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 limodave
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 239
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 3 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
NOPE !! If some one cheats once you can bet your last dollar they will most likely do it again !! no matter what they say.
 justme1202
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 252
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/19/2006 7:14:45 PM
Nobody deserves a second chance in that Department,. Sex is something very emotional for many woman and they usually get attached to the man.

Sorry nope no second chance. Therefore even if i am not in the mood to put out i will always atleast give him head then he has no reason to be in "need"
 cabinetmaker
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 260
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/19/2006 8:41:17 PM
josie555, go back though these posts again. The ones who say to give the guy a second chance have probally cheated themselves. The ones who say no way in hell, are the ones who have good morals and a positive self image.

Cheaters never stop, they learn not to get caught. But, really he is illrelevant. What is important is you, think back to how you met and all that he told you about himself. You will see the clues to what he is, chances are you justified or ignored the clues, but they weren't there.

People aren't that complicated, they say you can boil down what a person is to one sentence by looking at what they truly worshiip.

Cheating, even for men isn't about sex, it is about a sick person who WILL one day infect you with something that can not be cured.

Find a man with character, wait that is redundant, just find a man.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 262
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/19/2006 9:00:19 PM
I watched my parents marriage end as a result of my fathers (constant) infidelity, so this is a touchy subject for me when it comes to relationships.

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with being cheated on but I think I could forgive but I don't think I'd be quick to want to give someone a second chance. That may sound contradictory but I do consider myself someone who is quite forgiving but I'd have a hard time getting over it when the trust is completely lost.
 Azalea Path
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 268
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/21/2006 11:06:17 PM
Anyone can have a momentary lapse of judgement. Serial cheating, however, is unforgiveable. If you keep forgiving someone for cheating, guess what? They're going to do it over and over and over again because they know they can.
 limodave
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 273
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/22/2006 6:15:30 PM
NOPE!!!

For one cheaters get caught up in there own lies!! when will they ever learn they always get caught????? Especially those on here fellow POFers
 Huggles
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 274
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/22/2006 6:53:07 PM
Agreed. There are all kinds of "stats" as to why ppl cheat. As a child Phd...there is no excuse for wandering. Clearly something is broken in the relationship that should have been fixed before the cheating began.

Having been cheated on before (even by a PI...how dumb was HE that HE got caught...think I should be doing his job!) there's nothing worse than finding out that the one you love, trust and believe in has strayed. Especially when you have given your heart, soul and life to this person. I'm a nurturer, so it's in my nature to take care of someone..and when I'm in a relationship, they get 110% of me. If I'm not good enough for you, you're not good enough for me.
 marshw
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 278
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:08:16 PM
Sure you CAN forgive, but why bother? Just walk away.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 292
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/28/2006 3:20:10 PM
Lets face it, forgiveness is nothing without forgetting. If you have to hold on to it, you are not able to forgive, and you should leave, no since in wasting the cheater's or your time doing something you won't do. I am not going to say it is something that is instantaneous or easy, but if you are REALLY willing to get over a breaking of trust and the other person is REALLY willing to show you that that they are worthy of that trust, do it. Because if we actually think about it, humanity is the biggest cheater and betrayer of trust of all, when it comes to our relationship with God.

Once a cheater, always a cheater? Hmmmmm. If you don't stay, how will you ever really know. I know of several cheaters who have saved their relationships and the pair are stronger than ever. I know of some who have successful second marriages. So, for those who believe once a cheater, always a cheater, I guess once a thief always a thief. Once a liar always a liar. Once a dummy always a dummy. If that the case a lot of you men and women who have cheated should not be here or EVER date again.

And lets think about this last thing on the "once a cheater, always a cheater" mindset...How do you know your current SO, spouse, or even potiential love interest is not a cheater? Do you think the average person is going to tell you that? Do you think they really are going to shoot themselves in the foot for something that might of been a one time occurance? Sheesh, one would think we would have grown up with that concept by now.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 298
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/29/2006 12:43:46 AM
Nope, to me once a cheater always a cheater. I can not trust someone who cheats. if you cheat, you'll lie and steal too.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 305
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/31/2006 7:26:30 AM
Could I forgive and forget a cheater, yes. Would I end a relationship after a woman cheated on me, depends on the circumstance. First I make sure it was a one time deal and try to find out why the person cheated. If it happens a second time and third time, we are doing counseling, if a fourth time, they are out the door (barring of course if she is suffering from nymphomania (which is a real medical condition where a person's mind tells them they have to have sex)). But, if we both are willing to work on the relationship, I would not let them go. There was a reason why I chose them and I am not about to throw away a relationship over something that we possibly could fix.

I don't like starting. I don't want to go through the whole process of being alone and then fighting to not let bad feelings keep me away from being happy with someone else. I don't want to do something foolish because I am rebounding from a broken relationship. And most of all, why should they get off that easy? Why should they have to just be able to move on and possibly find someone better than me? Because guess what, my standards will not change. Theirs may. And what you first saw good in that person, someone now has and most likely in more abundance, and this I speak for from an experience of a friend of mine. She is still dating losers, and he is married, happy, three kids, and moved out to California with a nice business (and he was the one who cheated on her). How do I know, he is a friend and he has not cheated on his wife since he has married her, and that has been almost 10 years now.

To those who say, "once a cheater always, a cheater"; how do you know if you break up with them. Are you telling me, each and everyone of you are still in that person's life to know what they are doing? Are you keeping tabs on them? Are you really that good at telling a person's future? Lets really think about, it. You were the one who chose them, what does that really say about your choices in a person? In short, unless you have a magic crystalball or other power to determine this person's future, you really don't know. Maybe they will find that person that that they can be faithful to. Or maybe they will learn that they have a mental defect that causes them to do what they do and get the help they need. Or maybe they are destined to be in an open relationship and should seek another like themselves.

Lastly, consider this thought. Is not lying, stealing, hitting (not necessarily abuse), calling you out of name, or insulting you all signs of bad, trust breaking behaviors? Are these all just one time occurances? Hell no their not. And guess what, we all have at done them or have had them done to us. And we did not like it, nor did our partner. Are these not issues that lead to mistrust, and we forgive and forget them? If they are willing to do these things once, what makes you think they are not going to do them again and worst the next time? And if all of us has done one of these things or more, should not the relationship end over this?
 judythecutey
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 313
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/31/2006 11:28:18 PM
No.
I could forgive and forget,,,as in "forget them"..

I feel badly for anyone who doesn't realize they deserve better. Or who will put thier life on the line in the age of Aids..If someone will cheat they will lie about it too. Even condoms are not 100% safe..They can break, so you have to know who you are with. Nobody is worth dying for...Period.

Once my trust is gone, it's gone and that's that...it'd be over.

So far as I know noone has ever cheated on me..And I have never cheated on anyone.
If someone isn't happy they can always leave and go do whatever they want.
Any other course of action shows alot of disdain for the partner.
 SthrnAngel
Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 324
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2007 9:39:57 AM
I have read a few of the replys to this question..so here goes one more opinion..My xbf called me early one morning and said he had been with another woman he met on yahoo and had sex with her. This was while we were engaged and living together at the time..The reason he said was to make sure I was the right one for him..what a lame excuse. Needless to say I told him to come home and get his things and leave. After a few months of phone calls we went back together, I loved him enought to forgive him, and never brought it up again, that was in the past. But I will be honest with you, I couldnt trust him to cross the street for a loaf of bread, once your trust has been broken there is nothing left. We tried 4 times after that to make things work and it didnt. Today he will tell anyone he missed up our relationship, and he did. He is now married and she has my sympathy, he is always asking his sisters if they have talked to me and if I am seeing anyone. He will cheat again if he hasnt already done so.
You can ask all the questions on here, but the main thing until you stop letting people hurt you by breaking your trust and stop blaming yourself and start healing and loving yourself. No answer people give you will help.
Good luck and remember you deserve better than haveing someone you can not trust..
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 325
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2007 10:20:55 AM
NO..... I forgave my ex husband for sleeping with someone as soon as I gave birth to my daughter..... due to stitches I could not have sex for six weeks.... he was frustrated,even though I tried to please him in other way's.... then 6 months later he did it again.... I deserve more than that.... never again.... if they cheat once,they have no respect for you,I want and deserve respect...
 dozzie
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 337
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:19:38 AM
Yes you have to forgive to move on. you have to forgive yourself . wnen in a realtionship noone likes a cheater , it is hurtfull and all it does is harm your self esteem,if you worry about it. let them go , do not hold onto them and give yourself some space. and think if its worth continueing on. life is far too great than stale cheese.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 346
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:38:03 AM
I'm pretty hard nosed. I dont forgive people for doing things like that.
I dont forget either. I do what I call Forego. That just means you put it behind you but its not forgotten or tolerated.
 LIFES_GOOD
Joined: 9/21/2005
Msg: 349
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/13/2007 1:40:33 AM
I've never been in that position, so it's hard to say. However, I have been in the position where I felt I loved someone unconditionally...so that's a tough one to think about. I'd have to go through it I guess to truly say, though hopefully I never will.
 Ellimac
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 353
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:31:17 AM
I believe in forgiveness from the spiritual view. It's important to forgive so that one can move on. It does not, in any way, say that you condone the action, or that it's ok for you to be treated that way. It says that you love them and that you recognize that this is where they are in their maturity of how they treat people.

Personally, I would rather have the person tell me that he's looking around and that I'm not the only one he's interested in, rather than finding out the hard way, by accident. The latter is more hurtful. But that would require the 'cheater' to be honest, even about that, and then that is a contradiction to their player/cheater behavior. My gosh, it would be a first step to being honest!! hahahaha

so yes, I would forgive and was in such a situation recently.

Would I let him back into my life? He knows how much his behavior hurt me, he knows my expectation of honesty and integrity, and that I will accept nothing less. If he comes back, it would be a BIG step on his part and would require a lot of demonstration of a change of behavior. I would take it day by day to see if anything has really changed. If you know someone well enough you can tell.

As someone once said to me, 'Even God forgives.' The value to me is that I can move on.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 355
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:47:12 AM
I think i could forgive them for cheating, but i could never ever ever ever continue in the relationship. It's just too huge a betrayal of trust:::::: when you are in a relationship trust has to be the foundation that you build everything else on.....Without trust your relationship is like a house built on sand, at the first sight of rain it just washes away.

THE HEART CAN PROMISE FORGIVENESS, BUT THE MIND CAN'T PROMISE FORGETFULLNESS.
because i could never forget it, i could never get over it, so the relationship would have to end.



Yes i know forgetfullness is not a word.
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