Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 highincidence
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 920
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 31 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Absolutely not. If it were a declared monogamous serious relationship, cheating is NEVER acceptable or forgivable in my book. Now, I think a lot of people decide that they are in that sort of relationship without ever discussing it with their partner, who may or may not be on the same page.....
 Melissa*C1987
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 921
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:38:29 AM
2 letter word... NO!!!

It will happen again and again unless you cut him off from the world and/or cut some nuts off and goug out his eyes.
 huronbraxx
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 922
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:55:15 AM
Josie555: "...I've always been a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater and I always vowed that no matter what if anyone ever cheated on me I would kick them to the curb..."

bingo, and then we move on, thier bloody loss find someone who would return the devotion you give them.

just to add, i don;t mind if a i have a gf that wants to try things with a gal as long as there's no disease and no involvment of a guy (and yes that even includes the other gal not having been with a guy within the few hours beforehand cuz that's just gross)
(and before anyone suggests anything to the contrairy, this doesn't require me watching or joining or needing some sort of detailed story)
 4umjunky
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 924
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:31:27 AM
[msg 991;this is all true and sad for those who have lived it but to be I dont know matbe manic depressive ;and paranoid,a stalker a liar and even sending 'sweet' little email congratulatory cardss? geez get a life already.oh Im sorry you cant all unemployable,poppin way too many pain pills,and nothin else to do but research and harass people on the computer.]

Since we have both went on with our lives, I saw no reason not to send a 'cute', friendly, Congratulations card to an ex after hearing of his upcoming marriage through a mutual friend of ours on POF. The world would be a better place if we were all friendly to each other after a break-up.

Yes, I am disabled so I can not work. No, no more pills, last surgery was a success. Yea!Who is the paranoid, stalker one following me around in the forums?

POF-sorry off subject, HAD to respond to my fan
Op: my answer is message 991
 riskingit
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 925
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:08:31 PM
No......I do not believe in cheating. If you feel that you are not happy then leave. Don't cheat!
 BabyBlues247
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 926
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:24:39 PM
You are AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, CARING, WONDERFUL ... once YOU believe that you will NEVER let anyone treat you less :)
 nicebluiz
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 927
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:40:02 PM
Novascotialass;

What I was referring to was the fact that you've sent the cheater a message by staying. I DO forgive, but I don't stay with someone who's cheated on me. Forgiving and staying are two different issues. By staying, I truly think I would be sending a message to the cheating party (woman, in my case) that I will tolerate such misbehavior in the future.

How you see it is up to you. You might not only forgive, but stay with one who has cheated on you once; I simply will forgive and move on. That's just me, though.

Best 2 U!~Nicebluiz
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 928
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:21:31 AM
Forgive somebody is your problem.
They may WANT your forgiveness...but if you can't forgive...then you'll probably be the only one affected.

If you are w/ somebody...and they cheat...odds are it's not a surprise to you.
If it is ..you're either in self-denial..or you weren't paying attention to what's going on in your relationship.

So...your forgiving is up to you.
If you don't....it might hurt the other person in the short run...
But only YOU will be affected in the long run.
 smd83
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 929
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:36:34 AM
Op,
Yes you can forgive... Lets not forget that any relationship is a two way street... Let's not put all the blame on the cheater... ummm... in my eyes: if he was happy with me.. he wouldn't neeed to open the door to the cheating... so in my ex marriage i take 50% fault.

As for Could i Have stayed with him and made it work after he cheated?
NO...
It's not adultery , that i can't forgive because i did... What the issue is here is inability to have an open communication, trustworthy, loyal relationship... ITS his DECEPTION that pushed me away... If I can't trust my own spouse then there is no working things out...

He begged and pleaded... but at the end of the day... when I would ask him what did you eat today : him saying eggs and bacon... I'm thinking liar he had soup, and sandwich.... You see what i mean... HIS WORDS MEANT EVERYTHING... His action TORE THOSE WORDS to pieces... NO RECOVERY...I just couldn't believe a single word that was coming out of his mouth....
 .kathydlton.
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 930
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:03:43 AM
Forgive a Cheater???? that's the same as forgiving a Liar!!!! Will you ever be able to truly believe a Liar??? NO, right??? Same goes for a CHEATER*******cheats, liars, abusers,thieves, etc,etc., etc..,******* ALWAYS RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST,,,,,,,,,,,,never let anyone treat you with anything less than the TOTAL RESPECT you deserve. Obviously, Mr. Cheater was not thinking about how he was disrespecting you while he was doing her!!!!!
Move on baby....if you let him get away with it once.....he'll never take you seriously and he WILL CHEAT again!!!!

You got burnt once that should be enough!!
I've always told my man: "If you decide to cheat on me better' BE SURE ' she's worth it because you've lost me forever! It happened to me once.....he became Instant history because I love me the most!!!
It's hard sometimes but...be true to you!!! even if he's not!
 IWontTellYou
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 931
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:24:46 AM
Yes, I forgave him (but never forgot about it), and politely told him that it was over. We are still friends, though...he may have cheated on me, but he's always there with a shoulder for me to cry on.
 IWontTellYou
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 932
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:27:01 AM
Yes, I forgave him (but never forgot about it), and politely told him that it was over. We are still friends, though...he may have cheated on me, but he's always there with a shoulder for me to cry on. He's sorry for it now that he's grown up more!
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 933
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:29:44 AM

Forgive a Cheater???? that's the same as forgiving a Liar!!!! Will you ever be able to truly believe a Liar??? NO, right??? Same goes for a CHEATER*******cheats, liars, abusers,thieves, etc,etc., etc..,******* ALWAYS RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST,,,,,,,,,,,,never let anyone treat you with anything less than the TOTAL RESPECT you deserve. Obviously, Mr. Cheater was not thinking about how he was disrespecting you while he was doing her!!!!!
Move on baby....if you let him get away with it once.....he'll never take you seriously and he WILL CHEAT again!!!!

You got burnt once that should be enough!!
I've always told my man: "If you decide to cheat on me better' BE SURE ' she's worth it because you've lost me forever! It happened to me once.....he became Instant history because I love me the most!!!
It's hard sometimes but...be true to you!!! even if he's not!


Wow...did you read this after you wrote to see all of the bitterness that's in it?
I seriously doubt that only one man ever cheated on you...
Unless you only dated one man...
Or you followed the others everywhere they ever went....

And all of the icons...that was a little bit of overkill,don't you think?

OP....if you like the ways things are going or went...then by all means forgive.
Or don't.
But, again. forgiveness is up to you...
If you don't forgive...then you'll be the only loser....
 Annuvin
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 934
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:57:55 AM
In my opinion, the foundation of every quality relationship is built on trust. If a girl was to cheat on me, that foundation would fall apart and the entire relationship would come down like a house of cards. If this person did it once, why do you not think they would do it again? Leopards don't change their spots. I know it would be hard, but if a girl cheated on me, that relationship would end the moment I found out.
 .kathydlton.
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 935
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:55:46 AM
Cocytus...... I am not bitter....I was married for most of my life since age 18 and have been a widow now for almost 18 years....I know in my heart and soul that "My Husband" never cheated on me!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!
yes, one man,,,,,,cheated on me...that was someone from last year! He is the loser...not me!
And, these icons are here to use.......
Bitter???? Me?????? I am in no way bitter....just wiser!!!
I have a lot of self-respect and I expect "respect" from others because I deserve it!!!
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 936
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:08:36 AM

Cocytus...... I am not bitter....I was married for most of my life since age 18 and have been a widow now for almost 18 years....I know in my heart and soul that "My Husband" never cheated on me!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!
yes, one man,,,,,,cheated on me...that was someone from last year! He is the loser...not me!
And, these icons are here to use.......
Bitter???? Me?????? I am in no way bitter....just wiser!!!
I have a lot of self-respect and I expect "respect" from others because I deserve it!!!


Umm...so you "know" for a fact that your late husband NEVER cheated on you?
How, exactly would you be able to "know" this?
Wouldn't a more accurate statement be that you "believe that he didn't?"

And I guess that the "relationship" w/ the man from last year wasn't too important.
If he cheated on you and that fact ended the relationship...then things weren't that significant I guess.

Why is he a "loser?"
Apparently you were unable to meet all of his needs...and he went looking elsewhere.
You caught him...or he confessed...and then the two of you parted ways.
And this makes him a "loser".....how,again?

Finally...yes the icons are here to use.
But are you unable to to clearly and concisely make your points w/o using so many of them?
 HellsPrincess
Joined: 5/11/2007
Msg: 937
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:19:05 AM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, i made that mistake n the c**t did it 2 me again anutha 3 time hes lost not only his wife but his daughter as well, i want 2 slap the mare who he did it with as she knew he had a family but i also want 2 shake her hand 4 doin me a favor, im with a terrific guy now.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 938
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:40:27 PM

Apparently you were unable to meet all of his needs...and he went looking elsewhere.


Its an excuse a cheater uses to condone their cheating, trying to place the blame on whom they cheated on.

Some people will cheat on you no matter what you do....
 tak_boi
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 939
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:30:31 PM
"If you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 6:14,15)

We must base our relationships with others on the same standard on which God bases His relationship with us: love, acceptance and forgiveness (see Matthew 18:21-35)
 Desert Frog
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 940
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:05:46 PM
I could, but I'm sure it would alter the nature of the relationship. I've never experienced this, but it's hard to imagine how it wouldn't at least loosen the interpersonal bonds anyway.
 Cowboypirate
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 941
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:52:28 PM
To me, cheating may possibly be forgiven, but it is never forgotten. It is always a crushing blow in a relationship, and for me to even consider the slight possibility of staying with a person who has cheated on me once, I would have to be die-hard, 500%, complete, unbelievably in love with that woman. I've been cheated on by several women, mostly because I like taking my time in a relationship and not rushing straight into the bedroom a few days after meeting, and everytime, it hurt. A few, I have forgiven, but I could never forget.
 Yeronds
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 942
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:13:11 PM
My only girlfriend cheated on me, and although I was very angry at her, time has passed, and we didn't see each other for a long time, but now we're talking again, and she's a great friend to have, and I have totally forgiven her.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 943
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:57:01 PM
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal between a man and a woman. Can you forgive? Can you forget? If you ever experience that feeling of betrayal, the one person you trusted most in the world, cheating on you, you realize, you are the only one you can count on. Maybe forgive them and stay with them, and give them the opportunity to do it again. Never forget it though, everytime they are late, or you get that odd feeling, or they wont look you in the eye, you will wonder. odds are, if they got by with it once, they will try it again.
 josh1910
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 944
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:41:32 PM
I feal you shuld tell your man and ask him
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 945
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:03:21 PM
"forgive ... to be .. forgive" (paraphrased)

It all depends upon what you mean by "forgive". My spiritual guide teaches that the word "forgive" simply means "to release from the need for retribution" .... it is something I do for me, for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Lack of foregivenss eats like a cancer of the spirit and mind.

However, foregiveness does not mean to condone or give the person an opportunity to repeat the behavior with you. It doesn't mean to forget. Actually, I have a whole list of things it doesn't mean.

If a person is not getting their needs met with me, leave. Then when they start something up they aren't a cheater. There are appropriate ways to end relationships ... cheating isn't one of them. It is deceptive and manipulative and cruel and self centered. It willfully hurts another human being for self-serving purposes. Yes, leaving also hurts, but it is honest and not manipulative.

Cheaters tend to rationalize, justify and excuse their behavior with blaming ... which is the lowest of the low behaviors.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >