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Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 1136
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 34 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
I could forgive them, but I wouldn't want to be with them anymore. Obviously they felt that there was something wrong or missing in the relationship so they had to go elsewhere to get what they needed. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't able to give my partner what they needed.
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 1137
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:00:06 PM
I think there are a few people out there who might be able to put something like that in the past. As for me, I was never really able to get over it. I never brought it up again, never treied to make her feel bad about it, nothing. We talked it out when we went through counseling, and after that, I never wanted to discuss it with her again. We stayed together for many more years and had kids together. Still, it was always in the back of my mind. Why wasn't I good enough for her so that she didn't feel the need to go elsewhere? Does she think about him when we're making love? Does she ever look him up? I actually don't think she ever cheated on me again after the first time. But I never ealyy loved her again after I found out she'd been with somebody else.
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 1138
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/22/2008 11:59:27 AM
never. that's pretty much the only thing I simply would never forgive, no matter what. I'd be more likely to forgive first degree murder then cheating (lol).
Joined: 12/17/2008
Msg: 1139
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:21:52 PM
again you can never trust a woman so dont even try..the best advice i can give to a man is never put your heart into a woman and you will never get hurt...jut use them like i do for my pleasure then boot them out when your finished...
 ~Simple Gal~
Joined: 12/17/2008
Msg: 1140
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:33:33 PM
My first thoughts would be no I couldn't forgive someone for cheating on me. The only time I was cheated on was in highschool when a guy I was seeing was dating two other girls. I really don't consider that a meaningful relationship, so while it hurt when I found out he was seeing others, it really didn't affect me.

After thinking about it for a bit, I really don't know what I would do. Yes, once that trust is broken, it's VERY hard to earn it back. I guess it would depend on the situation and if he was willing to put everything into the relationship to make it work. If it happened more than once, there's no forgiveness.
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 1141
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:17:03 PM
We must forgive for our own sanity. But trust they will never do it again, NO NOT AT ALL!
They did not love you enough the first time to be faithful and not break your heart. The next time it will be even easier for them.
Some men and some woman have a true heart of love and faithfulness and others do not.
I personally have not ever and would not ever cheat in a relationship. Why? Because when I am with a girl I love her.
Take care, my friends
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 1142
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:08:52 AM
a person cheats because there is something missing in that persons life that you can not fill. if it happens once it will happen again.
 cheryls place
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 1143
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:12:49 AM
No way, because once he thinks he got away with it once and she forgave me. I will try it again. Without trust in a relationship you have nothing. You will always worry is he late because he is with someone else. Having been cheated on. I am a firm believer in ONce a Cheater Always a Cheater
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 1144
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:23:10 AM
I've tried to and know people who have tried to work it out, all of us have failed at it. It's best to just let them go. Trust is the most important thing when it comes to love or friendship. Can you be friends with someone you don't trust?
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 1146
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:39:47 AM
Cheating is like opening the back door and saying "get out!.. your time is up"
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 1147
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:55:47 PM
If you just started dating no. If you only reward him with your punanny if he does what then no. Dont use sex as a tool.
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 1148
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:09:14 PM
The cheater will always suffer and everyone knows that so why bother to forgive. Its bs! No happy ending no matter how much you try.
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 1149
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/22/2009 6:19:08 PM
Forgiving is a powerful tool we use to cope. I think there are bible lessons on cheating...... remember throwing stones.... and here we are still trying to sort this out and in 100 years from now the same question will be asked. Forgive yourself for being in the situation and pray you dodge the cheating drama again.
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 1151
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:00:05 PM
Cheaters should NOT be forgiven. I do not care what anyone says. Cheating violates trust. How can you ragain the trust back? You can't!! You will question everything that person tell you they are doing. So break up, leave them in the dust and go find someone who values YOU and your TRUST and who would NEVER put you at risk, like a cheater would.. plus.. you forgive once and it just makes it that much easier for a person to go do it again, expecting the same result. My advice?? again I'll make it more clear...

get the picture???
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 1152
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:04:22 PM

Agreed. If you are JUST DATING, and you BOTH agree that you are just dating and can date other people, then it is not cheating. I also think you have to be open and honest with each other about your other dates if you expect to have a healthy relationship. Meaning no hiding who, what or where. I don't believe it can work either way. Leaves too much to be imagined if you aren't open and honest with each other.
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 1153
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:05:30 PM
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 1154
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/23/2009 8:42:15 PM
I can forgive cheating - in the meaning of forgiving ... I just don't give them a chance to do it again.

In one situation, I should have been forgiving and given him another chance ... because he was "tricked" into it with his ex-girlfriend. I know this guy was truly sorry and likely would have never cheated otherwise - or with anyone but her (he was not over her yet). My own stubbornness may have caused me to let a great guy go...

So, I guess one would have to consider all the circumstances involved ...
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 1155
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:23:50 AM
NO. They do it once and they will do it again. It is in their nature, regardless of whoever they are with. Selfish people chasing their tails.
 Sweet Allecia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 1156
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:41:29 AM
I didn't read the other 51 pages of what everyone else said but for me, no way. Maybe there are times where people can work through it. My experience though was that I was not the first person he cheated on and I'm sure I wasn't the last. Turned out he had cheated on his girlfriend with me but he had told me that they had broken up already because she was a crazy b*tch. Go figure, you cheat on someone and they react negatively, who knew!

If ya'll have been together for a long time and you think that it can be worked out maybe you can try some couples counseling? Good luck.
 Sea Bound - Master
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 1157
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/24/2009 3:35:36 AM
Interesting topic we have going on here. I have a few questions to pose to you and I am not being coy. Is cheating a result of one not being sexually satisfied by his/her spouse? Is it a result of a lack of emotional support? Perhaps a lack of self-image? Something that one has to prove to him/herself? Or is it simply an addiction? A lack of morals? I am really unsure but I think that society has to re-evaluate itself and its character as it (cheating) seems to have become socially acceptable. Not good! How we live and how we are supposed to live seem to have been cast aside for this "I am allowed to do anything I want" attitude. Get inside yourself and find out who you are. Work on yourself. Treat others the same way as you want to be treated. Most of us do not take the time to nurture ourselves in this hectic world and the consequences are that we have no idea of how to nurture others. Also, from what I have read I get the feeling that most do not truly understand exactly what love is. As for forgiveness? That is a necessity. I can forgive someone. I have to because fear , anger, and hate will eat any soul over time. I am not excusing that act of cheating and as adults and this is the fact of the matter, we all have choices! Make the right ones. Morasl? Those work!Communication is so very important and we have seemingly lost that art! Relationships... Hmmm Think about it. I certainly do. Good luck in your decision as well
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 1159
view profile
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 1:11:24 PM
Yes I can forgive a cheater , if the marriage/relationship/man is worth saving.
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 1161
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 1:28:25 PM
I tried, but it was a cracked mirror. A cancer eating at our relationship. I no longer trusted her and if it happened again in another relationship I would walk away. I wouldn't try to forgive. It would be less pain in the long run. And also I would kill her and her lover and hide the bodies and THEN I would forgive her. Um...that just slipped out.
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 1162
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 1:38:10 PM
Not a chance,ppl have some reasonable excuses I guess lol..or so they think ,but im gonna have to say I couldnt forgive once that circle of trust is broken its lost forever .
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 1163
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:25:32 PM
For me it's not even about forgiveness. I don't treat monogamy as a moral stand, but as a well defined sexuality -- one that, from what I can see, is rather uncommon. I happen to be monogamous, which means that when I love a man, to have sex with anyone but him is repulsive to me. It's kind of like being straight or gay. The other kind of sex is just blechy. Strange d!ck will literally make me want to vomit.

Now, that's me. The men in my life? Pretty much all of them have been nonmonogamous -- they were not repulsed by strange, at all. In fact sometimes they wanted strange. Since I have a kink, you could say, for my partner's full freedom of self-expression, I didn't demand that they ignore those urges if they wanted to act on them. I didn't demand they confess to me, or ask for my permission or approval, or involve me in any way. And they didn't. If they had sex with other women I never knew about it. Maybe they never did!

The point I realized is this: It's completely illogical to demand something I'll never know if I've received. How can I ever know if another person has been true to me? If I don't get a disease, his time appears to be accounted for and I'm not getting reports from other people that he's sleeping around, then maybe he's being true, or maybe he's lucky or maybe he's just that good.

So even with accountability, freedom from disease and a lack of gossip he could be boffing all kinds of people. That means I would still wonder if I were "satisfied" every minute of every day of my life. There are so many other things to wonder about. Why in the world would I set myself up to wonder about something so pedestrian as fidelity? Especially if one considers the sheer magnitude of people who do engage in extra-monogamous affairs and are later revealed it seems completely illogical to assume I'm not included in those statistics. Why would I even begin to think my partner is true to me? And why would he think I was?

I'm monogamous. I know that. I do that for me, not for him, since he will never, ever know whether or not that is true.

Who he sleeps with is his business and I'd certainly hope that any periods of monogamy or nonmonogamy would be done for his own benefit, not mine. If he's staying true for me, I have no way to receive that gift, so it's a complete waste of his time and effort. If he wanted to do something for me, I would prefer it if he simply took care of himself and met his own needs. That way what I do have of him will appear to be from him and for him. If he chooses me it's because he genuinely wants me, not because he's denying himself something in order to avoid conflict. I really don't want him to live in fear of me and the fewer demands and standards I hold him to the less likely he is to fear me.

You see, I want to be with the man I love, him, the real him, all of him, I don't want an arrangement or an agreement or a structure or a pact or a set of rules or an illusion or security or a pain free fear free existence. If part of the experience of being with him is pain and fear I'll take it. If part of the experience of being with him is that I have to learn to be in reality I'll do it. If part of the experience of being with him is living without knowing, every minute of every day, of consciously not knowing where he is, what he's doing, then dammit, I'll do it. Some men really are just that good.

Edited to add: There's another aspect to all of this that just occured to me. In order to keep him willing to give me the kind of sex I want I have to be willing to allow his wildness. In order for him to be wild for me he has to be wild in general. I can't seek to make it all mine. I can't insist he be focused on me. There has to be a strong element of him keeping his eye on the ball, and I can't be the ball. If he keeps his sights outward, toward all kinds of conquest, if I don't fetter him or seek to own his wildness he remains wild. When I demand he only be wild with me, he becomes domesticated and is no longer interested in dangerous sex.

This is why I don't demand monogamy from my lover even though I'm a monogamous person. His freedom benefits me sexually. If he's free to conquer, seduce, and fvck any woman he chooses, he comes back to me wild and untamed, and guys, that's just the way I like him. I don't want a domesticated male. I want a stud.

I know this isn't for everyone, by any means, but it works for me.
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 1164
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:31:28 PM
I can forgive it, but don't expect me to stay in the relation ship tho cuz my self respect always comes first.
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