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 Marrying Kind
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 865
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 29 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
I hope I never have to answer this question, One thing that comes to mind is if I were married to a woman and cheated on her I might not ever be able to forgive myself? It's more then possible if I cheated on my wife I would have sought marriage counseling or been less responsible and just divorced her.
 Q T Patutie
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 867
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 5:17:52 PM
Aww there are some very down to earth SWEET men on here, I'm impressed. The thing about cheating is and we all know this, it's easier to do that and take the low road when the newness wears off and real life sets in and your having troubles. It's so easy to forget the things you fell in love with at the beginning IF you allow yourself to take that route and so many people do. Don't you guys who are cheaters think it's hard to live a double life, and the lies and deciept eventually catch up to you. I would rather tell the truth and deal with the consequences right away then live with the guilt like marrying kind and fighter said. I personally think you guys that are saying you couldn't live with the guilt should give up the dating sites and just marry me, My mother always told me if you keep them happy at home they won't go elsewhere. So whaddaya say there marrying or fighter, ya wanna get hitched, I won't cheat.
 kittenshere
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 868
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 5:53:50 PM
absoultely not tell him ot kiss ur u know what goodbye. lol why even consider a man like that? i sure wouldnt want him. you are right a cheater is always a cheater. let some other poor owman have the bad luck of haivng him. if he cheats then he isnt worth ur time or ur love.
 icusmiling
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 869
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:30:12 PM
In a nutshell, that's the biggest breach of trust you can have in a relationship, and once the trust is gone, the relationship is over. Because from that point forward, anything that may seem remotly suspicious would be automatic guilt in your head.
 12 Volt Man
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 871
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:03:25 PM
I couldn't forgive a cheating SO.

I agree with most everyone else: its about the worst thing you can do and everything would be different from that point on.
 Q T Patutie
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 872
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:35:20 PM
You CAN forgive for sure, the problem is, when someone breaks that trust thing, either by cheating or lying to the person they are in a relationship with and suppose to love, there is no going back. Once that trust is broken, everything that happens is in question and you spend all your time second guessing the person who is the culprit. You feel deep down inside that you have been violated and when you allow this behavior to continue that just makes you the enabler. I absolutely loved my ex husband, with everything I had, yet he still felt the need to lie to me about the stupidest things, and eventually he beat me down to such a low point of self esteem because again I enabled him to do this, that I just had to admit defeat and realize that no matter how much I begged him to be honest it wasn't going to happen. So I'm with you all, honesty and loyalty are important in a relationship and if you don't have those two things your in trouble. JMO
 Bethlet
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 873
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:38:24 PM
Cheating - can you forgive?

NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo

AND

No
 Q T Patutie
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 875
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 8:06:07 PM
Nova Scotia Lass are you kidding me, there should be nothing you do to hurt someone bad enough for them to go out and take another Woman/Man into their arms where YOU belong and hold them, touch them, be intimiate with them.. share themselves mind body and soul,, that is what having sex with someone is doing,, sharing. You do NOT share yourself with another person when you are in a relationship unless its the person your in the relationship with no matter what is going on at the time.. It's called communicating.. If there is a problem you talk to your partner/spouce, you don't go out and get laid with someone else.. sorry but no circumstance warrants that behavior when you are in a committed relationship. JMO
 Kathryn70
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 876
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/22/2007 8:31:45 PM
Cheating is a deal breaker for me. An ex boyfriend cheated on me when I was in my early 20's and we had been together for 5 years. I was devastated and it broke my heart when I told him it was over. I believed he was sorry and I did forgive him but I could never forget. I lost all respect for him and if I had stayed with him I would have lost my self respect too and that was something I was not willing to do.
 AmberWaves
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 877
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:07:50 PM
Trust is an absolute requirement for any relationship to be a healthy one. Although forgiveness might very well be in order, any self-respecting person will not forget the violation of trust. Anyone who cheats either A) doesn't care enough about you to stay faithful; B) is selfish and will do other things do get his/her needs met; and/or C) is weak and will do it again when the opportunity presents itself again. Cheating is a total deal breaker - period.
 Southern_Smile
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 878
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:22:27 AM
i forgave my ex....then she did it againe...now....i sent her and her stuff to her mom and dad
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 879
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:09:11 AM
how much punishment do you want, for give than take them back so they can do it again to you, if you do than you derseve what ever happens again. forgive hell know they are the scum of the earth. Thier is not any kind of a reason to cheat not matter what.
 PinkPurse67
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 880
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:59:03 AM
Child abuse is the biggest breach of trust in a realtionship^^^^^^^I could forgive a person who cheats but not one that has abused a child.


After I put up with his many affairs and abuse for a few years (yeah I know, me dumb), he PUNCHED my young teenage child (his stepchild) in anger and left a bruise.

I didn't have to think twice about whether or not I should forgive him, I don't. Not now...not ever...and we're so much happier in our new peaceful lives.

I'll never tolerate any type of cheating again either. Good lessons are often learned the hard way.
 Tango57
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 881
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 5:59:11 AM
I've heard it said that the person who does the cheating must sincerely admit and understand how they have hurt the other person in order for forgiveness to take place. I'm not sure how I would work thru a situation like that. My (ex) husband cheated on me after only 3 months of marriage and continued to do so. He never admitted it and was always in denial about it. This is something I could not work thru, work on or even survive by staying in the marriage. It was a constant bone of conention - with mistrust looming over the relationship. Of course there were other problems, including mental and verbal abuse and eventually I found the strength and courage to leave.

I say that once a relationship has reached the point where one or the other desires to cheat - it's either time to end the relationship - or seek immediate help. Personally, if I reach a point in the relationship where I feel like cheating on someone - I would leave them first before I cheated on them. That is a more honorable thing to do.

It is not easy to survive being cheated on. I've known women who are constantly cheated on and turn a blind eye - they don't care - as long as they keep their social standing and perks - the cheating is irrelevant to them. There are these types of arrangements I suppose - but it would not work for me.

Honor is important to me. If honor is missing - you have nothing.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 882
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:29:08 AM
God forgives and he is great at that but i am not god and dont even come any where near him to be forgiving. I was married for 35 years and never cheated I was happy and my wife was happy. if your not happy dont cheat get a divorce than have your fling.
 luke_4u
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 883
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:48:58 AM
Forgive the cheating ? YES ! Not time after time, after time. My now ex wife not only cheated, but actually left me for a fat ugly dude (really) that she met in a bar, of all places. If she was truely sorry, left the guy she's with and wanted to come back, yes I'd forgive her and take her back. I think it would be worth it as we had almost 21 yrs together. That's quite an investment in time, a major part of ones life. But as I said, she would have to be truely sorry, and "really" want to put our lives and our marriage back together. Now if it was someone that I hadn't known very long and we were just dating, then no I wouldn't forgive the cheating. I'd move on to someone that I thought could be faithful. Faithfulness and loyalty mean "everything " to me, and I not only think that cheating is despicable, I also think there's absolutely no excuse for it.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 884
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:51:43 AM

there should be nothing you do to hurt someone bad enough for them to go out and take another Woman/Man into their arms where YOU belong and hold them, touch them, be intimiate with them.. share themselves mind body and soul,, that is what having sex with someone is doing,,


QT are you kidding me???........so you are saying that people never have sex with unless they are in love with that person?? Give me a flippin break!!

Most cheaters are not in love with the person they have an affair with.
People that step out on their S.O. do it because there is a problem in the relationship and it takes two people to create that problem. You were right about the communication part and if more couples had healthy communication then there would probubly be less people having affairs.

the key to forgiveness and trust is to maintain that healthy communication. Cheaters can be forgiven..at least they should be. But if they want that forgiveness, they should show their S.O. that they are willing to work for it.

" To err is human..to forgive devine"
 wily200
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 885
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:17:46 AM
it depends on the situation you faced, cheating is due to love? or due to hate?
 tonycash
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 886
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:10:43 AM
people have worked it out, but if your not married and no kids its not worth it.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 887
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:56:06 PM

it depends on the situation you faced, cheating is due to love? or due to hate?


Binary thinking is seldom correct. Cheating occurs from love, hate,loss, stress, depression, lack of attention, loss of connection, loneliness, aloneness, sexual disorders, health issues that prevent intimacy, lack of empathy, and a host of other reasons that have nothing to do with hate and love.

Most "cheating" that occurs has nothing to do with sex and more to do with human-connection and attention. In fact, most affairs are ruined by the sex when it occurs.

Cheating is nothing more than a symptom of much deeper problems within relationships.

It's always fascinating how the one who screws around is the one who is the "cheater" and yet other partner has violated their agreement made that created the relationship and they get a free pass when only because they didn't bump uglies with someone else.

Cheating is only so narrowly defined by the individual who claims purity in intimacy or sexual monogamy. Cheating is "deal-breaking" and a modern day term for advowtry- old English for "vow-breaking". Sexual relationships outside of a primary relationship can be a deal-breaker and at times, there is no justification within the primary relationship that can explain outside sexual encounters. Any weighted value placed on sexual encounters outside of a primary relationship is imposed by the viewer and is not, in reality, any less or any more weighted than an agreement that did not include external sexual encounters. If a partner agreed to a specific role in a relational agreement with their partner and they unilaterally violated that agreement, they are no more or no less wrong than someone who violated an agreement to sexual monogamy.

In essence, if those who want to cast blame on the cheater as the destroyers of relationships, they should reflect on their own agreements that they brought to the relationship and determine if they have fulfilled them or have unilaterally abandoned them for something else, as they can hold the same or more value to the other partner.

Everything makes sense in context. Having the intestinal fortitude, to as objectively as possible, examine one's own role within the context, will often prevent the destruction of a relationship and sometimes, put one back together, if both are willing.

While not the case 100% of the time--as there are some people who completely self-centered, the vast majority of break-ups and cheating is the result of broken deals and broken promises made unilaterally rather than negotiated as a couple and both, regardless of who's dipping their wick or tickling their fancy, are culpable.

ACP
 Colincera
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 888
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 3:42:47 PM
Been cheated on, took a long while to recover from the feeling of betrayal but the worst part was making a total fool of myself to the world in general.
The woman cheated with a so called friend, left me on my 40th birthday and no I won't forgive.
I got 5 years out of her, he got a lot less and got taken to the cleaner's.
The woman is a cereal cheat, so in my experiance, once a cheat allway's a cheat.
Get shut of the looser, you deserve loalty, it's not to much to ask is it?
 Melissa151
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 889
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:28:24 PM
I am not sure if once a cheater always a cheater is true what I am sure of is that if your involved with someone and there is a problem in the relationship and you do not have the balls to deal with it or move on, but instead cheat than u don't have much respect for your s.o. which to me would be unforgivable.
 travel_theworld
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 890
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:33:32 PM
Unless he wants to work it out in therapy I would not forgive a cheater. Everyone is different. It all depends to what happened and what was going on at the moment in the relationship
 FirNaTine
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 891
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/1/2007 5:44:58 PM

Referring to the post by FirNaTine - At what stage does it become cheating? with the final act of penetration? with the lead up to that act? with the agreement to meet (either in a drunken stupor or for the next afternoon)? with the overt flirting? with the continuing communication once the attraction is realised? and if the latter - does it have to be in real life or can it be online attraction?


I think everyone has different levels or definitions of what " Cheating" is to them. When I confronted my ex-gf she asked me what was cheating to me? First thing I said was did you F-him ,, and she said in that regard it happened once, but in other ways of cheating I found out it was going on for a few months at least. For me the first sign it was cheating was when she started lying and deceiving me about it but again I was unaware of it at the time since it was a long distance thing. Again this is new to me,, first time in my life that I have been cheated on, that I know of.

But I think the final straw in cheating is your SO having sex with or being intimate with another person. I think most couples could work out or more easily forgive someone who didn't go all the way, to me that is the point of no return.
 j_goose
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 892
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:59:30 PM
I cheated on a test once......


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