto other aspects of our lives... our children... our other loved ones... just other people.
And I dont want other people to pay for the crime of one.

And regardless of whether they felt remorse for doing it or not... I dont wanna feel like that over a stupid thing they didnt have to do in the first place... and I dont wanna take it out on them either.

It took me many years to come to terms with the disgust I felt for my ex husband over what he did but more importantly it took many years for him to earn back the respect I gave him so freely to begin with... and he didnt even cheat.
He thought I had. I hadnt. He didnt trust me, he doubted me... and that stabbed me just as deeply.

I never asked for or expected any type of "penance" from him about it... it was just a process I went through as well as he.
I knew he was terribly sorry when he realized what he'd done by jumping to a conclusion... but it doesnt change the fact that he did... and what he did afterwards.
He inadvertently broke the foundations to our lives and our love.

You cant "fix" everything.

Ive matured... Im older now supposedly wiser... so could I?

I said my position hasnt changed... its still No.
The only difference now compared to when I was 20 years of age is... that its not just a "feeling"... I can articulate exactly why that is.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 1331
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 4:25:39 PM
I received a phone call saying that my ex-husband was cheating on me. I called him on his cell phone and yes he was cheating, He was caught. I think it was the phone call that did it not because of the quilt of cheating. As far as I know he didn't cheat until a few years later. He told me he was heading to a male friends house gave me a kiss and told me I Love You then drove over to his new girlfriend's house. After he left I had an uneasy feeling that I needed to check on him and drove by his male friends house and nope he wasn't there. We bowled that night and thought he might be there, he wasn't there either so I called his cell phone and was told he was in love with her and would be moving out after bowling. I was devastated and he showed up at the bowling alley with her in tow and being humiliated in public. I thought we had a good marriage together, we told each other we loved each other everyday and spent a lot of time together when I wasn't working. At that time I worked nights. When the Cat is away the Mice will play. After we separated I spoke to his first wife and he cheated on her many times. He was engaged a month later but it didn't last long and they broke up a month later and he called wanting to know if he could move back in with me. I couldn't have him move back in to make it easy for him, it wouldn't be easy for me having him living in the same house downstairs not having anything to do with me. Since that time I have forgiven him so I can move on with my life but I haven't forgotten.
 Jexma
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 1332
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/16/2009 1:36:40 AM
my past 3 relationships turned out to all be cheats. i tried to revive my last relationship when she cheated on me. and she only broke my heart a few weeks after that.

I'm actually in doubt of continuing dating because of it. take a year or 2 for myself.

But..
I'm Sorry.

Once a Cheater. Always a Cheater
 MoralStand
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 1333
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:22:58 PM
I haven't been cheated on but having a guy look at others like he is almost in love is embarrassing and ALSO like cheating...why don't they leave THEN...because how could they really care? I think those who forgive the worst kinds are not a whole lot better themselves. When I meet a guy I tell them bkuntly (when we start to get serious) tell me exactly the way you feel about this and this..etc...because I won'y be loving the REAL you if I don't know... and there are plenty of sluts for them to use so maybe they won't lie just to get more in time.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 1335
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:29:31 PM
I think I would. I don't have that strong emotional reaction to the idea of being cheated on. If the rest of the relationship still works, the fact that she got sex elsewhere at some point wouldn't be that big a deal to me.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 1336
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:43:59 PM
I was cheated on by my first ex, and it took a long time for me to get over it. My ex wound up having a shotgun wedding to the woman he cheated on me with, and they are still together. I recently found out he was taken to court to pay for a child he help create when he cheated on his current wife. I really dont think cheaters ever loose their spots.

For me, I did eventually forgiven my ex, but I have never forgot what he did to me. I left when I found out he had cheated on me, as that was something I could not live with or put up with.

I attended his mothers funeral this year, as I thought she was a wonderful woman and I was sorry to learn of her death. It had been 30 years since I had last seen my ex and I needed to have his brother who I see regularily in business point him out to me after the funeral. It was funny because he did not recognize me either, and when his brother introduced us, he had a shocked look on his face. I think its safe to say that I have aged better than he has, but it was fun catching up. I hold no ill will or nasty wishes for him, but I would never believe anything that ever came out of his mouth, or put myself in a position where I would have to rely or trust him, as he proved himself unworthty to me. I had a wonderful time catching up to people I knew a lifetime ago, and I am not sorry in the least for leaving him.
 Sturgis_girl
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1338
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:27:45 PM
ur right once a cheater will always be that way ive been through a 7 yr relationship like that fine someone who really cares for u if this guy really did care he would have done it and yes they will do it over and over they just get better of liying and being sneky
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