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 pky1988
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 76
Cheating- can you forgive?Page 4 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
there is a trust issue. I would say don't go back to that at all..
 Blu_Eyz
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 77
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/27/2005 1:11:28 PM
ya472. You find something amusing in my comments? You've indicated you're capable of using the copy and paste feature. Now are you capable of dazzling us with your insight without the abbreviations??
 small*mtn*lake
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 78
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/27/2005 7:43:15 PM
lets try this again

No-no, no, no, no, no-no-no, no, no-no, no, no-no Na-no, no, na-no, no-no, na-no, no-no, no, no-no, no

Nobody can do the shimmy
Like I do
Nobody can do the shake
Like I do.

No-no, no, no, no, no-no-no, no, no-no, no, no-no Na-no, no, na-no, no-no, na-no, no-no, no, no-no, no

Nobody can do the Shingling
Like I do
Nobody can do the snake
Like I do.

No-no, no, no, no, no-no-no, no, no-no, no, no-no Na-no, no, na-no, no-no, na-no, no-no, no, no-no, no
 ya472
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 79
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/27/2005 8:55:39 PM
..

ya472. You find something amusing in my comments? You've indicated you're capable of using the copy and paste feature. Now are you capable of dazzling us with your insight without the abbreviations??


Nothing is 'unrelated'. Problem is, yours is only one viewpoint. To know the whole story, one would have to have an insightful discussion with your ex.

and, it is an issue, because you 'posted it'. What is your point?
..

However, I will add commentary:

> "surprise, my ex cheated on me" "I never forgot, but I certainly did forgive."
> It wasn't a scenario whereby I was so infatuated with her I'd forgive any wrong-doing.

Contradictory. How can you select forgiveness? People will forgive someone who murdered their child. It isn't the crime that is important, it is your internal capacity to understand, to love and to be at peace with the world.

> She disclosed the affair and that in itself said a lot to me.

She didn't disclose her infidelity to prove her love to you. People do it to release feelings of guilt. (kinda like Catholic confession)

> At the time, I knew without any doubt we truly loved each other,
> I believe the incident created even a stonger bond between us.

This can only be your opinion, she must speak for herself. Like all partners who have been cheated on, it is denial.

> I felt forgiveness was just one small way for me to show her how much I cared.

You think this is 'forgiveness' ? True forgiveness has no conditions.

> We were together nearly 4 years after the incident and it was never an issue between us. > Our split was caused by circumstances totally unrelated.

It was an issue to you, and you provided the proof in the following line.

> In the same breath, in the event such a situation had come about a second time, we would have ceased as a couple at that very moment

What happened to forgiveness? What happened to having compassion for the moment?


Just my observations about what is written, nothing personal.
..
 Katherine001
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 80
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/29/2005 10:32:02 AM
It seems like the majority of people in the thread equate the act of forgiveness, with taking someone back into your lives. I don’t. I see it as two separate issues. You can forgive someone and never speak to them, or see them the rest of your lives. Forgiveness is a personal act that you do for yourself, not the other person.
When you’ve been cheated on, you are full of negative energy, hate, anger, self doubt, betrayal, and perhaps thoughts of revenge. To live with those feelings day in and day out, can be an emotional drain.

When I forgave the wrong that was done to me, I did not do it so my ex would have his conscious appeased; or to get back together. He’s totally unaware that I’ve forgiven him. The act of forgiveness was all about me. To hold onto the anger was allowing him to control part of my life. In order to take back my life, I had to let go of all the negative feelings that were holding me anchored to him.
I’ve forgiven; I’ve not forgotten the valuable the lessons I’ve learned.
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 12/30/2005 6:06:36 PM
Yes I forgave a cheater once. so they cheated again. You are posting this thread because you are hoping that you will get people to tell you what you want to hear.
You are wanting people to say that you can forgive him and get passed it. That with a little hand holding and some loving talk it will go back to being a happy relationship. You are doing this because you dont want to accept what you know to be the truth. It is wishful thinking that a cheater will change. You arent married to him and you dont have kids with him. Boot him to the curb and dont look back. Dont even bother talking to him or trying to fix it. all that does is let him know that the next time he does it he just has to sweet talk you. People that are married with kids shouldor could try to work things out because they have a reason to. Since you dont then just be thankful you caught him now and have the opportunity to dump him now. Dont try wasting another year on him. as in the end you will have to dump him. Its just up to you. How long do you want to be his door mat?
pity you cant tattoo a big C on his forehead to warn the next woman he dates!
 ~Dangerous Liaison~
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 82
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/4/2006 11:31:02 AM
Check this out. My boyfriend is stationed in Texas, and i am still here in St. Louis. A couple of weeks before Christmas, he made out with a girl at a strip club. he told me and i freaked out and then forgave it...basically based on the fact that he didnt want it to happen and he felt so awful that it did. So i go down to texas durring christmas to be with him and while i am there i use his cell phone to call home, because mine was on roaming and i didnt want the **stard extra charges, so i guess i hit a wrong button and all of his text messages pop up. I see one from this girl and it said "I miss kissing you". and then just out of curiosity i go to the message that he sent back and it said "I miss kissing you too." and with that, i confronted him. He said it was an ongoing joke and he would never hook up with her, and they were just friends. I know i shouldnt have taken him back but i have. Honestly, its worth it. When we are together and i hear him say the things he says to me, im like putty in his hands. I think its worth it to forgive, but its hard.

Heres where it is. If you take him back, it will be hard to ever trust him again, if you ever trust him again. You can forgive, but you never really do forget.

Good luck
 latina_loca1
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 83
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/4/2006 2:09:35 PM
why go back there's plenty of other people to date? Plus they'll likely do it again when your guard is back down
 wildgirl_5
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 84
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/4/2006 2:12:30 PM
once a cheater always a cheater!!!! i believe
if u forgive them and and let them back in your life ....in time they will do it again and hurt u more
 hismuse
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 85
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/4/2006 2:41:09 PM
Wow! it looks as though most here say the cheater will do it again and don't continue your relationship. I was involved with a man for seven years. When we first began going out, i found out he was cheating with his old girlfriend. she lived in another state. I was deeply hurt, of course, but also knew that i loved this man. We made it work. i forgave him because i felt he was worth it. No, I don't have low self-esteem nor did i let him walk all over me. I gave him another chance. Our relationship was good for many of those seven years, but there was suspicion way in the back of my mind of whether he would do it again. But it wasn't like I was obsessed with it. i forgave him and we moved on. But I don't think i would have ever forgotten his infidelity. Just my 2 cents.
 QuestingKnight
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 86
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 1:17:20 AM
i can forgive a multitude of sins, but cheating? hell no. my last GF wanted to surf the web, and i didn see any problem in that. we both IM, and we have freinds all over, so as far as i'm concerned, its all good. but then to my suprise, a freind of mine emails me and say he see's her on a personal site!!! WTF?! so we went thru a period of break ups and make ups. then i started finding tons of her profiles via my freind . let me clarify,, a MALE friend. so i find her here on POF of all places..... she said it was just for the forums.... uh huh...

well its been a month, she's lied about the guy she met here, ims all day long talks to on the horn, running up OUR bill. so im done,,,, we still live toghter. i tried ot work it out , and she said "yes,, I love you too much to let you go" well that was a few days ago.. and she'd rather talk with him, good riddance to bad rubbish. im the primary income, and im gone in a few weeks. so she can eat baloney and mac n cheese in the dark while she talks to him. let HIM be next inline to get shafted
my dad taught me a lesson.. if your gonna play... be ready to pay

end of rant
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 87
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 1:24:37 AM

Can you forgive?
hmm...nope

can you really work through something this big?
...nope

Is it even worth it?
nope
 squeak2
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 88
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 2:17:34 AM
my last partner cheated on me a few times with different people. it's happened before and i dont know why because i couldn't be like that myself. i'm quite shy so it takes a while for me to feel comfortable with one man, therefore sleeping around isn't somethin i could ever do.
eventually we came to an understanding. i realised so many men cheat that it must just be in their nature, they can't always be satisfied by just one woman. it was tough to accept at first. we made rules. he could see other girls as long as he told me,they had to know about me and that i knew what was happening, he had to always always use protection, and he didnt use the bed that we slept in. i can deal with anything in a relationship except lies so having that honesty between us was good. i realised he would never stop cheating so we worked round it. it is possible and for the year we were together we were very happy. i understand this wouldn't be ok for most people and im not expecting you to do what i did. just giving you another view.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 89
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 2:25:45 AM

"eventually we came to an understanding. i realised so many men cheat that it must just be in their nature"

^^horse puckey

Women cheat as often as men do....SURPRISE
 ivoryrose72
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 90
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 2:40:02 AM
Speaking from my own experience. I was married to a low life lying snake in the grass, he has a name.. I think it's f***er..anyway my point is. He cheated on me after we were married with two kids, I forgave him and we tried to make things work, but there wasn't a whole lot of trust, and the thought that he was with someone else always bothered me, but as I said I forgave him but couldn't forget. I didn't throw it back at him when I was upset and still let him out without a short leash because he assured me that he would never do it again. Well the long and short of it is he did cheat again, he mets someone online, married her and has tried to cheat on her with me...not gonna happen but anyway he lives up to the theory once a cheater always a cheater. I hope I never have to go through something like that again but if it does happen, I can say I wouldn't take him back. To anyone out there who can get past this and make the relationship work I tip my hat to you.

Ivoryrose
 ivoryrose72
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 91
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 2:42:37 AM
One more thing...a friend once said to me and I really liked the saying so I thought I would share it with anyone who cares to hear it.

Men/Women are like buses another one goes by ever five minutes. So gather up your self respect, dust yourself off and wait for the next bus
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 92
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 3:13:49 AM
Forgive cheaters ?...... In my opinion cheaters should castrated/sown up (depending on gender) , covered in hot sauce after recieveing 9,999,999,000,666,000 paper cuts have their toenails peeled back with rusty plyers by a near sighted dock worker, forced to eat chilie peppers soaked in exlax , beaten with a 2X4 wraped in streelwool
thats been soaking in a porta potty in a desert construction site then trown into a pit filled with every venomous reptile and insect known to man.

Not only is cheating a slap in the face and a total show of disrespect , it is putting someone you care about at serious risk , who knows what you are exposing your partner to , not to mention the emotional damage you are causing a fellow human being with your selfish act .

I personaly know someone who's wife cheated on him and left with the other guy , but not before leaving a going away present , it was called HIV .
 twang67
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 93
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/5/2006 3:24:05 AM
I have never cheated and couldnt of gone through with it when I had the opportunity the mirror on the wall wont let me do it. As for to forgiving a cheater I dont think so just wouldn't be the same for I wouldnt be able to forget. Trust is something I dont take lightly and to loose my trust would end any relationship.
 squeak2
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 94
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 1:15:21 AM
yea women do cheat but i wouldn't say as much as men. it's a scientific fact that men think about sex alot more than women and its not always possible for one woman to fulfil that need. as i said i haven't cheated myself so i dont have a woman's reasons.
 Tiffs_popular
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 95
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 8:06:56 AM
not that i'm condoning it, but humans aren't naturally monogomous. Males of most mammal species are wanderers, spreading their seed. There's only a few species like beavers and ducks, that actively mate for life.

If monogamy was easy then adultery wouldn't be so prevalent in our media and societies.

The kudos go to those that try and don't give in to those urges to "roam".

If we were monogamous creatures we would stop noticing the opposite sex the moment we found a mate, which doesn't happen. Even the most loyal of us notices a pretty face when we see one. It would be unnatural not to notice. Its just how you act on that thats important.
 ladybug49
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 12:55:55 PM
I dont believe I could. I was married for 23 yrs and my husband cheated on me with a girl who was 19. He was 52. I tried to forgive him, if he promised to stop. He promised. But what I didnt know was he already was with another. He has never managed to stay long with any of them. 4 yrs later he is still trying to date people. I dont think I will ever get over it.These girls were not just your normal girls if you know what I mean.
 Timothylee
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 97
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 2:32:44 PM
Forgive ? Thats the easy part . Forgetting thats a whole other problem , it haunts you forever and the lack of trust tears you apart inside . And whether they continue to cheat , you have no control over that . There lack of morals aloud them to cheat the first time and unless something major changed there values there still the same person .
 ya472
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 98
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 2:51:18 PM
..

I was married for 23 yrs and my husband cheated on me with a girl who was 19. He was 52. I tried to forgive him, if he promised to stop. He promised.



This was the first time he was 'caught'. That would worry me forever.

..
 bystander11
Joined: 7/25/2004
Msg: 99
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 3:02:55 PM
I know now that its not worth the huge effort that it takes.I have just seperated from my partner who just cheated on me for the second time.she had a long term relationship with a guy...i had no clue.It took me years to regain the trust the first time..this timei have no interest in making any effort.Not the type of person im interested im interested in building a life with !!!its been said önce a cheater always a cheater...absolutely true
 oceanlover58
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 100
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 3:04:40 PM
Lot's of comments, but dmanross is absolutely correct....once a cheater, always a cheater...walk away from it and don't look back. Have never done that and won't, if you don't like where you are at, then get out of it and begin again.
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