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Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 1007
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 30 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
if your not married, forgive, but move on
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1008
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:33:21 AM long as there is mad, passionate make-up sex afterward.
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 1009
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:44:04 AM
Forgive? Eh, maybe. Forget? Never. I don't believe in carrying a grudge against them, nor do I wish them any harm, because I believe in karma.

Would I break up over it? Yes. Ended relationships before because they cheated, and would do it again...simply because once that level of trust has been violated, it's all but impossible to get it back.

The women who cheated on me are still somewhat involved in my life, but only as distant acquaintances. I won't let them play in my sandbox anymore. lol
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 1010
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:58:15 AM
I would forgive under the right circumstances.
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 1011
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:11:36 PM
Depends upon what your definition of forgiveness is. Too many people believe that "forgiveness" means that they not only will accept the apology / amends, but that they also must keep this person in the same role in their life. People interpret "forgiveness" as letting the violator off the hook, so to speak, not holding them accountable so they no longer have to look at their behavior. I look at things differently. For me, if my committed partner cheats on me (which implies deceit, dishonesty and violation of trust.... a lot more than simple "cheating"), I may eventually be able to forgive that person, but the nature of the relationship has now changed. The trust is gone, the desire to be with that person is gone, the ability to believe in that person is gone.

For me forgiveness is not something I do for the person who has violated my trust, to let him stay in my life or not. Forgiveness is something I do so the violation of my trust doesn't keep poisoning ME. This keeps me from being bitter and suspicious toward other men in future relationships. I can eventually forgive so that I can move on in my life, not to get the cheater off the hook.
 Unlike Dorothy
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 1012
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:39:08 PM
josie555 you only think it changes once you experience it first hand!! It can be hard to reconcile that a person who says they love you actually betrayed your trust. Sometimes we comfort ourselves by trying to stabilize the relationship and convincing ourselves things can be as they were before. But once it really sinks in, believe me you won't want to be with that person. You'll always wonder where they are and who they are with. And the memory of them cheating will flare up and taunt you. It will come up in arguments. For some things the slate simply cannot be wiped clean.

 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1015
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:58:30 AM
Define Forgive?
If you mean ... I forgive you for your nastyness you dirty filthy pig... then throw them out with the rest of the garbage.. then, YES..I am a forgiver

Once the trust is gone baby... so, is the love ... a relationship can only survive on trust.. once is that is gone so, am I
I also, believe in this .. what goes around, comes around and then back around!

Any questions?
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 1016
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:26:59 PM
Define cheating.
To me cheating is having a full blown relationship and sex with someone other then the one your with (supposedly the one you love). In that case, all trust is lost. If the love is gone too, throw them out. If the love is still there, it will take a lot of time before trust can be regained.
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 1017
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:30:31 PM
Yep, I can forgive her after the Divorce, and the Judge denies Alimony (this is in the Theoretical Utopian America).
 Amanda J A N E
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1018
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:34:15 PM
once a cheater... always a cheater

Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 1019
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:32:18 PM
No I was cheated on also for the 1st time that I am aware of last summer. I found out after we broke up but it still hurt the same. He wanted to get back together later and I couldn't. Usually once a cheater always a cheater. From watching my friends go thru it all the time with guys, once the guy cheated he kept on cheating. No 2nd chances with me.
 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1020
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:17:42 PM
^^^^Onions leave you with bad breath... either cut out the onions or use better mouth wash or do both ... you need a little something more with the onion sandwich mmmm perhaps a little grilled chicken and bacon
What were we talking about... got a little carried away there hee hee
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 1021
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:30:33 PM
There's another thread almost identical to this one and it seems that after pages and pages of responses, the resounding concensus of opinion if NOT to trust a cheater. There were only a few on that thread that said they would forgive it... most will not.

I think once that trust is broken you can never repair it. I mean, think about this... yoiu give your heart to someone for safe keeping and they completely shatter it. If there were problems within the relationship, the two of you should work it out or break up.... not bring another person into the mix. The humiliation and pain stay with you forever.... at least for me it will.

I'm not sure if once a cheater, always a cheater... but if you did it once, you may be more prone to do it again if you haven't seriously beat yourself up about it, stop laying blame on the other person, and realize no one makes you cheat... it's something you choose to do. Even if the cheater does work on himself... I still don't know that I'd trust that person never to do it again. Who wants to get hurt like that a second time?

Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 1022
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:59:25 PM
No I cant, will not never. I have had that done to me. If they cheated on you once they will always do it you, no matter what they say.
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 1024
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:13:57 PM
Cheating?--- is it your boyfriend? in an exclusive relationship?--- then I would say NO....
Is it your fiance? then I would say NO....
Is it your husband?...give a WARNING, get all the right thing...if ONE more time cheating....NO.

That is just ME not you. And circumstances can be different. People can fall into temptation and make mistakes too. It's really up to you my friend!:)
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 1025
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:20:13 PM
novascotialass wrote:

******I did read somewhere (it might have been written by Dr. Laura actually) that women who have been married many years to a man will want to retain their control of the empire in the face of an affair, meaning they will not cede that position of matriarch. ******

I was married a very long time and a week after I found out he'd been cheating, I filed for divorce... leaving money (lots of it) and comfort behind. I could have stayed, had everything I ever wanted, but what I wanted most in life, and still do.... is real love.

I know there are a lot of women who hold fast to their lives because they fear what's "out there" for them. Truthfully, after what I've encountered on the dating scene, they are right... this is no picnic. Cheats run rampant... lying is second nature... and those of us who are honest, are dinosaurs it seems. My married friends who have considered divorce have decided to stay and work things out based solely on what I've been through.

I've broken up with two men I loved because they were cheating and knew I deserved better than that. If (and that's a huge if) I were to forgive someone and take them back, they would have to make a full time job out of working on themselves and on us in order for me to ever believe them capable of riding themselves of their cheating mentality... mainly that it's okay to cheat if there are problems in the relationship.

I've only known one man in my entire life who was so sorry he cheated that he never did it again. His wife, even though she forgave him and they've been together for years... still doesn't trust him. Unfortunately, most people do cheat again. That's why it's so hard to trust that if someone did it once, they would do it again. Just look at the pages and pages of people who have been cheated on.

Very sad!

Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 1027
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:45:08 PM
can you forgive the dishonesty. can you look past the selfish and self centerdness......there is more to cheating then just the act of it. If you can work through the issues and dysfuntion...personally, I dont have time for all that....I say be on your merry way , get your *hit together and good luck.
 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1028
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:49:30 PM
People who cheat are usually people with very looooow self esteem and self confidence.. you can take that to the bank deposit it and collect interest....I feel sorry for them... confident people do need to... they usually stand on solid ground

That is why you should try to hook up with confident happy people without the confident issues their issues usually come and bite you on the ass (painful if you ask me) ouchhhhhhhhh!!! No time for people like that.. take your time, explore and access the situation like good scientists
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 1029
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:19:24 AM
Yes I can forgive! Many people are confusing forgiving with forgeting. When you really look at yourself and your relationships, you find that you really have no choice than to forgive. Sure, you can say that you wont forgive someone for something they have done to you, or someone you love but come on...really, do you want to carry that burden around with you for the rest of your life? What I don't understand are those who are stubborn, angry, or not willing to let go of something they "feel" has hurt them. Listen people, we all will have trials in our life and some of them really bad but we need to forgive people for their injustice and move on with our lives. Im not saying it was right or that we shouldnt forget where we once were in that situation but we can resolve our tensions, move on with our life and vow to use better judgement next time and never enter into that place ever again.
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 1030
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:29:20 PM
Yes, I can forgive, forget... never, but yes I can forgive.
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 1031
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:51:16 PM

(Msg 1108) Most people who have never been cheated on envision that they could never forgive such an indiscretion; that they would immediately throw the perpetrator to the curb, but I put forth that they would at least try to make amends if their significant other wanted to be forgiven.........................I believe people faced with the situation will forgive is because it happened to me when I was dating a guy; he wanted to be forgiven and I did forgive him, and we did move forward with the relationship. I must say, though, that before it happened, I always believed that I could never forgive infidelity.

I agree. When a person is faced with terminating a relationship with someone they truly love they will think twice.
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 1032
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:41:00 PM
There are alot of factors that I would have to consider...I've never been married and the cheating question is a big part of it. Realistically, I don't know what I would do but I see me leaning towards forgiving if I'm married and if I'm in it for the long haul. But I know its my decision to live with. I would however consider who is involved in the transgression. Are there any children to consider? Do you love the cheater? Can you live without them (of course you can, but do you want to?). I have never cheated while actually in a relationship...but I have been with someone else while in my heart I loved someone else...follow me? (Even that's hard for me to understand) Who's to say you will never cheat... Everybody is imperfect and will make mistakes....remember that for what's it worth. You may do something to hurt someone you love and may want forgiveness.... The decision is still yours....
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 1033
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:38:10 PM
I've never been cheated on but I also know how strong my character is and I would never tolerate it. It's not a matter of once a cheat always a cheat, it's the principal that he wasn't sure enough to not want to be with someone else. By cheating, it shows that he wasn't mature in handling his feelings nor was he honest enough to let things go before going with someone else. It's all about RESPECT and how much of it you have for yourself to deal with it.
 Life is an adventure!
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 1034
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:14:22 AM
They cheat once they'll do it again.Leave the bum.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 1035
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:48:29 AM
I used to think I could forgive that, but I can't. I tried to work through it with my ex-husband and I do beleive that he stopped, but in the end, it just drove me crazy. It's not about the cheating, it's about losing the trust. If you don't trust someone, there isn't a point in staying in the relationship.

It was like, I couldn't trust that what he said he was doing was actually what he was doing. Every time we tried to have relations all I thought about was the cow that he shoved his stuff into. Actually, I think that made it worse was knowing that she wasn't even pretty. I mean, like, honestly here....she was just not an attractive person. She waasn't even a hygenical person. Which, he blamed it on booze and pot...but still.

So, if by chance I'm ever cheated on again...out the door he goes. No questions asked. I don't want to hear excuses or I'm sorry''s to late to apologize...

~Welder's Girl~
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