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Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 1031
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Cheating- can you forgive?Page 31 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)

(Msg 1108) Most people who have never been cheated on envision that they could never forgive such an indiscretion; that they would immediately throw the perpetrator to the curb, but I put forth that they would at least try to make amends if their significant other wanted to be forgiven.........................I believe people faced with the situation will forgive is because it happened to me when I was dating a guy; he wanted to be forgiven and I did forgive him, and we did move forward with the relationship. I must say, though, that before it happened, I always believed that I could never forgive infidelity.

I agree. When a person is faced with terminating a relationship with someone they truly love they will think twice.
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 1032
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:41:00 PM
There are alot of factors that I would have to consider...I've never been married and the cheating question is a big part of it. Realistically, I don't know what I would do but I see me leaning towards forgiving if I'm married and if I'm in it for the long haul. But I know its my decision to live with. I would however consider who is involved in the transgression. Are there any children to consider? Do you love the cheater? Can you live without them (of course you can, but do you want to?). I have never cheated while actually in a relationship...but I have been with someone else while in my heart I loved someone else...follow me? (Even that's hard for me to understand) Who's to say you will never cheat... Everybody is imperfect and will make mistakes....remember that for what's it worth. You may do something to hurt someone you love and may want forgiveness.... The decision is still yours....
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 1033
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:38:10 PM
I've never been cheated on but I also know how strong my character is and I would never tolerate it. It's not a matter of once a cheat always a cheat, it's the principal that he wasn't sure enough to not want to be with someone else. By cheating, it shows that he wasn't mature in handling his feelings nor was he honest enough to let things go before going with someone else. It's all about RESPECT and how much of it you have for yourself to deal with it.
 Life is an adventure!
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 1034
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:14:22 AM
They cheat once they'll do it again.Leave the bum.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 1035
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:48:29 AM
I used to think I could forgive that, but I can't. I tried to work through it with my ex-husband and I do beleive that he stopped, but in the end, it just drove me crazy. It's not about the cheating, it's about losing the trust. If you don't trust someone, there isn't a point in staying in the relationship.

It was like, I couldn't trust that what he said he was doing was actually what he was doing. Every time we tried to have relations all I thought about was the cow that he shoved his stuff into. Actually, I think that made it worse was knowing that she wasn't even pretty. I mean, like, honestly here....she was just not an attractive person. She waasn't even a hygenical person. Which, he blamed it on booze and pot...but still.

So, if by chance I'm ever cheated on again...out the door he goes. No questions asked. I don't want to hear excuses or I'm sorry''s to late to apologize...

~Welder's Girl~
 lets start now!
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 1036
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:12:04 AM
let me tell you, if this person who cheated on you really cared, they would have never cheated. dont go back. it would never work due to the fact that you wouldnt be able to trust him again. i did take someone back once and they did it again. give yourself to someone who deserves it, not someone who broke your trust! good luck.
 lets start now!
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 1037
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:20:22 AM
but let me say that not all men are cheaters, women cheat to but its not acceptable. i never take out what one man did in my past relationships out on the next relationship. i have been with faithful men but unfortanitly some people cant be faithful. but if you do take it out on the next person you get with, you arent giving them a fair chance.
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 1040
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:35:57 PM
smd83 wrote:

****** Let's not put all the blame on the cheater... ummm... in my eyes: if he was happy with me.. he wouldn't neeed to open the door to the cheating... so in my ex marriage i take 50% fault. *******

Hmmm... you are taking half the blame for someone cheating on you rather than leaving you before he cheated? That's unreal.

I would never take the blame for a coward's way of dealing with life. Cheating is wrong.... leaving a bad relationship is the right way to go about it.

You could never convince me that a cheater is justified. I don't care what the other person has done. If you're not happy in a relationship... leave it. Don't humiliate and cause pain to someone else because you haven't the balls to do what you need to instead of going and taking what you want to.

 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1042
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:26:02 AM
^^^^^^^^^^ what goes around, comes around and back around... stay tuned the saga will continue and you can that to the bank!
Do not even bother to give them a second thought.. go on with your life... not worth being bitter about... because *THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT* they are just lost souls in the society ... when will it end? does a circle have an end?
Best of luck to you...
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 1043
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:19:01 AM
I only ever cheated on my first girlfriend.
All the rest I've had, I've been 100% faithful... vowed to myself I'd never cheat again once I lost Amy. And I ain't. Now my relationships end either because they cheated, or I move somewhere else!

Catch 22? :P
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 1044
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:52:35 AM
Can you? It's a personal will. If you have that "omg, he's not home yet...wonder where he is..." thought, bail.

It's a tough are faithful, give it all you've got, and still they found someone else? The better question is can you forgive YOURSELF!? It's not an excuse, if he felt neglected or what ever, to run off to someone else, it's cowardice. But don't just blame him/her. What were you doing wrong? I'd take it as a learning experience...and not go back.

People cheat...emotionally and physically. Are you the type that blames yourself? Are you going to spend the rest of that relationship doing every little thing you can to keep him all to yourself? If you have to wonder where he is or watch his every move he just isn't worth it. You shouldn't have to babysit him.

I don't believe that the mistakes a person makes dictates who they's their actions after the mess up that matter. Is he really sorry? Or is he just sorry he got caught?

It's a question only you can know that person. Taking advice from others because of their past isn't what you need to's about knowing yourself and the other person that matters. No one can tell you how to feel. No one can tell you how to navigate the situation in your life.
 Bubble Eyes
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 1045
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:01:21 AM

46 pages later... NO.

always. NO.

Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 1046
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:03:27 AM
no.. there shouldn't be cheating on any part of any concept of what each has committed to as a relationship period.. you don't look at another woman lustfully.. or you have issues with your relationship you better address long before you make your words useless dribble from that moment you say... your committed and that otehr persons says they are committed.. period.. get it through your mind from the get go cause there's no re-record.. try this simple test... say any word outloud... any word... try to suck back the word.. go ahead.. you know you wanta try.. omg... you can't.. simple.. don't say something you don't mean cause.. once the air leaves the windpipe.. your done.. if a leg walking by causes a flash in your eye your a piece a crap an you know it... so.... be honest... make a committed choice, cause.... no.. cheating is.. one's word is meaningless... hey can i borrow 5 bucks.. oh sure, i'm gonna believe you'lll repay me.. your word means so much to me... children... don't do that... ( unless you don't feel you'll get caught ) your word means soooooooooooooooo much to me....
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 1048
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:31:55 AM
Well I was with the same girl for 3 years she never changed always was cheating on me and it was my own fault for letting it happen, but one day i woke up and said im not going to take it any more it was the hardested thing i ever had to do because i loved them very much i still miss her and love her but it was killing me i did every thing a guy could do , I supported her for almost a year car sigs , bear house everything i don't know any advice i can give but it sucks trusting someone that dont give it back it is what it it is and people don't change, I just hope someone out there can love me for me.....................................................
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 1050
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:57:18 PM
forgive... no... i did take time to understand.. and in my case, yep cheater makes perfect society sense... respect it... not a chance.. forgive it.. already said NO.. a person's word is all one has, an a lie.. or over the years several lies.. just add up to one's word hasn't got an once of measure left to weight...

where does one begin...
Joined: 4/7/2008
Msg: 1051
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:10:39 AM
If you can't forgive someone then don't expect others to forgive you when you make a mistake. Someone people do change some don't but you won't know if you don't give a person a chance.
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 1052
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:34:32 AM
Nope that is why I am divorced......Couldn't forgive or forget. Trust was broken too bad and never able to get it back. Maybe wrong in the way I think but just too much happen to put it behind me and forgive.
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 1054
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:59:58 AM
mistakes are easy to forgive an move forwards with.. i'm a professioal, i make mistakes daily... cheating isn't a mistake.. it's a completed with intent action.. a mistake.. oh my... fell into your.. and how did that happen over and over.. nope.. not a mistake... more complicated mistakes.. require more understanding.. forgive no problem... work it out... ok... work back out actions words and deeds of cheating.. not possible... done.. one can repaint a fence... cheating isn't a fence, it's a total jumped over the fence an into someone else's arms... alot of things fall into the can not forgive.. kill someone in my heart for no reason, i will not forgive you ever on the planet, god if there is ( disclaimer for those who need one ) can forgive.. i am not god.. and i wouldn't expect someone to forgive me such indiscretions... my ego's not that big... and yes.. people do change.. good for them.. i do respect someone making changes.. doesn't have a thing to do with forgiving...

edited.. no intent at harm or agression from my responce I repsect anothers view of a possible result from a positive input towardsa a tricky concept..
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 1056
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:13:25 AM
If you love the must forgive. A cheater is not always a bad man,,, he just made a bad choice.
I dont beleive in once a cheater.... always a cheater.
We are human and make mistakes. this doesnt mean we cant think and see it was wrong...we are thinking human beings....we make lots of mistakes and we also should be given the chance to proof we are able to correct and continue.
Remember the one that failed is not you, so be generous, kind and try to heal.....and if you love im and he loves you...retake the journey and trust me...I survived a hefty cheating situation and i can guarantee husband hasnt done it again. And yes I am sure.

Marriage got stronger, no hard feeling and guess what....after 6 years, now its me that im having the problem....and he is forgiving me. We are working thru it.....

Also prayer helped us a lot..God worked on our marriage then....
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1057
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:27:10 AM

They may WANT your forgiveness...but if you can't forgive...then you'll probably be the only one affected.

You'll be affected alright - you'll be setting yourself up to get cheated on again. "Forgive and forget" is fine when the other person misses your birthday or something - not so fine when your future could be determined by your choice to forgive. If you want to forgive, do it after you've found someone else and moved on with your life.
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 1058
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:50:09 AM
I know it's hard. And I've been cheated on in a marriage. And No, I can't move past that. Some people may be able to, but I have to trust him out of my sight. Once he's cheated, I would always wonder when he was late, who he was with, what he was doing. I can't live that way, so No.
 lets start now!
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 1059
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:00:54 AM
nope i cant, if someone cheats they never cared in the first place!
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 1060
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:05:33 AM
hiya Scott... one begins at the beginning... i thought about including that what's of value about who... but felt the subject was cheaters.. and so left off any redeeming qualities... and i have to say i'm sorry. there's too much detail you'd need to know that after thinking about this, there are no redeeming qualities... and i don't want to write a never seeming to end list of what's transpired over the past years.. I just use it as a watch out for list.. but even that hasn't a place in this forum... and this was the positive re-write..
so i'll give you a rough geist about why i do at least say yes.. what cheater did does makes perfect society sense... I owned a small local computer company for many years and was successful until the little town got noticed by the large supply chain stores.. slowly over a few years my small local store downsized into out of business.. and I had gotten moved into the Loser's list.. didn't know i'd lost.. thought someone had my back and i did adjust an change the future and was in the beginnings of a new business when I discovered some guy.. he'd been around a few years... so.. why my X divorced me.. I no longer was a rich american she'd married.. I made her lose face in front of her friends... so in societies eyes.. she did the right thing.. she protected herself from the loser an dumped him ( me ) of course through proper planning no one informed me and she took several years to build all the wonderful things she managed to do... i was left with my jaw hanging...

maybe it's easier for you to understand if I say... i don't let what happen focus on my manages to do that for me... and you'd have to be in my shoes to understand...

anyway, i'll be hanging awhile.. like the forums...
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 1062
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:18:52 PM
Yeah i know what you've been through that sucks, ive been cheated on and the worse thing about it is that your have time find out on your own, but even if he told you that he cheated and was honest, i would say you should not take him back, becuase it will most likely happen again once he's broken the ice.
if you do not wish you get hurt anymore, move on and find someone better.
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 1063
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:42:08 PM
Well mine cheated and I gave him another chance and guess what he cheated again. I think you can forgive, but you'll never forget. I think if they get away with it the first go around they just assume they'll always be forgiven.
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