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 bandit7220
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 807
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 24 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
it can be forgivien, but never forgoten, and thats where the problem is. the trust has been broken in your relatiuonship. and will they cheat again? yeppers. the person you are with is looking for something else, and that won't get any better, they will just be more careful the next time. and when they tell you they feel bad and didn't want to hurt you, what they feel bad about is getting caught. no matter how hard it is, it's time to move on. if you stay in this relationship, it's going to do a lot of damage to your self esteem, and you don't need that, there are a lot of people out there, go find a good one. don't live in dought, that's not living. OK???? Well take care and good luck on the next one.
 andrew1953
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 809
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:53:05 AM
I feel the truth is almost everyone reading this forum has cheated or been cheated on. I feel the truth is the majority of men and women in relationships are unfaithful. Thirty years ago the consensus based on interviews was 30% of women and 50% of men are unfaithful to their SO's. New research and DNA testing is revealing a far different picture where women and men are equally unfaithful and the figure is higher: perhaps 70% for both. This implies spousal fidelity is an illusion in most relationships.

That said, I feel the answer to forgive or not depends on you. If the relationship was meeting your needs then open facilitated communication may help get you both past feelings of anger and betrayal. If the relationship wasn't adding value to you life then its probably best to forgive, break up and move on. Infidelity is a symptom of other more serious issues. If those issues can be voiced and discussed the relationship (but perhaps not the marriage) can be salvaged. In any case frank discussions can help you get past the anger stage and shorten the time needed to heal. I feel that until the anger and hurt from the previous relationship is healed and you are again healthy you can't be achieve the state of vulnerability and trust needed. Love, trust and faith add value and enrich lives. If you can't be vulnerable you can't truly be in love.
 iat83157
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 810
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/21/2007 11:17:37 AM
You hit it on the head Suzie,
I wasted way too many years on believing I could forget and she could be faithful.
You live and learm. Now a very happy divorcee.
 BDRT
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 811
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/21/2007 11:34:06 AM
I thought I had forgiven my ex for cheating, but years later, it all came back when I noticed behaviors that were being repeated. That is why he is my ex now. I wish I had just thrown him out right away!
 lovelyangel1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 812
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/21/2007 11:52:16 AM
op no if someone cheats once and you forgive them the will just do it again.get rid of them fast!!!!!!
 ndnspyter
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 814
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 5:34:51 AM
hell no!!
i was married for 10 years and my ex cheated on me once and i divorced her butt!
she said i never really cared about her if i could just drop her like that and my response is no no no girl, you never cared if you could cheat like that!!
i am sorry but i dont deal with cheaters, my philosiphy is cheat once and your done!!
 littlelired
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 815
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 5:45:37 AM
well lets see brief history i was married all of 4 years the first time i found out about another being invovledin my husbands life...and my dad took care of it for me ( i was about 6 weeks postpartum with my 3rd child.) I did what i thoguht was the right thing for my family i sucked it up went to marrige counseling with him...and darn it to hell the hubby managed to get the marriage counselor to believe that i was a horrid wife and that is why he was cheating....

I told him that if that is how he fel t he should just move along becasue i wasnt planning on changing all that much...some thing i find repulsive and would no change my mind about. and so i being the good wife and daughter listened to the vows i made until death do us part...i made a promise and intended on keeping that promise....more time..10-12 years later and a few more kids come along and things seemed to be open and honest..but a few other things besides cheating happened,,

Those oher things that showed me how disrepsectfulhe was toward me...ate at my self esteem an i finally had to be finished...I caught the wrath of my entire family his entire family... after 19 years if marriage i divored his unappreciative little butt....and gained a whole new perspective...

so cheating?? it is only the first sign of the lack of respect he has for someone...i was never able to let it out of the closet in my mind it always was present. and I never want to repeat that again so im hyper sensitive to red flags....if i cannot move past something that has happened in a relationship...then i need to along without that man..

i have to wake everyday and live with myself not him. I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person

red
 atlast
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 816
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 6:21:40 AM
Cheating is the ultimate slap in the face. If a women cheats on me, that is the end. I will never trust her again. Promises don't seem to mean much anymore. If you lack self-control to the point that you have to sleep with someone other than the love of your life for excitement, your life must really suck. Fix the problem, not the blame.
 FunLovingMan
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 817
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 10:19:32 AM
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo

AND

No and you MOVE ON with out them

Once a CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER been my experience.
 ThinkHulk30
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 818
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 12:09:17 PM
This behavior is Unacceptable....Move on and do it fast
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 820
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/27/2007 12:42:54 PM
I've never cheated on anyone...and to my knowledge, I've never been cheated on. Could I forgive a man for cheating on me? I don't think so. I could forgive most anything, but no, not that.
 *****Covet*****
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 822
Cheating - can you forgive?
Posted: 10/6/2007 5:16:15 PM
No, NO, NO! Once a dog strays thats it! If they want to test the waters thats fine and dandy but they needn't think the door will be open when they decide to come back. If they should be so lucky that the door is still be open when they do return. Don't fool yourself, they will not appreciate it and expect to get away with it in the future. Anyhow, If they were sincerely sorry, they would be disgusted with themselves and not expect to be forgiven.
 Coolgem
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 823
Cheating - can you forgive?
Posted: 10/6/2007 5:22:44 PM
I've never cheated on anyone I have been with, and as far as I know , I have never been cheated on either. Could I forgive a man for cheating on me, no - never....it would be over and done, period.
 Huggles
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 825
Cheating - can you forgive?
Posted: 10/8/2007 5:12:00 AM
^^^ thanks for your input OOOfirefighter.....but yes, at least I think this woman knows what forgiveness is and I'm sorry, but no, cheating is not forgiveable.

Wether in a long term relationship or married, you've broken something sacred.....TRUST.

You break that, you break everything.
 BrAt_FaCe
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 826
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/8/2007 8:54:37 AM
i have been cheated on before and it is probably the worst feeling in the world. If i found out my guy was cheating i would be gone so fast. You have one chance if you blow it you have to live with it for the rest of your life. If a guy really loves you he wouldn't have done it in the first place
 BeachLover76
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 827
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/8/2007 9:09:27 AM
History tends to repeat itself, its just a fact. In my opinion, it doesn't matter the situation or even I really loved him, if I wasn't good enough for him then, then forget now! I don't do second chances.
 incognito100
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 828
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/8/2007 9:41:57 AM
You can forgive if you want to but I'd never forget and I wouldn't trust that person anymore.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 829
Cheating - can you forgive?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:53:04 AM
Yes, I think you can forgive a person after the dust has settled.

Betrayal of trust is very bitter pill to swallow !

And I'm not saying you would want to hook-up with person again but

put to rest and forgive yourself and move on.
 irish girl in mi
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 830
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:04:22 AM
oh no no no, giving a cheater a second chance is just opening the door to more heartache, this person didnt respect you enough to not do it the first time, dont give them the second chance to do it again, it will lower your self esteem, and your self worth.....move on there are plenty of good men and women in this world that dont cheat. good luck to you
 panicman10
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 831
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:54:57 AM
no you cant forget but you can forgive.i've been cheated on in every relationship from the 90s on so far!i made the mistake of giving it a chance but she cheated on me again!NEVER give a cheater a 2nd chance!once a cheater always a cheater!take care goodluck & godbless everyone.
 jaycee283
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 832
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/13/2007 7:59:43 PM
No I cannot forgive a Cheater!! I am proud of my record, as I have never cheated on the one in my life.... as I see it, she has been defiled at her wishes, and once gone....
party time!!
 silentlonely
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 833
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/13/2007 11:43:52 PM
i can and i have; im a forgiving person and can deal w/it and get past it or whatnot, the problem is can the other person get past it and deal w/it or are they paranoid upset- distrustful and nervous becuase of their indescretions
 1Fish2FishRedfishNewfish
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 834
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:51:39 PM
Forgiveness is not for the other person, but for you. Maintaining the bitterness and anger that is justifiable, but destructive, hurts nobody but you.

Forgiving doesn't mean that the everything goes on as it was before, it only means that I am not letting the poison make me sick. Forgive and move on. You may choose to move on alone, but move on.

Staying angry and resentful "is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
 4EverJourny
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 835
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:06:01 PM
That all depends on can you forgive him for cheating, or will it haunt you forever?

The next time he is late coming home what will go through your mind? When he tells you he is going out for a few with the boys will you believe him?
More importantly when he tells you he loves you, what will go through your mind?

I agree with kick his ass to the curb and find something much better. Also don't take on his baggage.
 Made~new~Again
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 837
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:44:41 PM
We are not dealing with dogs here. People are not dogs. From time to time we might act like dogs, but humans are not animals. I don't like that phase used when refering to the human nature or the natue of humans. I mysef left my husband because among other things I was suspicious that he was probably cheating on me. I regret that I couldn't get over my suspicions. Spouses fight from time to time. It's a shame really.
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