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 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 306
Why do some guys write they want friends first?Page 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I always say, I don't date men that are in the "friends" catagory. That means I am not attracted to them on a physical level. I like men as friends though, but just not looking for "friends" first.
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 307
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 7/27/2011 10:25:32 PM
Labell, YOU got it right. That is so true. lol
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 308
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/1/2015 8:24:48 PM
I have NEVER in my life personally seen, heard, or known of a man uttering the words, "friends first".

If I did, I would think the guy was homosexual.

I don't like deluding myself and I don't want somebody p___ing in my face and telling me that it's rain. A woman is NOT going to help you change the brakes on your car. She is NOT going to help you move your sofa. She is NOT going to hire a babysitter, to go out to the bar with you while you cry in your beer over the last broad who dumped you. She is NOT going to drive you to the airport for your 4am flight.

This is what I expect from my "friends".

I used to work with a woman, we hit it off from jump. There was no attraction on either of our parts, but we were about as close as two people can be. I would say she knew me better than my own mother or sisters. She moved to another state. The distance grew. She met a guy. I spoke to her two times in two years (both calls initiated by me). Haven't heard from her since. This is the stereotypical view (A LOT) of women have of a "friendship".

"Friends first" is stupid. It's one of a million ways that men and women communicate differently.

You want to tell me that, "Hey, I would like to take things slow and really get to know you." Now THAT, I can overstand.

You want to tell me, "I've been burned before by getting intimate too soon with men and being disappointed." THAT I can overstand.

But don't come at me the "f" word. Women really cheapen what a "friend" is, when they toss the word around, with little to no concept of what a real "friend" is. A real "friend" is NOT someone who fills a void in your life when you're single. It's a FULL-TIME, 24/7 job.

Come to think of it, I have NEVER been in a relationship with a woman who had a "real" male friend. NEVER, EVER. The guy was either gay OR waiting in the wings (hoping to have sex with her at some point).

212,511 women will disagree. Tell you what, call one of your so-called single, hetero male "friends" up, and offer him sex. Tell him you just need a release, and since you trust him (he's your "friend" right?).........................Ask him if he will come over and "take care of you". See how many of your so-called, single, hetero, male "friends" turn you down.

Every other woman's profile on this site, spouts the EXACT same drivel........................."Looking to meet a guy who will be my bestest friend. Woo, woo." "Make me laugh" ***as she claps her hands*** (Dance you court jester monkey. The Queeeeeeeeen wants to be entertained."

Get a life. You're 35 years old, and you don't already have a best friend? Hell, a woman SHOULD be suspect if a grown man does not already have a best "friend".

My best friend is a guy I have known for damn near 30 years.

This guy also moved to another state, 25 years ago. Got married. We talk EVERY week.

Smell the difference? It's not just anecdotal.

No woman is going to be my "best" friend. I already have one. That spot is taken. I have another guy I have known for less time, but fills a lot of "best friend" characteristics. If my "best friend" were to pass away, the other guy would move up to his spot, NOT some woman I met 3 years ago where we talked on the phone a few times.

Most people that I know, have spent any time with, or work with, have no "real" friends, but it's too painful for them to face that fact.

Women tend not to have male 'friends'. They have guys that they do NOT want to have sex with, that play the role of emotional tampon. Guys that did not have the balls to state what they REALLY wanted upon initial meeting.

I don't know what I'm talking about?

Read the 1,001 posts RIGHT here, on POF, from women writing about these guys that they THOUGHT were their "friends", then the guy catches feelings, and the woman, "doesn't want to ruin the friendship".

I do not want anymore friends (of either gender). I am full up with friends. I could use a few more enemies though.

Wake the F up............................If a woman (99%) of the time gives a man that "friend" B.S., you can best believe, that once she meets a guy that she actually WANTS to bang, you (her purse holding, shoe shopping, male eunoch), will get her time crumbs, and she will fade from your life faster than the cops responding to a burglary call in a white neighborhood.

I cannot even recall a time in my life where a man that I have known, been related to, or worked with, has had a female "friend", in the true sense of the word.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 309
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/1/2015 8:31:43 PM

Why do some guys write they want friends first?


Because they see the same phrase in so many women's profiles, and they're telling women what they think the women want to hear (pandering).


What does this mean, "friends first"


And that's exactly the same question a lot of men have about this phrase on a woman's profile.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 310
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/1/2015 9:25:31 PM
I like it when they say "friends first". Takes off the pressure of being exclusive after a few dates, and if they want to get frisky I can just tell them that I don't have sex with "just friends". Works for me.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 311
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 2:45:43 AM
becca

I would be happy to meet a guy who wants to form a friendship before rushing into sex. Holding hands or kissing on a first date? I don't think so. Friends first does not mean friendzone. I don't get what the problem is.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 312
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 7:54:53 AM

I would be happy to meet a guy who wants to form a friendship before rushing into sex. Holding hands or kissing on a first date? I don't think so. Friends first does not mean friendzone. I don't get what the problem is.


The problem is that is used precisely to keep guys at bay and play with a bunch of people, while friendzoning some of them.

Not for me. When a woman has in her profile those words. It means to me that she is not interested in a relationship. It also tells me that she is going to pull that card on the date. If for some reason she didn't write that in her resume but tells me that on the date, simple. No more dates. If she wants to be my friend, then pay for the next get together with me and my buddies, and my possible date. Done.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 313
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 9:01:48 AM
It's funny how that works: The "let's be friends, but don't be a player by dating other people during our friendship." I guess talking about some of the great dates you've had with others, since the friendship pact, wouldn't be kosher.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 314
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 9:58:12 AM
If a man wanted to be friends first, that was fine by me---however, I would continue to date other men. Once I was ready to get intimate with a man, I'd stop seeing the rest of them---including the man who wanted to be friends first.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 315
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 10:05:28 AM


The problem is that is used precisely to keep guys at bay and play with a bunch of people, while friendzoning some of them.

+1

I avoid profiles discussing friendship.

I also don't invite friends to dinner on the coast at sunset.



The "let's be friends, but don't be a player by dating other people during our friendship."


Similar in vein to It's only casual, until you piss them off that is, and now you've lost something with them, that you didn't have to begin with
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 316
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 10:23:59 AM

A woman is NOT going to help you change the brakes on your car.

When I was 20, I asked My brother to help me bleed the brakes on My car. I told him to pump the brakes & hold the pedal down. Cracked the bleeder valve, & nothing came out. Kept it up for 5 minutes & nothing. Got out from under the car to see what was wrong. He had spent all that time pumping the Gas pedal. So now the engine was flooded, too. He wasn't very mechanically inclined. When he was 16, he called me, because the car wouldn't start. I drove over to where he was. The car wouldn't start, because he left it in Drive when he parked. The '56 Buick he was driving, didn't need to be in Park, to remove the key...

My late wife helped me work on cars, trucks, & big rigs all the time. Most the time she was handing me tools, but she did help.


She is NOT going to help you move your sofa.

Physical strength, is not a sign of friendship. I've had male & female friends help me move. Each one did what they were capable of doing. If no women have helped you move, maybe that says something about You.....


She is NOT going to drive you to the airport for your 4am flight.

My sister in law has driven me to the airport....
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 317
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 12:14:08 PM
?Friends first?........... First for what?
I don't get it. Never said it, never wrote it.

Anyone I have ever met, from childhood to now, male or female, some became friends, some not so much, to, "No way in hell". We did not need to proclaim, , "Let's be friends first".
I avoided profiles of men who wrote, "Friends first".
I avoided messages from men who wrote to me, "Let's be friends first".
(Although I admit, I once responded, "I have friends already, no thank you")
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 318
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 12:57:36 PM
Seems like just a good back-out excuse. "well actually I'm looking to just be friends first, like I said". bides them a couple days to figure out the best way to ditch them.

I thought it was an odd thing to say, but I understand why like I said.

Seems like a given I'll be friends with someone I like a lot. I'm interested in meeting others to see if there's a romantic interest, not if I think we might be good pals. Maybe we can trade baseball cards and make secret handshakes.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 319
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 1:55:41 PM

I would be happy to meet a guy who wants to form a friendship before rushing into sex. Holding hands or kissing on a first date? I don't think so. Friends first does not mean friendzone. I don't get what the problem is


I agree. I don’t date strangers or men who think so little of me they assume the worst of me. That tells me they’re carrying major baggage from other women, don’t know how to relate to women, and don’t respect women. A man who is so fearful of being taken for a first meet coffee ride isn’t worth meeting, never mind dating.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 320
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/2/2015 10:42:28 PM

No more dates. If she wants to be my friend, then pay for the next get together with me and my buddies, and my possible date. Done.


I have male friends that pay for everything when we go out. It's more like a "pride" thing for them, they would never let a woman pay when they go out. That has applied to guys in their 20s who make less money than I do, and men my age who make the same or more than me.
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:14:28 PM
Yes, I want a friend first....Maybe women do not understand what that really is.
Somebody with similar interests , that I can speak openly with for hours on end.
Some one who doesn"t judge me for everything I say or do not say.
Somebody who is not afraid to tell me the truth, but will do their best to support me if i need support.
So why do women not want to be a friend first ?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 322
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/9/2015 7:01:24 AM

I have male friends that pay for everything when we go out. It's more like a "pride" thing for them, they would never let a woman pay when they go out. That has applied to guys in their 20s who make less money than I do, and men my age who make the same or more than me.


Good for you. I think it's a double standard. My female friends are part of the guys. They would feel offended by some guy shoving their pride and paying for everything. Come to think of it, I know a couple of guys that do that. And...they are the dudes that always get friend-zoned all the time. The dush bags (like me) that don't mind women paying, don't have that problem.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 323
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/9/2015 4:33:43 PM
BeccaTO- I thought that was an ok approach, at first, until I started reading men's comments on here about it.
When I did it, it was NOT to just be friends, it just seemed like a good way to take some of the pressure off for the first few dates, so I wasn't so nervous, I wasn't saying we would STAY friends.
THEN, I read what (most) men had to say about it.
It confuses them and/or makes them feel like some kind of game is being played.
This is a dating site, friendships can be found in other places.
Men here want to date or find a relationship, they aren't here looking for friends.
So, I stopped saying, or asking, for that, because I put myself in their shoes and understood.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 324
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/10/2015 8:07:11 PM

I have male friends that pay for everything when we go out. It's more like a "pride" thing for them, they would never let a woman pay when they go out.


"LET" you pay for it?

Like they would physically stop you from paying your own way if you so desired? I don't call that friendship... it sounds more like a control issue to me. It's definitely not something I'd put up with. THEIR pride, be damned!
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 325
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/11/2015 12:29:48 AM

"If a man wanted to be friends first, that was fine by me---however, I would continue to date other men. Once I was ready to get intimate with a man, I'd stop seeing the rest of them---including the man who wanted to be friends first."


Bingo....I have friends...and I'm not oppossed to making new ones....but I'm looking for a love interest.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 326
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/11/2015 4:59:19 AM
karma

these male friends that are younger than you and earn less, offer to pay for everything when you go out?? In what context, dating?? I would not accept that all the time, okay for an occasional drink. I would at least would reciprocate in some manner. It is a form of control I feel when guys insist on paying for everything and eventually they want some kind of reward, right!??? Women want equality and we cant have our cake and eat it too.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 327
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 10/11/2015 9:22:05 AM

InnerGorlla


I have male friends that pay for everything when we go out. It's more like a "pride" thing for them, they would never let a woman pay when they go out. That has applied to guys in their 20s who make less money than I do, and men my age who make the same or more than me.

Good for you. I think it's a double standard. My female friends are part of the guys. They would feel offended by some guy shoving their pride and paying for everything. Come to think of it, I know a couple of guys that do that. And...they are the dudes that always get friend-zoned all the time. The dush bags (like me) that don't mind women paying, don't have that problem.

+1

Any woman who would expect me to pay her way, when she has no intention of ever being intimate with me, that is my definition of “gold digger”. Women who have an interest in me as a potential lover, I am happy to pay her way while we explore the possibilities.



LookingforgoldintheDesert
Yes, I want a friend first....Maybe women do not understand what that really is.
Somebody with similar interests , that I can speak openly with for hours on end.
Some one who doesn"t judge me for everything I say or do not say.
Somebody who is not afraid to tell me the truth, but will do their best to support me if i need support.
So why do women not want to be a friend first ?


I have friends, and I am open to making new friends. But I am on dating sites looking for a lover. Can your lover also be your friend? Certainly she can, and that is even preferable. But not mandatory. For me, it’s lover first, friends second. If we don’t become good friends after the passage of time, then the dating / sexual relationship will eventually fade away. But that doesn’t mean that we didn’t have a good time together!


 steveinct
Joined: 7/28/2013
Msg: 328
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 11/14/2015 10:18:05 PM
14 pages on one statement that is in many profiles men and women. I take it that a person want to take things slow before jumping into a relationship.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 329
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 11/14/2015 10:22:42 PM
Friends means friends.

Pay 50:50 or either can treat the other.
No sex.
No kissing.
No romance.
Same as a friend of the same gender.
I do not have sex with my friends.

Yes you can help each other change brake pads.
I have helped do that.

Friends can change into something else but that is my definition of a friend.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 330
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 11/15/2015 3:57:03 AM
If the "friends first" part is off-putting (for a number of reasons, I'm sure), you're free not to respond to those profile.

For whatever reason, they don't want to do anything more than a "meet and greet" and a few initial meets/dates. It's fine and reasonable. Of course that doesn't mean they're entitled to anything more than friendship, which really doesn't include anything intimately if you don't want it to.
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