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Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 1217
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 37 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
I had been in a relationship with a women who didn't provide the full details of her involvement with another guy before we proceeded with our relationship at that time. She placed me in a cheating relationship while withholding information that would have changed our interaction had I known of her other relationship. So I think cheating has to do with the situation and whether each party involved had knowledge of the infidelity. Delibrate has to do with engaging in the act while having knowledge that those involved are cheating.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 1218
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 3:39:26 PM
As much as no one likes to hear it, cheating, or infidelity as it is really called, is a sign of a problem by both partners in the relationship.It may seem like the main problem, but it is a side effect of the real problem.
So to overcome the side problem both parties have to understand what went wrong and be able to completely forgive each other and move on.
If you choose not to, then you should at least do some self searching as to where you went wrong, so as not to create the same problem situation again on your part.
In most cases it boils down to two basic areas. Communication and changing someone to someone they are not. In both areas there are many ways for a relationship to flounder.
Infidelity is not the main problem, just a side effect of it.
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 1219
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 5:37:46 PM
there is no such thing as a successful relationship with a cheater. and NO i dont forgive cheating. that is a automatic deal-breaker; why? because cheaters places your very live in DANGER due to all of the deadly STDS that are floating around. why risk your life for some that clearly dont love, like; much less respect you. you cheat and i find out; im GONE!
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 1220
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 5:40:38 PM
I would not take her back; she broke the ultimate link that keeps trust, love and respect in tack. You take her back and before long, she will be at it again. Taking cheaters back does nothing more than to give them the opportunity to cheat again. Also, cheaters are liars and ask yourself; can you ever trust a liar?
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 1221
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:44:41 PM
Other's who haven't experienced it can say, "run, don't walk. Once a cheater, always a cheater" with conviction and a clear conscience. But I agree with you, if experienced first hand, the answers aren't always so clear. It happened to me. At first, I wanted to leave. I was hysterical and probably should've handled it a little better but those emotions are so raw. Damned! I never want to feel that way again. I got to thinking , we've invested all these wonderful ( or so I thought) years in each other, our marriage is worth saving! We used to tease people who said marriage was hard work. "No it isn't! We're each other's best friend and we have fun sex all the time, never argue, keep our money separate as agreed beforehand...what work?" Then it happened. I read many books on the subject. Some couples actually come through an affair closer than before. All the feces comes out when the wayward spouse is honest and tells the other what was lacking in the marriage. The act of the spurned spouse being willing to listen, to work things out tells the wayward spouse they are loved. Just the honesty and the outpouring of emotions during a conversation like that can bring a couple closer together. Usually, there are contributing factors that lead to an affair. If those factors are addressed, changed, protected from happening again, I believe a marriage can not only be saved, but thrive. I know of two such marriages. I tried that approach and desperately wanted for us to thrive, but he was a serial cheater. There's was no saving him from himself. He wanted to stay married to me because I'm pretty damned wonderful, but he was just too weak to temptation, too selfish, too vain. I know he'll miss what he threw away. He already emailed, "We've spent 10 years together and I'll never forget you. You were my best friend, my wife and my fantasy lover." I put it out there just recently maybe someday we could work it out after reading that email. He made it clear, no way was he going to go through the accusations again. Sometimes, I admit, I was wrong and like I wrote, could've done things differently. Those are the stories he tells his friends. Most of the time I was right. Those are the stories they don't hear. Unfortunely, we never had that tearful moment of honesty. She left her #*!!! pantihose on our bedroom floor! Do I really need to do a DNA test to get him to finally man up and admit what I already know? So if your spouse is placing ads and nailing every hottie on the internet, I'll say there's no hope. If your spouse had an affair with the secretary, the one- time affair, then there's a chance. Honesty, sincerety, remorse and understanding are all precursors to forgiveness. I wish you the best. Take your time to make the right decision. It'll affect the rest of your life but it does take both willing, honest partners to make it work. If it makes you feel any better, the odds are not good, only 3-7% that if he leaves you (the spouse?) for her that they'll make it as a couple.
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 1222
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:53:14 PM
Forgive someone for lying?- maybe. For cheating?-never.
You can forgive...but you will never forget. Will you ever FULLY trust the person again? -of course not.

Turn the page.....
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 1223
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:47:01 PM
^^^I agree...just lying alone I have an issue with...imagine physical and emotional betrayal...monogamy is the most sacred necessity in a relationship in order to ensure a happy, healthy, trusting, secure relationship...if you can't have that...then the relationship is pointless and superficial at best...for those who continue to sustain it.
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 1224
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:30:25 AM
yes, for sure you can overcome that 'fallacy'. It's your choice and in your power to decide if you want to quit or not. A healthy mentality includes being able to change your mind. So go ahead.
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 1225
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:45:20 AM
My sympathy to you. But do you try to solve the problem in your relationship? Did you try to understand his mental status before your judgement? When you are busy claiming moral high ground, do you truly and honestly put enough effort in your relationship?
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 1226
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:49:15 AM
I could forgive it once.

No more.

If we were going to stay together, we'd have to work on why it happened.
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 1227
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 4:49:44 PM
Look I thought I met the man of my dreams. I dated him for 3.5 years and if we were not together we stayed on the phone for hours. I just found out that he was messing around not just one woman but others . I never had been cheated on and always wounder why a woman never could see it. The reason that this man was so good is because he had perfected his game over the years. So when you forgive you are just giving them power over you. you may forgive, but you will never forget. So move on. Its hard but face it now or later.
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 1228
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:07:51 PM
I can forgive him but he need to disappear in my life.
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 1229
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:23:40 PM
That is a tough question,never been in that situation.AND hope never to be.
 Omaha Adventures
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1230
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/26/2009 9:36:51 AM
Nope, 2 schools of thought. 1. Can you really bring yourself to forgive & FORGET? 2. They went elsewhere for something, therefore something was/is missing between you two..Move on
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 1231
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:09:04 PM
I would have a hard time forgiving... I think I would always think about it when I would make love again to him which would likely have a negative impact on the relationship.

I guess it would also depend on the circumstances, eg. how long have you been dating since this happened, were you happy with your sex life or were there any problems? Does he have regrets?
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 1232
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:12:33 PM
I would forgive her but move on with someone else that would have better respect for me.
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 1233
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:15:22 PM
the lowest circles of hell are reserved for betrayers...
it will never be the same anyway... he will think he can do whatever he wants from now on... don't
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 1235
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:51:49 PM
^ The first part of the Ninth circle, actually. Not easy to get much lower.

Also, no.
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 1237
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 5:16:45 PM
I believe that it's up to the cheater to figure out how to get forgiveness. The cheater made the mistake, so it's that persons job to solve the problem.
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 1238
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 6:09:06 PM
That doesn't mean letting the betrayer back into my life. I forgive for myself not for them and I move on.........
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 1241
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:41:07 PM
I would never forgive and would walk away from a person like that in a heartbeat, If you have no trust and not enough respect for another person why be in a relationship and hurt them... Stay footloose ad fancy free then.
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 1242
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:44:25 PM
ya know, people don't cheat unless something is missing in their relationship. For me, I have tried to explain to my spouse EXACTLY what is missing and she says "I understand" and things will get better but they NEVER do. I could forgive, never forget but I would have to ask her....what am I not giving you to cause you to cheat.

If you are giving to each other everything the other person wants and needs then there will not be a reason to cheat PERIOD
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 1243
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:44:59 PM
if you cant forget you cannot forgive
 Cherish Luv
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 1244
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:03:33 PM
If you are in a relationship wherein both proclaim love for each other and one is cheating then run from the relationship. Can you forgive someone cheating on you? You have to forget before you can forgive. Who forgets they've been cheated on! If they proclaim love for you and can cheat on you then you can bank on them cheating again.
 Silver Seduction
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 1245
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:36:17 PM
Trust the ones who have gone through it. Once is enough. You don't want to have to go through all that pain again. Experience does have it's merits, lol.
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