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 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 266
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?Page 4 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
The dude with the biggest ego takes rejection more personally. Like handling criticism, they're are some that can handle it and some that can't. The point is stop taking everything you hear or what people do personally and get on with your life. Doesn't mean you have to like it, just deal with it.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 267
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History
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:56:39 AM
People behave Online as they would truly act in real life if there were no rules or social stigma's. Which is quite depressing, isn't it? It seems to be a valuable asset to have on sites like these. A little thing called class.

Don't worry, not all men are like that. I don't understand how they can possibly think talking about sex in the first message or second is a good thing.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 268
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:09:15 AM

Hahaha this amuses me because... I just recently commented in a post about why women can't be polite enough to just say "Not interested" rather then ignore them. You can't win really... there will be those who prefer the rejection and those who would rather remain with there head up their arse. All you can do is move along.


I get irritated at the ones that hook into a back and forth conversation, and then.....just decide to stop responding, and you're like "Um, hello.....anybody there?" lol
 fall-blossom
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 269
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:20:37 AM

I get irritated at the ones that hook into a back and forth conversation, and then.....just decide to stop responding, and you're like "Um, hello.....anybody there?" lol

Maybe some of those women are talking to a few men at the same time which includes you to see who is a good fit. Nobody owes anyone a 'goodbye'. People cannot meet everyone they correspond with thus have to be selective.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 270
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 9:35:11 AM
Maybe some of those women are talking to a few men at the same time which includes you to see who is a good fit. Nobody owes anyone a 'goodbye'. People cannot meet everyone they correspond with thus have to be selective.


It doesn't matter to me if I get "No thanks" or no response on the first email. I do think it is simply good manners for someone to be upfront and tell the other person that (s)he no longer interested ( for whatever reason ) after you had multiple email / text / phone conversations with him/her. In particular when both people had at least discussed setting up a date / meeting. That way the other person will know where things stand earlier and can move on sooner. However since the other person is a virtual stranger that (s)he won't be dealing with anymore, having good manners often goes out the window.
 Etiäinen
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 272
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:36:36 PM
Now the one who don't respond back I have an issue with, yes I'm sure women probably get a lot of awful emails from idiots it's understandable. However when all you ask is would you care to talk and no response come on we are all adults a simple no thanks is common curtisy. You treat people how you want to be treated so if you crap on others you deserve to get crapped on example idiots sending you emails for sex apparently they think this is Craigslist. Also if your so much better then everybody else and you can get anyone you want why are you on POF hmmmm????


Mr Bitter, allow me.

First thing, proper spelling of simple words will go a long way towards getting you "in the conversation worthy" category. Trust me, women like an articulate man.

Second, don't send messages asking women if they want to talk; don't even suggest that as a simplified example of your approach. You need to read a woman's profile and look for something that sparks a humorous comment in your head that you can send to her. Something that she'll want to respond to because she knows you're not going to get creepy. Don't make it a humorous comment that can be misconstrued as mean. Remember that.

Now, you need to fix your attitude. Quickly. This is a dating site. Dating is not a "nice" event. Nobody has to respond to anyone. Keep that in mind when you send a message and it won't bother you when you do not receive a response.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 273
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:55:37 PM

Enough of the crap of "all I get are penis pics" and "hey honey lets get drunk and screw" so I don't respond to any messages anymore. Its a cop out. Yes if some dork sends a pic of his dork or does the be my fb line...I don't expect you to reply at all and if he gets peeved...I don't care...you don't care...and probably deep down he doesn't care.

But for all the well intentioned guys (including me) that say "hey I saw your picture and saw you were into eighties rock (or whatever commonality you both may have)...would you like to get together for coffee sometime" and then get nothing in return.....not a word....it shows a lack of class in most peoples book on both sides of the gender isle.

I don't think you're understanding the real problem. I think when most women join, we go in with the idea that we're going to be nice and respond to everyone to politely say "Thank you for the message, but I don't feel we're a match. Good luck with your search!" Or some variant. I know I did. I responded to every darned one because I thought it was the polite thing to do.

Here's the problem: You don't know which guys are the ones who will accept it gracefully and which will blow a lid and call you every name in the book. Someone can send you a perfectly lovely, gentlemanly first message, then turn into an a**wipe with his response to your rejection. You never know what you're gonna get. After some of those ugly responses, I thought I'd try sending a polite rejection followed by an immediate block, but then THAT seemed b*tchy as well (and my account ended up deleted with no warning, so I wonder if I got in trouble for blocking too many people without cause). So what else could I do to ensure I wouldn't have to read the vile responses? Just stop sending rejection messages. There are tons of men out there who, no matter how mature and pleasant their initial messages sound, can't handle rejection and proceed to tell you what a horrible person you are, that they just wanted to get laid anyway, you're a c*nt who's going to die alone, etc.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 274
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:12:13 PM

So what else could I do to ensure I wouldn't have to read the vile responses? Just stop sending rejection messages.


I'm not saying people must reply to the first email when they aren't interested. However not replying doesn't always prevent rude messages. Some people can get mad and send you rude messages because you didn't reply. Some women have told me this has happened to them.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 275
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History
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:24:52 PM
This is what I have started to do: I reply with a thanks but no thanks - and then I block them.
I hate that it has come to that, but I am sick of them either coming back with a nasty response or them begging me to just give them a chance. So, by responding with a no thanks gives them an answer and blocking them solves the harassment. There is no need for them to respond to a no thanks so hopefully most of them won't know I blocked them. It also prevents future duplicate (form/mass) emails from the same men.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 276
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 6:39:52 PM

Dating is not a "nice" event


Then what kind of an event is it?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 277
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 6:43:43 PM

I reply with a thanks but no thanks - and then I block them.


This is the fair and logical approach that I have similarly proposed several times on these types of threads.

Then no one can complain that you don't reply to their messages, they can only complain that you don't give them a chance to "rant" and "insult", and who would support them in THAT?
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 278
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:06:38 PM
Just the way it is online I am afraid. We all suffer from the sleazies. I would not enter into any dialogue with a man I dont have any interest in. Just delete and block and you avoid the abuse. If a man contacts a woman he feels is overweight, he thinks she may be easy. Men are simple creatures and believe all that hype. You dont have to justify yourself on here and once you have got healthy as you say, you wont bother with a site like this, is my bet.
 AAP1978
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 279
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:25:46 PM
Not bitter at all it's just called manners, I guess you never heard of them. Also for your information I do read there profile and I mention things that I have read from there profile. I make an attempt to establish our common interest and crack a joke then I will ask if they would like to talk. I simply don't put hey want to talk that would be dumb and show lack of effort on my part. I think befor I speak something you should think about doing instead of being on your high horse. Since you are so smart and articulate you must know this old saying never assume anything because when you do you make an a$$ out of yourself. You assumend you knew me and you don't, yes I had spelling errors on my post no excuses 99% of the time there are none. I'm human I make mistakes at least I'm man enough to admit it something I'm sure you are not capable of doing and let me say this one more time I have no problem at all when a woman says no thank you. This is a dating site for adults not high school kids if you can't say no thanks or sorry not interested by email I doubt you could do it in person. Now for the not conversation worthy comment I have gotten response back and I also politely have said no thanks it's just common courtesy something you obviously missed in my previous post. My attitude is positive all I simply was saying is it's good etiquette to reply back when someone ask you a question at least that's how I was raised you may now go back on your high horse and judge people.


This is my response to Mr. Allow Me
Mr Bitter, allow me.

First thing, proper spelling of simple words will go a long way towards getting you "in the conversation worthy" category. Trust me, women like an articulate man.

Second, don't send messages asking women if they want to talk; don't even suggest that as a simplified example of your approach. You need to read a woman's profile and look for something that sparks a humorous comment in your head that you can send to her. Something that she'll want to respond to because she knows you're not going to get creepy. Don't make it a humorous comment that can be misconstrued as mean. Remember that.

Now, you need to fix your attitude. Quickly. This is a dating site. Dating is not a "nice" event. Nobody has to respond to anyone. Keep that in mind when you send a message and it won't bother you when you do not receive a response.

P.S
If dating isn't nice what is it suppose to be then?
 Sheridesmotox
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 281
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:36:05 PM

if you can't say no thanks or sorry not interested by email I doubt you could do it in person.


Actually, that is incorrect... I find it far easier to ignore somebody online. I am to polite in person... so i tend to get stuck talking to somebody i'm not interested in and then spend ten minutes trying to back my way out of a corner i have somehow been pushed into without offending the person. Normally something along the lines of... "Sorry, i just need to use the bathroom" and then i find the person i came with, evacuate the premises or hide in a different corner.
 AAP1978
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 282
 Sheridesmotox
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 283
Actually, that is incorrect... I find it far easier to ignore somebody online. I am to polite in per
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:19:57 PM
Oh, also nhra1966

You really aren't a bad looking man... I think you may be contacting the wrong women. Though, bringing the pity party out in all your posts does not benefit your cause.

I looked at your profile to see why women would think that by appearance only and personally, you aren't somebody i would date (i doubt i would be much of your type either) but i really don't think you are ugly at all. If there comments are in retaliation, perhaps you're approaching them wrong otherwise you really shouldn't take the comments to heart.
 RD2112
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 284
Actually, that is incorrect... I find it far easier to ignore somebody online. I am to polite in per
Posted: 5/20/2012 3:16:20 AM
I have been hearing this alot and its a shame. Women try politely to tell a guy no thanks bc they see or dint see something in your profile. Guys just get a bent and act like fools. Alright guilty ones...flip it. How would you feel if a female that absolutely has no appeal to you tries to talk to you, u nicely say no thanks and then she goes all psycho on u?

I wish there was a nice way to ask what it was that turned them away. Im not going to change or put up a front but I am curious. Its better to not ask and just let it slide. Move on.

I did get a thanks-but- no a while back and months later she starts wanting to chat. We did and became buddiees. went out twice as just friends and asked her what happened the first time.I wasn't "bad-boy" enough for her. I never will be that to a woman. I only break out the "bad" if warranted.

Jerks are ruining it for the rest of us...so grow up or quit asking girls out.
 Etiäinen
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 285
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:49:24 AM

Not bitter at all it's just called manners, I guess you never heard of them. Also for your information I do read there profile and I mention things that I have read from there profile. I make an attempt to establish our common interest and crack a joke then I will ask if they would like to talk. I simply don't put hey want to talk that would be dumb and show lack of effort on my part. I think befor I speak something you should think about doing instead of being on your high horse. Since you are so smart and articulate you must know this old saying never assume anything because when you do you make an a$$ out of yourself. You assumend you knew me and you don't, yes I had spelling errors on my post no excuses 99% of the time there are none. I'm human I make mistakes at least I'm man enough to admit it something I'm sure you are not capable of doing and let me say this one more time I have no problem at all when a woman says no thank you. This is a dating site for adults not high school kids if you can't say no thanks or sorry not interested by email I doubt you could do it in person. Now for the not conversation worthy comment I have gotten response back and I also politely have said no thanks it's just common courtesy something you obviously missed in my previous post. My attitude is positive all I simply was saying is it's good etiquette to reply back when someone ask you a question at least that's how I was raised you may now go back on your high horse and judge people.


Nice rant man.

Given the extent to which you hurl unfounded accusations to defend yourself, I can only assume there's something you're huffing prior to posting.
 AAP1978
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 286
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:26:13 AM
You made unfound accusation about me in your rant about my post. Yes you are entitled to your opinion no issues there at all it is your god given right to do so. I felt you were talking down and belittling me, so I lowered mysel to your level and did the same to you. I enjoyed this friendly little exchange of posts there is no malice toward you on my end but it's time to move on I stated my opinion you stated yours that's the beauty of conversation or debat between people. Be well Mr.Allow Me (sorry don't know your name) and keep your opinions coming cause thats what these forums are about.

Mr. Bitter/ Alex which is my name.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 287
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:27:48 PM

They probably get all bent outa shape for the same reasons women do. Nobody likes rejection.


That is exactly right. I hate rejection so much that I gave up hope.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 288
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History
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 1:51:00 AM
I don't know about POF or online.

No guy that I know personally, gets "bent out of shape" by rejection.

There's a reason that 99% of women don't 'put themselves out there' to be rejected. Nobody likes rejection. It takes balls to, "go for yours", be direct, and to ask for exactly what you want (in dating, jobs, whatever). My guess is that it causes elevated anxiety in the majority of people.

In MY experience, (generally speaking), attractive women tend to be more diplomatic about it than average women. The only thing I can guess, is that attractive women are so used to being "hit on", that they have perfected rejection into an art form.

I have read many women complaining about, "Uh, guys always hitting on me. Blah, blah, blah."

Seems like a wonderful 'problem' to have. Especially when you consider the short window of time that we have when we're all hawt, young, and tight. Enjoy it! Revel in it! Live it up! We'll all be invisible soon enough.

No response...................is a response.

OR

How difficult is it to say/write: "Thank you for your interest, but we are not a match."
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 289
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 6:22:33 AM
I'm not condoning rude responses. But I think some men simply get frustrated when they email hundreds of women and get very few positive replies. Or some men ( and women as well ) get frustrated when they have dozens of first dates / meetings and very few people are interested in a second date with them for whatever reason.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 290
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 7:35:22 AM

Every time I’ve told that anecdote to another man, he’s burst out laughing in recognition. Just as most women worry about their looks, most men worry about getting rejected.


Interesting article in how both sexes are wired..... as my question to you is how does one overcome these negative issues ? Does the woman try to get herself back in shape,eat health etc, & like wise for the man, or is it some more then just this. And in the same breath does one take it as learning process.....live & learn, being confidence in first who you are.... & accepting that, especially when it comes down too" the affairs of the heart."
As that "sale of the heart," will take much more then then just being a good used car salesman lol.
As rejection is so much of that process in the accepting part too.......
Or think of it this way.....kinda like fishing too I guess.... as there are many fish in the ocean, but only one might want to be a keeper who feels you are special too.

Personally, when it comes to the possibility of a new friendship, etc... I like to shop where she, the other person is also interested too in looking for" Similar Items" .....if not, smile & wish one a good day.

We all want & need the same things, but with the opposite sex ....is only with the right person too.....
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 291
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 8:37:12 AM
I know some women who will accuse any man who turns them down of being gay


The response I get , when it's an angry one , is they assume I'm too picky and holding out for a Victoria's Secret model - LOL

Yeah, like as if I'm THAT delusional !

I understand that rejection can get frustrating if it happens a lot, like getting on a negative roll, just don't take it out on other people.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 292
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 8:49:43 AM
"Men would campaign for “creep-acceptance,” and be proud of their weak game."

Hahahaha yeah, that's like how our society is constantly trying to make women look forward to turning 50, because we all know as a female, you may as well be dead. So let's alllll pretend that life REALLY begins at 50. Pfffft. Laughable.

I know about approaching men and getting rejected. I've done it many times, have gotten rejected most of the time, gave up and no longer date. There is nothing more pathetic than a middle age woman trying to ask a guy out. I feel like a colossal idiot, especially when I watch them gravitate over to the young hotties.

So, yep-I know the pain, and pulled myself out of the game.
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