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 mfreemo
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 134
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?Page 2 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)


With all due respect, any guy who can be rejected without any anger whatsoever is a nutless eunuch. That guy isn't a very competitive, alpha-type guy. -spitfire6844


If I understand you correctly you are suggesting that it is NORMAL for a real man to get angry at being turned down? A mature real man holds his anger and doesn't lash out, he takes it like a man, but an immature real man can't help himself and gives in to his normal anger. We won't condone it, but we'll accept it as normal behavior.

Interesting.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 136
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:12:31 PM

We won't condone it, but we'll accept it as normal behavior.


I said that the feeling of anger is normal. An angry reaction (such as sending a rude email) is unacceptable. There's a huge difference between the two. Any guy who has no anger at all when he doesn't get the job; or loses a contest; or doesn't get the girl--is a phlegmatic, beta male. It's OK to be like that, I guess; but I don't think it's really a virtue to be nonchalant or unaffected by a setback in life.

The best way to be is to acknowledge your anger/disappointment; process it; quickly recover; and move on to another interest. Being a classy person who doesn't lash out is important; but feeling no anger at all shows a lack of drive.
 Beholder
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 137
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:16:09 PM

For some reason I can't find the thread in a search so I can't post the link
I dug it up for you:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8649975.aspx
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 139
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:36:40 PM
Well I dont get angry, dissapointed sure, but not angry.

I'm sure as hell not a beta, phlegmatic male either. It's not like we are talking about people we have met and developed an emotional connection with and THEN missed out. We are talking about complete strangers on the internet that are at the point of sending an email no more than a blog and a pic.

Personally I think its weird to get angry over that.
 mfreemo
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 140
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:37:48 PM
Perhaps I am a phlegmatic nutless eunuch, can't really be sure. But if alpha males can't handle rejections from strangers and get angry over small disappointments, then I guess I'm lucky.
I'm not going to say he's wrong. I know that it is not uncommon for women to get the nasty lash-back messages. Spitfire may be the only alpha male out there to help us understand the mindset of the guys that lash back.
I know I have no idea why they do that.
I, frankly, have a hard time thinking of this as competition. I don't think of it as competing for a lady. I'm simply letting her know I'm interested in case she might be interested in me. It's between her and me, not me and thousands of other guys. The idea of competition brings up the idea of a woman as an object, or trophy, to snatch from the other guys. Is that really how alpha males see this?
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 141
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 12:27:16 AM
The only way you won't care at all about a "No" is if you're lowballing your criteria to include women you're not all that attracted to in the first place, or if you have zero testosterone like I mentioned earlier.

It's natural (if you're sending well-thought out intros to girls rather than two-line paste-its) to have a brief feeling of anger if you get a "No". Obviously, you shouldn't send an ugly reply to her. You shouldn't call her names, etc. You get over your disappointment in a few seconds, and move on to the next prospect.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 142
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:04:07 AM
It isnt natural. Its stupid.

I have plenty of testosterone, it just doesnt affect the functioning of my brain as it clearly does yours.

There are, as they say, plenty of fish. Anger is an emotion. Getting emotional over someone you have never met or had any contact with is just plain ridiculous.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 143
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:24:24 AM
It's ridiculous if you're a bottom-feeder who doesn't expect much out of life--that's for sure. If anyone is going to say they don't have even a moment of anger/frustration when they haven't made a successful contact they wanted--they're either lying or they lack drive. Period.

I, personally, rarely have reason to get angry, because I've had many successful contacts on this site. However, the reality is that NORMAL people (when you don't get what you're looking for) have a moment of anger, and then you get over it and move on. Unfortunately, many guys fail to move on without being rude--hence the motivation for this thread. Normal people in life do have a moment of anger when their efforts don't meet with success. Being PC and lying about that is pathetic.
 mfreemo
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 145
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:26:56 AM
I'm not being PC or lying. I do not get angry about it.
I certainly do get disappointed when I am turned down by someone that I liked enough to write to, but as has been said, I don't really know her and she didn't owe me anything, so I have no right to expect anything. I write to her with that in mind.

TO me, as a phlematic nutless eunich bottom feeder, it seems inapporpriate to get angry, even for a moment. I find that, for myself, I expect myself to stop with the root emotion - disappointment, pain, sorrow, saddness, etc. and not move on to the next level that many seem to feel the need to - anger.
It is enlightening to hear a real man explain that it is natural and actually expected that you get angry if you get hurt. It would seem that you would feel like less of a man if you didn't get angry.

Gratefully you are not only a real man, but a mature one. It is good that you have control of your anger and don't lash out at the women that turn you down. You are an example to all those immature real men that haven't learned it yet.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 146
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:42:34 AM
^^Thanks for the compliment, but I detect a tinge of sarcasm in there.
The OP wanted to know why guys get "bent out of shape". I don't think it's a "bent out of shape" feeling--it's just a momentary annoyance. The answer is because it's human. Period. I'm sure most girls have a twinge of anger too if they make a first contact and the guy says "No thanks". The solution is always to be mature and move on.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 147
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:30:03 PM
No spitfire is isnt normal.

You are not normal.

Normal people dont even use words and phrases like 'bottom feeder' and 'alpha male'. Those are terms reserved for those with issues, such as really small genetalia.

People who get angry over an email rejection from a complete stranger are overly emotional freaks.

I never said anything about frustration my friend. There is a difference between frustration and anger. One contains emotion, the other does not.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 148
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:40:02 PM
Anger is part of life. It does happen. It's frequent. And it's normal. The difference between mature guys and immature guys (and idiotic tools who deny it altogether) is that mature people stay focused on why they are here. You move on and look for other prospects.

You do it your way, denying whatever you want to deny. There's no point in discussing it further. By the way, you're not supposed to direct your insults directly to other members, so try following the forum rules, Jester. See if you can stay "not angry" enough to do that.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 149
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:58:56 PM
Anger is most certainty part of life, I agree. To be angry at certain things is also perfectly normal.

Being angry at not receiving an email from a complete stranger however, is most certainly not normal. Frustration, sure. Disapoinment hell yea. Angry? Nope. Not unless you have an issue.

I am not denying anything. You are simply missing the point. As for insults, I was undert the impression I was following your example of making snide immature inferences.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 152
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:02:10 AM
^^Reeceonline & Jester:

This is where we need to emphasize keeping your eye on the ball. Nowhere was I talking about myself when I discussed the anger of guys when they get rejected online. Go back and read what I wrote earlier. Why did you two think I was referring to my particular experience? Also, Jester made the mistake of coming after me directly--what a waste of print. Again, no one attacked you directly, unless you're a phlegmatic, bottom-feeding beta male. Those epithets weren't directed at any specific poster.

Here's the deal: the OP wants to know why many guys get "bent out of shape" when they get a "No". That presupposes that many guys DO get bent out of shape--call it "angry", "frustrated", "annoyed", "pissed off"....whatever. Lots of guys get amped up enough to send rude replies to a rejection. You two can say that guys SHOULDN'T get angry, or that they're wrong or unstable for getting worked up.....but that wasn't the OP's question. Many guys do get angry. It's a fact. The immature ones among them send ugly replies to women. It's a fact. My posts gave some reasons why: 1) Many guys are alpha-males with high testosterone levels who can't handle emotion. 2)It's generally human to have brief moments of anger (in no way justifying rudeness) 3) Some guys are immature and can't process their anger 4) Dating is a competitive activity, and it does bring out the worst in immature people.

That's the answer to the OP's question, not some B.S. about how wrong all these guys are for getting angry. Saying it's wrong is obvious and is just a PC sound bite. Do you see what I'm saying? That might be the subject of another thread. Are there any other reasons you can think of why the rude replies are happening? If not, then we're done here.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 153
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:43:28 AM
"With all due respect, any guy who can be rejected without any anger whatsoever is a nutless eunuch. That guy isn't a very competitive, alpha-type guy".

You insulted any guy who doesn't get angry upon a rejection email. So either you do get angry, in which case you are a sad freak with a touch more self control then all the other sad freaks who actually do send the emails, and you were talking about yourself, or according to your own statement, you're a nutless eunuch.

So which is it?
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 154
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:58:29 AM
As expected, Jester, you took that quote out of context. I would also say you seem like a liar about getting angry. Your posts have broken the forum rules on a number of occasions, and you still haven't answered the original thread question posted at all. It shows anger or frustration of some kind. It also shows a lack of intelligence and a lack of focus.

If you can do better than you have so far, then the above doesn't apply to you, Jester.

Yes, I would definitely say that if a normal guy has his heart set on something, and he doesn't get the result he wanted--he will have a momentary flash of anger. If you're a freak, then you act like life is one long monotony of calmness. Anger doesn't justify rudeness or lack of class, but normal people feel it. I haven't felt anger, because I've been successful on the site. Anyone who doesn't understand the difference between a feeling and an action probably shouldn't be posting here.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 155
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:03:35 AM
As has already been said to you, anger is normal. It is the context of that anger that you incorrectly consider normal, and then go beyond that by insulting everyone who doesn’t experience anger in situations as ridiculous as you do.

By all means feel free to explain how your comments were taken out of context. They seem perfectly clear to me. Perhaps you need to work on your erudition.

It is perfectly clear where the lack of intelligence and honesty is being displayed, and it is not my end my friend.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 156
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:18:37 AM
^^You need to read posts in their entirety and not cherry-pick the statements that bolster your weak argument. You're still off-topic on the thread question. Dudes get mad sometimes when facing a rejection. Many guys react negatively to an email rejection. Right or wrong: that's what often happens in real life (not Jester's fantasyland). As to WHY it happens, I discussed it above.

People should treat each other with respect and not be rude, but anger will inevitably be present sometimes in the dating world. A good bit of advice to women who want to cut down on the chance of seeing an ugly rejection-response is to not open any more emails from a guy you've said "No thanks" to. If getting a negative response concerns you, don't open the last reply.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 158
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:00:46 AM
You know it takes a special kind of person to continually miss a point as often as you do.

I read your post in its entirety, as tedious as that task was. This would be the point where you explain how your words were taken out of context. They appear clear to me and seemingly to others as well.

You want me to get on topic? Hey no problem.

Yes people do indeed get angry, this is perfectly normal. Some do indeed get angry over rejection emails. This is not normal at all. Those individuals are sad and immature. Thankfully most of us aren't that pathetic and possess perspective and maturity which precludes us from doing do.
 mfreemo
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 162
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:26:26 AM
I think I hear Sptifire backpedalling a bit here.
I am with Jester in thinking it was pretty clear that sptifire was insulting and name-calling directly to anyone that wasn't the type of 'alpha male' that spitfire considers himself to be.
I am with Jester in thinking that it was pretty clear that spitfire did admit to getting angry when he received turn downs, (and of course he was quick to point out that he doesn't get them very often becasue he is VERY SUCCESSFUL with the ladies) and suggested that if you didn't get angry at being turned down then there is something wrong with you (and me).
Own it Spitfire.

I would like to point out that spitfire is the ONLY direct response to OP that has any validity. He is the only one that actually has gotten angry about being turned down. Although he is mature enough not to write a lash-back email, he actually understands it and has generously explained that anger.

If I can sum up what I think he said;

Real alpha males normally and naturally and correctly get angry when disappointed. IF he doesn't get angry then he is less of a man (nutless eunich bottom feeding beta), and it shows that he didn't really care in the first place. If he cares enough to write to a lady then he cares enough to get angry when he doesn't get a positive response.

Dating is a competition. Real alpha males take competition seriously, or why play at all? He hasn't made it clear to me if he's competing against other guys, or against the ladies, but I'm going to assume he is compteting with the other guys. When a lady turns him down, he is angry because another guy might win where he lost.


I'll let you guys work out the rightness or wrongness of getting angry. We all agree, including spitfire, that writing a lash-back email is wrong.

I don't consider myself an alpha male, so it is enlightening to hear what alpha males are like. I wondered myself about why men would act this way.
It would seem that Jester does consider himself an alpha male and disagrees that all alpha males get angry at small disappointments. I would like to think he is right.

OP- When you get a nasty lash back email it is from an immature alpha male that simply acted inappropriately to a 'natural' anger. If you want an immature alpha male, then you can try to smooth his feathers and try to work things out. If not, then don't take it seriously, it's not your fault, be grateful he cleared up any second thoughts you might have had and move on.
 evrybdy
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 167
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:56:52 AM
I for one think it's weird for someone to get that upset about someone they don't know not being "madly in love" with them or want to know them right away. I think sometimes the online world makes people live in a bit of a fantasy world about things. I wrote a guy the other day and he wasn't interested in knowing me. Didn't burst my bubble.lol

M
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 171
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 11:27:17 AM

Unfortunately, I frequently get a reply back that is ticked off, or downright insulting.


I think if we were to hear from more of the women on the forum, we would find that rude responses to a "No thanks" are very common. The rude responses are because of anger. That refutes the claim of certain posters on here that such anger is not normal (meaning "regular" or "frequent"). The anger is normal. The rude responses are unacceptable. It's also probable that the number of guys who get briefly angry and do not send a rude reply is much higher than the number of guys who actually lash out. A brief moment of anger is common and normal.

Again, anyone trying to single someone out for telling the truth is missing the point. I've said again and again that my experience on POF has been very positive. I haven't had a reason to have any anger because of the site.

What we don't need on here is a bunch of guys popping up and saying "Not me! That's only the weird guys who do that!" every time a woman brings up a valid concern. (And some of the guys are flat-out lying). It's an attempt to minimize what's apparently really happening on the site. So, you dudes who never feel any anger over dating challenges and don't have any answers for the OP---why don't you take a break and let the women themselves confirm or deny how common these responses are?
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 172
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:26:55 PM
Sptifire no one is singling you out for telling the truth. You were singled out over your idiotic and insulting inferences, which you have now backpedalled from.

You are not telling the truth, you are expressing your perspective. I can virtually guarantee you that the number of males who do not get a response and then simply move on far outweighs the number of sad angry losers who get angry over it, whether they choose to send an angry email or not.

To sum up and counter the many erroneous points you attempt to make.

1. Most men do not get angry over a rejection email due to perspective and maturity.

2. Those that do lack both of the above along with god knows what else.

3. These people obviously exist, they are however most certainly not normal, albeit they are likely far more memorable and ergo likely to induce a thread or two from some perplexed females who can’t understand the reaction either.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 173
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 9:23:53 PM
Wasn't even talking to you, Jester. You're getting redundant at this point. It's like Pavlov's dog. I come up with an opinion on what the OP asked---jester reacts (but doesn't even remotely address the thread topic). I initate again--jester reacts. I ask for more imput from the women as to how frequent the rude emails are---jester reacts. You keep reacting and regurgitating the same tripe about how rudeness (and the underlying anger) isn't normal. The truth is that it's commonplace and it's normal. Many guys get angry when they get rejected--whether it's online, or in real life. (By the way, I was answering mfreenl with that last post. )

You're like a 3-legged chihuahua snipping at my heels, Jester. I just asked my female cousin (who uses online dating sites) how frequently she gets a rude response. She said there are a lot of nice guys online, but it's also "normal" to get rude responses when she's not interested in the guy. She says she doesn't let it bother her anymore. I didn't even prompt her--"normal" is the word she used. Now, you can dismiss all these guys as crazy. That's fair enough--although a bit simplistic; but the truth is that that's how a lot of guys react online.

What would be great is to hear from a few more women as to how frequent these rude responses are. The women who have already posted here have said the rude responses happen all the time. They are the ones (not Jester) who would know how commonplace it is. It's ridiculous to dismiss the OP's concern by implying that male anger at rejection (even online) is some kind of anomaly. It's not.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 174
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 10:30:40 PM
You did what you always do. Made snide and petty inferences because your direct argument is so utterly weak.

The only thing redundant is your opinions.

As for simplistic, using your cousin as a reference point for the experience of millions of men and woman who date online? Look up the phrase 'Ecological Fallacy' Infering something is common place over a cousins comments and a handful of forum threads, now that is ridiuclous. Do you really think anyone is going to be inspired to start a thread called "I rejected a guy and nothing happened"?

I also never said they were crazy. I said they were immature and have no perspective, they don't.
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