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 newlyBemused
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 320
Girls Night OutPage 12 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I'm so disillusioned now. Your job is done, smje. Good thing there're only three of us kids in our family, the fourth wouldn't have been our daddy's kid. (j/k)

Guess the Middle Easterners had it right by putting their women into purdah, eh? probably the only way to be sure is to put women into solitary confinement for their entire lives.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 321
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/17/2007 11:23:57 PM
I'm so disillusioned now.***Guess the Middle Easterners had it right by putting their women into purdah, eh?

La-lila, don’t be disillusioned. If you think in pre-historic terms (and that is who we really are) it is really a good thing because it improves the human race. Women are sexually attracted to symmetrical men—tall, handsome, smart—with good genes. However, a women needs a mate that is dependable and will be a good provider for her and her children, typically an average or Beta male. Since the Beta males cannot compete with the Alpha males in sexual attractiveness, in order to obtain sex they must be dependable and a good providers.

To have children that are healthier, stronger, and better able to survive, women need to select sperm with the best genes. Now it is only natural for her mate to desire to propagate his own genes. Therefore, the ideal situation and the best way to improve the tribe and the human race is for her to select the best sperm when she is ovulation and for her mate to believe he is the father of the child. To accomplish this requires deception along with other methods. Studies have shown that women climax with a symmetrical male, thereby retaining more of his sperm, and fail to climax and expel the sperm of her less symmetrical mate.

Therefore, when women lie to deceive and cheat, they are not being bad; instead, they are doing their part to provide superior children and improve the human race. Nevertheless, it is to my own selfish interest to propagate my own genes. And, to do that, I need to develop a strategy to assure that the child is mine.
 njust1
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 322
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 9:15:39 AM
Touchy subject.... Male Courtship 101: Never approach a group of girls that appear to be on a girls night out.
Seriously, I think a lot of women just go on GNO, to hang out with there friends....Lets not beat this poor horse anymore..I' have seen what the consequences are when a man 'on his own' approaches a GNO... Sometimes when its a couple guys the ladies may show the time of day , but in all reality , lets look at the other spectrum...
Gentlemen, Would you prefer your Significant other go out by herself??? Obviously, enough credit is not given to women,or men for that matter on this topic. Are we so easily influenced by our 'single' friends that on an evening out with them we cave to the single crowd and decide , hey I'm going home with him/her,instead of returning to my S.O. ....Really most people in this day and age are pretty independent and don't change character based on who they are out with, or where they go...I think the biggest issue in this entire thread is insecurities...Blah Blah Blah....... HOORAY FOR INSECURITIES!!!!
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 323
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 2:07:43 PM

Please allow me to react.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have NEVER, on point of honour, snooped through any man's things. I would feel violated if a man snooped through my things, so I would never do it to a man.

I did say " in my experience " and that does not mean all women snoop . I'm sure some men snoop as well ....but I do think women are more prone ....simlilarly as women are more likely to keep diaries.
 John Guru
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 324
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 2:20:54 PM
YamIhere says:

"Alcohol is an excuse, not a reason. "

Totally agree with you 150%.

Excuses doesn't excuse nor does explanations explain.
 John Guru
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 325
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 3:04:04 PM
Here is more.....
I can understand if it's at her girfriends house or your house for that matter. If the are going to the club, they're not going to play Bingo, that's for sure. What do the women mean when they say "I got drunk and slept at my girlfriends house"? That's why you have a Designated Driver. Why the DD gonna drive her to her girlfriends place..when she could easily drive her to her man?!?
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 326
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 6:41:10 PM
If you can't trust her ... your relationship is doomed ....

Women are free to do whatever they wish and call their SO controlling if he objects. My interpretation of the thread is that a girl’s night out included going to a club, having drinks, dancing with guys, and not coming home until the next day. I can understand that her SO may not approve.

We are not talking about a bridal party. If it is a regular club where men on the make sit at the tables and slow dance with her on a dimly lit floor, she is going to be subjected to guys hitting on her. Maybe she will not be tempted, but it doesn't look good to the SO, especially if she will be sleeping over somewhere.

And, if she needs to go on a weekend skiing trip with a couple of her girlfriends, the guy should trust her. It's not necessary to mention that she will be drinking, partying, and sharing a cabin with some guys because nothing is going to happen. After all, if he can't trust her, the relationship is doomed.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 327
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 7:59:55 PM
OMG - no one has burned this “go to bars - get chit faced - not come home and call you SO a controlling azzhole if he gets pizzed” thread - yet?

 rob936
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 328
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/19/2007 9:21:53 PM
Just asking the question tells me that you're with the wrong girl. Move on! NEXT!
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 329
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:20:02 AM

And, if she needs to go on a weekend skiing trip with a couple of her girlfriends, the guy should trust her. It's not necessary to mention that she will be drinking, partying, and sharing a cabin with some guys because nothing is going to happen. After all, if he can't trust her, the relationship is doomed.

AACK! Okay, it really is not necessary to mention the drinking because, after all, that happens on ski trips so it should be taken as a given. But even *I* wouldn't take the position you just outlined. Good gawd, if you're going 'out with the girls', the idea that there AREN'T men joining you. I thought that was the assumption underlying all of this.

I went on a co-ed ski trip without my bf ONCE. ONLY because HE was the one that suggested it in the first place - because HIS friends were going and wanted to know if I wanted to come along. AND all the girls stayed in one suite, all the guys stayed in another. NOTHING happened - and he knew it would be that way.

On the other hand, I see no problem with trips with the girls - be it skiing or to Vegas. Or, on the flip side, a guys' trip to Vegas. Uh, nightly phone calls might be in order just for that extra little bit of reassurance (and of course there should be no sharing of accomodations with members of the opposite sex) but if you truly trust your partner, it shouldn't matter - any more than a business trip should matter (which often ends up with a similar state of intoxication by the end of the night).

That's why you have a Designated Driver. Why the DD gonna drive her to her girlfriends place..when she could easily drive her to her man?!?

That's assuming there is a DD. What if they just all jumped in one cab? Or what if one of the gals happens to live close to the bar?

For that matter, maybe if you're so worried about it, YOU could offer to pick her up when she's ready to go home. That seems like a fair enough compromise to me. And if you're willing to drag your ass out at 3am and she still insists on crashing somewhere else, THEN you might want to really think about what she's doing! LOL

Of course, I'm apparently an optimist when it comes to relationships, because when this sort of stuff gets discussed I tend to think of it in terms of both partners being trustworthy and considerate, so there should always be a way to work things out. How's that for naive and idealistic, huh?

sv
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 330
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:59:41 AM

Its no wonder so many people cant have a healthy relationship, too many people think that they should become their SO's world. Thats a very unhealthy way to have a relationship.

Just one of many examples I have seen on these forums of why so many people never have good relationships. Fascating, really.

sv
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 331
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/20/2007 8:51:59 PM

Of course its all right. Im not a jealous person, and I trust my gf. If I didnt, I wouldnt be with her.

That's good and, although it wouldn't be acceptable to me, I approve of your choice. You will be dependable and a good provider for you g/f and her children. And, when she is ovulating, you faithful g/f is free to select the best genes in order to provide you with superior children.
 bursts of flavour
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 332
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:20:08 PM
well... i dont think its being controlling i think your mind is just prolly just wondering as to where she is going, what she is doing, who she is talking to and how she is reacting to it... i love to go out with my girlfriends who are very much single and just have a good time with them and i did this as well during a couple of relationships... i have never cheated during either of them too... maybe just ask her to give you a phone call at the end of the night or during the night or both just to ease your own self ... and just tell her that you just want to know that she is doing okay and everything is going well... telling her that you just care about her during the night even tho she is with her girlfriends may give her the feeling that you care.. or maybe she may think you are controlling her.. they ARE HER friends ... and even tho they may be single.. these single friends were there before you were...


how you feel is PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFECTLY fine lol
 Honey_babe
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 334
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:05:08 PM
It's just you being you. You are not controlling her because she is still haveing her nights out. You have your own reasons.. I would expect a little change from my guy. But I think sometimes would be ok.

The question is this: Do you trust her?

Actually the questions are: Do you trust her? If not, do you think you can trust her? Do you think she is worth the stress? And.. have you talked to her about it?

If you don't trust her then move on, if you think you can then try to, if she is worth the stress then talk to her about it.

If she cares about you she will take it into consideration next time she's gonna do those shots with her single girl friends.

My guy said to me once.. "you make me not wanna hang out with my boyz" and I thought that was a huge step in our relationship considering he was the tuff guy bad ass type.

That's what Honey does to guys I guess... lol.

I hope this helped alittle.

HB
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 335
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:19:03 AM
"Do you trust her" is not all that relevant. What a woman says is not very important compared to what she does which speaks volumes. All women claim they never cheat. Nevertheless, most women, at some time in their life, do cheat. You should expect that she may follow her nature which has evolved over eons to select the best genes for her children.

You don't stop loving your pets if they follow their nature, even though you may train them otherwise. Nor should you not love your girlfriend because she has inherited a woman's nature. Just do what is necessary to train and encourage her to control it. If your cautions and admonishments fall of deaf ears and she is unable to control her nature, then perhaps you should let her go.

You should not expect your girlfriend to never be tempted and maybe on occasions acting on her nature. That is especially true, if you do not take precautions and freely allow her carte blanche to look for and act upon opportunities.

It is only natural the woman wishes to have 100 percent trust and total freedom from fear of being found out should she cheat. When a woman calls you controlling because you are wise enough to be aware of what may happen, that is a strong indication that she doth protest too much.

Edit: Message 438

she has no children....and neither of us want any

In that case, it is less likely that she will be tempted to cheat and so you have no real reason not to have 100 percent trust.
 CRUSH61
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 336
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:34:23 AM
I have been going to "Girls' night out" every Wednesday for about as long as this thread has been going on. Do I get "shitfaced?" Sometimes....I have dated a few guys during this time that thought after one date-I should give it up..ha! It's going to take a very special guy for me to give up my "Girls' night out!"
 Arugula
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 337
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:59:06 AM
I have "friends" who have cheated. They're not the type you take with you on GNOs. I can honestly say that neither I nor the women I have GNOs with have ever cheated. And we don't just do the occasional night out. We actually take trips to the Caribbean, Las Vegas, NYC, various beaches, etc. once or twice a year. Two of the regulars are married.

There aren't many different ways to say that GNOs aren't about cheating. I suppose that the men who don't get this are exactly the type that think BNOs are about cheating. Personally, I never thought of BNOs as being cheat fests either. But it sure looks like a lot of you folks who think it's all about getting some strange are doing a lot of projection. I'd guess it's because you're the type of people who WOULD use the opportunity away to cheat.
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 338
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:43:35 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^Good point Arugula

Those who aren't trustworthy are less likely to trust. Those who are trustworthy are more likely to believe that others can be trusted. Makes sense, really.

Maybe that's why this sort of stuff has never really been an issue in the relationships I've been in.

sv
 newlyBemused
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 339
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:59:31 AM

Those who aren't trustworthy are less likely to trust. Those who are trustworthy are more likely to believe that others can be trusted. Makes sense, really.


Amen!!!

In my books, anyone who cites instincts and nature (or booze) as excuses for cheating is just finding justification for their own actions. They're a cheat looking to happen and have the justification all figured out already.

My opinion - it counts in my life - sorry, if it offends anyone's view of reality.
 Psssst Over Here
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 340
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:04:00 AM
It’s a woman ability to be social is what has kept families together, communities active, friendships strong and life interesting for centuries. Were you expecting a bunch of girls to sit around the TV, watch a sporting event and have a few beers? If these friends were there before you, there is a good chance they will be there when you’re not. It’s better to keep these other woman onside.

Why would her social life change because she is involved, get over it! Be glad she is spending it with good friends and responsible enough not to drive home. By the way, not all single people drink like a fish; I’m one of them.

Are you being controlling? damn right you are; not to mention suspicious and jealous.

Trust is mutual and not earned; it’s given until you have a reason not trust someone, not the other way around.

Unpack your smelling baggage and let what’s in the past be just that.
 Interdimensional
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 342
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:36:53 AM
We all need to get away once in a while and have male/female time. So your man occasionally needs to sit with his brothers, watch some sports, drink some beer, ogle girls or go out in the woods and kill some stuff. The ladies need to do their thing as well. Nothing lives if it can't breath.
 RussArtLover
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 343
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:45:53 AM
OP You are perfectly justified, RUN!!! If newage women want to be like some iconiclast guys poker night deal then they need to attend a guys poker night some time. Witness the testosterone and evil we tame within ourselves to win a few nickles to buy her nice underwear.
 Arugula
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 344
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 12:04:41 PM
Bluiz!!! Excellent. You get it. And this is dead on:


women stick him with some degrading nickname


We do it all the time! It's actually one of the fun things we do when people watching at a bar or club. We give people stupid nicknames like Jesus (thinks he's God's gift), and Mr. Postal (figure he's about a hair away from going postal and blowing everyone in the room away)...stuff like that. People watching is part of the experience. It's fun!

I've tried to explain this whole herd mentality that women have on a GNO here before, but most guys don't seem to get it. You never, ever try to cut one out of the herd. I will say that it is possible for a non-threatening male to join the herd. He just shouldn't make the mistake of singleing anyone out for attention. He needs to be fun, not morose, and willing to go where the conversation leads. He needs to talk with all members of the herd, and never, ever, get grabby with any of them. If he wants to buy a round, do it for all of them. It's likely they'll return the favor. If he's truly interested in one of them, he can hand her his card and tell her he'd like to see her sometime when the women are leaving. If you have time to make a favorable impression on the entire herd, you have a better than average chance she'll be in touch because the herd will encourage her because they like you and had fun with you. (This assuming you picked a single member of the herd. Otherwise, handing an attached one your card will destroy all the good will you've built up and you better be able to handle some vitrol.) lol
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 345
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 5:14:42 PM

...guys who've been in bars know not to bother with a girls night out---it might look like "tasty treats," but your chances of prying one of the women away and getting anywhere are remote, at best, and the risk is that you may end up on the wrong end of several women's angry side. Two, this is just the other side of the One coin; in that the other women will drive off any male that enters their domain, should he be brave enough to try running that gauntlet; and it has a kind of logic to it---"we're here to get smashed, and if a guy's allowed to take one of us away, that's less fun we're gonna have...if we allow any guy to take away one of us, somebody's gonna be alone pretty soon, and I don't want it to be me."

Nicebluiz,
1. When that describes a girl's night out, the guy has no reason to object because guys are not included. 2. If guys are included, especially if it is one-on-one interactions such as slow dancing on a dimily lit dance floor then, whether that night or later, the prospects exist for meeting that special and exciting guy resulting in more than a girl's night out.

Whether or not a SO has justifiction to complain or be concerned depends on the defination of a girl's night out. That's is are guys included or excluded. People are not going to agree when they are not talking about the same thing. That is, if they agree on the defination.

Unless the defination is clear, it shoud be given a liberal interpretation. That is, that guys may be included.
 **SisterOfNight**
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 346
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/21/2007 5:34:10 PM
I believe it is healthy for someone to spend time with their friends outside of the relationship. Have a 'Girl's night out' or a 'Guy's night out' I personally like going to clubs to dance with friends who are single and or in a relationship or even married for that matter who are without their spouse for the night. Male and female for the matter as well.

Simply I go because I LOVE to dance and maybe I will end up having a drink or two depending on my mood. I'm not there to get picked up or to pick up someone. Even when I was single I did not go to a club or a bar for those reasons either. I simply went to dance and for the music period. What do ALL 'single' people do by the way? Don't lump everyone who is single into one category. Not everyone is the same and not everyone goes to a club or a bar to get shit faced by the way.

To answer your question yes you are being controlling. It's called 'trust' and it seems that you're insecure and lacking this thing called trust. I really cannot stand to be with someone if they do not trust me or have jealousy issues. Sure, maybe you've been cheated on and you're not the only one by the way.

Just because someone cheated on you it does not mean all of them will if they decide to go out with their friends for a night out. I've personally never cheated on anyone nor am I going to start now so not all women or men for that matter will end up cheating. There were a couple of guys who cheated on me in the past. Does this mean I will not trust my current significant other due to my past relationships? No. Because you know why? I have the ability to trust him. Why should I punish him for it when he had nothing to do with it?

Try treating people like individuals and stop thinking about your past and what someone did to you. Stop punishing someone for something they didn't do. Live in the NOW and whom you're with. If you cannot trust anyone just remain single because you obviously have insecurity issues so you will never have healthy relationship.
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