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 newlyBemused
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 276
Girls Night OutPage 12 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Seeing the funny side of some of these comments now. I've just realised why when I'm out with girlfriends and we're having a great time laughing, chatting, drinking, there are always some guys hanging aroundno matter how much we ignore them. Silly things must be hanging around at the edges of our group just waiting for one of us to give in to our inevitable (according to these guys) drunken needs and become available for a quickie.

Oh man, it's fun to view things from different perspectives

n.b. and when the grape doesn't separate from the bunch and fall into his waiting mouth, he slinks away and writes in forums "they're all sour, anyway"
 evrybdy
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 277
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 11:51:05 AM
I wish I could have a girls night out sometimes! I, still at 34, have no girlfriends and can't seem to get any. I even put ads out for it, and get nothing. I have one galpal, and she's gay, so we go to the gay clubs she likes when I do go out dancing. (And I don't drink at all, so for me, it's purely cause I love to dance) It's great though, cause it is pretty much not a meat market. When I go dancing in straight clubs, I am always with a guy I am into at the time. My thing is I don't need to be away from my partner if I really like them. I just leave it open. I always invite all my friends (SO included) to whatever group thing I am doing. But downside is I have a lot of guyfriends. And that can bother some guys, but since I always make everything open and say come if you want, or have nothing to do, and since I dont' drink, guys tend to not feel as worried with me. I don't see the need to bar anyone, cause I know what it feels to be left out. And, to the best of my ability, I always give the other person space to do whatever activities they want, provided they still pay me a teeny bit of attention and don't disappear for like a whole weekend not saying anything! LOL My life is so different than the norm, that even reading this thread is eye-opening. Do I maybe need a "girls night out"? I wonder what it's like to talk to a bunch of gals for a change.

Thanks for educating me!
M
 javalover_52
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 278
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 1:21:58 PM
you mistakenly described your relationship as 'commited'! Oh please....
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 279
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:25:04 PM
Perhaps several disappointments and I’ve been dumped, but I haven't been hurt and certainly not in that way since it’s not something you are likely to discover. However, I have read the articles that explain the natural selection reasons. If over time, it helps improve the human race for women to select superior genes when they are ovulating, I cannot say it is an undesirable thing unless it happens to me.

Since modern society is so recent, women react just like they evolved during primitive times. The benefits of selecting better genes would be achieved only if women excelled at deception and sneaky sex. Therefore, they are going to act, deny, and say whatever is necessary to prevent their mates from becoming suspicious. I think most women are being truthful when they claim they would never cheat. Of course they are ruled more by their emotions and subconscious so about half, more or less, of women do cheat.

Normally, I understand the dances for a local single parents group are for member only. However, I was invited to their open dance. Most of the members were too old for me but I met this young pretty wife that was invited by another lady. Her husband was not there. I joined their table and we talked and danced a lot. Nothing happened that night, but I got her name and number and so several night later… Giving the timing and opportunity, very nice and mostly faithful wives and girlfriends are not difficult if they think they are doing well and if their partner will never know.

Since it is natural to prefer superior children, you are doing a man and society a favor if you have better genes, if he never knows, and if it is you rather than he that impregnates his wife.
 Elderaldo
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 280
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:33:54 PM
"Girls night out" is a cover-up... girls with boyfriends use, when they have lost interest in you and want to see if there are any other boys out there. Give her your own medicine, tell her your having "boys night out" all next weekend.
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 281
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:52:02 PM
Girls' Night Out is the girls going out at night. What they do, be it dinner, movies, bars, etc. is irrelevant - just like it's irrelevant what men do on Boys' Night Out. It's a chance to socialize with your friends.

Now I see it is - “if you don’t like it - you can lump it you controlling azzhole”
Is this total lack of consideration only in the younger people or does it go thru all the age groups?

This isn't lack of consideration - it's expecting the same amount of consideration you give. I have no problem with my SO going out with the boys. I expect the same in return. As I said before, though, that's assuming it's done in moderation.

Am I the only one who wonders WHY the couple can't go out to the bars TOGETHER?? Why CAN'T you go together??? I just don't get it.

The issue is not that you can't go together - nobody said that - the issue is why should you have to go together? Why must you be joined at the hip all the time? Why can't you trust your partner out of your sight?

The reason they are defending their independence to go to bars is because, in the back of their mind, they are thinking about getting laid.

Oh, please. I have never gone to the bar because I'm thinking about getting laid. Never. And I'm not about to start doing so when I'm in a relationship! I go to a bar to have drinks with friends, listen to a live band, play pool, etc.

I understand how it is; you hate it when men know better and because it makes what you say so unbelievable when men see real you behind your veil and pretty exterior. However, throwing a hissy fit and calling us names is not going to change the facts nor will we us be fooled by your antics.

??? Okay, I know this was in response to somebody else's post, but still - give me a break. You have no idea what goes through my mind. I'm fairly blunt and straight-forward; I don't hide behind a 'veil and pretty exterior'. I don't throw hissy fits. But I also don't think that a relationship is about dictating behaviour to your SO.

Thank you mj824 - it is nice to see yet another young lady that values her SO’s feelings.

Hey, I'm considerate of feelings, but I'm looking at this a little bit differently: the guy I'm with should know that he's the only one I want to be with and that I will not be cheating on him because I have no interest in doing so. If he has a problem with me going out with the girls, then either (1)he doesn't feel secure because I haven't done enough to show him how much he means to me and that's something I have to correct, or (2) he's a control freak and that's something that either he has to correct or I leave - been in abusive relationships and I'm not going down that path again.

I never date women that frequent nightclubs on a WEEKLY basis. I can perhaps not have a problem with it, like being...1 time every few months.

That's not unreasonable. Who said this was a weekly thing?? Even I would say that going drinking with the girls every weekend is overdoing it.

Its when it becomes a HABIT that it is a problem. My point was that if you have a serious relationship and your going to the bars till 2 am getting drunk on a regular basis, then it becomes a problem.

Again, a reasonable position I can agree with.

"Girls night out" is a cover-up... girls with boyfriends use, when they have lost interest in you and want to see if there are any other boys out there. Give her your own medicine, tell her your having "boys night out" all next weekend.

Oh, please - if girls want to find out what's out there, they sure don't need a girls' night out to do that. That's not what girls' night out is about. And there's nothing wrong with boys' night out either. Nor is there anything wrong with the boys taking off to Vegas for the weekend - or the girls doing the same.

I feel sorry for all of those people who have obviously never experienced what it's like to be in a loving, trusting relationship. They're missing out.

sv
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 282
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:58:51 PM
"I feel sorry for all of those people who have obviously never experienced what it's like to be in a loving, trusting relationship. They're missing out." Well said sv, I have nothing to add.
 stephntx
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 283
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:04:21 PM
You have to try and trust that person is all it amounts to. I know when its something new it might not be as easy but that shows right there you dont trust them.
That will run them off for sure. I think guys need a Guys Night out and the same for girls.
Just because you go somewhere where there are going to be single people doesnt mean you will or have to do anything with any of them.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 284
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:48:24 PM
"The reason they are defending their independence to go to bars is because, in the back of their mind, they are thinking about getting laid."

Oh, please. I have never gone to the bar because I'm thinking about getting laid. Never. And I'm not about to start doing so when I'm in a relationship! I go to a bar to have drinks with friends, listen to a live band, play pool, etc.

Perhaps instead of saying, "in the back of their mind, they are thinking about getting laid" I should have said, "they are predisposed to getting laid”. It doesn't mean that is your intent. Consciously, that may not be on your mind. You are just going there to enjoy yourself and have fun. You need not understand or be able to explain why having a few drinks and dancing is fun.

Natural selection favors certain behaviors because it provides survival benefits by producing more descendants. Women enjoy such behaviors because they are predisposed to behave that way. That is, the behavior would give awoman a slight advantage in replacing her mate with a better mate or getting laid by a man with superior genes without the risk of discovery by her mate. It doesn’t matter that you go there with no intention of cheating. It presents the opportunity to test the market for a better mate or, if you are ovulating, to select a man with superior genes. Given the opportunity, when the timing and conditions are right, your hormones and subconscious start taking over. Then one thing leads to another, and your sleep over is with another man.


I feel sorry for all of those people who have obviously never experienced what it's like to be in a loving, trusting relationship.

It is not a matter of trust. I trust that women will act in their best interest. Sometimes that means looking for a better mate or, when they are ovulating and married to an inferior or average male, to select better genes for their egg.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 285
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:06:27 PM
So many assumptions...at page 16, this like many other posts has strayed from the original OP.
It has been entertaining, and as in many threads, the two camps have pitched their tents. The two extremes and everything in between.
Bottom line is, if you are in a relationship, then it really is about the basics, yes again. Communication, commitment and consideration....if you can't talk to your partner about the plans you make or want to make about doing something, and have the commitment of the relationship as a priority and show consideration for how they feel/think, their input, reaction...then well, seems fairly simple that maybe these two shouldn't be in a relationship. Or that may likely be a moot point after all. Sometimes things just work themselves out no matter what we think, say or do.
 michaels in orlando
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 286
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:48:01 PM
Id be suspicious of girls night out, Iv had too many girls come up to me telling me their fighting with their boyfriends and they are looking for someone to comfort/cuddle them for the night.
 Feral
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 287
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:50:09 PM

Is it acceptable for her to go for a "Girls Night Out" with her friends who are single, to places she use to go with them when she was single, and drink like a fish(becuase we all know thats what single people do) and then sleep over at one of those single girlfriends houses after the bar?

Depends. Is this "dating" exclusive? Or, is it, as you've said, a committed relationship? Depends on how deep you're in, and how much you trust each other. For me, the trust tends to help define how deep I'm gonna get, so it's no issue for me.
 Freaky Bald Guy
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 288
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 2:13:44 PM
if you truly trusted her and you knew she wouldn't cheat where is the problem?
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 289
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:34:42 PM

You are just going there to enjoy yourself and have fun. You need not understand or be able to explain why having a few drinks and dancing is fun.

LOL - first, I don't dance. Second, I enjoy having a few drinks with friends because I enjoy socializing with my friends. Sorry, Freud, it doesn't have to get any deeper than that. If they want to have those drinks at their house, at my house, at a local bar, or at the pub down the street, it makes no difference to me.

Natural selection favors certain behaviors because it provides survival benefits by producing more descendants. Women enjoy such behaviors because they are predisposed to behave that way. ... Given the opportunity, when the timing and conditions are right, your hormones and subconscious start taking over. Then one thing leads to another, and your sleep over is with another man.

I have this little thing called intellect which allows me to override my instincts - I don't feel the need to sleep with a guy just because I'm ovulating, nor do I feel the need to seek out somebody other than the one I'm with (after all, I'm with him for a reason). You are assuming a complete lack of self-control combined with a total lack of moral fortitude.

And any woman who is on the pill has likely overcome the instinctual need to 'produce descendants'. LOL

Oh, don't get me wrong - I know there are women that totally fit what you are describing. I'm sure there are a lot of them. But here's a neat thing - we're individuals. You can't generalize 'typical' behaviour to all women; some of us just aren't typical.

Fortunately, with the exception of one very abusive ex when I was quite young, I've had the good fortune (and/or good taste) to be with men who see me for what I am, and realize that I can be trusted.

sv
 NaiveandWitty
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 290
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:39:30 PM
Girls Night Out..........Yeah! A woman can do what she wants when she wants...but as soon as you see something that registers as wrong........shake her like a bad habit.
 malissa0
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 291
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:39:38 PM
no, I think that you cant expact her to just froget about her friend when you get involveld. If you can trust her to go out with her friends then maybe you shouldnt be together. I think its crazy to think that all her friends should change there normal plans because your girlfriend isnt alowed to go to a club but instead must got to a movie or dinner. i think that you are just being controlling
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 292
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 6:52:01 PM
You can't generalize 'typical' behavior to all women; some of us just aren't typical.

That is true. When I say women cheat, all you can be certain of is that I'm saying is more than one woman cheats. It could be taken as some, many, or most; it does not mean all. In message 373, I said, "...about half, more or less, of women do cheat." However, almost all, if not all, women say they will not cheat. That doesn't imply half the women are lying because, at the time, they may believe and mean it. Nevertheless, it means they are not telling the truth.

Basically, when a women says she will not cheat, it's just making conversation and is just as meaningless as, "Hi, how are you?” And, of course, the men in your life trusted you. Most men are very trusting and believe their SOs are faithful, even when they are not. Also, since women excel at deception and sneaky sex, most men never learn otherwise.

At least 7 to 10 percent (some estimates are as high as thirty percent) of children that men believe they sired are not their biological child. That is why all men should immediately have a DNA test on any child by their SO. “Furthermore, any hospital or doctor that submits a birth certificate naming the father without a DNA test to confirm should be liable to all the costs the named non-biological man incurs in supporting the child.

The truth is that many women wish for the opportunity to cheat regardless whether they cheat. Therefore, if the man objects to some of their behavior that increases the likelihood of the woman cheating, the woman is going to call him controlling.
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 293
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 7:42:57 PM
smjle, I have to hand it to you - there aren't many people in this world that I think are more cynical than I am, but you've definitely got me beat in that area! LOL

And, of course, the men in your life trusted you. Most men are very trusting and believe their SOs are faithful, even when they are not. Also, since women excel at deception and sneaky sex, most men never learn otherwise.

LOL I totally suck at deception. To the point where I've actually been told it's a flaw. Maybe that's why the men in my life have trusted me - they've known I couldn't lie or hide something from them if my life depended on it!


That is why all men should immediately have a DNA test on any child by their SO. “Furthermore, any hospital or doctor that submits a birth certificate naming the father without a DNA test to confirm should be liable to all the costs the named non-biological man incurs in supporting the child.

You know, I would have no problem if, for example, a DNA test was required before naming a father on a birth certificate. It would be better if it was mandated in that way than if it was up to the presumed 'father' to request it.

The truth is that many women wish for the opportunity to cheat regardless whether they cheat. Therefore, if the man objects to some of their behavior that increases the likelihood of the woman cheating, the woman is going to call him controlling.

*sigh* THIS woman doesn't wish for the opportunity to cheat.

If a man wants to keep his SO from going to the bar, he is trying to control her behaviour, so by definition he is being controlling. Just because he might have a good reason for wanting to control her behaviour doesn't change the fact that he IS being controlling.

sv
 gardennut
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 294
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:49:43 PM

A woman can do what she wants when she wants....but as soon as you see something that registers as wrong.......shake her like a bad habit.


Apriori, I'm confused. Your profile indicates that you are an attached man seeking an "other relationship".

What on earth could your partner do that you would perceive as "something that registers as wrong"? Or is it only your perogative to seek "other" relationships?
 ama-mo
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 295
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:09:48 PM
GNO...its a way to blow off steam. She may cheat...then again she may cheat by meeting someone at the grocery store too. Everyone needs some time apart with their friends and if you trust her (she has never given you a reason to doubt her) then enjoy the time that you can go out & spend with your friends too...or alone...whichever suits.
If she's an untrustworthy person, then you will pick up on that fast enough. 'Til then, give her the benefit of the doubt...its what everybody deserves in any relationship.
 homes01
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 296
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/15/2007 3:30:41 AM
the author should definetly go deal with his issues which cause him to feel poorly when his g/f goes out with her freinds,if he has no issues he should definetly dump the one he is with and find one which is suitable who does not give him the insecure feeling
 Arugula
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 297
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/15/2007 5:20:12 AM

That is why all men should immediately have a DNA test on any child by their SO. “Furthermore, any hospital or doctor that submits a birth certificate naming the father without a DNA test to confirm should be liable to all the costs the named non-biological man incurs in supporting the child.


I really, really wish you'd put stuff like this in your profile. The women you are contacting would find it very interesting. And someday, I hope it doesn't come as a surprise when at the birth of your first child, you order a DNA test the minute he comes into the world. I can't think of a more unique "bonding" experience for your new family.
 Fire Gal
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 298
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/15/2007 6:19:19 AM
ok, OP sorry that your thread has gone to the dogs... as for women cheating, every man I have EVER dated, including the one I married CHEATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How's that for statistics SMJLE???

And if I am in a committed relationship and I want to go out then I do. And if I get hit on, they get told... GO AWAY "the crowd gasps as they realize that she told him no"

It's about integretity and honesty, and a cheater will cheat be it at a GNO, the movies or the laundry mat, enough already...

 AngelAmbie
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 299
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/15/2007 8:08:43 AM
In response to a previous poster who bashed my point on "why can't you bring your boyfriend to the bar with you?"...
People, there is a HUGE difference in having a "girls night out" at the bar (surrounded by intoxicated men, your judgement influenced by booze, and scantily dressed) and going "out with the girls" for dinner or a movie or whatever. If you need a night away from your S.O. to have some girl time, pick a better environment than a bar. You can save those times for when your S.O. is with you. I think that's just respectful, not controlling.
JMO
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 300
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/15/2007 8:33:07 AM

People, there is a HUGE difference in having a "girls night out" at the bar (surrounded by intoxicated men, your judgement influenced by booze, and scantily dressed) and going "out with the girls" for dinner or a movie or whatever.

Wow, that's quite the assumption. Who said that "girls' night out" involved being "scantily dressed"??? I have never gone out with the girls while "scantily dressed". As a matter of fact, the only time I can be accused of being "scantily dressed" is - maybe - if I'm working in the backyard on a hot summer day and wearing shorts and a tank top (at which time I'm usually sweaty, filthy, and NOT sexy LOL), or if I happening to be, say, wearing some sort of negligee or something for the benefit of my SO (which, may I point out, does not happen in a public place with a bunch of drunk men around). AND alcohol may lower inhibitions, but it doesn't cause one to lose one's morality - either you're the type to cheat or you're not: alcohol is just an excuse.

And I'll go back to my question: not saying that the SO can't be there when you go to a bar, but why does s/he have to be there? That's a trust issue.

If you need a night away from your S.O. to have some girl time, pick a better environment than a bar. You can save those times for when your S.O. is with you. I think that's just respectful, not controlling.

Yes, but that's your preference. If my SO has no problem with me going to the bar with the girls, than I'm not disrespecting him at all. And the reason he wouldn't have a problem with it is because I'm not the type to cheat.

As for DNA tests, bring 'em on. What's wrong with a DNA test to confirm that the person listed on the birth certificate is the biological father? Were I to have children, I would have no problem with that. Why should I? If it was mandatory, you couldn't blame a man for being mistrustful because he wouldn't be the one asking for it.

Wouldn't that be interesting?

sv
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