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 AUG2008
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 1111
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 38 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
Once would be all it would take for me. I would not give the other person a second chance. Once a cheater always a cheater. Also, for every action there are consequences.
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 1112
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:07:56 AM
Oh I could forgive, but I would Not forget! I've learned that "forgiveness" is something I do for myself, has little to nothing to do with the other person. It took me a long time to grasp the concept, but basically it means walking away Without those negative feelings that only hurt you. You have to feel your feelings first, vent the anger and hurt and then move on. Sort of like adopting a feeling of indifference toward the 'offender' .. indifference pretty much cuts out any sort of relationship IMO.
Anyway, I'd let him go, get tested for STD's and then hold out for someone who treats you right.
These days people who cheat are effectively risking not just their lives but the life of the person they 'claim' to love. You don't do that to someone you have any regard for, let alone Love.
Cheaters deserve Indifference IMO.

A.S.is
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 1113
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/19/2008 11:59:16 AM

...I've caught a lot of guys (from making out w/ a girl to intercourse).



A pretty lady like you? What kind of guys are you dating?




As far as forgiving a cheater... Define forgiveness. I might be able to forgive them on some level, but I wouldn't continue a relationship with them.
 Chee-tara
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 1115
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:50:59 PM
Depending on the extent of the situation, I probably would be able to forgive (eventually), but I definitely wouldn't be able to forget. This is a 'no second chances' situation. Cheating destroys any level of trust you have between you and your partner. You'll always be left wondering about the possibility that they'll cheat again... it'll make you insecure and question the strength of your bond, and no relationship is worth that amount of stress.
 blondbabenga
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 1116
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:49:59 AM
NEVER. I was married for 10 years. They day I found out he was cheating I kicked him out. Once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat
 vapour lock
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 1117
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:42:57 AM
Trust is like a vase; once broken, though it can be fixed, it will never be the same again.
 csg_77
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 1118
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/21/2008 10:31:23 AM
I have been cheated on so many times by women I have lost count! I mean com’on if your are not satisfied with the relationship or things can not be worked out within that relationship then just move on and don’t cheat on that person while still in the relationship.

Get out before seeing other people. I have had many women tell me that it is just not working, when I find out and confront them that they were cheating on ME while we were still in the relationship! Well ladies this is the way I see it if they weren’t satisfied while being in the relationship then that should have been addressed and then move on to the next. Not making excuses of why they cheated during the relationship and claiming it’s because it’s not working. If it’s not working then leave and then move on. In my opinion it’s more vindictive and the worst thing you can do to another because that hurts more than just deciding to leave. It’s also sick! Let’s face the real issue here they wanted some strange and that’s all there is to it. They couldn’t commit and wanted an open relationship because of that. Cheaters do not deserve to be forgiven; in fact they deserve the same treatment that we all got when they cheated on us. I don’t have a problem if that person wants to just date, but if that’s all that person is looking for then that’s what should be made clear, before getting involved. I don’t think men are the ones to totally to blame here either. Women do the same damn thing and it’s not right. If you’re looking for a relationship and a long-term commitment such as marriage, but still want to see other people you don’t deserve to be in a relationship. Once a cheater always a cheater!
 cutie_pie2007
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 1119
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/24/2008 10:26:46 PM
Heck no and good thing I didn't. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. It's not even worth it to try, your always going to have those suspicious feelings in the back of your mind. Trust is the very foundation that most relationships are built on...Once destroyed it's very hard to get back.....
 TheHumanist
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 1120
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:03:58 AM
No, you have to adopt a one strike and your out policy. Too many people out there who wouldn't cheat to put up with that crap.
 CynthiaM
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 1121
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:13:24 AM
I forgave my husband's one-night stand with a co-worker. That was about 8 yrs into our 23 yr marriage. I did because I was trying to honor my vows (better or worse).

I do not forgive bf's. There's no reason to stay with someone who lies and disrespects himself and me. There is no second chance for a cheating bf.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 1122
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:17:13 AM
I forgave once and got walked all over!
Unless I meet a stone masonry...the wall around my heart stays!
 MrUhhhhOhhhh
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 1123
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:47:12 AM
Ya know this answer should be no, but maybe an example will help you out more?

A long long and long time ago I met this girl at a Pajamma Jam I was hosting. It ended up I was the only person wearin pajammas, but hey I got no problem standing out at times...hee hee.

So sure enough I met her while I was wearing this large sized Looney Tunes jumpsuit. Ack! It was the largest womens size I could find, but man I had to cut the legs off and make em into a hat. It was uh....how do I put this? Too tight in the nether regions! lol

Anyway, she knocked on my door at the time and I answered it in my funky PJs. BAM! She got my look and attention......youch. So beautiful to look at. She laughed when she first met me and all. It was kinda cute.

So anyway....on my fridge I asked everyone to write their phone numbers in dry erase marker. The next day I called em all to make sure they got home cool. I called her and she said "I don't even know when I got home. I got a ride with some guy I didn't know and there were a few hours missed for some reason..." I said "What????? Have you checked yourself girl? I mean really? I sure would!" She laughed it off and I asked her for a date.

So I cooked her a dinner at my place. Candles and the perfected romantic kind of dinner. I cooked pigs feet cause she couldn't make her mind regarding what she wanted-never a great idea with a creative person...hee hee. I cooked a regular dinner too, but the pigs feet were under this silver domed platter. When I lifted the dome, she looked and then took one and shoved it in her mouth for a bite! Eeeeeeeeeeeek. I knew I had what I thought was a winner woman...lol

Sure enough things progressed, but for 30 days in the beginning of our relationship she could not look me straight in the face very much. Being a sly guy as I was...well I told her "Hun, I know you got some secret, but when you want to talk about it I will listen, okay?" She smiled and then things moved on. Sometimes with people you know the correct things to do and just have to be patient.

Well then her car broke down when a friend from high school was coming to stay the weekend with her. I offered to help out and take her to the airport and helped to pick him up. Oh nellie when I got to her home, well her face was stark white! She told me she met this guy on-line before me and he booked a ticket. Then she told me that she didn't know what to do. This was the first time they were gonna meet.

I was in shock, but we were both young. So I took her to the airport, picked the guy up and she was actin weird. I dropped them off and said "There is no way in hell I am gonna call this weekend, but obviously you still need my help..."

They hung out and then I went back over and picked them up when he needed to leave for his home. It was early in the relationship and even though that is heavily the fragile part, I chose to be cool. After all that, I chatted with the girl cause I liked her when we got back from the airport. Sure enough I told her these kinds of emotional boundaries are not healthy and wickedly counterproductive toward trust. If this happens again, I am soooooooo walkin away from you. She said "I know...it was pretty bad!" I said "Yes it "was"...." But, I liked her and decided to give things a chance.

So things moved forward again and we lived together for a couple of years. I was gettin ready to pop the question.

One night she decided to go hang out with some old friends. I said that's cool, but man I just got done with some long hours, so why don't you head on out for that fun. She easily agreed and then when she shut the door the phone rang. I didn't pick it up and this voice came on the machine. It said "Hey Babe, I am almost there so I will chat with ya soon..."

Well....

I knew that voice because just 2 years prior I had picked him up from the airport and shook his hand! OMG

I played the machine for her when she got home late and she freaked. I was so upset I was sick. I couldn't believe it. Then I asked her questions and her answers sucked. So then I called the guy a week later with her in the room and he told me that she had never shared we were even living together. Uh........... oh I got big problems with that approach!

So sure enough I never told her that I bought rings. And I ended the relationship walking away not too happy about it at all. But, ya know even then I took her to a counselor and tried to work it out with her, but the reality is....

When trust is broken it is not your responsibility to fix it and the truth is you can forgive, but you won't ever forget!

I say don't ever put things in jeopardy is all the wiser person...
 melaniee9999
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 1124
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 3:36:50 PM
Josie,
Right now you are not thinking clearly...trust me on that.
The shock has put you in a vulnerable position. Either a person has morals or they do not....it is nothing to do with the reasons or excueses for what they did.
Do not lower your standards to accept someone with NO morals.
Kicking him to the curb is the Answer.......the ONLY answer.
Painful but the Truth hurts sometimes. You will build a bridge and get over it a much stronger woman because of it. One day you will look back and realize you not only made the right choice.......you made the ONLY choice. You are worth too much to ever lower your standards for any man.
 Lavalette
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 1125
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 4:19:40 PM
i know people who have n r still married, but it is always there. I was cheated on n willing to work it out, but he kept straying back to the pyco who kept calling for booty. How do they keep resisting that ? They don't unless u scare the shit out of them n tell them u ever cheat on me again I'll have ur pe-nis as a ass wipe... They get away w it once, they know they can again...they rn;t sorry they wanted to do it but got caught or want to see ur reaction. respect urself...tell him to find door.
 marlayna
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 1126
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:40:06 PM
no, absolutely not, tell him where to go!!!!
 ladismile79
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 1127
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:28:22 PM
My ex cheated, then said never again. We tried but he wouldn't be faithful. I agree with the first response you got:

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONON


Just know that if you try, and it doesn't work, then you must face the consequences for your choice.
 marlayna
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 1128
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/2/2008 7:24:54 PM
NEVER, Give your head a shake!
 chinadoll965
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 1129
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/6/2008 7:13:02 AM
oh buddy! u HAVE A WIFE! you should not be on ANY dating site! one thing leads to another! dont put yourself in this predicament! If you truly love your wife....you will delete your profile NOW! im sure your vows said..."keep yourself only unto EACH OTHER!" what dont you get about that? cmon...if a sexy woman on here started chatting with you and complimented u...do u think u could just walk away? no...most of us wouldnt...we all want to feel good about ourselves and we like it when someone goodlooking says we are sexy.....get my drift...u are putting yourself in a predicament. WHY? DONT YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE?
 spunkyone9
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 1130
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:35:53 PM
If you chose to forgive thats fine, but never forget. You will never have the same relationship again, its been damaged and you cannot go back to when it was fine. There will always be a doubt , you will get stressed thinking if he is cheating. He ruined it so tell him to get to hoppin , find someone else and stay far away from him. Once a cheat always a cheat be it 1month, 1year, in your lifetime anytime, it will happen again. Count your blessings that you are still able to move on without him
 brendasue47
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 1131
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2008 10:46:58 PM
If the person made significant changes in their life - that are observed over time - then yes I believe it's possible. I was married to the same guy twice. First time around I thought he was just completely amoral - just random stuff. We divorced and I started going to church - he did the bar and lots of girls route. 5 years later his life wasn't going well and I invited him to church - he got involved - I got worried - he changed big time. And he never looked back - I never had a single doubt. He said he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me. The second time around was incredible - we had 16 wonderful years - then he got cancer and passed away 2 1/2 years ago. So SOME people can and do change but it doesn't happen often. Good luck! brenda
 LonestarStar
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 1132
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/17/2008 11:28:44 PM
I was with my soon to be ex-husband for 7 years. I found out he was having an affair -- a friendship/sexual thing. Not any love involved.
And as I've told him, there's so much more that destroyed us than just the actual act of sex. The circumstances, the reasoning, the relationship between the two...
There's a lot more to consider than just "can I forgive the act of sex?"

When we were in marital counseling, the counselor told me that whether or not we work out is based on whether or not I could trust my husband again.
I thought about it, for a while, and I realized that trust had nothing to do with it.

When someone stabs you in the heart, does it matter if you can trust them not to do it again? Either way...you're dead.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 1133
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:58:04 PM
No I couldn't forgive. I have been cheated on by someone I really loved and was with for 2 years. It really hurts when this happens to you. The trust is gone. Some people can work through it and some can't.
 TheOneAndOnly69
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 1134
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/20/2008 8:22:10 PM
its very hard to my girl did it 3 months in and now we are at 11 theres still bumps in the road and hard to forget that it happened but if your strong you can do it
 caddboy
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 1136
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/20/2008 8:43:51 PM
I could forgive them, but I wouldn't want to be with them anymore. Obviously they felt that there was something wrong or missing in the relationship so they had to go elsewhere to get what they needed. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't able to give my partner what they needed.
 davello
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 1137
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:00:06 PM
I think there are a few people out there who might be able to put something like that in the past. As for me, I was never really able to get over it. I never brought it up again, never treied to make her feel bad about it, nothing. We talked it out when we went through counseling, and after that, I never wanted to discuss it with her again. We stayed together for many more years and had kids together. Still, it was always in the back of my mind. Why wasn't I good enough for her so that she didn't feel the need to go elsewhere? Does she think about him when we're making love? Does she ever look him up? I actually don't think she ever cheated on me again after the first time. But I never ealyy loved her again after I found out she'd been with somebody else.
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