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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > It's time: Brutally Honest Profile Reviews ... as promised      Home login  
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 27
MMMBaby!Page 2 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
"SHADDUP 'n' play yer guitar!"
Okay, you know that this is fundamentally poor English, right? And you're trying to sound like a twit? Whatever, you're the one trying to get a date, not me.
Picture: Deer cought in the headlights. That's what you look like.
Interests: I really don't think this is an area to discuss your regrets. Get rid of "would like to try archery" and go freckin try archery. Don't sit around b*tching about it!
So, you're 48 and still smokin' weed, eh? Good luck with that.
First grammar lesson of grade 1:
The following types of punctuation are used at the end of a sentence: period, exclamation mark and question mark. After these types of puntuation, the following word begins with a capital letter because it is the start of a new sentence.
For example: Kikilynn likes to learn. She is in university. Isn't that great? She doesn't do drugs, because smart kids don't do drugs! (Not even if her peers call it "herb".)
Your profile is too chatty. Try just writing, "I enjoy playing guitar, cooking, spicey foods, going for walks on the beach... I love chili, and someday I'd love to organize a chili cook off in Vancouver."
"I LOVE blackforest cake" does not belong in your First date section.
Let me also mention that you sound like a depressed alcoholic.

I have been at the beach at 3:30 am in the winter playing my electric guitar to work off some serious blues more than once. I have played at the incoming thunderstorm with all that I was worth. + Do you drink?Often (>3 times/week)

What you need to do, is reduce the amount of baggage that you portray in your profile. Read some of my other reviews. No more than a thin breifcase! Got it?
Good luck.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 28
Re: squarepeg
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:40:23 PM

Here's a personal insight: Don't do reveiws when you're drunk or hung over, you just sound mean!

If I don't do reviews when I'm drunk or hungover, they won't get done. I'm finished exams, and I'm on Christmas holidays.
Good luck.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 29
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:58:09 PM
Welcome to the fugly list!
(I don't care why there's no picture on your profile... if there's no picture, you automatically get defaulted to the fugly list.)

Oh my..this is so hard. I won't say I'm a nice guy because I'm sure Charles Manson would put the same thing. So...I'm a dad of 3 boys - all pretty much grown. I am in the process of working through the divorce and all of the associated legal stuff. The relationship is OVER, DONE, GONE and now I am stuck working through the mess. Life goes on.

#1 Do not complain about how hard it is.
#2 Do not, under any circumstance, compare yourself to a serial killer.
#3 Do not demonstrate baggage. No more than a thin breif case. We already know you have baggage, you told us that you're separated in your general info. No explanation required.
Delete that entire paragraph, NOW!

As we talk, I will gladly send a picture at first contact. I have not posted one out of respect for the STBX. I do not love nor hate her, but as we were married a very long time, she deserves the respect that that relationship affords her. She is the mother of my children and I will never speak badly of her. She raised three boys under unbelievable circumstances and she did an excellant job. We did not work out and that is tragic but life goes on. I will explain that situation if you are interested.

Post a picture, and delete this paragraph. Again, it demonstrates baggage. And no, I don't want you to explain the situation.
(P.S. Posting a picture is not disrespectful to your ex. Its called moving on. Its more disrespectful to not move on and to lie over her as a dark cloud for the rest of her life. And trust me, if you don't move on, that's what you are doing!)

General stuff:
I have lost 25 lbs in the last 6 mos and am still working on losing more. I'm not slender but I'm far from fat!

OK. That kind of lays it out I guess. If anything here stikes your fancy, click the message button. If you don't have a picture posted, please be prepared to provide one relativly quickly.

Hope I don't sound boring or dull - I just thought I should get my cards on the table.!

Good luck fishing. I expect my bait to rot before I succeed at this!!!

I'm proud of you for losing the weight, but I wouldn't put this here. Save it as something to whew the lady when you get the date. I know that I can click the bottom of the page to e-mail you if I want to. I'm not an idiot. Unless you want to date idiots who need directions to e-mail you, this is not necessary. How can you even comment about not having a picture??? Remove the negative statements as well... ie. sounding dull and rotting bait.
Or don't, and don't get a date anytime this millenium.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 30
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:27:15 PM
Hi Brian. Welcome to POF. Sorry if this isn't going to be the welcome letter you were hoping for.
"lightbulb looking for a socket" = Looking to put my lightbulb in your socket = I'm only here to get laid. (Which sharpely contrasts the looking for Long-term which comes a bit later.)
Pictures: They are okay. And that's being nice. You need a clear headshot as your first picture, not a picture of your neck. Remember, this is what everyone will see first.
Interests: Go through this list with a fine tooth comb and reduce it to no more than 12 items. For each one ask yourself, "is this an interest that a chick would want me to be interested in?" If the answer is no, eliminate it.
*Remove all LOL's.
*Always capitalize the personal pronoun, I.
*Try not to sound "chatty" in your profile. It makes you sound like a girl.

But don't count on hearing all about that from me in person. I'll probably be too busy getting rowdy, acting like a dumbass, and cracking jokes on you like you're my little sister.

I need my space in a relationship, and I don't like nagging. I might appear distant; maybe not seem so thrilled to hear from you. I'm not a very emotional person, and I won't come home to you whining or ****ing about a bad day. Maybe I won't seem very enthusiastic about hearing from you, but somewhere down there I really do appreciate getting an occasional call from you or letting me know you care.

I'm looking for a woman who I can see a few times a week; a girl without a passive personality. I need a girl with a spark, with a fire inside her. She needs to have goals, passion, and an intense motivation in her life. I love a brunette, and piercings or tattoos can be attractive. But really the outside is only what first draws me to a woman; its that inner drive she's got thats going to get me coming back for more.

Basically all of this makes you sound fairly immature... but you are 18!
You will learn (someday) that girls are needy in a relationship. We don't want a guy for long term who acts like a heartless, emotionless, absentee being. We crave emotion, enthusiasm, acceptance and unconditional love from our guy. You've just come right out and said that you're not willing to provide any of these things. So good luck finding a girl with a spunky, non-passive personality who doesn't want to feel loved by you.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 31
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:38:31 PM
Headline: Very cliche. Try to come up with something that's catchy which captures part of you or your personality.
Profession: Excellent move writting out IT. Honestly, it makes you sound a million times more important. That was extremely smart!
Otherwise, your profile sounds really sweet and very sincere.
I like it. You should be able to catch a really nice girl (if that kind of girl uses internet dating....)
Anyway, if I were ready to settle down, and be a nice girl, that's exactly the profile I'd respond to.
In the meantime, while you're still single, I'd recommend drinking protein shakes and pumping iron. Girls like a guy with muscle, who looks like he could protect them.
Great work, Kev!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 33
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:49:51 PM
Punishment you want, punishment you shall get.

Blueeyesshinydragon: Blue Eyes Shiny Dragon

Are you calling me an idiot??? You think I can't read?? Don't repeat your name as your headline. Totally LAME-O!
Pictures: At least have the picture of you in the black tank as your main photo. You look like a f*ckin goon with your tongue hanging out. And the other picture is too blurry.
Are you seriously hoping to pick up when you're looking for an "Other relationship"?? Good luck with that. At least lie and say you want long-term or something. Chicks dig that.
Profession: If you're going to capitalize the word Technology, you should capitalize the word Information.
First grammar lesson of grade 1:
The following types of punctuation are used at the end of a sentence: period, exclamation mark and question mark. After these types of puntuation, the following word begins with a capital letter because it is the start of a new sentence.
Otherwise, your profile is okay. Consider writing what you're looking for.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 34
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:07:25 PM
There really isn't much here for me to review...
Pictures: Your first picture needs to be a nice clear headshot.
*Don't restate info in your about me section which is in the general info.
You sound like you don't have time for dating.
Consider having a decent paragraph describing yourself, and a paragraph about what you're looking for.

P.S If you can figure out what my headline means you get bonus points

Trust me, I'm not the one who needs bonus points here!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 35
I got off EASY!!
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:46:04 AM

ps- I'm a DEAR in YOUR headlights! Hehe!

Not quite!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 36
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:29:27 AM
Listen, thanks for filing in the subject line for me.
Now, about your pictures. Three of these pictures don't belong here... meaning all of the non-human pictures! And the picture in the black suit should be your main picture.
Another thing I'd like to discuss with you is blonde tips. Blonde tips have been out for a good 5 years or so. Grow your hair out, and get yourself a nice ceasar cut, then gel your hair and take 8 new pictures, um kay?
Profession: Student & Part-Time Terrorist (hobby really)
Okay, listen, if you're here to get a date, then you don't list your profession as a terrorist. If you're not here to get a date, then why the f*ck are you pestering me to review your profile??
Your interests are borderline too many.
Your about me section is very choppy with all of those semi-colons... consider learning to write complete sentences. I know, I know, proper use of semi-colons isn't learned until like grade 11 or something, but if you can't use em, don't bother.
One last thing....
Why, why, why all of the emoticon thingys at the bottom of your profile??? Are you 5?
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 37
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:26:28 AM
Finally, a woman with balls!!! (Well, you're the second with enough guts to post here...)
Okay, don't take pictures of yourself in the mirror, taking pictures of youself. See how that gets redundant? And the character things? No. Just no. Furthermore, the first two pictures look like they could be for one of those newspaper games where you chose the 6 things that are different. In otherwords... you need variety (of the non-hippo-totem-pole variety.)
You have guns as an interest. Need I remind you that we're in Canada???
As far as interests go, my rule for women is basically the opposite of my rule for men. Consider each interest and don't keep anything that a guy would want as an interest.

I'm an controlling insecure optimist

The baggage rule remains. Nothing more than a thin breif case. Oh, that wasn't baggage?? It was part of a joke? My bad.

I like to believe everyone is honest & trustworthy.

May want to add naive to the list in your opening sentence.

I value humor, friendship, life, truth, strength & spell check.

Okay, even I think that last bit is f*ckin funny. You win. Hands down. I can say no more about your profile!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 38
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:38:53 AM
"thrila from Manila" Okay... Its a work in progress...
Pictures: You know what I think of multiples. Unless we're talking about orgasms, I don't want anything to do with them. So, the first of the triples is the best (main right now) and the rightmost picture of you in front of your computer is the best. Now, before your head gets too big, none of your pictures are great, but they're okay.
Just tell us what your profession is. If its something good, I'll write, if not, I won't, and if you don't tell me, I won't. What have you got to lose? Its worth a shot.
Your about me is actually pretty good. And I think you can do better for a first date idea!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 39
nexus nrg
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:44:18 AM
I'll give you one chance to revoke your request.
Please, I don't want to be that honest/brutal...
Say, my friend steamcatcher also reviews profiles, not sure if you're familiar with him.
I'll ask him to be nice, but no garuntees.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 40
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:00:41 AM
Dude, you didn't listen to me. You eliminated the sentence that says you have ADD.
You still can't spell 'I' properly, and you still have all of the same shitty red-eye photos.
So, change all that, then I'll have a look. Until then, I don't expect to see you back in my thread.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 41
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:17:25 AM
Dude, first thing you need to know about picking up women (especially if its just for what we youngens call a hook up) is, you gotta look H-A-W-T! (That means hot.)
So, stop shopping for your clothes at the salvation army, get a box or two of Just for Men, ditch the old man glasses (opt for contacts, or even chique glasses), put on a suit and take some new pictures.
You're obviously on drugs (if you think you'll get a chick looking like that) because you chose "Prefer not to say" under "Do you do drugs?" Basically I'd prefer not to see Prefer not to say. And, no, you're not honest if you're using that option.
About You:
You are a scatter brain who hasn't been laid since the turn of the 90's. You're a horny dog who isn't prepared to commit and would rather live out the rest of your days alone... as long as you can get one last lay!!! But, until you find someone, you're going to continue to ride your power buffer/sander thingy, because at least she gets turned on when ever you say so, and she really doesn't give you a lot of hassle (although she does like you to get her all cleaned up after she finishes a messy job....)
First Date:
I know you're an eager little beaver to get at this whole "Wham, bam, thank you mam" job, but seriously, spare me! Copy and paste all of that into a word document, and when you finally get the chicks number, you can whisper that as what you're going to do to her if she'll let you have your way with her.
Here's the deal; to get the chick, you gotta pretend to be Mr. Nice Guy. Chicks dig Mr. Nice Guy because he takes good care of himself and he's a perfect gentleman around the ladies. So, change your profession to "Actor" and put on a f*ckin show, man!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 42
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:03:50 AM
Your headline would be catchier if you said "Wanted: Girl Next Door"...
Pictures: If you have a double chin, always take all pictures from over-head. That way the double chin sorta smothes out, and no one has to know about it until its too late (ie. you're on your date...)
You don't have enough interests. Aim for 9-12, and make sure to include some shit that the chicks dig...

I play on two different teams, to meet new people and have fun....

I wouldn't write that if I were you. I did modify it a bit, I know, but you see how easily it can be misread...
Your profile is very lame. It has no spice at all. You are like raw tofu, man. Sorry.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 43
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:19:17 AM
"Looking for someone to share life with!!" Awwwwwwww, so sweet. So cliche.
Jason, don't take pictures of yourself in the mirror, taking pictures of youself. See how that gets redundant?

Im not your typical meat head although fitness is important to me.

Speaking of your head, has anyone told you that its very disproportionate with your shoulders? At least in that picture? Ya, you need a new picture. And please, next time, wear more than a wife beater.
gourgeous: sp. You are not Canadian, so keep in mind that 'u' does not always follow 'o'. Even here in Canada, where 'u' often follows 'o', its spelled gorgeous.
Your about me section just isn't doing much fore me. Its a notch less than fine. Your writing abilities aren't fantastic.
But don't worry, when I get enough fans on this thread, I plan on selling profiles on e-bay... basically what's going to happen is, anyone who really sucked and needs me can pay and I'll just rewrite it for ya...
So, watch for me!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 44
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:32:47 AM
Most of your pictures suck. Make the one of you wearing a tie your main photo (even though it has a date stamp - which I hate.) When I saw that pic, I thought "This guys is cute!" Then I saw the very next picture, of you with a giant puff of smoke (presumably pot) in your mouth. *cough*cough* Sick!
So you have a kid(s) and you're on drugs... so far you have a lot going for ya...
Your interest section just blows doesn't it? (Is that one of your interests? Blowing? Maybe you could write that... hint, hint, hint...)
Lets see if you redeem yourself in the About me section...
Okay, Eddie, I just read your About me section. And, no, you did not redeem yourself. Not even close.
What I learned about Eddie:
1) Eddie can't spell.
2) Eddie has no concept of grammar.
3) Eddie likes retarded little :)~'s and ;)'s and lol's and lmao's (PLEASE!)
4) Eddie has a pet spider.
5) Kikilynn is a b*tch. (Oh well, admitting is the first step in the recovery process... or so they say. Maybe they'll teach that at Pot Smoker's Anonymous.)
Okay, and then you write...

Seriously! more typing.....Grrr

...then have time to do this...

.(....\.............../.. .)
. \....\............./..../
..../... .I...I....(¯ `\
...I......I´¯.I´¯.I \...)
...\......` ¯..¯ ´...../

Hummmm.... Good luck dude.
Joined: 5/17/2004
Msg: 45
view profile
It's time: Brutally Honest Profile Reviews by Kikilynn... as promised
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:00:03 PM
I love your thread. Hit on me when you get the chance. Some for you .
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 46
It's time: Brutally Honest Profile Reviews by Kikilynn... as promised
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:39:29 PM
Don't worry about your profile, sweet pea.
Especially if guys are talking to you...
I already told you that you're f*ckable... I'd do ya... you don't even live that far, I'll stop in on my way home for Christmas!
And PS. If you're not going to listen to me, don't ask for anymore advice. I already told you how to make it good. Use capitals where there should be capitals, don't use acronyms, make sure that you use punctuation appropriately... all of that will make you sound not blonde.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 47
It's time: Brutally Honest Profile Reviews by Kikilynn... as promised
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:49:34 PM
Sorry... just one more thing.
Spaces after all forms of punctuation.
Pet peeve... sorry!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 48
Posted: 12/19/2005 7:01:06 PM
You're welcome.
And keep in mind, that I'm primarily attracted to muscle men...
That picture's just not doing it for you (or me.)
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 49
Posted: 12/19/2005 7:06:41 PM
Its okay.
Something about your writing style. You're a teacher, you should know how boring it is to read the samething over and over and over and over and over....
Just say I enjoy playing and coaching softball. I also love... blah blah blah. I'm dying to try scuba diving!
You don't have to get into gory detail about each thing. Save something to tell me on the date!!!
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 50
Posted: 12/20/2005 6:11:40 AM
You want me to what??? Hit on you? Shouldn't you be hitting on me?! Anyway, we'll see how your profile holds up first, then we'll talk.
Okay, so you're here to what?! Explain this... cheat on your wife? But its not cheating, cause she knows. Riiiiiiiiiiight!
Interest: Stick with anything a chick would want you to be interested in. And the other rule of thumb is, if a blue line doesn't appear under it, it probably doesn't qualify as an interest.

(Comments: That's pretty straightfoward)

No Shit, Shirlock!
Remove thinking, talking words that are used in conversation. You are writing here! (Most people don't know that.) For examle, "Lets see...", "So I guess....", etc etc...
Remove all of your update, in brackets comments. They just don't help you say what you're trying to say. In a profile, stick to the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Stupid!
Anyway, you're different. I'm sure there's a swingers bar in Ottawa somewhere, you two sound like the type that would be into that... Check it out.
Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > It's time: Brutally Honest Profile Reviews ... as promised