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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 692
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 20 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Perhaps.....when pigs fly!
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 693
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/17/2007 6:05:29 PM
Cheating is for losers....a man appreciates a woman who is not suspicioning him for cheating...if a man is crazy about one single women...he won't cheat....he might flirt....but he knows what he wants and that is one single woman that he wants to be with...but you must treat him right...
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 694
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/17/2007 6:26:43 PM
Nope. It's not a good place to be in.
Been the cheated in a serious relationship. I don't wish it on anyone.
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 695
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/17/2007 9:48:34 PM
I have forgiven my ex for cheating on me. To me, it's just not healthy to stay mad at people forever. Would I ever take her back? Never. Forgiveness is one thing, trust is a whole other issue.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 698
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:46:21 AM
once a cheater always a cheater.words to live by.
if u stay with someone who cheated on u they will do it again cause they will think u are stupid and u wont leave them even if they do it again.
cheaters are frikking trash.
dump theyre asses and let them find trash like them lol
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 699
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/18/2007 3:19:04 AM
I don't know.
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 701
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:01:23 PM
yes!!..I can forgive..

after all....its only sex!!
I would hope that there was more to a relationship I was in..then sex.
I would look at what was missing in that relationship to make him look elsewhere..what he was lacking and I would try to fix it.

It is all about communication.

 Dog Mommy
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 703
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:16:31 PM
I don't think I could work past the betrayel of it...
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 704
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:07:34 PM
(Msg 747) JUST ABOUT SEX?.........not even close...

Ahhh, but cheating is about sex. It's not about having lunch with someone or a golf game or talking about the grandkids. I don't condone affairs, however, when one denies their partner sex the partner has every right to refuse to accept such treatment and anyone I've spoken with or any article I've read the person has said they were not getting sufficient sex at home. Sure, there are people who will just want to put a notch in the bed post but I don't believe they're the majority. IMO, too many people have neglected sex in a relationship and, sooner or later, it comes back to bite them.

If one has a problem forgiving perhaps the first thing they should do is ask themselves if they gave freely to their partner.

Caveat: My sex life is great and I'm not seeking a lover.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 705
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:38:49 PM
Forgiveness is in the eyes of the forgiver. I heard a saying once, if you could erase that one thing, is this still the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. They have to really be sorry. and you have to decide if you can trust them again. Alot to think about.
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 706
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 8:37:22 PM
Cheating is cheating whether it is an emotional or a physical affair. It is NOT just about the sex. How anyone can blow off an affair as no big deal and something that is fixable must not put to much emphasis on the emotional side of a relationship. I have been through this, and the feelings I experienced of being lied to and cheated on by someone that I was in love with and had total trust in, were indescribably horrific. Sorry, it's just not that easy to take someone back after they destroy all trust and hurt you that badly.
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 707
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 9:45:45 PM
If the person has it in them to do it once they will no doubt do it would be healthy for you to forgive but you can never forget.
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 708
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/22/2007 9:47:32 PM
Hell no. Kind of cliche, but once a cheater, always a cheater
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 710
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:52:03 AM
Yes under certain circumstances however, it will NEVER be forgotten..... try living with that in a relationship
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 712
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:07:04 AM
A lot men have a problem forgiving his partner if she cheated. Yet women will. I went through five years of hell paying for it. He couldn't leave me--it was more important for him to punish me. So, I was the one who left--and took our son, that was born after my affair. (And yes, it was my husband's child. No doubt about it.)
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 713
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:20:32 AM
I've forgiven, and given second chances. They repeat the same pattern. Once that trust is gone it can never be recaptured.
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 714
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:42:30 AM
It's not even a matter of forgiveness for me, it's a matter of acceptance. This is what I've learned:

Neither the man I am involved with nor a woman he might choose to fvck without my knowledge are responsible for my self image, my dignity or my feelings. I am.

At one point in my life I was confronted with those feelings of public humiliation and loss of dignity expressed by many who have had an unfaithful partner. I examined them. What was it I was projecting onto other people that made me assume they thought less of me? His philandering might mean to other people that I am lousy in bed. Am I? His philandering might mean to other people that my attitude toward him was demeaning and emasculating. Was it? His philandering might mean that I did not have enough control over him, hadn't made the consequences for his betrayal grave enough. And that's the one that got me.

The other two are easy. If I'm lousy in bed get better at it. If I treat him in a humiliating fashion, learn some manners. But that control thing... oh man that was it, that was the clincher for me. If my man cheats I am not a powerful Kali goddess that can lop off the balls of a warrior with one glancing look. Did I really want that though? Is that an accurate self image for me?

I discovered no, it's not. I do not wish to be a controlling factor in his life. I do not wish to tame him and exact from him some standard of behavior that makes me feel comfortable, safe and pumped up with power. I want him to express himself freely. That way not only do I get to find out who he really is, but I get to love who he really is. He is not then simply a reflection of what I want him to be, he's actually the him he'd be if I'd never been born. That's the man I want to love.

So frankly, unlike many, I don't give a sh!t who sleeps with whom. Do whatever you want. Express yourself. I have no interest in controlling my partner or anyone else. Life is full of drama and pain and excitement and conquest and joy. Keep it coming. Randomness and danger keep us healthy. Exerting effort to survive keeps us young and fit. This has been discovered in zoos, why wouldn't it be true of us? Go ahead, challenge my security, I might lose a few pounds and sharpen my claws on it.

Edited to add: And you know what? I'll tell you something else that's not very popular:

We spend so much of our lives answering to ideas. We bake cookies and clean house because we are married to the idea of being wife. We go get jobs because we are married to the idea of providing for our children, when in effect we have abandoned them. We demand monogamy because we are married to the idea of being a wife. I want to be with a man, not an idea. The busier I make myself fulfilling my ideas and the more I demand he be married to my ideas the more distant we become. Every man I've known and loved and in fact every guy I've known period wants his woman to love HIM, not his shirts, not his house, not his job, not even his kids.

Because I was immersed in the idea of a relationship and all its customs and rules I wasn't relating with him. I was playing house. I was amazed when I watched my small niece and cousins play. Hours were spent dividing up the toys and the accessories and then the diatribe of "then I'll say, then you'll say, then I'll say, then you'll say" and inevitably when one of the adults said, "It's time to go" they'd scream, "but we haven't gotten to play yet!" What I learned from watching that was that I'd established a very long list of "then I'll say then you'll say" rules, and I still hadn't begun to play. He became involved with me because I'm one of the best-goddamned playmates he ever had. It was time for me to drop the constructs and play with him, even if it meant I might fall out of the tree or crash my bike or he'd take off without me and scare me by popping out from behind a wall somewhere. He thinks it's funny when I scream and pee my pants. Girls can be fun to play with.

When we let go of our fear of pain amazing things can happen. So I say, "Let go."

I swear to you when I said "play with whomever you want, I don't care" all he ever wanted was to play with me, because it's me he got, not my fear, not my rules, not my little girl bossiness. And guess what, all you other bossy little girls out there with all your rules and scripts, he knows if he plays with you, all he's gonna get is "then you'll say, then I'll say" so he isn't even interested. He's going to say and do whatever he damned well pleases and if any of us pee our pants all the better.

Now maybe that's just me, but I tell you, we had a ball, and if he wanted to play a round of dip my pee pee in sally's twat he could go right ahead. When I removed myself from the cvnt of all the other females on the planet he stopped trying to talk to me through them. When he goes into sally's twat he doesn't find me there anymore.
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 715
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:56:09 PM
yes I would forgive, but it depends on circumstances. Also..why are people willing to forgive almost anything, but not infidelity? I am not saying infidelity should be tolerated..just curious as to why this kind of deception is worse than any other kind of deception (people forgive financial lies, etc often).
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 716
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 2:04:29 PM
I have to agree here
Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 717
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:08:03 PM
I don't think you can. Because if you do, someday they will do it again....sooner or later they will.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 718
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/29/2007 11:09:47 AM is a sign of weak character. My motto is "finish one relationship before you start another". But some people are selfish and want the best of both worlds. I think alot of cheaters who are forgiven would do it again. I'd rather be alone than with a cheater.
 Jersey Girl 1971
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 719
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:10:16 PM
SIMPLE ANSWER....................NO !!!!!
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 720
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:22:51 PM
Sure I can fogive them as they walk out the front door and never, ever come back.
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 721
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:27:58 PM
I feel you can forgive someone for cheating , but it does not mean you will ever forget . I forgave my ex husband for cheating ,but I forgave him for my own sense of well being , because I just got tired of carrying around the anger and bitterness . Just because I forgave him , and we are now friends , it did not mean that we stayed together .
 Just Carol
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 723
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/29/2007 6:24:32 PM
sometimes you can forgive....but you never forget...the trust is gone and I'm not sure it is replaceable....too much drama for my life....turn the page and find someone worthy of you.
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