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 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 273
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?Page 4 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
The purpose of having my profile here has been to find dateable women and MEET THEM.
Listing "friends first" is not only accurate (romance isn't everything, and I need all the friends I can get) but it lets everyone keep their options open; "friendship" can easily transition into something else, advertising for "FWB" or "NSA" or "Intimate Encounter" is severely limiting.
 Sandew
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 278
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:38:56 PM
If you can't be friends, then after the lust is gone, you have nothing. Friends are really important if any relationship is to last.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 280
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/11/2011 10:10:38 PM
it is on the dial between
'Just Friends'
and
Friends with Benefits.

It means I wont try and pinch your knickers off you on the first date, but if you take them off and throw them at me, I wont refuse. (well thats the PG version of it anyways)
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 282
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/12/2011 3:20:26 PM
sandew

If you can't be friends, then after the lust is gone, you have nothing. Friends are really important if any relationship is to last.



My SO and I both wanted to develop our relationship with each other before we had sex. We were friends before we became lovers.


montreal guy

The best relationship is one where your lover is also your best friend. Friends will not do to friends, what lovers will often do to lovers.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 283
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/15/2011 9:11:28 AM

Why do some guys write they want friends first?
I don't get it. What does this mean,"friends first" and this is on profiles saying they want romance, long term?


Lemme tenk, these guys mabbe red necks, but they have a high regard on themself as a man" not just a piece of big sausage...

Or they want an easy lay with no string attach ,Like friends with benefits....

 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 284
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/15/2011 11:56:46 AM
If a guy says this, I'm pretty sure he is trying to tell you what you want he thinks you want to hear.

aka: not just sex

It is probably said in all sincerity.

Men get a bad rap for wanting just sex.
 sukkatash
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 285
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/15/2011 12:56:45 PM

Men get a bad rap for wanting just sex.

They also get a bad rap, and forums started, when they don't want sex.

Some guys do use it as a ploy, to try and manipulate an image that they are here for "good" reasons.

Some guys put it in there though because a lot of women have this expectation and underlying belief that men are seemingly raging torpid sex fiends running amok and only want sex, only keeping themselves in check because of being trained like dogs that it's what they need to behave a certain way in order to get sex.

Like the crap stereotype based saying "men give relationships to get sex, women give sex to get relationships."

And some women go out of their way to prove it. Teasing, flirting, whatever, trying to get that sexual come on reaction. Where if they don't get it, then there must be something wrong with the guy, or the guy isn't interested. They exhibit certain behavior to get a certain reaction in order to feel secure in themselves, their stereotypes, their views, beliefs, or the relationship (relationship meaning the interaction, not long term committed reciprocating loving).

So

Why do some guys write they want friends first?

Because they either want you to believe that, to get something from you, or because they want to avoid women that already have expectations and preconceived notions of how a guy "should" behave (if he tries to kiss me, he must like me! If he doesn't, he must not be interested. Or, "he hasn't tried to have sex with me yet, what's wrong with him or what did I do?).

In either case (IMO) it's simply a shortcut means to try and manipulate the reader into seeing and judging the guy a certain way or dictating how the girl "should" behave (or the relationship "should" go) before she can dictate how he "should" behave.

Just as when women use it.
It's all just a means of control.
IMO when people use it and people are attracted to it being said (or typed), just means 2 control freaks found each other.
 cardesi
Joined: 8/5/2010
Msg: 286
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/8/2011 5:08:14 PM
i have it on my profile! and it in no way means i want to rule out anything that might happen on a date! im still living my life to the fullest! what i mean is when i start to get sereous with someone i want to have her as my friend first! then my lover! as i found works for me when i was dating in between break ups i found a friend and we started to sleep on the side! it was awsome because the friendship we had...
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 288
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/9/2011 5:32:58 PM
Op neither would I,
Who would want to date someone that's says their single but acts so reserved, within my mind that just tells me that your either not interested or your sending mixed signals. People need to be direct on the message that they are sending out. Are you looking for a friendship or a short term dating ( nothing serious ) or wants to be relationship. Decide on what message that you want to send out and act accordingly. To me " friends first " automatically means friend zone. You're not willing to step up and flirt, you're just straight up platonic FRIEND.
 CumberlandIsTheBestLand
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 289
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:35:33 PM

Jeez. You wouldn't question this if you saw it on a girl's profile so why the double standard?

It simply means that he's looking for someone he'd like to settle down with. He's been burned before by "parallel daters" (players) who can't be trusted because there's no trust, really, built into the relationship as a prerequisite.

If you're friends with a girl then she'll tell you the state of her love life, who she's thinking about at work, the hunky guy at the pool she hoped would talk to her. You really get a sense of who she is... as a friend. If you aren't friends then she's going to hide all this from you, all of that. And then if you date her you're going to be surprised when she's suddenly not there on Friday night and she's coming up with some odd excuse that makes no sense whatsoever and you can hear the lie in her voice.

I wish I had a dollar for every time a girl tried to flirt with me *while* she already was married or was living with another guy or was dating some guy that she thought was a loser or was secretly hoping to date some guy at work. And unless you're *friends* with her she's going to keep all that a secret from you because she knows that if she informs you of this other guy, you're gone. And she's so afraid of this happening that she'll do the classic "lie of omission" by trying to avoid the topic.

I swear... the last girl I was interested in (after some serious flirting on her part) I decided to steer us into friendship mode and *only then* I found out that she's got a FWB who she really can't stand and who was having sex with her like clockwork *daily* for the last five months! Since she wasn't really into this guy she didn't see a problem with then looking for a LTR with a "nice guy" to replace him with.

"Friends first before LTR" is the "tell me about the other guys you're seeing" defense. Unfortunately, it's completely necessary.


I was going to write something, but, this sums it up so well.
 WillCruz
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 290
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:42:49 PM
I myself say friends 1st either because I wanna take it slow don't wanna rush things didn't work out when I rushed backed then easy come easy go you know & also I don't wanna flirt & then when I meet them in person I don't like her & I gave her the wrong impression of liking now she likes me & I don't & then I end up being the ***hole
 deep530
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 291
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/10/2011 12:11:14 PM
well what do u want a one n ight stand?
yea we can do all the things to get u in bed,
but after youve been whammed and bammed,
wouldnt you want to see him and be able to talk once in a while?
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 292
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:26:38 AM
they want to paint your house , fix your car , mow your lawn,,,,,,,,,and watch you go off and bang some other guy.


 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 293
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:41:41 AM
I remember when guys hated being put in the friends category. It was the kiss of death. Something must have changed. I am not sure what or how but I get the confusion. Now friends mean I will hang around and sleep with you but we will not be committed to each other until something changes about my feelings for you. That is just me.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 294
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 3:24:46 AM
I remember when guys hated being put in the friends category. It was the kiss of death. Something must have changed. I am not sure what or how but I get the confusion. Now friends mean I will hang around and sleep with you but we will not be committed to each other until something changes about my feelings for you. That is just me.


Right, usually it was the women putting the men in the friendzone all the time, and the men were the ones having the problem with that.

It's not too often I hear the friendzone complaint being made by women.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 295
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 6:56:52 AM


Right, usually it was the women putting the men in the friendzone all the time, and the men were the ones having the problem with that.

It's not too often I hear the friendzone complaint being made by women.


Maybe it's an age related thing? When I was younger, when women rejected me or broke up with me, they ALWAYS said something about just being friends. I came to hate hearing that. Absolutely, positively hate it. Just thinking about it raises my blood pressure a few points.

There, I feel better now after unloading all of that.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 296
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 12:02:45 PM
I love it that guys are saying that!

1. I enjoy getting to know someone slowly and deeply (sexy in itself!)
2. I appreciate the fact that he is looking for depth in a woman, my depth, my character and personality.
3. Early sex gets in the way of real intimacy.
4. For me, connecting as friends first ensures a stronger sexual relationship and builds more desire.
5. It shows prudence and wisdom on the man's part, that he values women and craves their company.
5. Builds trust. Nothing lasting and of value, anywhere, at any time can happen without trust first.
 carpenter356
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 298
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:15:49 PM
i totaly agree with you i usually tell ladys friends first because that is how i feel i want a relationship that is based on friendship and trust. It is frustrating being labeled a typical guy i hate it. What happend to society when things were simple and being friends first ment something.
 Cinnamonstar
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 299
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/19/2011 8:30:51 PM
He just wants sex. So he can say " Hey, I said friends first, I didnt say commitment"
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 300
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/19/2011 10:28:58 PM

I guess they just don't want to sound like pervs....,at least not on the first date

personally I'm one of those types to advocate saying "i want friends first" because I dont' want the girl's mindset automatically going "ok, so he's looking to **** me". No, that comes AFTER we can actually get along well!
 VictoryNotVengeance23
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 301
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:26:08 AM
@OP

There has been countless times where I have gotten into a relationship way too quickly (one two two weeks of knowing them, tops) and I realize that the woman wasn't the one for me nearing the first or second month mark. I know some guys say "friends first" in a way to mislead girls or play with their head while still doing all the things like holding hands, kissing, flirting, etc. Some guys (like me) legitimately want to get to know someone before they start dating them. If I really begin to like someone from the beginning and it's clear they like me back, then I have no problem with dating, hand holding, kissing, cuddling, and the like. Once you've been screwed over as much as I have, you begin to really change up your style of dating and set up more boundaries for when you first meet someone.
 Isis10
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 302
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:39:08 AM
It means they want to a friend with benefits. It is natural to hold hands and one thing normally leads to another. I met a man who I really like, but he is setting up rules and boundaries based on his past experiences. I don't think these men realize that we are looking for partners and not a person to mold into our thoughts of what a man is to us.
 CumberlandIsTheBestLand
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 303
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/24/2011 6:52:03 AM

It means they want to a friend with benefits.


Benefits being?
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 304
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/24/2011 1:13:05 PM
You no I just read a number of these comments and have come to the dam conclusion
friends first is a stupid come on, most of You ladies are right, dam I am going to change my profile, it is stupid, there is something else much more important, i am going to change my profile now, best of luck all.
 kklein87
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 305
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/24/2011 10:22:50 PM
It has a lot to do with the fact, some of us are past our "party stage" and we look for a woman to settle down with. Being friends first, allows us to catch all those silly moments that make you develop feelings towards someone. It is an excellent way to get to know someone you want to be life partners with.
Anything, and I do mean anything. Must have a sound foundation, in order for it to be secure.
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