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 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 1001
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 34 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
i'd forgive, when i was able to see past the hurt - it makes me feel sick and all tensed up, when i keep bitterness/anger stewing inside... but i wouldn't forget and i wouldn't give him another chance, because he'd have shattered my trust in him and lost trust is something that is nearly impossible to regain, imo
 mefishme80
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 1002
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:12:15 PM
nope.... I had a ex said she was not in her right mind and it was a accident!!!! LOL!!!! what did she do, trip and fall on him!!! LOL!!!
 dcamnc
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 1003
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2008 7:53:14 PM
I would forgive them...... then show them the door!
 fly0nthewall
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 1004
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:39:54 PM
Forgive? Maybe after years have passed.
Forget? Never.
Stay in that relationship? Absolutely not. Never again.

Been there, done that, wrote the book. If one feels it necessary to cheat, then one should get out of the relationship they are in. Plain and simple.
 kgrl08
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 1005
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:17:02 AM
I cannot forgive,after him tellin me it was not another woman and then finding the two of them together one night! OMG,and whats crazy is why she would continue to date or see him,knowing he cheated on me,did it once,twice,he gonna do it again! She and him on this site too! Hahahah,Losers,boozers and Cheaters!!
 cutie_pie2007
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 1006
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:51:26 PM
Lets see here with him for 6 yrs, engaged, carried his 2 children cheated once. After 4 months of trying to salvage our relationship, I gave up! Couldn't forgive, nor could I forget....
 dekomisier
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 1007
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:25:55 AM
if your not married, forgive, but move on
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1008
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:33:21 AM
Absolutely...as long as there is mad, passionate make-up sex afterward.
 Pyntree
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 1009
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:44:04 AM
Forgive? Eh, maybe. Forget? Never. I don't believe in carrying a grudge against them, nor do I wish them any harm, because I believe in karma.

Would I break up over it? Yes. Ended relationships before because they cheated, and would do it again...simply because once that level of trust has been violated, it's all but impossible to get it back.

The women who cheated on me are still somewhat involved in my life, but only as distant acquaintances. I won't let them play in my sandbox anymore. lol
 TIBTAB
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 1010
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:58:15 AM
I would forgive under the right circumstances.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 1011
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:11:36 PM
Depends upon what your definition of forgiveness is. Too many people believe that "forgiveness" means that they not only will accept the apology / amends, but that they also must keep this person in the same role in their life. People interpret "forgiveness" as letting the violator off the hook, so to speak, not holding them accountable so they no longer have to look at their behavior. I look at things differently. For me, if my committed partner cheats on me (which implies deceit, dishonesty and violation of trust.... a lot more than simple "cheating"), I may eventually be able to forgive that person, but the nature of the relationship has now changed. The trust is gone, the desire to be with that person is gone, the ability to believe in that person is gone.

For me forgiveness is not something I do for the person who has violated my trust, to let him stay in my life or not. Forgiveness is something I do so the violation of my trust doesn't keep poisoning ME. This keeps me from being bitter and suspicious toward other men in future relationships. I can eventually forgive so that I can move on in my life, not to get the cheater off the hook.
 Unlike Dorothy
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 1012
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:39:08 PM
josie555 you only think it changes once you experience it first hand!! It can be hard to reconcile that a person who says they love you actually betrayed your trust. Sometimes we comfort ourselves by trying to stabilize the relationship and convincing ourselves things can be as they were before. But once it really sinks in, believe me you won't want to be with that person. You'll always wonder where they are and who they are with. And the memory of them cheating will flare up and taunt you. It will come up in arguments. For some things the slate simply cannot be wiped clean.



 Sequoia31
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1013
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/8/2008 5:29:49 AM
I need to ask a guy..Ok are we friends- or more than friends? These things need to be made clear. I tend to be more attracted to a guy that will spend time with me.
-Hello! I like the beefy muscular yet quietly charming and mannerful type. Not guys who are into public displays of affetion. There must be a line drawn. A line that must not be crossed.
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 1014
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:33:20 AM
I think someone who cheats on another while they are in a relationship lacks integrity....and that is one of the most important traits that I seek in a person. NO !!! I would not forgive and accept him back !!!!!
 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1015
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:58:30 AM
Define Forgive?
If you mean ... I forgive you for your nastyness you dirty filthy pig... then throw them out with the rest of the garbage.. then, YES..I am a forgiver

Once the trust is gone baby... so, is the love ... a relationship can only survive on trust.. once is that is gone so, am I
I also, believe in this .. what goes around, comes around and then back around!

Any questions?
 sweety1231
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 1016
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:26:59 PM
Define cheating.
To me cheating is having a full blown relationship and sex with someone other then the one your with (supposedly the one you love). In that case, all trust is lost. If the love is gone too, throw them out. If the love is still there, it will take a lot of time before trust can be regained.
 Kingdongilingus
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 1017
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:30:31 PM
Yep, I can forgive her after the Divorce, and the Judge denies Alimony (this is in the Theoretical Utopian America).
 Amanda J A N E
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1018
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:34:15 PM
once a cheater... always a cheater


SO, I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT EVER FORGIVE!!!!
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 1019
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:32:18 PM
No I was cheated on also for the 1st time that I am aware of last summer. I found out after we broke up but it still hurt the same. He wanted to get back together later and I couldn't. Usually once a cheater always a cheater. From watching my friends go thru it all the time with guys, once the guy cheated he kept on cheating. No 2nd chances with me.
 MissTique II
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1020
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:17:42 PM
^^^^Onions leave you with bad breath... either cut out the onions or use better mouth wash or do both ... you need a little something more with the onion sandwich mmmm perhaps a little grilled chicken and bacon
What were we talking about... got a little carried away there hee hee
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 1021
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:30:33 PM
There's another thread almost identical to this one and it seems that after pages and pages of responses, the resounding concensus of opinion if NOT to trust a cheater. There were only a few on that thread that said they would forgive it... most will not.

I think once that trust is broken you can never repair it. I mean, think about this... yoiu give your heart to someone for safe keeping and they completely shatter it. If there were problems within the relationship, the two of you should work it out or break up.... not bring another person into the mix. The humiliation and pain stay with you forever.... at least for me it will.

I'm not sure if once a cheater, always a cheater... but if you did it once, you may be more prone to do it again if you haven't seriously beat yourself up about it, stop laying blame on the other person, and realize no one makes you cheat... it's something you choose to do. Even if the cheater does work on himself... I still don't know that I'd trust that person never to do it again. Who wants to get hurt like that a second time?

Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

Sharzi
 jcgwink
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 1022
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:59:25 PM
No I cant, will not never. I have had that done to me. If they cheated on you once they will always do it you, no matter what they say.
 Rychoolove
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 1024
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:13:57 PM
Cheating?--- is it your boyfriend? in an exclusive relationship?--- then I would say NO....
Is it your fiance? then I would say NO....
Is it your husband?...give a WARNING, get HELP....TALK....do all the right thing...if ONE more time cheating....NO.

That is just ME not you. And circumstances can be different. People can fall into temptation and make mistakes too. It's really up to you my friend!:)
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 1025
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:20:13 PM
novascotialass wrote:

******I did read somewhere (it might have been written by Dr. Laura actually) that women who have been married many years to a man will want to retain their control of the empire in the face of an affair, meaning they will not cede that position of matriarch. ******

I was married a very long time and a week after I found out he'd been cheating, I filed for divorce... leaving money (lots of it) and comfort behind. I could have stayed, had everything I ever wanted, but what I wanted most in life, and still do.... is real love.

I know there are a lot of women who hold fast to their lives because they fear what's "out there" for them. Truthfully, after what I've encountered on the dating scene, they are right... this is no picnic. Cheats run rampant... lying is second nature... and those of us who are honest, are dinosaurs it seems. My married friends who have considered divorce have decided to stay and work things out based solely on what I've been through.

I've broken up with two men I loved because they were cheating and knew I deserved better than that. If (and that's a huge if) I were to forgive someone and take them back, they would have to make a full time job out of working on themselves and on us in order for me to ever believe them capable of riding themselves of their cheating mentality... mainly that it's okay to cheat if there are problems in the relationship.

I've only known one man in my entire life who was so sorry he cheated that he never did it again. His wife, even though she forgave him and they've been together for years... still doesn't trust him. Unfortunately, most people do cheat again. That's why it's so hard to trust that if someone did it once, they would do it again. Just look at the pages and pages of people who have been cheated on.

Very sad!


Sharzi
 NCgirl12081
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 1026
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:31:32 PM
No and thats why I am here looking. My ex husband cheated on me for 4 1/2 years of my marriage and I had no idea. When I found out I left. I knew I would never be able to trust him again. I didn't want it in the back of my mind every time he was late from work or he got a phone call. I just knew I deserved better and if he truly loved me he would have never done it.
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