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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 293
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?Page 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

I know from personal experience, and I’m sure many other men can attest to this, as well. Turning a girl down for sex absolutely infuriates them. Women never evolved rejection coping mechanisms since they never had to experience it.

That is why women just HAVE to announce their rejection of you FIRST, in order to retain their perceived mastery of the interaction.

A rejection is like a nuclear warhead detonation, it destroys her ego, after a rejection, a woman will almost always call the guy gay, to rationalize the rejection.


These are some provocative statements my friend...
Maybe the women that YOU personally know do this, didn't check your profile so I don't know what age group you are talking about....I've NEVER been "infuriated" if a man doesn't want to have sex and neither have been any of the,
mature, women that I know....Men may not want to sleep with me for a variety of reasons of THEIR own, I am old enough and wise enough to leave that where it BELONGS, with THEM! My ego is FINE, thanks! Hasn't been "devastated" yet!!! lol Simply because I don't allow it to hinge on SOMEONE ELSE'S opinions of me...

Also who HASN'T experienced rejection in this Life, in SOME aspect or another??? I mean, REALLY?!?!?Men do NOT have the market cornered on rejection last time I checked....in relationships or otherwise.

I also DON'T play ANY "game"in order to "retain my perceived mastery of the interaction"....I am ALSO NOT alone in this...

As for calling the guy "gay", again...My question is, what age group are you dating? Because they sound like VERY young, VERY insecure not to mention just plain NASTY, women, I have to say...Maybe you need to review your selection process and figure out why you're attracted to these types of women in the first place...?
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 294
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 9:13:55 AM

Also who HASN'T experienced rejection in this Life, in SOME aspect or another??? I mean, REALLY?!?!?Men do NOT have the market cornered on rejection last time I checked....in relationships or otherwise.


Seriously - why is this myth repeated over and over and over here (always ignoring the women who pop up and say 'wait, I have been rejected'- there are plenty of women who have shared their own painful experiences)

Does saying something over and over again somehow make it true?

I don't hate men or even dislike them. I don't tend to view 'all men' in the same light.

But I have been rejected by men and I've been hurt to the point of it being hard to breath for awhile from that rejection. But I never got nasty, resorted to name calling, etc.

After all it's not a crime for someone to not return my feelings. I understood that when I was a teenager.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 295
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 9:22:56 AM
what's the purpose of all human beings? Its not to advance society, or build tall buildings.

Its to procreate. like plants and animals. that's our base goal. (its the reason sex feels so good--who would want to have kids every six months? 3am feedings are great birth control :) ). So what happens on a subconcious level, when you're rejected for your lack of worth to procreate?

of course, people who focus on accomplishing other things in life, tend to take the rejection better. People who think they offer more than just what their outer shell looks like. If they can live without you...then they can live without your opinion. so your rejection hurts less.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 296
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 9:28:16 AM

After all it's not a crime for someone to not return my feelings. I understood that when I was a teenager.


EXACTLY!!!!


I know about approaching men and getting rejected. I've done it many times, have gotten rejected most of the time, gave up and no longer date. There is nothing more pathetic than a middle age woman trying to ask a guy out. I feel like a colossal idiot, especially when I watch them gravitate over to the young hotties.


You are a BRAVE woman and NOT "pathetic" AT ALL I can't friggin' IMAGINE being me (average looking) and trying to date in YOUR neck of the woods!!... and it's really mature and responsible to NOT date if it IS in danger of "getting to you" and making you bitter...or affecting your self-esteem in any way...

And yes...ALWAYS a treat to become INSTANTLY invisible, even to my OWN DATE on more than one occasion, when a young woman enters the scene...

Wonder if any of the men are taking note, that it ain't no PICNIC out there, for women either, and NOT because we have to beat them off with a stick!

After putting my profile back up I've had a few conversations, a flurry of messages for about a week and now..........*crickets chirping*...not much at all...even the few guys that I've spoken with/exchanged emails have pretty much DISAPPEARED without anything further...Sound familiar???
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 297
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 9:39:26 AM
I know about approaching men and getting rejected. I've done it many times, have gotten rejected most of the time, gave up and no longer date. There is nothing more pathetic than a middle age woman trying to ask a guy out. I feel like a colossal idiot, especially when I watch them gravitate over to the young hotties.

So, yep-I know the pain, and pulled myself out of the game.


OR :

I know about approaching women and getting rejected. There is nothing more pathetic than a middle age SHORT , B A L D I N G man trying to ask a woman out. I feel like a colossal idiot, especially when I watch them gravitate over to the TALL hotties with a FULL HEAD OF HAIR .

So, yep-I know the pain, and joined POF …..did someone mention crickets chirping ?

LOL
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 298
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 10:44:14 AM
Women of all ages do the "he must be gay" sour grapes rationalization when men reject them. One here on the forums, estimated age 70, claimed that about a visiting consultant who rejected her "flirting" (sexual harassment) in her office. Very insecure, yes. Just plain nasty, yes. Young, definitely not!

I believe most men on these sites send a message and forget about her. If she sends a "thanks for your message, sorry not interested, good luck in your search", he shrugs and deletes the conversation.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 299
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 10:56:20 AM

Men rejections are like a constant stream of daily paper cuts and stepping sharp objects.
Women's rejections are more like the pain felt from one big deep wound.

And you know this because you've been a woman???
I'm asking because that would be the ONLY way that I would even LISTEN to someone professing to "know" how I feel or what MY experience has been regarding a gender bias issue like this,...when they are the opposite gender.



Women of all ages do the "he must be gay" sour grapes rationalization when men reject them. One here on the forums, estimated age 70, claimed that about a visiting consultant who rejected her "flirting" (sexual harassment) in her office. Very insecure, yes. Just plain nasty, yes. Young, definitely not!


Again...one does not mean ALL...Generally women and men, (I have been called "gay" more than once when rejecting a man's sexual advances, too...)who do that kind of thing are immature no matter WHAT their age is...I've never personally heard, let me think now, no, not even ONE woman who said that and was SERIOUS about it...
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 300
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 11:03:36 AM
I stated it before that I actually felt good when I got rejected online. It meant that at least they didn't ignore me. I understand why most women don't do it, but it was always appreciated by me at least.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 301
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 11:41:39 AM
I have asked out as many guys as have asked ME out in my life...Usually the guys want ME to pick the date, time, AND activity, so much for being "swept off my feet"!

Hey, you are entitled to your own opinion, and I'm too sick and tired, (literally!) to keep debating this with you right now...

All I have to say, really is....How's that opinion working for you?? Is it somehow improving your life? Making it easier to date?
Just some things to think about...
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 302
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 11:52:49 AM
You may have asked out many a men, but where Always was going was how often do women approach men, ask for their number, call them up for a date, plan and pay for the date, then call or text them after the date about going out again. And I'm referring to a first date, not a boyfriend. I'm guessing very rarely to never.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 303
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 11:52:53 AM
Men rejections are like a constant stream of daily paper cuts and stepping sharp objects.
Women's rejections are more like the pain felt from one big deep wound.


And you know this because you've been a woman???
I'm asking because that would be the ONLY way that I would even LISTEN to someone professing to "know" how I feel or what MY experience has been regarding a gender bias issue like this,...when they are the opposite gender.


He doesn't need to have been a woman.
Observation, analysis, and even (gasp) conversations can provide an abundance of evidence about a lot of things.
Have you ever gone to a dance or nightclub by yourself and just WATCHED all the goings on without distraction?
When a song begins, do you see an abundance of women getting up and going to ask men to dance? Or just the opposite?
I remember part of a conversation I had with a woman who appeared to be in her 40s, once at a nightclub. She said she had never asked a guy to dance in her life. I asked why not, she replied, "What if he said no? " Do you think she is the only woman on the planet who feels that way? Cannot even ask a man for a 3 minute dance because he "might" say no?
Another woman I worked with many years ago, she was in her 30s at the time, and married then, she said she had never asked a guy out on a date in her life. Said she wasn't raised that way.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 304
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 12:43:48 PM
You forgot the women who asked out one or two guys, got rejected and decided never to ask out another guy again.

But I also thinks it's much easier to be in the position of rejecting guys you don't find attractive or interested in vs being rejected by the guys you find attractive or interested in.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 305
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 1:22:50 PM

Observation, analysis, and even (gasp) conversations can provide an abundance of evidence about a lot of things.
Have you ever gone to a dance or nightclub by yourself and just WATCHED all the goings on without distraction?
When a song begins, do you see an abundance of women getting up and going to ask men to dance? Or just the opposite?
I remember part of a conversation I had with a woman who appeared to be in her 40s, once at a nightclub. She said she had never asked a guy to dance in her life. I asked why not, she replied, "What if he said no? " Do you think she is the only woman on the planet who feels that way? Cannot even ask a man for a 3 minute dance because he "might" say no?
Another woman I worked with many years ago, she was in her 30s at the time, and married then, she said she had never asked a guy out on a date in her life. Said she wasn't raised that way.


Two women!!! Well, THAT proves it then...
I mean SERIOUSLY??
And you're talking about real world dating there and I can bring you to club after club where the SAME women get asked to dance while many others, perfectly attractive btw, DON'T get asked at ALL. Is THAT not rejection? How about that woman who "wasn't brought up that way"? Can you for a moment IMAGINE what it's like to KNOW who you want, to HAVE him right in FRONT of you and to NOT be "allowed" to TRY for him or even acknowledge that you WANT him, but instead to do your DAMNDEST to "attract him", and then watch him walk right on by moving towards someone ELSE, knowing that you "blew it"? Or if you DO just go for it, then you're labelled as "unfeminine", too aggressive, etc. and MEN don't "like that". Yes there's a LOT of conditioning of BOTH men and women that has
done little more than create confusion and mistrust between the sexes...
Yes, I GET that the majority of the time, men seem to be the ones that face rejection more so than women, initially, but what exactly IS the point anyway? Because frankly I have almost completely forgotten.

Are women supposed to NEVER reject a man so that his feelings AREN'T hurt? I myself, try to ALWAYS be polite and take into account the man's feelings, more than I've ALSO gotten from some men, I can tell you...
The title of this thread is "why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks", as I recall which doesn't mean she is being a b!tch, in fact implies that she's being polite.

So what are you guys looking for here, exactly? NOT to be rejected at ALL? Or what? Because there are as many women out there AS men in OLD that get rejected, too and MANY times,NOT nicely, from what I've heard...
What I'm hearing here,is that somehow women are what? Responsible for making up for your previous rejections?
Not giving you a chance before rejecting you? Or are you looking for some acknowledgement that you just have it "tougher" in the dating world? Is that it? ALL women are just MEAN and "don't understand" how HARD it is for you?
I'm curious, frankly, because it appears to me to be a combo of ALL of these things, and if that's the way that you really think/feel, why date at all?Sounds like you don't even LIKE women very much,frankly...and THAT is definitely NOT going to get you any dates, I guarantee!!!
 dallasdoer
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 306
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 3:19:43 PM
I think there is some natural selection going on. They are not Don Juan so they try to prey on chubby girls thinking that they are indeed desperate. When that theory doesn't pan out, they show their true nature. Live and learn...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 307
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 3:58:42 PM
Two women!!! Well, THAT proves it then...
I mean SERIOUSLY??


I almost said something ahead of time about this typical type of response, as I just knew it was coming.
No, those are 2 EXAMPLES of what is highly likely to be going on in the minds of a lot of women out there, offline OR online, based on the observable exterior behaviors. I haven't taken a poll of all women, but from observations, like I said, it's men doing the approaching/asking/initiating the vast majority of the time.


And you're talking about real world dating there and I can bring you to club after club where the SAME women get asked to dance while many others, perfectly attractive btw, DON'T get asked at ALL. Is THAT not rejection?


You don't need to take me anywhere. I have already seen it plenty of times. I observe, remember? The heavyset woman out with her 2 thin friends, the friends who get asked to dance constantly while the heavyset woman gets to just sit and watch. It is rejection, but more subtle than an outright "no" to your face when actually asked.


How about that woman who "wasn't brought up that way"?


Once she. or anyone else, becomes an adult, they are free to choose to behave whatever way they want, regardless of the "way they were brought up". If they feel the way they were brought up is not really the best way for them, they are free to change it for themselves.


I myself, try to ALWAYS be polite and take into account the man's feelings, more than I've ALSO gotten from some men, I can tell you...


That's fine then, you are not a part of this problem, so there is no need for you to take personally any comments which don't apply to you.



Yes, I GET that the majority of the time, men seem to be the ones that face rejection more so than women, initially, but what exactly IS the point anyway?


So what are you guys looking for here, exactly? NOT to be rejected at ALL?


I'm looking for people to behave in a manner that reflects reality. If everyone were to already know that no one likes being on the receiving end of rejection (including the rejectors), then why would anyone want to be cavalier or whimsical about it?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 308
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 4:26:19 PM

Counter viewpoints are being given in what seems like an aggressive, patronising fashion. Get off your high horse and try to to take in what's being said instead of arguing with it.


Counter viewpoints being given like that?!?!?




Observation, analysis, and even (gasp) conversations can provide an abundance of evidence about a lot of things.


Or condescension like this???

I haven't called anybody names nor have I made this a personal attack...unfortunately you BOTH have, because I disagree that somehow men's feelings of rejection are equivalent to women's...or vice versa...As for it sounding like they don't even like women, well that was just an "observation"....

Discussion done for me...have a nice thread...
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 309
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 4:48:54 PM
Yes, the ol' "he must be gay" thing when a guy isn't interested.

No-sorry. He took a look at me and his d*ck didn't get hard. And why should it? There are a millions of more attractive women out there.

End of story.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 310
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 5:24:45 PM
When I get bent out of shape, I just go to the Chiropractor............
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 311
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 7:38:25 PM
A few men didn't take rejection that well. But the majority of men respected my decision even though they were disappointed. Having said that, these men weren't from POF or any online dating site in general.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 312
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:56:22 AM

Maybe if people would listen to viewpoints on THE MATTER BEING DISCUSSED and, oh, I dunno, TRY TO ENTERTAIN THEM, they'd have more fruitful interactions and forge better relationships. Just a thought.


I DID listen ...I just didn't AGREE....there IS a difference...

And the reason that I left was because I was being disrespected when I myself, wasn't being disrespectful...those questions that I asked actually WERE questions, not some passive/aggressive backhanded attempt to what was it again? Something about "diddums"? Or whatever nonsense it was...And yet once again...YOU have managed to be both sarcastic AND condescending in ONE fell swoop...topped off by dismissing me as "hysterical"and accusing me of "foot-stamping"( a common reaction btw, for a LOT of men when they can't bully a woman, especially into accepting THEIR point of view...so NOT a surprise!)...yeah, no, not so much...just am NOT going to subject myself to the rants of what appears to me to be nothing more than woman-hating men who are frustrated by the fact that the VERY thing they want MOST, (women) is ALSO the very thing they HATE the most, especially if she doesn't automatically AGREE with whatever your viewpoint IS...

I was upset because of the fact that there's many men out there like yourself who seem to think that women have it "easy" in the world of dating, which is a FALLACY perpetuated by, no surprise there, MEN. I also had a man trying to tell me what experiences I have or have not had, dismissing MY viewpoint as NOT the "norm", etc.
I never said that men didn't suffer their fair share of rejection, but I really am NOT going to sit back and listen to a MAN tell ME about women's experiences and dismiss it as not "as bad" as theirs...It may be different, but it is STILL rejection, no matter how you slice it....
I mean really? To state that "women have never developed the ability to withstand rejection, because it NEVER happens to them,or not in the same way"? That is not only inaccurate but borders on total FANTASY.

How minimizing and invalidating CAN you be????? I, at LEAST, made an ATTEMPT to try and communicate, I didn't jump on here in order to SLAM people with differing opinions...I think you need to go back and re-read exactly how the conversation WENT before coming on and accusing me of anything...

And I DO agree , people really SHOULD "listen to differing viewpoints", as well...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 313
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:15:55 AM
To be fair from an cultural standpoint guys are expected to be the aggressor and asked the female out. I know a ton of females who have never asked an guy out on an date and I remember in an relationship forum I use to go to there was an huge debate about women asking out men. A lot of the females in there didn't like the idea and assumed that either the women were ugly, something was wrong with them, desperate or the guys who were being asked out were weak. In fact a lot of the men dispelled that notion and stated they had no issue with it and it was refreshing for women to take the lead sometimes and put themselves out there for once. A lot of those women were in their 30s and 40s and since that debate was a few years ago they have to be in their 40s and 50s right now. Some of them are married and some aren't.

My stance has always been that we're adults so if we someone we're interested in we should approach them because who knows what will happen? At the end of the day no one likes rejection but we all get rejected in some form or fashion, whether it's for an promotion, raise, a new job, sex, relationships.

There was an short period of time when it felt like I was being rejected for everything, just an short 2 or 3 week period in my life in which it felt like nothing was going for me, coupled that with the stress of school. Two promising job interviews that went nowhere, getting rejected for an internship and I couldn't even buy an date, it felt like so much shit was just crashing down on me so getting rejected for an date could have set me off back then simply because of everything else happening and the girl just happened to be someone to vent at.

Some people are simply ***holes and react terribly and some people are just having an bad day who knows?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 314
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:22:05 AM
Any woman can get laid whenever she wants.


Last gal that told me this?

I replied, 'So could I, with a 10, for the price of 4 dates and a full tank of gas'

LMAO

I should have asked her if she could land a commitment just as easily?
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 315
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:24:43 AM
A woman on a dating site has tons of options every day that message them.


Where are my tons of options today!? Yesterday!?

I think they've somehow missed the memo because I've gotten, ummmmm, no messages at all today and yesterday.

And lest I get accused of trying to negate everything men say on here - that is NOT what I'm doing at all. I am not saying that men don't have the experiences they do. CLEARLY they do. I acknowledge that.

What I'm trying to offer a counter for is when a few guys want to continually speak the 'universal truth' about what it is like for ALL women...

I'm a woman and that is not my experience.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 316
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 1:46:02 PM

alwaysafirsttime1000 wrote:

Any woman can get laid whenever she wants.


True, but not necessarily by WHO she wants.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 317
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 2:20:34 PM
1oo messages a day...I can go for weeks without hearing from someone.

As an experiment, I set up a profile with a very very hot looking woman, one of those photos they send you in scams for Russian brides. Very good looking lady.

Interesting reaction: She did indeed get more messages than me, but..sometimes days would go by without anything. Once in a while, she would get a younger guy (always younger) telling her how hot she looks, lets meet for coffee.

The men were either young, horny guys with their pants pulled down really low, bathroom selfies. Other men were overweight and years older.

Yeah yeah I know. I committed a crime, a fake profile. But I want to see if the "hot women getting a hundred messages a day thing" was really true. Not at all. And the quality of men were NO DIFFERENT than what the rest of of get...mostly out of shape, weird and arrogant.

So even if you are the pinnacle of hotness, this does not mean the QUALITY OF MEN is going to be any better, and only a little bit of activity. Maybe once a week a message.
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