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 dallasdoer
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 306
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?Page 7 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I think there is some natural selection going on. They are not Don Juan so they try to prey on chubby girls thinking that they are indeed desperate. When that theory doesn't pan out, they show their true nature. Live and learn...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 307
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 3:58:42 PM
Two women!!! Well, THAT proves it then...
I mean SERIOUSLY??


I almost said something ahead of time about this typical type of response, as I just knew it was coming.
No, those are 2 EXAMPLES of what is highly likely to be going on in the minds of a lot of women out there, offline OR online, based on the observable exterior behaviors. I haven't taken a poll of all women, but from observations, like I said, it's men doing the approaching/asking/initiating the vast majority of the time.


And you're talking about real world dating there and I can bring you to club after club where the SAME women get asked to dance while many others, perfectly attractive btw, DON'T get asked at ALL. Is THAT not rejection?


You don't need to take me anywhere. I have already seen it plenty of times. I observe, remember? The heavyset woman out with her 2 thin friends, the friends who get asked to dance constantly while the heavyset woman gets to just sit and watch. It is rejection, but more subtle than an outright "no" to your face when actually asked.


How about that woman who "wasn't brought up that way"?


Once she. or anyone else, becomes an adult, they are free to choose to behave whatever way they want, regardless of the "way they were brought up". If they feel the way they were brought up is not really the best way for them, they are free to change it for themselves.


I myself, try to ALWAYS be polite and take into account the man's feelings, more than I've ALSO gotten from some men, I can tell you...


That's fine then, you are not a part of this problem, so there is no need for you to take personally any comments which don't apply to you.



Yes, I GET that the majority of the time, men seem to be the ones that face rejection more so than women, initially, but what exactly IS the point anyway?


So what are you guys looking for here, exactly? NOT to be rejected at ALL?


I'm looking for people to behave in a manner that reflects reality. If everyone were to already know that no one likes being on the receiving end of rejection (including the rejectors), then why would anyone want to be cavalier or whimsical about it?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 308
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 4:26:19 PM

Counter viewpoints are being given in what seems like an aggressive, patronising fashion. Get off your high horse and try to to take in what's being said instead of arguing with it.


Counter viewpoints being given like that?!?!?




Observation, analysis, and even (gasp) conversations can provide an abundance of evidence about a lot of things.


Or condescension like this???

I haven't called anybody names nor have I made this a personal attack...unfortunately you BOTH have, because I disagree that somehow men's feelings of rejection are equivalent to women's...or vice versa...As for it sounding like they don't even like women, well that was just an "observation"....

Discussion done for me...have a nice thread...
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 309
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 4:48:54 PM
Yes, the ol' "he must be gay" thing when a guy isn't interested.

No-sorry. He took a look at me and his d*ck didn't get hard. And why should it? There are a millions of more attractive women out there.

End of story.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 311
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/24/2014 7:38:25 PM
A few men didn't take rejection that well. But the majority of men respected my decision even though they were disappointed. Having said that, these men weren't from POF or any online dating site in general.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 312
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:56:22 AM

Maybe if people would listen to viewpoints on THE MATTER BEING DISCUSSED and, oh, I dunno, TRY TO ENTERTAIN THEM, they'd have more fruitful interactions and forge better relationships. Just a thought.


I DID listen ...I just didn't AGREE....there IS a difference...

And the reason that I left was because I was being disrespected when I myself, wasn't being disrespectful...those questions that I asked actually WERE questions, not some passive/aggressive backhanded attempt to what was it again? Something about "diddums"? Or whatever nonsense it was...And yet once again...YOU have managed to be both sarcastic AND condescending in ONE fell swoop...topped off by dismissing me as "hysterical"and accusing me of "foot-stamping"( a common reaction btw, for a LOT of men when they can't bully a woman, especially into accepting THEIR point of view...so NOT a surprise!)...yeah, no, not so much...just am NOT going to subject myself to the rants of what appears to me to be nothing more than woman-hating men who are frustrated by the fact that the VERY thing they want MOST, (women) is ALSO the very thing they HATE the most, especially if she doesn't automatically AGREE with whatever your viewpoint IS...

I was upset because of the fact that there's many men out there like yourself who seem to think that women have it "easy" in the world of dating, which is a FALLACY perpetuated by, no surprise there, MEN. I also had a man trying to tell me what experiences I have or have not had, dismissing MY viewpoint as NOT the "norm", etc.
I never said that men didn't suffer their fair share of rejection, but I really am NOT going to sit back and listen to a MAN tell ME about women's experiences and dismiss it as not "as bad" as theirs...It may be different, but it is STILL rejection, no matter how you slice it....
I mean really? To state that "women have never developed the ability to withstand rejection, because it NEVER happens to them,or not in the same way"? That is not only inaccurate but borders on total FANTASY.

How minimizing and invalidating CAN you be????? I, at LEAST, made an ATTEMPT to try and communicate, I didn't jump on here in order to SLAM people with differing opinions...I think you need to go back and re-read exactly how the conversation WENT before coming on and accusing me of anything...

And I DO agree , people really SHOULD "listen to differing viewpoints", as well...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 313
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:15:55 AM
To be fair from an cultural standpoint guys are expected to be the aggressor and asked the female out. I know a ton of females who have never asked an guy out on an date and I remember in an relationship forum I use to go to there was an huge debate about women asking out men. A lot of the females in there didn't like the idea and assumed that either the women were ugly, something was wrong with them, desperate or the guys who were being asked out were weak. In fact a lot of the men dispelled that notion and stated they had no issue with it and it was refreshing for women to take the lead sometimes and put themselves out there for once. A lot of those women were in their 30s and 40s and since that debate was a few years ago they have to be in their 40s and 50s right now. Some of them are married and some aren't.

My stance has always been that we're adults so if we someone we're interested in we should approach them because who knows what will happen? At the end of the day no one likes rejection but we all get rejected in some form or fashion, whether it's for an promotion, raise, a new job, sex, relationships.

There was an short period of time when it felt like I was being rejected for everything, just an short 2 or 3 week period in my life in which it felt like nothing was going for me, coupled that with the stress of school. Two promising job interviews that went nowhere, getting rejected for an internship and I couldn't even buy an date, it felt like so much shit was just crashing down on me so getting rejected for an date could have set me off back then simply because of everything else happening and the girl just happened to be someone to vent at.

Some people are simply ***holes and react terribly and some people are just having an bad day who knows?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 314
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:22:05 AM
Any woman can get laid whenever she wants.


Last gal that told me this?

I replied, 'So could I, with a 10, for the price of 4 dates and a full tank of gas'

LMAO

I should have asked her if she could land a commitment just as easily?
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 315
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:24:43 AM
A woman on a dating site has tons of options every day that message them.


Where are my tons of options today!? Yesterday!?

I think they've somehow missed the memo because I've gotten, ummmmm, no messages at all today and yesterday.

And lest I get accused of trying to negate everything men say on here - that is NOT what I'm doing at all. I am not saying that men don't have the experiences they do. CLEARLY they do. I acknowledge that.

What I'm trying to offer a counter for is when a few guys want to continually speak the 'universal truth' about what it is like for ALL women...

I'm a woman and that is not my experience.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 317
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 2:20:34 PM
1oo messages a day...I can go for weeks without hearing from someone.

As an experiment, I set up a profile with a very very hot looking woman, one of those photos they send you in scams for Russian brides. Very good looking lady.

Interesting reaction: She did indeed get more messages than me, but..sometimes days would go by without anything. Once in a while, she would get a younger guy (always younger) telling her how hot she looks, lets meet for coffee.

The men were either young, horny guys with their pants pulled down really low, bathroom selfies. Other men were overweight and years older.

Yeah yeah I know. I committed a crime, a fake profile. But I want to see if the "hot women getting a hundred messages a day thing" was really true. Not at all. And the quality of men were NO DIFFERENT than what the rest of of get...mostly out of shape, weird and arrogant.

So even if you are the pinnacle of hotness, this does not mean the QUALITY OF MEN is going to be any better, and only a little bit of activity. Maybe once a week a message.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 318
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 2:56:32 PM
Any women can get laid?

I can ...except I have no desire to be 'laid'. The thought of any man touching me other than a committed partner is not part of this universe. I have zero sexual attraction to a man if not 'my man'...then I can't get enough.

Back to the original question.
Yes, we all dislike rejection. However a man shows a lot of confidence and class when he can accept 'no'. We women appreciate and admire this. It certainly helps his reputation and certainly helps if I am thinking of setting up one of my girlfriends with a guy. Also, of course, it helps the man himself. He remains confident and this positive attitude permeates his being. Tentative or whiney men are a turn off...their defeatist attitude becomes self fulfilling.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 319
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 3:07:11 PM
Re hundreds of messages a day.

There were only about 200 guys in my area' a large city, that met my criteria on Match. No way to have rec'd hundreds of messages a day. After 3 weeks, I had rec'd about 75 and most of those were the first week. Perhaps a third were 'thoughtful',...and a quarter of those being articulate and creative. A half dozen that interested me...met with a total of 3 guys...including my boyfriend.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 320
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/26/2014 5:25:21 PM
Just that online sites invite that sort of behaviour. Very brave behind a computer. Dont make the mistake of thinking that they want to get to know the real you and have a real relationship lol! Some women are apparently up for hook ups on here
but when men behave in an offensive way to you, dont enter into any dialogue, delete and block.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 321
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/29/2014 9:16:43 AM

Any women can get laid?

I can ...except I have no desire to be 'laid'. The thought of any man touching me other than a committed partner is not part of this universe. I have zero sexual attraction to a man if not 'my man'


- Right... saying women can get sex anytime they want is like saying you can jump off a bridge - you are not going to do that, it's not reality. Most women want to be falling in love with a man, and that does not happen every day.

It's true that men have more rejection in dating. But women have their own problems... there are a lot of crazy guys out there who don't have sense enough to know when a woman is not interested. And there are lots of stalkers out there. I hear lots of horror stories from ladies I talk to... stalking, guys following them home after first meets, attacks, etc. If I had a daughter, I'd be scared to death for her... and I would probably buy a shootgun, lol
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 322
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/29/2014 11:19:43 PM
I would say any intelligent man would be leery of a really hot woman on a dating site and if he is not thinking with his smaller head. Only stands to reason. She is a scammer, a prossie or a fake is what I would think if I were a guy.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 323
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 3:31:22 AM
@Iam RFSF2014
Likely your masters degree filters out a large percentage of men who feel you might prefer the same.The people looking for a quick score would look elsewhere.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 324
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 4:27:08 AM

Dee: I flat out can't be bothered to address your post more in depth. But I'll say this:


Funny how you then went on to say all of THIS, though....


If you can't see that bringing your 'aw diddums' attitude to a thread with a title like this is going to be construed as combative, then I think you need to go and think about whether you should even be IN ths conversation.

FACT: Some people talk absolute shit about relationships in these forums. Seriously. So I'm going to pare this down:

When a guy enters a disscussion about rejection and guys' reactions to rejection, it REALLY pisses him off to see ANY woman posting here effectively saying 'ZOMG call the waahmbulance, measure up losers'. Sorry if that's not what you mean to imply by previous messages in this thread, but that's certainly the tone I've read into them.

Men have feelings too. We're sensitive about things and we have hang-ups just like women do. Because we're all - GASP! - human beings.

Now, before I exit this thread, delete my account and head out for a date - yes, an ACTUAL DATE , which I got from going out and socialising with people intead of wasting time with this crapfest - I will say this:

People generally want to date nice people. No lie! We don't necessarily want to know people who are going to 'disagree' (in quotations because, sorry, but you ARE arguing) with us in harsh, joe blunt fashion, or poo-poo the sentiments that come out in discussion.

Be nice, and you get nice back. Bring attitude, you get attitude back. End of.


Gee...guess that date must NOT have gone well, considering that your profile is STILL here,....no surprise to me....

Never said that I WASN'T arguing...sorry that your male ego is affronted by that...but I STILL see men from this thread posting the EXACT SAME NONSENSE about how women know NOTHING about rejection because "they have NO experience with it"on yet ANOTHER thread... I will argue til the end of time with such sweeping and erroneous statements...because THEY ARE NOT TRUE!!!!!
You can call it whatever foolishness that you'd like, I NEVER SAID THAT MEN DID NOT SUFFER REJECTION, all that I said was that women do as well....Unfortunately like many people you read/saw/reacted to what YOU perceived in what I wrote rather than what was REALLY there...go back and read what I ACTUALLY wrote...Unfortunately I don't think that you're capable of that, because it appears you have a SERIOUS case of terminal uniqueness here, where it comes to the topic at hand...you see what you WANT to when women DON'T agree...But hey, I'm SURE that most women are looking for some guy to tell them how it REALLY is for them, rather than pay attention to their own experiences...Why not? That's pretty much what's been going on since the BEGINNING OF TIME!!!
As for being combative...yes, that's GENERALLY how I react when being attacked...SO sorry that I didn't just roll over and show my belly at the first sign of male disapproval....NOW I am being minimizing and dismissive, see the difference???? lol
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 325
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 6:00:18 AM
You can call it whatever foolishness that you'd like, I NEVER SAID THAT MEN DID NOT SUFFER REJECTION, all that I said was that women do as well....


Dee, you and I are seeming to have very similar conversations in various posts.

Post theme: Women have it so effing easy in all things

Our response: Well, this particular women doesn't always have it easy, so that's not a completely universal truth

Response to our post: arguments or crickets...
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 326
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 6:21:09 AM

Dee, you and I are seeming to have very similar conversations in various posts.

Post theme: Women have it so effing easy in all things

Our response: Well, this particular women doesn't always have it easy, so that's not a completely universal truth

Response to our post: arguments or crickets...


THAT'S why I'm staying OUT of that one!!!! lol Let me know if you need "back-up"...LOL

But seriously...can't even BELIEVE that there's men out there who honestly believe that "women NEVER suffer rejection, and so have no ability to deal with it"......I mean...WOW! Can't even come up with anything better than simply...WOW...
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 327
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 7:01:54 AM

As for being combative...yes, that's GENERALLY how I react when being attacked...SO sorry that I didn't just roll over and show my belly at the first sign of male disapproval..


- When they attack, drop to the ground and lie flat on your stomach. Spread your legs out (to prevent them from rolling you over easily) and cover the nape with your hands, locking your fingers together. Use your elbows to cover your face. Stay very still and silent and play dead.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 328
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why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 9/30/2014 7:42:27 PM

I would say any intelligent man would be leery of a really hot woman on a dating site and if he is not thinking with his smaller head. Only stands to reason. She is a scammer, a prossie or a fake is what I would think if I were a guy.


I tend to think this too, I've met hot girls from this site in person but it's pretty clear when they're not real. When the message starts off looking for sex they're more than likely prostitutes or scammers. I've gotten messages from girls wanting to meet up in an hotel or someplace wanting to give me oral sex those girls tend to be transsexuals I've learned to just call them out on it and then they leave me alone. The fakes are just generic profiles with nothing in them but enough to try and trick you into thinking they may be real but they're really written by an midar dle aged man trying to write an 19 year old porn star but it comes across as them being 12.
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 329
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/30/2014 1:50:22 PM
If they get bent out of shape after getting rejected online, then they are not worth dating. Rejection is a part of life.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 330
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:44:22 PM
Your mistake is entering into any kind of dialogue with those that don't interest you. Delete and block.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 331
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:01:41 PM
^^^
Correction.

Don't waste dialogue on someone that is not interested in YOU.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 332
why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/31/2014 7:06:39 AM

But seriously...can't even BELIEVE that there's men out there who honestly believe that "women NEVER suffer rejection, and so have no ability to deal with it"......I mean...WOW! Can't even come up with anything better than simply...WOW...


Of course women can face rejection. But men get rejected more often because in general men are more likely make first contact.
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