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 Sepia777
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 1172
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 35 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Surely you jest.... NO
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 1173
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:08:31 AM
I have forgiven...
I learned one thing, a man can be loyal... A loyal cheater.
Have I forgotten...no

So next time...I will forgive but I will be long gone after!
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 1174
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:10:26 AM
No. Cheat once = Cheat again. Once a cheater/liar always a cheater/liar.
 ironangel13
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 1175
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:35:06 AM
YES, you can forgive and move on..."CHEATING" is just a symptom of what the underlying issue really is. When a partner strays from you, they mainly do it for a reason. Ask yourself some honest questions:
1. Has our love life become boring?
2. Are we going through a stressful period of time (financially, someone is ill, etc., etc)
3. Have I done anything I am aware of that my partner is upset about?

Those are just an example of some questions. I am not saying CHEATING can be justified and is OKAY in a healthy relationship. I am saying, we are all HUMAN and everyone makes mistakes or has issues they need to work on. Sometimes the person who got cheated on may be in denial with regard to something going on in the relationship, or is unable to accept the truth that their partner may struggle with addiction such as drugs, alcohol or sex addiction or even unexcepting of an undiagnosed mental illness that can lead someone to cheat? Many things contribute to someone cheating...

Very sorry it happened to you. It is how you deal with it going forward that will make all the difference. Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, but in some cases can be the most healing....best wishes to you
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 1176
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:35:33 AM
.........................................................................................................................................

Forgiving does NOT mean "forgetting" .. it does Not mean you allow the same person a chance to 'screw' you (screw you around) again.

Forgiveness (Simply) means that You give yourself a break from all that negativity, animosity, headaches, sleepless nights, anxiety, fretting and general not so nice thinking and feeling that ONLY serves to Hurt You!

The person you hold the grudge or bitterness toward carries on enjoying life - while you hang on to Old Garbage - aka Baggage.

Forgive. Period. Accept that they are who they are, they've done what they've done and don't give them ANY more energy.

Resentments, grudges, hanging on to OLD HURTS - is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Let it go. Move on - You'll be glad you did. I KNOW.
 moonlit09
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 1177
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:57:15 AM
Never just move on there is better for you out there- Its disrespectful.
 brianmills
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 1178
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:38:21 PM
Its only cheating if you are married or engaged if that's the case then leave them,otherwise its called dating .
 southernlady1840
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 1179
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:43:23 PM
Nope... the trust has been broken and then i wonder every time they leave if they seeing somone else... just can't do that to myself so.. i let them go.
 hyper777
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 1180
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 3:42:29 PM
THE ANSWER IS NO ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER AND MOVE ON AND DONT FORGIVE
 Metallica87
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 1181
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:47:59 PM
I can forgive but I sure as hell never want that person back in my life.
 worldclassman
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 1182
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:07:46 PM
It's in our blood as men to want to have a mistress on the side. It's not that we don't love you, we just like to drive another car every now and again instead of hopping in that same old jalopy in the garage every day.

Just tell him if he cheats to not let you find out and to wear a rubber and just forget about it and move on. What you don't know won't hurt you.

Hit the gym and keep the beaver nice and trim and you will have a better chance at keeping him from straying. And if you find a nice guy who wants you to toss a leg for him, by all means do it if you are attracted to him and could use a good lay.

If you have children with the guy then that's a different story and I'm not gonna get into that. There are more souls on POF I must save.

Moving on...
 foobie
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 1183
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:59:35 PM
Yes, I can forgive a cheater but will I stay with him? Nah. My new boyfriend promised me that he will not cheat and he will try to control his needs. If he ends up cheating on me then he's either too selfish or something is missing the relationship. It's not something I can fix so I would definitely leave. I'm not a hateful person so I'd probably just forgive and remain friends or something.
 crazy4mars
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 1184
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:39:11 PM
I think I would be like Michael Keaton in the movie "Speechless" when asked by Gina Davis "would you forgive a cheater? And he says ...well, I would take the one I loved and go for a drive to the beach at sunset overlooking a cliff and then push her off!
It's a "no"
 RADinsocal
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1185
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 1:58:50 AM
What? Do you think women have the market for having emotional needs? Heck no!
Speaking for myself, yes, I have very recognizable needs, they're just not met. I was cheated on, and the player that she was didn't offer any apology, nor excuse... But I got over it.

Trust once broken, can be mended to a degree, but it is so fragile, it is no longer the strong connection, it will break.
 RADinsocal
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1186
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 2:00:44 AM
I totally agree with ya lone hawk.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 1187
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 2:09:42 AM
Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean that we Condon their behavior...when we forgive we make it easier for ourselves to be able to move on...without the bitterness...so in a sense your doing yourself a favor by forgiving another.
 Alphaqup
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 1188
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 2:15:32 AM
Never, best to move on and leave them. People don't change and by staying with the cheater you're condoning such actions. Trust is difficult to put back together once it's been shattered.
 givinitawhirl
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 1189
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:09:25 AM
i think it goes beyond forgiving and forgetting...
once the TRUST has been broken..

you loose the trust in a relationship what do you have?

my thoughts have always been.. and ive said it to bf's ... if you no longer want to be with me... you want to venture outside of what we have... theres no need to cheat..jus say the words and ill be gone...

1 i hate not being able to trust somone
2 i dont want that person to bring me back diseases
3 i dont share

i have even been able to be freinds with ex's .. except the ones that have lost the trust with me.
 Athletic Lady
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 1190
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 6:48:05 AM
Nope...grounds for automatic dismissal. See ya....Bye
 DeagleNINja2
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 1191
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:20:47 AM
I can forgive, but I'd never be with that person again.
 CynthiaM
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 1193
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/14/2009 8:02:38 AM

Hit the gym and keep the beaver nice and trim and you will have a better chance at keeping him from straying.

nuh uh. You said above that men have it in their blood. Nothing the woman does or doesn't do will change his blood.

What you don't know won't hurt you.

does this also apply if she's stepping out on you??

Curious minds want to know.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 1195
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History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:50:34 AM

(Msg 1267) people - men AND women - cheat more often than we like to admit. anyone who says they immediately and without a thought dump the person who cheats on them either isn't telling the whole story or has never been in the situation with a person they are in love with.


I agree. What I’ve always found strange is when a person says, “I would have preferred if my partner had left rather than his/her having had an affair.”

Who would prefer that the person they love would leave? Isn’t that the worst thing that can happen? If one believes that having an affair means their partner does not love them what does, “I’m leaving you because I don’t want to be with you any more”, mean?

People say an affair is planned. Who decides to go to the company party because they plan to sleep with the Human Resources Officer? Or goes to the bar planning to pick someone up unless they are single? What married guy goes to the bar with a plan?

“I’ll buy her a few drinks. We’ll talk. As things progress I’ll suggest the Holiday Inn. I’ll park in the back so no one sees my car.”

That, IMO, is planning. How many people actually plan like that? That’s why I don’t understand people who see an affair as a grand plan and their partner as someone who deliberately plotted to be unfaithful.


my current boyfriend cheated.......... i'm still with him, but i'm not sure for how long. i haven't forgiven him and i'm not sure i ever will, no matter how much i wish i could.


Unfortunately, this being primarily a dating site, those whose marriage/relationship survived an affair would not be here so the consensus is somewhat skewed. My advice is to not be swayed by the "dump him" sentiment.

I've known two couples who split over an affair. While the aggrieved party maintained their self-respect and dignity had to be maintained it usually translated to ego. In both cases they didn't realize the consequences of their actions (splitting up).

Family alienation (visits by in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins stopped), financial difficulties, loss of friends, loneliness, children acting out.......the more they suffered the more they despised their partner when it was they who decided to end the relationship.

That's why many divorces become bitter. It goes way past the initial indiscretion. The act of leaving thinking "I'll show them", believing they will hurt their partner by leaving, frequently results in them hurting themselves, their children, extended family members, friends, etc.

I'd suggest carefully weighing the pros and cons. Depending on your relationship prior to the affair be sure to realize what you're throwing away. It appears you still love your boyfriend so you have to ask yourself, "How long did it take to find such a connection?"

If you were happy with your boyfriend before the affair what are the odds of finding similar happiness with someone else? I think that question is relatively easy to answer by seeing the number of people here seeking such a connection.
 horneschwoggle
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 1196
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/14/2009 11:13:40 AM
I was only once cheated on, and I forgave.
Lone hawk wrote it best:

I do not need the stress or heartache of wondering where my partner is, who she's with, what she's doing without my knowledge,

That's what I went through for a entire year afterwards. and it festers - suddenly it becomes arguments which comes down to the time she cheated.

I know some people who are married and spouse has cheated on them. Mentally, they're already divorced, the only reason they stay together is for the children.
I don't know how they can handle it or maybe they stick to the light at the end of the tunnel - kids are gone and living on their own - time to hit the road.
 horneschwoggle
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 1197
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/14/2009 11:18:31 AM
[qoute]First of all there has to be a reason why they cheated on you
There's always a reason which the cheater always makes their partner feel guilty.
I was guilty for falling for this one.
There's no excuse for cheating, plain and simple.
If you don't like the relationship, there's the option to move on.
 Shadylady1311
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 1198
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/14/2009 12:04:20 PM
No!!!....Just get over it, and move on....with or without another...lifes too short, to put up with cheaters.....
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