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Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 973
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 33 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
NO!-check the" decoding men's words book" (the dictionary)-it means no,not,negative,zip,nada,nein,nyet,the opposite of yes, the absence of a positive affirmation, and very,very unlikely!!
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 974
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:04:25 PM
Recently in the been cheated on boat as well, the answer is no. No matter what your heart is telling you, listen to your mind on this one. The fact that someone tells you all the usual i love yous yet goes out and has to be with someone else shows they had great doubt in you and really didn't want to be with you anyway so let them go and move on, no matter how hard on the heart, do it for your mind.
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 975
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:19:12 PM

let them go and move on, no matter how hard on the heart, do it for your mind.

very good advice.
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 977
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:22:50 PM
I'll repeat what some others have said. NO NO NO NO NO NO NEVER NO NOT A CHANCE NO FORGET IT NO IN YOUR DREAMS NO etc. etc.

When a person cheats they have violated the deepest of trusts. They have shown that they have absolutely no respect for anyone as a companion or a person. Maybe if a lot more people would put their spine in place and tell those who cheat how much of a piece of pond scum they are, the world would be a better place. Infidelity has become rampant in today's society. Too many people think only of themselves. There is NEVER a reason for cheating. I could care less for the excuses people use. This is an opinion of mine that will never change. I won't even date anyone who has cheated on someone in their past. I cannot use the language on here that I reserve for such low lives. They all make me sick with their feeble excuses as to why they did it. All they need to do is buck up and admit they have done one of the most cruel actions that can be done to another human being. I wish they would bring back the stocks so we could put them in the center of town and everyone could throw rotten fruit at them. And I'm being nice here. Oh, and yes, I have been the recipient of such behavior, but my opinion was the same beforehand.
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 978
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:54:50 PM
You can forgive. Forgiving helps you heal and grow.
But can you ever get the trust back? I knew I couldn't so there was no point trying to make it work.

There is a song that really helped me to accept this: Flawed Design by Stabilo

Key Lyrics:

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason

'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 979
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:23:30 PM

Then, what if your spouse felt unloved, slept with someone ONCE to feel wanted again by someone of the opposite sex, and then felt an incredible guilt over the whole thing and knew that they would never repeat that act.

Just an excuse. Answer is no.

When I was young (like 15) I used to say the same thing as a lot of people: cheating is a deal breaker, but now I think the real reason I held that very strong opinion was that somehow that threat would keep my significant other in line....Now I'm older and see things a bit differently

Now that I'm older, and wiser, I can guarantee you, it is in no way a threat. I've BEEN there, will never give someone a second chance again. Just like I told my ex husband, you wanted to have sex with other women, now you can all you want without me caring!!!!
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 980
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:21:07 PM
STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! You are totally right!! "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" And that works both ways. One of my biggest regrets in my marriage was that I told him to get lost.. but I didn't tell him to stay lost!! It was the 3rd year of our marriage... at least that's when he got caught. I never, ever trusted him, again... no matter how hard I tried. There was a rift that could never be healed. AND.. rightfully so, since he never quit cheating. I was thankful when I finally, after 15 years of marriage, felt I had a "legitimate" reason to get out and stay out!!! Best thing I ever did!!! (I had pressure from family NOT to leave. "Family" are not always looking out for our best interests ... more like THEIR best interests!!
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 981
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:23:23 PM
No. A leopard doesn't change his spots, only the way it hunts.
A cheater would NEVER get a second chance with me.

Forgive ??? Yeah.
Forget ??? Never.
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 982
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:13:08 AM
I've been cheated on and learned that I can not forgive. I don't think it's worth the time because you end up bitter... so it's better just to let go.
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 983
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:18:30 AM
forgive sure but I would definately move on and out of the relationship.
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 984
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:23:15 AM
My thoughts for cheating in a relationship, well I would have to say if they really mean it and show it then give them another chance but if they don't mean it then kick them to curb.
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 986
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:49:54 PM

when i was younger, yes because all i really wanted is to get back in the sack, but now i expect my partner to be far more honest, upfront, direct, mature and responsible. cheating obliterates all of that and once thats gone thats it. i suppose i could force myself to stay together for a year or 2 to see if anything comes back if kids and other factors were involved, but even that is unlikely to have a sucessfull outcome as i would always wonder if it happened once whats to prevent it from happening again ?
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 987
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:16:48 PM

I may be able to forgive someone for cheating on me but I would never forget, which means the relationship is over. No matter what you will always have that thought in the back of your mind that they possibly could be cheating and there will be no trust. There is no relationship if there is no trust

when you replace trust with mistrust its like exchanging love for pain go..
Joined: 3/14/2008
Msg: 988
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:50:11 PM
nooooooooooo way... once a cheater, always a cheater..

cheating is like a drug... some people can stop, but most can't..
Joined: 11/2/2005
Msg: 989
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:58:14 PM
Trust your instincts...
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 990
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:22:41 PM
Had this happen to me , once. She couldnt give a reason, rational one anyway, for what she did. When an individual violates the trust of their husband ; wife; b/f ; g/f, whatever. It takes an awful strong individual to want to salvage the relationship. It will be tough. noone can answer that question, ' Is it worth it?" only you can. Nobody knows the reasons why or whatever it was done. Seek opinions but, find your own answers.
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 991
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:42:19 PM
It happened to me and I forgave. HUGE mistake because he did it again. So no, I wouldn't forgive. If I ever had to experience that again, I'd strap a rocket to his azz and shoot him to the moon!!
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 992
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:08:32 PM
Can I forgive? It depends how you define forgive.

Could I ever forget it happened? No.
Could I still love him? Yes.
Would I ever be able like, respect and admire him again? Maybe I could eventually.
Would I ever really trust him again? NO! Never!
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 993
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:10:13 PM
thinking there is no way to trust a cheater...and by doing the whole "Iwill try to forgive you and we will stay together "you are telling them that it is okay what they did...been there done that...They will stray again...and who knows you may too because after one strays kinda opens the door doesn't it
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 994
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:21:59 PM
I can definely forgive them, it would just take a little time. It's not the end of the world or nothing. Would I ever date that person or have romantic feelings for them again? Sadly no, trust is gone, and won't come back. I've worked at night clubs and bars and have seen people cheat all the time, hiding their wedding rings, telling their significant other that they love them while their date is in the bathroom. All these deceptive things when all you gotta do is work at the love that you do have. It's really is hard to take a stab at monogamy, but if your in a committed relationship be mature enough to handle the responsibility. FTR I've never cheated EVER, too loyal for that silly stuff.
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 996
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:32:01 AM
My wife cheated on me. When I found out, I was devastated. We tried to work through it, but I wasn't ready to move past it yet and she was tired of me dwelling on it. Also, I was losing the battle with clinical depression, which can take a toll not only on the depressed person, but all those around them as well.

Can I forgive her? I already have. While I don't condone what she did, I believe that I understand why she did it. She felt lonely, invalidated, and unattractive in our marriage (I clearly wasn't doing a good job of conveying to her how I really felt.), and the guys she cheated with made her feel "alive" again. It is my personal belief that she also wanted out of the marriage and she was hoping on some level that I would find out and leave her.

We tried to work it out, but we failed. However, I still forgive her for the cheating.

Can a relationship be saved after cheating? I believe some can, but most can't. Can the cheater be forgiven? If the other person wants to forgive and works at it, I believe that it can be done.
 Fusion Heat
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 997
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:21:58 PM
I'd never ever ever ever ever ever forgive a cheater, they did it willingly.. there's your answer, have more respect for yourselves and move on.
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 998
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:28:12 PM
No I cant forgive a person for not having a basic level of respect for the person they are intending to love.
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 999
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:22:45 PM
No! you can never forgive and forget! Been there 2 times and once a cheater always a cheater. Its takes a long while to trust again! Never mind dating again! It took me awhile to trust again. Is the grass greener on the other side! Well ask my ex wives!
There still single!
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 1000
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:07:16 PM
I despise a cheater but forgiveness would greatly depend on how long we'd been together and how serious we are. Unfortunately (or fortunately), when I'm in a relationship, I put 100% of myself into it. Sometimes that allows me to forgive in the face of obvious disregard for my feelings.
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