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Joined: 1/31/2005
Msg: 26
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 2 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
We all make choices.

A cheater makes a CHOICE to cheat.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Suck it up or leave. A cheater only feels remorse when he gets caught.
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 27
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:34:34 PM
My ex-husband cheated on me, and we did get back together after several weeks. Unfortunately, things were never the same emotionally and when it happened again a year or two later, it was over and I've never looked back. Just as a couple of other people have said - you never forget. The one thing I can say is that I gave it my best shot and in the end it just didn't work out - but I tried. Although I don't want to generalize, I think it's fair to say that the majority of those who cheat WILL cheat again. But the next time, they'll know how to do it better.

People are different. I've known others who have had a cheating spouse, they were separated and then got together again - and the relationship was better than ever, with no more cheating. Just depends how each person feels and whether or not they can deal with what's happened. I do believe, though, that it's important to forgive in order to move on........
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 28
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:37:44 PM
well, big whoop working girl, so you walked on yours, like about a billion other hurtin pups. Forgetting the vows of for better or worse. Go ahead and justify it all you want, I still wont be in a real relationship with someone who didnt exhaust all options in their marriage.
Joined: 1/31/2005
Msg: 29
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:41:32 PM
^^^Well, good for you. What do you want, a dog biscuit?

I don't believe I was even SPEAKING to you. I was answering the OP's question. In fact, you're arguing with yourself.

But, thanks for coming out with your insightful posts. We're all so eternally grateful. It's been quite entertaining
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 30
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:43:50 PM
sure, a dog bisquit would be fine, thanks.

And yes you were speaking to me. Dont lie, and remember, No chatting.

This thread gets posted daily.
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 31
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:46:17 PM
Yeah I could forgive, yeah I could stay with him...but I'm pretty sure the passive/aggressive things I'd do to him for revenge might piss him no, I don't think it would be a good idea. But alas, all's fair. If I get a cheat for every cheat he gets...we're even. I would just make sure to come home and give him all the sorted details. Ya know...just for shyts and giggles.

I think it would depend on why he cheated.
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 32
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:49:38 PM
good point.

what if they cheat because they arent getting their emotional needs met by you? What do you do to change?
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 33
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:57:11 PM
^^^Men have emotional needs????Since when?
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 34
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:58:22 PM
I was talking about women, smarty pants I know you knew that.
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 35
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:01:21 PM
Wow, cheating really is one of those repetitive topics, eh??

food for thought.....

truth makes truth, lie makes lie
doubting makes doubting, trust makes trust

Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 36
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:03:02 PM
You know... I doubt there would be as much cheating as there is if people could learn how to actually physically leave a relationship. The problem I see is that some folks just can't seem to get the hell out of a bad thing when they are in it, so they take an easier softer way out. It doesn't tend to be as easy though...
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 37
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:08:11 PM
hmm not sure if that is it or not....took me along time to leave and well I never cheated....

I wonder if it has more to do with emotional maturity....being able to communicate openly with your SO. I think most people don't have the skills, to create a healthy loving relationship.

my 2cents

Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 38
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:48:36 PM
Do you know why he cheated?
 mind the kids
Joined: 12/11/2005
Msg: 39
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:52:33 PM
I would say at the point people have to cheat its over,, i forgave my ex wife and u know.... it just got ten times worse after. At that point she figured it would be ok everytime.
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 40
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/16/2005 3:28:06 PM
now thats the bottom line random. just a simple lack of emotional maturity and ability to communicate with your significant other. many people lack the skills necessary to develop and sustain a healthy loving relationship.
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 41
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:37:51 PM
Well...if a guy or a gal runs to someone else it's usually cuz you couldn't furnish what he was looking for....or...he wouldn't give it up.
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 42
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:43:24 PM
yeah, really, There is a REASON. I mean some needs werent being met. Come on, get off your high horse people. Admit that you were to blame
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 43
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 11:12:14 AM
yes u can but can u ever trust them again?-i was married for 10 years and one day out of the blue he cheated on me-forgivnesss was the easy part-we couldnt make it work becuz i couldnt trust him-so i dont think forgivness is what breaks ppl up after cheating its the lack of trust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 44
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 11:24:37 AM
I forgave, and tried again, and it happened again. Does this mean every one that cheats will cheat again? Or those that haven't at some point will? If I really beleived that, why bother venturing out of my house. Yes it stung, badly, yes it took away trust, yes it hurt like no other hurt... but once we split, truly time was on my side, and for me, about a year down the road, I totally forgave him and was free of harboring ANY ill feelings about it. It was, what it was, he owned it, no one else did. The only feelings I had left about it were I hoped he didnt put another woman in that situation. In fact, he called, after a year went by and totally owned up to it and confessed he couldnt beleive he had done that to me and was truly sorry he lost me over it. Now that's liberating! I wished him well, and meant it. I learned from it, there are definitly signs, I chose not to see them back then. I'm a smarter woman today, and for that, I'm grateful.
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 45
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:05:22 PM
That a partner would cheat suggests that the relationship, at least from his/her vantage point, was not that strong. If someone is going to cheat, hopefully it will happen early in the relationship, before too much emotional involvement occurs.

Even people who are into swinging live by a certain code. I would not personally forgive, not insofar as considering it a workable situation. I am not suspicious, but if it occurred and I knew it for sure, I'd absolutely walk away.
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 46
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:17:01 PM
I learned my lesson the hard way. If anyone ever cheats on me again, theyre out of my life forever. A lepord never changes its spots.

Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 47
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:51:30 PM
Forgiving does not mean getting back together and trying to have a relationship with the same person who cheated on you. Once someone has cheated on you, you no longer see that person in the same light; they have taken your trust, your faith in them and disrespected you in the worst possible way

To answer your question, yes, you should forgive. BUT, it takes time, sometimes years. You have to understand what you are forgiving, why you are forgiving, and who you are forgiving.
The act of forgiveness is for YOUR benefit, NOT the benefit of the cheater. The act of forgiveness is when you truly let go of the anger, the hate, the distrust, the emotional upheaval it's caused in your life. It’s when you are ready to move on. The act of forgiveness does not mean that you want the other person back, it does not mean that what they have done is now ok, and it does not mean that what they have done is now forgotten.

Forgiving is saying, I’ve dealt with the pain you have caused me, I’m letting it go, it will no longer be my problem to deal with, it will not run my life, or control my life.

Forgive the act of deceit
Forgive for your benefit, so you may heal
Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 48
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:59:56 PM
Yep no problem. This may come as a shock to many but I've made a boatload of mistakes, some unwittingly but moreover they were overt. I continue to make them. I don't anticipate ever changing. Degree as it is related to indiscretion is wholly forgiveable in my world. To expect more is delusional. To forgive less is disingenuous. To run rampantly over the soul of someone you love should not be excused, merely tolerated with provision. Once/always? That's a broad brush.
Revisit your options, trust is a critical element. I concede that. Abandoning your friend? Maybe there is something deeper afoot.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 49
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:43:08 PM
Cheating is just another sign that your relationship is in trouble. It is not the only thing that is the problem, there are multiple ones that lead up to that or included in that attitude.

We all make mistakes and forgiveness is the highest form of caring and love for that person......forgetting takes time and must be earned. Time and openness, caring and honesty with all things over time can heal most mistakes, including cheating.

Getting each other help just as you would with a disease or accident, is important and taking the time to see what you can or can not live with and why is all part of this forgiveness and in the long run, earning that respect back enough to forget too......

Just my opinion....
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 50
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:51:19 PM
once a cheater, always a cheater......Never forgive!!.nuff said!!
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