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 Desert Frog
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 940
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 28 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
I could, but I'm sure it would alter the nature of the relationship. I've never experienced this, but it's hard to imagine how it wouldn't at least loosen the interpersonal bonds anyway.
 Cowboypirate
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 941
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:52:28 PM
To me, cheating may possibly be forgiven, but it is never forgotten. It is always a crushing blow in a relationship, and for me to even consider the slight possibility of staying with a person who has cheated on me once, I would have to be die-hard, 500%, complete, unbelievably in love with that woman. I've been cheated on by several women, mostly because I like taking my time in a relationship and not rushing straight into the bedroom a few days after meeting, and everytime, it hurt. A few, I have forgiven, but I could never forget.
 Yeronds
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 942
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:13:11 PM
My only girlfriend cheated on me, and although I was very angry at her, time has passed, and we didn't see each other for a long time, but now we're talking again, and she's a great friend to have, and I have totally forgiven her.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 943
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:57:01 PM
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal between a man and a woman. Can you forgive? Can you forget? If you ever experience that feeling of betrayal, the one person you trusted most in the world, cheating on you, you realize, you are the only one you can count on. Maybe forgive them and stay with them, and give them the opportunity to do it again. Never forget it though, everytime they are late, or you get that odd feeling, or they wont look you in the eye, you will wonder. odds are, if they got by with it once, they will try it again.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 945
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:03:21 PM
"forgive ... to be .. forgive" (paraphrased)

It all depends upon what you mean by "forgive". My spiritual guide teaches that the word "forgive" simply means "to release from the need for retribution" .... it is something I do for me, for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Lack of foregivenss eats like a cancer of the spirit and mind.

However, foregiveness does not mean to condone or give the person an opportunity to repeat the behavior with you. It doesn't mean to forget. Actually, I have a whole list of things it doesn't mean.

If a person is not getting their needs met with me, leave. Then when they start something up they aren't a cheater. There are appropriate ways to end relationships ... cheating isn't one of them. It is deceptive and manipulative and cruel and self centered. It willfully hurts another human being for self-serving purposes. Yes, leaving also hurts, but it is honest and not manipulative.

Cheaters tend to rationalize, justify and excuse their behavior with blaming ... which is the lowest of the low behaviors.
 Countrygirl9833
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 946
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:06:10 PM
I may be able to forgive someone for cheating on me but I would never forget, which means the relationship is over. No matter what you will always have that thought in the back of your mind that they possibly could be cheating and there will be no trust. There is no relationship if there is no trust
 talula1018
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 947
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:12:54 AM
Once a Cheater , always a cheater! My2cents! Hugzzzzzz Talula
 happyboi
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 948
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:30:04 PM
I tried forgiving... and never completely did... then she did it again. So, I have the once a cheater, always a cheater mentality.
 Happynature
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 949
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:34:46 PM
This is the line in the sand that you don't cross. And if you do...it's over. OVAH!
 ~*Angel Eyes*~
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 950
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:59:12 PM
Nope, I would NEVER forgive for cheating. Cheat once, and it's BYE LOSER!
 jldude
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 953
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:24:41 PM
No. If my girl kissed another guy delibirately, I can forgive that, but if she has sex with anyone, that's it. No goin back. That is my territory and if she wants to give it to someone else, there is no return or forgiveness for it.
 reallytakestwo
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 954
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/11/2008 12:19:38 AM
Many, many, many moons ago I did forgive someone, in my teens.
I'm a very forgiving soul.
But never have forgotten and probably never will.
Since then, the one other time I was asked for forgiveness, bye bye - alcohol is no excuse. And repeatedly asking for forgiveness will accomplish nothing.
 nycdoctor
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 955
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:26:42 AM
everyone..cheat...my answer is YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 pathwalker49
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 956
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:58:09 PM
No, never, won't happen, 1st time and I'm gone. I may still love you but I'll get over it.
 coca2
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 957
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:27:33 PM
EVERYONE does not cheat. Please don't put everyone in that catagory. I never cheated on a bf. Had one that cheated on me...what an awful feeling. I would never make someone feel like a piece of dirt like that.
 HDynasty81
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 958
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 2:25:02 PM
No way, not a chance.

The trust would be all gone and everytime she's not around, I'll be wondering where and who she is with.

It's better left alone,IMO.
 winny357
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 959
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:20:37 PM
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 curt968
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 960
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:00:36 PM
Sounds like you're defending cheating Coytus and why would you insult a widow and her husband who passed away by conjecturing that he might have cheated? What's your point in that particular tact?

There is no defense for cheating and no rationalization that justifies it. If you don't want to be in a relationship you should move on and spare the other person the agony of having to deal with the betrayal. If you're missing something in a relationship you want to remain in... say something about it. The person who was betrayed is not somehow made to be a bigger person by consistently or contiually allowing another to cheat without taking a stand for their own self respect and dignity in the situation.

Is there a high probability the person will cheat again? Yes. Do cheaters constantly project the blame on others? Persistently rationalize that their behavior is excusable? Yes. Can you forgive a cheater? Sure. Do you have to stay with them? No.
 jtm216
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 961
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:05:40 PM
The ball is in your court! The BIBLE even said that is your only excuse to remove from the relationship. I say kick the dust off your feet and move on. What goes around comes back around. Whatever that might be, I would be out of the way or it might hit you! Move on 4 real! Good luck!
 FunnyAndSweet48
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 962
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:25:56 PM
Been there ... did more than my share of forgiving ... don't know how I survived it for as long as I did but certainly don't want to go back there again. I'm at a 0 tolerance level now. If it happens, I'm gone ... not waiting around for the apology & empty promises that it will never happen again.
 Expletus
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 964
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:55:15 PM
The truth about cheating... is one word... "trust"

Definitions of trust on the Web:
* have confidence or faith in
* allow without fear
* hope: expect and wish

You asked can you really work through something this big? Well let me ask... will you ever look at the past the same? Do we need all the dreadful details to make our decision or face the truth? In my honest opinion "no" we do not need to know the whole truth to make decisions - effectively, when someone has cheated on you - love yourself enough to cut your losses and walk away. Yes you can forgive but you will never forget... I mean why have half a relationship?

The bottom line cheating is never the answer. It is for the weak and the weak - minded. It is easy way out and only leaves broken hearts and disillusioned mates behind. The bottom line... if you are unhappy in a relationship, bored or even scared... open your mouth, speak the truth, show some respect for your partner and yourself and walk away.

Oh and a bit on trusting someone "new"

I believe you have to go into every relationship and extend the trust, no matter the risk. The mistake would be in not trusting.

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” ~Walter Anderson


~expletus
 Woodswalker
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 967
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:35:45 PM
Personally I dont think I could forgive cheating. I expect faithfulness and give it. Once trust is lost I wouldnt be able to get it back. My folks on the other hand survived infidelity and are still going strong after 50 years. They were willing to work past the cheating, while I wouldnt bother. Thats the diff.
 mocksy25
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 968
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:37:36 PM
nope once a greedy stupid rat, will always be. anywho if someone cheats just shows they lack intelligence, and dont know how to love, nor be satisfied. cheaters should be alone, until they get theropy, and learn how to not be a half wit. whoooppp

no reason to cheat, you want to kiss or whatever with someone else have a brain, and tell your partner that, and dont even try to get a open relationship fooolss wwahwahawhwhahawhawhwahawhwahwah
 Debi00
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 969
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:14:44 PM
More important "can you trust him again after being cheated on"?
For me, "NO" !!
 VirgoMaiden
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 970
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:49:42 PM
No Way!! That's a clue that the relationship is failing in some way. I could forgive the cheater, but I could not continue to be with him. There would always be that issue of broken trust....and TRUST is such a hard thing to obtain. Once it's broken, it remains handicapped. If he has cheated, move on....this is a clue to you that he is not the one!!
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