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 AUTHOR
 Expletus
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 964
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 29 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
The truth about cheating... is one word... "trust"

Definitions of trust on the Web:
* have confidence or faith in
* allow without fear
* hope: expect and wish

You asked can you really work through something this big? Well let me ask... will you ever look at the past the same? Do we need all the dreadful details to make our decision or face the truth? In my honest opinion "no" we do not need to know the whole truth to make decisions - effectively, when someone has cheated on you - love yourself enough to cut your losses and walk away. Yes you can forgive but you will never forget... I mean why have half a relationship?

The bottom line cheating is never the answer. It is for the weak and the weak - minded. It is easy way out and only leaves broken hearts and disillusioned mates behind. The bottom line... if you are unhappy in a relationship, bored or even scared... open your mouth, speak the truth, show some respect for your partner and yourself and walk away.

Oh and a bit on trusting someone "new"

I believe you have to go into every relationship and extend the trust, no matter the risk. The mistake would be in not trusting.

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” ~Walter Anderson


~expletus
 Woodswalker
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 967
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:35:45 PM
Personally I dont think I could forgive cheating. I expect faithfulness and give it. Once trust is lost I wouldnt be able to get it back. My folks on the other hand survived infidelity and are still going strong after 50 years. They were willing to work past the cheating, while I wouldnt bother. Thats the diff.
 mocksy25
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 968
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:37:36 PM
nope once a greedy stupid rat, will always be. anywho if someone cheats just shows they lack intelligence, and dont know how to love, nor be satisfied. cheaters should be alone, until they get theropy, and learn how to not be a half wit. whoooppp

no reason to cheat, you want to kiss or whatever with someone else have a brain, and tell your partner that, and dont even try to get a open relationship fooolss wwahwahawhwhahawhawhwahawhwahwah
 Debi00
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 969
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:14:44 PM
More important "can you trust him again after being cheated on"?
For me, "NO" !!
 VirgoMaiden
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 970
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:49:42 PM
No Way!! That's a clue that the relationship is failing in some way. I could forgive the cheater, but I could not continue to be with him. There would always be that issue of broken trust....and TRUST is such a hard thing to obtain. Once it's broken, it remains handicapped. If he has cheated, move on....this is a clue to you that he is not the one!!
 chey18
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 971
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:07:19 PM
I've been married, and I'm now divorced, my husband cheated on me.
You're question is can you forgive?
In my opinion, and this may be me, but my husband and I got married TOO young, and we both realize that, I was 18 he was 19, and we just simply put were NOT ready to be married, why did we do it, to this day neither one of us understands why we did it, spur of the moment thing I guess, but could I forgive him for cheating on me if we were to ever work our past and relationship out, I say yes, but I would NEVER forget, and he knows that!
We have a very adorable 1 year old son together and we had a happy marriage until people got in between it!
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 973
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:25:15 PM
NO!-check the" decoding men's words book" (the dictionary)-it means no,not,negative,zip,nada,nein,nyet,the opposite of yes, the absence of a positive affirmation, and very,very unlikely!!
 calgaryguy77
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 974
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:04:25 PM
Recently in the been cheated on boat as well, the answer is no. No matter what your heart is telling you, listen to your mind on this one. The fact that someone tells you all the usual i love yous yet goes out and has to be with someone else shows they had great doubt in you and really didn't want to be with you anyway so let them go and move on, no matter how hard on the heart, do it for your mind.
 Gorko64
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 977
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:22:50 PM
I'll repeat what some others have said. NO NO NO NO NO NO NEVER NO NOT A CHANCE NO FORGET IT NO IN YOUR DREAMS NO etc. etc.

When a person cheats they have violated the deepest of trusts. They have shown that they have absolutely no respect for anyone as a companion or a person. Maybe if a lot more people would put their spine in place and tell those who cheat how much of a piece of pond scum they are, the world would be a better place. Infidelity has become rampant in today's society. Too many people think only of themselves. There is NEVER a reason for cheating. I could care less for the excuses people use. This is an opinion of mine that will never change. I won't even date anyone who has cheated on someone in their past. I cannot use the language on here that I reserve for such low lives. They all make me sick with their feeble excuses as to why they did it. All they need to do is buck up and admit they have done one of the most cruel actions that can be done to another human being. I wish they would bring back the stocks so we could put them in the center of town and everyone could throw rotten fruit at them. And I'm being nice here. Oh, and yes, I have been the recipient of such behavior, but my opinion was the same beforehand.
 SpyderVenym
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 978
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:54:50 PM
You can forgive. Forgiving helps you heal and grow.
But can you ever get the trust back? I knew I couldn't so there was no point trying to make it work.

There is a song that really helped me to accept this: Flawed Design by Stabilo

Key Lyrics:

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason

'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design
 EarthlingUSA
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 980
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:21:07 PM
STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! You are totally right!! "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" And that works both ways. One of my biggest regrets in my marriage was that I told him to get lost.. but I didn't tell him to stay lost!! It was the 3rd year of our marriage... at least that's when he got caught. I never, ever trusted him, again... no matter how hard I tried. There was a rift that could never be healed. AND.. rightfully so, since he never quit cheating. I was thankful when I finally, after 15 years of marriage, felt I had a "legitimate" reason to get out and stay out!!! Best thing I ever did!!! (I had pressure from family NOT to leave. "Family" are not always looking out for our best interests ... more like THEIR best interests!!
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 981
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:23:23 PM
No. A leopard doesn't change his spots, only the way it hunts.
A cheater would NEVER get a second chance with me.

Forgive ??? Yeah.
Forget ??? Never.
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 983
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:18:30 AM
forgive sure but I would definately move on and out of the relationship.
 Sweetheartwoman_1983
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 984
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:23:15 AM
My thoughts for cheating in a relationship, well I would have to say if they really mean it and show it then give them another chance but if they don't mean it then kick them to curb.
 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 987
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:16:48 PM

I may be able to forgive someone for cheating on me but I would never forget, which means the relationship is over. No matter what you will always have that thought in the back of your mind that they possibly could be cheating and there will be no trust. There is no relationship if there is no trust


when you replace trust with mistrust its like exchanging love for pain ..no go..
 tdoan89
Joined: 3/14/2008
Msg: 988
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:50:11 PM
nooooooooooo way... once a cheater, always a cheater..

cheating is like a drug... some people can stop, but most can't..
 Hoodooman
Joined: 11/2/2005
Msg: 989
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:58:14 PM
Trust your instincts...
 Loves2eatslit
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 990
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:22:41 PM
Had this happen to me , once. She couldnt give a reason, rational one anyway, for what she did. When an individual violates the trust of their husband ; wife; b/f ; g/f, whatever. It takes an awful strong individual to want to salvage the relationship. It will be tough. noone can answer that question, ' Is it worth it?" only you can. Nobody knows the reasons why or whatever it was done. Seek opinions but, find your own answers.
 BrockGal42
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 993
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:10:13 PM
thinking there is no way to trust a cheater...and by doing the whole "Iwill try to forgive you and we will stay together "you are telling them that it is okay what they did...been there done that...They will stray again...and who knows you may too because after one strays kinda opens the door doesn't it
 StevenCheese
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 994
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:21:59 PM
I can definely forgive them, it would just take a little time. It's not the end of the world or nothing. Would I ever date that person or have romantic feelings for them again? Sadly no, trust is gone, and won't come back. I've worked at night clubs and bars and have seen people cheat all the time, hiding their wedding rings, telling their significant other that they love them while their date is in the bathroom. All these deceptive things when all you gotta do is work at the love that you do have. It's really is hard to take a stab at monogamy, but if your in a committed relationship be mature enough to handle the responsibility. FTR I've never cheated EVER, too loyal for that silly stuff.
 Fusion Heat
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 997
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:21:58 PM
I'd never ever ever ever ever ever forgive a cheater, they did it willingly.. there's your answer, have more respect for yourselves and move on.
 TPNW
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 998
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:28:12 PM
No I cant forgive a person for not having a basic level of respect for the person they are intending to love.
 fishermanIV
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 999
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:22:45 PM
No! you can never forgive and forget! Been there 2 times and once a cheater always a cheater. Its takes a long while to trust again! Never mind dating again! It took me awhile to trust again. Is the grass greener on the other side! Well ask my ex wives!
There still single!
FishermanIV
 Clarke96623
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 1000
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:07:16 PM
I despise a cheater but forgiveness would greatly depend on how long we'd been together and how serious we are. Unfortunately (or fortunately), when I'm in a relationship, I put 100% of myself into it. Sometimes that allows me to forgive in the face of obvious disregard for my feelings.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 1001
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:26:34 PM
i'd forgive, when i was able to see past the hurt - it makes me feel sick and all tensed up, when i keep bitterness/anger stewing inside... but i wouldn't forget and i wouldn't give him another chance, because he'd have shattered my trust in him and lost trust is something that is nearly impossible to regain, imo
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