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 andmanlu
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 781
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 23 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Kick him to the curb. No matter what the say or do to try to make amends they are not worth it.
 sling1
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 782
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:21:23 PM
Once a cheater always a cheater. Leave and move on to a decent guy.

Plain and simple.

S
 Kickn1Backā„¢
Joined: 4/5/2005
Msg: 783
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:45:48 PM
I'm sorry, once the bull has crossed the fence and pumped the neighbors cows you will never keep him in again. One the other hand, iffn you should forgive him or her, all that does is give them the idea that you are easy and they can get away with anything. Stand your ground, you deserve someone who is true to YOU!!!



KB
 stressed less
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 785
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:36:09 PM
Though a lot of guys are "pros" at this, not all are. I did this to the first true love of my life, and it almost killed me when she left. I remarried since and divorced, but never again will I be the one to cheat. It not only hurts the woman, if a guy has any sense of love about him at all, and the relationship was otherwise a good one, it'll get him too. Some of us do realize that a "fling" isn't worth all the hurt and guilt that comes with it. Bottom line, if you love him, he's truly asking forgiveness and showing you, then it might be salvageable. ONCE. But, you can't just say o.k. and smother him for the rest of his life either. Sure, the trust has to be re-grown, just let it grow, albeit slowly. If he's worth it,and he want's to make the relationship work, it will.
 marshw
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 786
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:53:35 PM

I've just been cheated on for the first time in my life...

The first time you know of.


I've always been a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater and I always vowed that no matter what if anyone ever cheated on me I would kick them to the curb

Sounds like a good policy to me.
Someone else will come along.
 vanillamermaid
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 787
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:59:41 AM
Wow, this one kicked up some dust. Strong emotions with this subject. I'm with the forgive and dump crowd myself, because once trust is broken the mind takes over and there can be no peace. To quote that guy from Playboy (H.H.) - "The sin is in the lie".

Sometimes I think that trust is just a word we throw around to manipulate people into our behavior of choice. But, honesty should be something we gift to ourselves every day of our lives, and if we ask someone to share that life, we owe them no less.

Just my opinion. Peace out
 A Moment in Time
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 788
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:31:07 AM
No because if i can't trust someone then i don't want to be with them, time to move on and find someone who will care and respect you not to do this.

If you are in a committed relationship and you're not happy the person needs to leave before messin around with someone else.

It is hard when it happens to you but you will surviv, i did many years ago and i'm sure he did it to someone else. It is a hassle as i had to get a new place, move, etc.

You would always wonder if he is doing it again, not a way to live, there are so many people that don't behave that way.

Good Luck
 CincoDeMayoMandy
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 789
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:34:31 AM
I won't be in a relationship w/o a lot of love, plenty o' sex and honest communication.
NIP any problems in the bud way ahead of time.
Cheating is NOT acceptable (forgivable, of course-but I'm moving on)...and if any guy has a problem with that, ya gotta wonder!
 3Candles
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 790
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:43:31 AM
My now ex boyfriend just went back to his 2nd wife who had divorced him for cheating on her and that was a mere 4 weeks ago. Although I'm still in the 'healing' process' , I think she is a fool and he may never grow up~ But, wished them good luck anyway. P.S. Trust is a human commodity that must be earned~
 3Candles
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 791
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:45:34 AM
Oh yeah..still working on the forgiveness part myself (claims he did not cheat on me as promised in the beginning but i informed him that he cheated with his heart.. even worse)
 The Philosopher King
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 792
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 3:00:00 PM
I can forgive--but I will not forget. My ex cheated three times during the marriage while she was traveling on business. She confessed to one extramarital affair during the marriage. She mentioned the others after the marriage and ended. I lost total repect in her and cannot trust her to this day. In fact, I don't like her.

If a person cheats in dating/relationship, the relationship should be ended. Cheating is an indication that ther person does not value your companionship/love etc., that the person is self-absorbed with their own basic needs, that the person has few morals, and that the person does not give a damn about whether the relationship succeeds or fails.

The basis of a good relationship is TRUST and HONESTY. If you don't have this, you do not have a solid relationship. So if the person has cheated--tell them "thank you very much" and move on. It is over--finished--dead. You must have your self-respect and dignity. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
 ROK07
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 793
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 3:12:11 PM
NO, DON'T FORGIVE, YOUR RIGHT ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. IF YOU FORGIVE IT WILL JUST MAKE THEM THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT NEXT TIME TOO.
 ROK07
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 794
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 3:15:17 PM
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, YOUR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ABOUT SOMEONE FEELING NEGLECTED AS ONE OF THE REASONS FOR CHEATING. AT THE SAME TIME IF THE PERSON YOUR WITH IS NOT AFFECTIONATE ENOUGH FOR YOU, YOU SHOULD HAVE ENDED IT BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO CHEAT.
 Essence38
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 795
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:34:29 PM
Willow55
Despite the subject, what you wrote is beautifully written. did you write it?
I was dating a guy I met online. Nothing serious we were having fun. Kind of knew he was seeing other women, till his Wife called. He tried to lie his way out of it, and also wanted me to lie about it and for him; I no play that game. His Wife and I had a great chat and I was completely honest with her; she really appreciated by honesty. I had no clue he was married. I've even been to the house, I saw him whenever ( she travelled alot for business). She's talking to a lawyer, she said looking back, there have probably been others he's lied about. I feel so bad for her. She seems nice and seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Poor thing.
 Genevieve84
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 796
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/11/2007 9:16:43 PM
Yes I can forgive but I'd most likely move on.

Forgiveness is about you, or me rather, not really the other person. As long as I want to carry around a grudge, guess what I have to carry it around, not the one who cheated. Forgiveness releases me from being held down by that event. So give it up, forgive and let go.
 aoibheann
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 798
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:46:46 AM
Forgive? huh?

I think not.
I'm a firm believer that there is specific reason why bowie knives haven't gone by the wayside, like sling-shots and cross-bows and that reason is cheating johnsons need a nice clipping
 azlady1958
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 799
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/12/2007 6:55:03 AM
only you can know what you will and will not tolerate. I wouldnt, by any stretch of the imagination but thats me.
 karin21201
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 800
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:32:46 AM
Forgiveness for any wrong done to you is essential to good mental health. Getting out of that relationship would also be essential, in my opinion.
 elcamino1982
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 802
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:38:05 AM
My wife cheated on me also a few times. I found out about 8 years ago. I was the worse thing that ever happened to me. I was faithful, loyal and trusting. I never thought she was capable of that.

I am still married to the same women. I have my good and bad days. I not sure I can forgive and I sure will never forget. I do not throw it up in her face. That would only make me look bad and I did choose to stay with her.

Everyone has there reasons and I made my decision for my two girls. I dont want anyone else raising them.

A zebra never loose its stripes. I am not trying to be high and mighty by any means. I do not go out looking for someone else, but I will definately take advantage of an opportunity if it becomes available.

It really opened my eyes. I fell hard of that turnip truck.
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 803
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:09:50 PM
No! I could never forgive enough to continue the relationship.
 dwight1055
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 804
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:55:30 PM
..this has happened to me a number of times{ i must make bad choices!} i can forgive it but never forget! trust is the real issue..it;s your call..not anymore for me!
 Columbia Punkin
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 805
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:07:53 PM
I can forgive anything.....as long as a lesson was learned and they change so it doesn't happen again.
 Awendy
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 806
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:16:01 PM
I fell in love with the most wonderful man walking. I love him as deeply as any woman can love a man. He cheated on me early on. He lied about it, saying that he was doing nothing when in fact I have proof that he was cheating. I kept giving him chance after chance. I then discovered that he was addicted to internet sex. I tried to get him to talk with me about it, to work through it, to go for counseling if that was what was called for. He would not go. He kept it up. He kept it up. I could take it no more, and I kicked him out. Within two weeks he was with another woman that he says he loves as he has never loved before. He says God has blessed both their hearts and he is so very happy. He then contacts me and says "I miss you so much, I miss our home, I miss us, and I want to come back"
He then goes and lays with his new woman. When I ask him to let us talk and see if there is any way that we can work it out, his respponse is "I don't want to go over the things that have happened, I want to let it go". I said GET LOST.
Believe me, if he will cheat once, he will cheat again. You will hurt, you will weep, you will wail, but believe me, it is far better for you to move on and keep going in the opposite direction.
 bandit7220
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 807
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/20/2007 3:10:06 PM
it can be forgivien, but never forgoten, and thats where the problem is. the trust has been broken in your relatiuonship. and will they cheat again? yeppers. the person you are with is looking for something else, and that won't get any better, they will just be more careful the next time. and when they tell you they feel bad and didn't want to hurt you, what they feel bad about is getting caught. no matter how hard it is, it's time to move on. if you stay in this relationship, it's going to do a lot of damage to your self esteem, and you don't need that, there are a lot of people out there, go find a good one. don't live in dought, that's not living. OK???? Well take care and good luck on the next one.
 andrew1953
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 809
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:53:05 AM
I feel the truth is almost everyone reading this forum has cheated or been cheated on. I feel the truth is the majority of men and women in relationships are unfaithful. Thirty years ago the consensus based on interviews was 30% of women and 50% of men are unfaithful to their SO's. New research and DNA testing is revealing a far different picture where women and men are equally unfaithful and the figure is higher: perhaps 70% for both. This implies spousal fidelity is an illusion in most relationships.

That said, I feel the answer to forgive or not depends on you. If the relationship was meeting your needs then open facilitated communication may help get you both past feelings of anger and betrayal. If the relationship wasn't adding value to you life then its probably best to forgive, break up and move on. Infidelity is a symptom of other more serious issues. If those issues can be voiced and discussed the relationship (but perhaps not the marriage) can be salvaged. In any case frank discussions can help you get past the anger stage and shorten the time needed to heal. I feel that until the anger and hurt from the previous relationship is healed and you are again healthy you can't be achieve the state of vulnerability and trust needed. Love, trust and faith add value and enrich lives. If you can't be vulnerable you can't truly be in love.
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