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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Cheating- can you forgive?      Home login  
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 Lobster Johnson
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 1352
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Yes it can work. Once the truth is out, tensions can relax. I think the person who has been cheated on is at a disadvantage unless they forgive the person or just move on. If you love that person, I think it is best to forgive them because it shows just how strong you are and how it doesn't affect you mentally.

But on the real, there is no such thing as cheating. In my experiences, I think women attach an extra significance to cheating because it is probably a sign that you are no longer sexually attracted to them while a woman can be sexually attracted to multiple men without losing attraction for any of them. It is pretty difficult for a woman to deal with the double standard of dudes being able to cheat and move on while a woman can quite possibly maintain working relationships with more than one dude without any problems.

I think the main issue is that not all people look good. If you are not a good looking dude and you somehow manage to pull a fine woman, life is going to be hell for you because she is probably dating or has dated a guy that looks better than you and she still keeps in contact with him. If he ever wants to get with your girl again, he can quite easily. I've witnessed this same repeating cycle over and over again. It doesn't matter how cool the relationship was or how much money was involved. In fact, I think the fact that some people just look so much better than others somehow defeats capitalism and democracy because no matter how hard you work or who you vote for, a better looking dude can just swoop down and take your woman. We need a better system that doesn't make most dudes feel like chumps.
 foxy lady 000
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 1353
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:58:44 PM
my best friend has just gave me one hell of a lecture, and shes right, he wont change and i dont trust him, when were together its great, but i deserve so much better his job takes him away alot, and well that makes it so easy for him, i want to move on, find someone else but its so hard when you still love them
 jugs01
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 1354
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 1:05:36 PM
Never once a cheater always a cheater they like the challange 20 yeras I was with a bloke 18 years down the line he cheated I took him back to his begging and pleading that it would never happen again - dont do it dont put your self through the trouble - respect yourslef get out and find someone who will respect you - there is no respect and no trust with someone who has cheated.
 Rocein
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 1355
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:49:14 PM
Depends on how sorry they are and how the cheating came into being really. But if you are going to forgive once be sure to have a talk because he will have left you feeling insecure and this in itself can cause further problems that he will need to be considerate about for a while if the realtionship is to work out. If you forgive him once be dam sure your intiuition believes that he regrets it if not walk away, if you stay and he cheats again or the insecurity you feel starts to eat away at you walk away. Its his fault you feel that way don't what ever you do let him make you feel like you are less thats when emotional cruelty comes into play, and that can be worse than any beating so...... Yes depending on what actually happened men can reform we change all of the time, but you should know better than anyone else if you believe that he wont do it again
 1Georgia2
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 1356
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:01:37 PM
OP,
You may forgive, but I highly doubt that you would forget. Not being able to forget does a number on the trust issue in a relationship and without trust, there is no relationship. Have I ever been cheated on? NO ! Would I stay with someone that did cheat on me? NO! Could I cheat on someone that I was in a relationship with. NO! If that person no longer meant anything to me, the relationship would end before anything happened with someone else.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1357
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:06:09 PM

Never once a cheater always a cheater

Why is it always "once a cheater, always a cheater' but for other character flaws... they can change....

With that being said, when I was young, I cheated on several women... But I matured and I haven't cheated in years and years.....
 hookybaby
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 1358
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:24:11 PM
sometimes I will
qqlord.com
 nonees
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 1359
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:18:54 PM
I will get out of the their life or get them out of mine, then I will forgive and forget them.
 Forumhobbit
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 1360
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:41:56 PM
Can I forgive? Nope. I tried that.. and it came back to burn me over and over and over again. Cheat on me and you might as well head straight to the curb, do not pass go, do not collect $200 and guess what.. there aren't any get off the curb free cards. Forget? (usually goes hand in hand w/ forgive...) Only thing I'll be forgetting is the person who cheated on me.
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/1/2009 11:18:22 PM
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllll nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....!
 a_chris79
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 1362
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/1/2009 11:23:18 PM
Initially when the "im still in love stage" is in effect or MANY years later...I could forgive and get back together. Everything in between though...no. Not a chance.
 pozz
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 1363
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/2/2009 7:09:42 AM
Yes I forgive....but it's over when lies are said to your face , so the person can be with the person there going to cheat with....no wonder liars are kicked to the curb!
 jacksab
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 1364
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:32:06 PM
I am in a deep mess,my 15 yrs married is in a jeopady as at now becos my wife cheated on me 7 yrs ago.
I asked her now and she confess to it and i am dieing of the lies of the past 7yrs.
What do i do?
 SimplyKendra
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 1365
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:41:24 PM
Nope..I can't. I believe once it is done it is even easier to do a second, third, or fourth time. Cheating ruins lives and ruins people. I tried taking back a cheater once, but I never did trust him again and what they say about "No trust=no love" is true.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 1366
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:50:38 PM
When you give a cheater another chance, you just give them the chance to cheat again. All trust is destroyed, along with the respect.
 GGSN
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 1367
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:51:50 PM
Could I forgive, only as much as I won't hate the person. But the relationship would be over. The trust has been broken.
 thebstulhve90
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 1368
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:57:48 PM
Ok. Well in my expierience which i have been cheated on so much i think it all depends on their reaction to you catching them, a cheating relationship is never healthy but if they really put forth an effort to show you they will not cheat i say take them back. I on the other hand have never found a man that was willing to change so...the question can you forgive, i dont know i am a hard person to forgive and forget my advice is forgive but dont forget
 HarrNels
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 1369
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:01:10 PM
Yes, I have forgiven, but not likely to forget. You're only hurting yourself if you don't forgive because it will eat away at you and you will become (or stay) a very bitter person. And who wants to hang out with that?
 Texwolf
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 1370
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:42:45 PM
Once a cheater always a cheater
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 1371
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:57:57 PM
I forgave my ex-husband the first time but it never leaves your mind that he is capable of doing so again, which he did a few years later. I didn't forgive him the second time. What really makes it rough is being lied to saying he loves you daily, still has sex with you and makes you think that everything is roses until you find out that he is cheating again. The trust is gone. I hope one day he finds someone he is madly in love with and she cheats on him.
 Ange1fish
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 1372
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:58:55 PM
Hopefully, Josie tossed his cheating ass out in the cold!

As this question is destined to be relevant forever, I gotta add my HAIL NO! to all the other NO's posted before me! That's one HAIL NO! for each question in the OP's original post.

To all the second, third... chancers - you're only kidding yourselves. Really sad.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 1373
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Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:28:14 PM
Cheating - can you forgive?

Being a typical Scorpio myself, no I can't forgive someone who cheats on me cuz this part of our history will forever haunt me. I might be able to forget it as time goes by but I doubt it if I could ever forgive MYSELF if he does it again.

For me once a stray cat, always a stray cat.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 1374
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:55:08 PM
No. Don't be a door mat and have respect for yourself.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 1375
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:27:50 AM
my parents were married for 30 years. long after i'd left home and even after they went their separate ways, i got the stories about how they caught each other fooling around several times. well that was back in the '60s when everyone was wearing skinny ties, smoking & drinking & listening to jazz (so depraved) and the so-called sexual revolution. i guess they had a good laugh about it, i don't know, but i do know that the fooling around didn't end their relationship. so there must have been a whole lot more going on in the relationship that they found to be of value or they would have called it quits way back when.

i know another married couple, still married, that just celebrated their 40th anniversary. again, there has been fooling around on the side by at least one person in this relationship. and i'm sure the other person knows about it, too. yet they are committed as hell and it's something they've been able to work through.

i think most people can't ever get over the betrayal of trust and emotional fallout that comes with cheating, but some of them can. it probably depends a whole lot on (1) the reasons for the cheating; and (2) what else is going on in the relationship.
 danzandsing
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 1376
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:13:19 AM

Cheating- can you forgive?


The better question to ask is:

Do you want to forgive? There's a need to hold onto the anarchy too long in today's society. I was cheated on, just last year. I'm done with it. Sometimes, we want to linger in the action far too long.

Reality check. What we wanted was to be the person on the receiving end of the intimacy dispersed towards someone else. There's nothing wrong with that. And, that we feel that our partner was already moving past us..is sometimes hard to swallow. But, that isn't for us to place them in the judgment seat. I loved my wife, but I realise that she needed something I wasn't providing for some reason at that time. The thing I remember is that during my nearly 8-year marriage is that I was providing lots of other things that kept us going for that length of time. And that after all was said and done, she was showing me something vastly important. That good sex doesn't just cut it. That there are far more intangibles that make relationships last, and those need as much if not more attention.

Forgiving these situations are just as essential to living a healthy life, as they are an essential to enjoying a future relationship.

"To err is human; to forgive is divine."

Danz
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