Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 pgail316
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 750
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 22 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Girl, it is my experience that once he cheated he will cheat again. But it is your decison to stay with him. Personally I WOULD NOT! A cheater never gets a second chance with me. There are choices we make everyday and to be faithful is one. If he wanted to cheat he should of just broke it off with you and moved on. You will never trust him again, if he is ever late you will be thinking is he with her? Or if he does not answer his cell, that will be on your mind. Think about this, and think hard. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering? Heck I am not Dr. Phil and I know and you know what he would tell you.... Let him go, he is not worth your worry. Read Love Smart by Dr. Phil, it will answer all your questions about a relationship.
 frenchchick05
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 751
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:00:00 PM
i dont forgive and i dont forget...and i pay ya back...life is a ****...the frenchchick
 JENNYMAC
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 752
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:00:34 PM
N. O. P . E..time to move on
 luvlymartie96
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 753
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 1:07:25 AM
I have really tried to forgive, if there is alot of history it's really hard... but the truth is that they will always think the grass is greener on the other side even if there is no grass in the first place.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 755
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 5:37:34 AM
These people are flawed and toxic to anyone they are involved with...they will poison one's life with pain as long as they are allowed to.
 Belonging2NoOne
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 756
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 6:07:32 AM
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
 Melinda55
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 757
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 6:43:48 AM
If they got no self control they can leave me alone. I don't wanna be with someone that can't keep it in their pants that's just gross, so no, I don't forgive cheating. I don't like dishonesty, and I don't like infidelity. Both are unforgiveable.
 locnar
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 758
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 7:17:57 AM
Nope, I would not be able to forgive someone that cheats. It happened to my friend where his cheating wife hooked up with a guy that was also married so the two of those pieces of **** messed up two marriages and almost drove my friend to suicide. And then 8 months later she says she made a mistake and he was willing to take her back until she changed her mind. It was easy for me to say to let her go but he had been married for 6 years so not as easy to just cast her aside. He was willing to forgive because he is a good christian and loyal guy but its best that its over so he can meet someone else that isn't a self centered selfish person.
 Larissan04
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 761
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 3:42:50 PM
josie... there is a difference between someone who has a long history of being a cheater, and someone who cheats once. big difference. the thing is, you should do some real research on this topic for yourself. i did many years ago and it helped me out quite a bit.

there are couples that have survived infidelity, and thier marriages ended up being much stronger. but when i did research on this the numbers were very few. that being said, it CAN be done. it just takes tremendous emotional maturity and a willingness of both parties to work it out and discover the reasons why it happned in the first place. affairs don't happen in a vacuum. there are reasons why the person stepped outside of the relationship in the first place, and even though they are demonstrably the bad guy in the situation, the person who was cheated on has some responsibility to the relationship as a whole... that is, if they ever want to work through all the issues...

the biggest stumbling block is that the cheater has a hard time understanding how hard he/she must work to restablish trust again, and the cheatee has a hard time letting it go. the person who has been cheated on often uses it as an excuse to attack the person, as if they forever had carte blanche to be abusive to the cheater...

the bottom line is, if a person gets cheated on and goes into retaliation mode... there is no way the couple will ever work through it. often the one who has been cheated on wants to know everything, where... when... how many times...and can even have "pictures" flash up in thier mind of the cheater and the third person together. this is really painful of course.

only you know whether it is salvagable. only you know if the guy that cheated on you is truly willing to come clean and be honest about everything. if he isnt, and is still hiding things, well, chances are he isn't really willing to do the hard work. also, don't involve a bunch of other people in the situation. the more you start talking about it to your girlfirends and family the more they are going to sway you one way or another. the decision is yours and yours alone. the two of you should probably seek out some professional help and keep your discussions between the two of you and the therapist.

this is my advice having been through it myself.

lar
 JENNYMAC
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 762
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/2/2007 4:08:19 PM
yes I cheat on my diet!!!!! always haveing another Ben jerry's ice cream
 tazball
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 763
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:17:55 PM
well i really have to agree with you. cos well over 10 years ago i was with one wonderful woman for 2 and a half years and well during this time i had plenty of chances to cheat and i turned them all down verry eaisly. one of which was a girl i had liked for sometime before then. just wanted no part of it. well a few really bad thing had happned to both of us in a verry short period of time. then well i started feeling distance growing between us then about a month or so of feeling this i ended up at my friends party and ended up screwing aroud wih a girl there. an yes i did tell her and yes we did break up and i have hated myself to this day for doing it. but to finish a long story short if the saying is once a cheater always a cheater why was it i did not cheat on her before that day. an 2 why have i never cheated on anyone since. and for anyone out there tat reads this and cares to know ma and her are friends and i still do love her.
 nancyanncianci
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 764
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:41:07 PM

can you really work through something this big?


Nope.


Is it even worth it?


Nope.


Has anyone every had a succesfull relationship with a cheater?


If someone is cheating, the relationship is NOT successful.


And did they really stop after they said they would?


Survey says.....


Nope!
 oldfashioned
Joined: 8/13/2004
Msg: 765
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:53:36 PM
No ! Can't forgive cheaters,liars ,or abusers
 silentlonely
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 766
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2007 10:03:41 PM
i can--ish happens; if the person is really through w/it and prepared to move forward, yeah...i can let it go and move on..i just have to see if the person im w/can do the same.
 florrie1
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 767
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:50:20 AM
I have only been with one man in my life who was a cheater. I forgave him. He cheated again and again. These types of men will say anything to achieve their desires. And trust me, they are experts at knowing what to say to get you to believe in them again. This is their lifestyle. They are insecure, immature, and not capable of having a meaningful relationship. Save yourself from the heartache he will surely bring on. It's not worth trying to work through, move on!
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 769
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:36:35 AM
It's nice to know you can forgive and still dump someone.
 hardball75006
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 770
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:47:29 AM
I would forgive them, but I would still dump them.
 Chris045
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 771
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:06:06 PM
Once a player always a player there is no excuse for it........................ I for one do not stand for it and will not tolerate it at all so yes that would definately end a relationship very quickly i might say!
 Lixiette
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 772
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:17:21 PM

I've always been a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater and I always vowed that no matter what if anyone ever cheated on me I would kick them to the curb, but it changes once you actually experience it first hand. Your thoughts are much appreciated!


I despise that saying. It's like saying a father who steals food for his starving children is no better than an average thief who has no good reason to steal.

The question is a bit more general for my liking. I think forgiveness depends on all elements of the incident. Why did the other person cheat? Were they feeling neglected?

There are people who plain enjoy cheating, and there are people who look for affection elsewhere because you're not giving them any.
 Mortavius
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 774
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:32:37 PM
I do not forgive.

If you are someone's One-and-Only, then there is no need for another.

If they need someone else, then you are insufficient to hold their interest. If you are insufficient to hold their interest, then the relationship is pointless. If they want to continue the relationship, this demonstrates their selfishness. Why did they cheat? Ask them point blank. Don't expect an honest answer, as they obviously didn't say "Honey, I'm going out to get laid, I'll be back to screw you at eleven."

To cheat, one must deceive. To deceive, one must lie. Why do people lie and cheat, then? To get advantage. So, what is the advantage the cheater gains? That varies, but the advantage will never change.... and thus, the root of their behavior isn't likely to change.

What is to stop him from doing it again? Fear that you'll leave him? That fear will only make him more careful in carrying out his cheating. If he wants more than you can provide, then he will continue to want more than you can provide.

Leave him, and open that place in your heart for someone that will love you absolutely and faithfully. To do otherwise is to open that place in your heart to pain, instead.
 feigner33
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 775
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:34:25 PM
Hey,

Well depending on the person they CAN change. I say it from experience.
I cheated on my ex. i felt so crummy about it that I wanted to change. I am married now and have totally changed. Have had many opportunities but never did. Even now that we are separated, I still won't cheat on him until a divorce is finalized. people do change when they want to change but be careful. It only happens if THEY are willing. make sure to evaluate the circumstance. Is the cheater willing to do whatever ans everything you want so you can regain trust little by little? If they fuss and complain, it's NOT worth sticking around. If they are proving to you that hey are willing to go through hell and high water, than it's worth a shot. It will take time though.
Ironic enough, i didn't cheat on him but he cheated on me. What goes around comes around. be the best person you can be. You'll feel better about yourself atleast
 feigner33
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 776
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:49:15 PM
reply to LIXIETTE:

"I've always been a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater and I always vowed that no matter what if anyone ever cheated on me I would kick them to the curb, but it changes once you actually experience it first hand. Your thoughts are much appreciated!
I despise that saying. It's like saying a father who steals food for his starving children is no better than an average thief who has no good reason to steal.
The question is a bit more general for my liking. I think forgiveness depends on all elements of the incident. Why did the other person cheat? Were they feeling neglected?
There are people who plain enjoy cheating, and there are people who look for affection elsewhere because you're not giving them any."

Well........ I think this is true to a certain extent. While there is no real excuse for cheating, it all depends on the circumstances. Just like the thieving father, there is a reason. Consider the circumstances.
Some get so drunk they honestly don't know what they do after the are intoxicated.
Some just like the "thrill" those people are not worth it. Some actually screw up once and they feel bad. Just because they weren't shown 100% attention is not a good reason to forgive. If they feel remorse than that's the time to CONSIDER forgiving. You don't need to forget, just forgive the actual action. start over from there.
If it's really not certain, than break up. IF you still want to be with them, start over from scratch. Get to know each other once again
 classy_lady99
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 777
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:10:29 PM
You're only 23! If you want a life full of misery, contracting a disease, wondering where in the world or better yet who in the world he is with all of the time then you should forgive him!

There are lot's of men out there so move on and meet one!
 softballmom
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 778
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:14:53 PM
You might be able to forgive him, but you will never be able to fully trust him again. Everytime he is even 10 minutes late getting home you will doubt his reasons and that is no way to live.
 plainguy
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 779
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:23:28 PM
You were right on your initial thoughts. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Cut your losses and take the pain you have now. If you try to make it work, you'll be doing the work, and he'll be sitting back watching you, and having a good laugh about your efforts, not to mention, see the opportunity to get what he can from you. Go with your instincts and give him the boot, and start fresh feeling and knowing YOU kicked him to the side.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >