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 AUTHOR
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 64
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Girls Night OutPage 2 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Truth,
Let me give you an example from my own life. When I go out with my friends, no one wants to be the designated driver. So I will drive to a friend’s place, park my car and split a cab with him. At the end of the night, we split another cab back to his place and I’ll crash there to sleep it off. In the morning I can simply walk out to my car and leave. That eliminates either driving drunk or spending a lot more money on cabs to get to and from my place (my friend lives a lot closer to the best hangouts). That seems pretty freakin innocent, does it not?

BTW, dude, you said you have only been seing this woman for a short time ... just some advice, tread lightly.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 66
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 7:16:33 AM

YOU would rather spend time with her than your friends. I imagine your friends feel slighted now, but the point is...


No they dont , my friends know I have certain rules I go by . like if a married friend or a friend whoes girl lives with him , is not home I dont enter the house I just say tell him to call me when he gets home .
WHY? because it is not cool in my book to be around one of my friends girlfriends/wives without them present . Not because I would try something with them but out of respect to my friend and to remove all doubt and avoid drama . You see doubt is caused by action and trust is caused by action , if you act trustworthy you will get my trust if you act in a matter that makes others believe you are still single then I feel maybe you should stay single .


No one told you that you can't go hang with your friends. No one implied or flat out said she doesn't trust that you'll be faithful if you go party with those friends.


And no one would HAVE to tell me , I know how to show respect to a partner . why get into a relationship if you want to act like your single ? When you are a couple you do couple things , go to places you know 90% of the people there are couples (every town has a few places like that). you both hang out with other couples , and when in relationship I invite my single friends to the house (I have nothing to hide) .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 69
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:50:31 AM

What if she just enjoys dancing with her friends?..Where would she do that? Or she likes to listen to live music?. ..It is up to you to decide what's important and what's frivoulous?
What if some of her friends are still single and ask her to join them, where they go? What's she supposed to say.."Can not really do that with you anymore..Not allowed..met someone and he is more important Though she'd know the man some short amount of time and them ten years?


So if she wants to act like she is single she should have never agreed to be with him its that simple .
he should not HAVE to tell her what to do , I would have a talk with her and if she gives me a line about its only friends and fun and such I say nothing , I just simply end it and let her live her life as she wants , I cant control any woman nor will I try , in a case like that I wont make her choose because in my mind she has made her choice . (PS: who do you think she's dancing with ? thats right other guys).


.You trust someone or you don't..Somoen who wants to cheat can do that anytime, anywhere...I and get to decide how to spend my free time. Cal me on my cell...Pop in..He knows where I am and he knows if he does in pops in..he's not going to find anything amiss..if he knows me at all. Like that simply red song.."if you don't know me by now"..


Yes you can cheat on someone anytime , but in a relationship trust is defined by actions , if you act trust worthy you are more likely to be trusted , There is a law here in texas called atractive nusance , in which you are fined for leaving your key in the car or leaving the gate to your pool unlocked , it often leads to a reduced charge if you commit a crime of opportunity because the law recognizes that some people will only commite crimes if the opportunity shows its self (meaning the guy who climbs in through an open window but would never pick a lock or break a window to get in )
Well the same goes for cheating , some people will only cheat if the temptation is there , so why go into the devils playground (bars and niteclubs)and risk the temptation ?
I want a long term relationship partly because I am burnt out on the bar scene , if I still wanted to go to clubs and such I would not be looking for a relationship because it would not be fair to the said partner .
So if a girl i was with felt the need to go out and shake her tushy , I would feel she has not gotten the single life out of her system , and being that I dont believe in changing people I'd move on even knowing it would hurt me to do so(even more than it would hurt her).
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 73
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:35:05 PM
The bottom line of this entire thread comes down to trust and self confidence. Why even be involved with someone if you can’t trust them to control themselves?
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 75
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:17:04 PM

p.s. why the hell are you worried what she does on girls night out?
you should be preoccupied with poker night with your boys.


hhhmmmm choice ..... spending an evening with my girl , or spending a nite playing card with a bounch of guys ? which is more plesurable ? hhhmmmmmm
girl .... boyz ..... hhhmmmm

The choice is easy for me . I'd rather be with my girl more plessurable .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 78
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:28:18 PM

given the choice I do what is more enjoyable , I like my friends but they cant do for me what a girl can do for me , (and if they tried they'd get their a$$'s kicked) .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 80
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:39:20 PM

so what you're saying is you want a girl with you, providing you entertainment, every day on your whim.


Never said that , I just mean if she is the girl for me nothing else will give me the SAME rush .


is the sky pink in your dreamland?


No but something else is .

 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 85
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 2:09:20 PM

There is nothing wrong with a girls night / guys night out when you are in a relationship. Just because you commit to someone does not mean that your friends mean less to you or you don't need any time away from your partner.
If you cannot trust your girl to go out dancing and drinking with her friends then you have a problem.


Then the girl/guy should just stay single , have all the fun you want with nobody to answer to , when you have gotten it out of your system then you settle down .


And I see nothing wrong with crashing at a friend's place to sleep it off,


The first thing I see wrong is that he/she got that drunk to begin with , nothing wrong with having a few drinks but to drink so much you have to sleep it off is a huge redflag .

When in a commited relationship one should never let the sun come up on him/her .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 87
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 2:37:54 PM
mortalez,

I'm with you 100%. I would question her need to get that drunk.


Finually a woman that understands , now here is a none alco-whore-ic...... er...... alcoholic beer .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 94
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:01:47 PM

I will say this from the way you phrased the question. You do seem controlling. You say she is out with singles going to the same places WHEN SHE WAS SINGLE. Dude, SHE'S STILL SINGLE! You aren't engaged or married, are you? She's single. It's normal behavior for young women to go out in groups.

Ok then I'll phrase it for him another way SHE IS ACTING LIKE SHE DOES NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!

A commitment is a commitment whether verbal or legal .
Why call someone your boyfriend when you view him more as a friend with benifits ?

Now if she made it clear from the start that they were just f^ck buddies the there would be no issue , but from the jist of the ops post he and her were suposed to be exclusive , well if his girl wants to act like a tramp then she should have stay'd single errr.... without boyfriend .
It sounds like to me she views him as her fallback guy (after a night on the town she crawls back to him if nothing else comes up) .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 100
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/20/2005 5:51:33 AM
So, what I have gotten from this thread is that if you start dating someone your life as an individual is supposed to come to an end. I can understand the part about not flirting, etc. But you can't have friends of the opposite sex, you can't go out on your own to have fun with your friends and you're supposed to become a completely different person who can't be trusted. That's what I am seeing in this thread.

If that's what acting like a BF or GF is, count me out. I had no idea that being in a relationship meant sacrificing your personal freedoms.

Wow, and some people around here wonder why they're single
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 102
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/20/2005 7:33:06 PM

So, what I have gotten from this thread is that if you start dating someone your life as an individual is supposed to come to an end.


I never said that and nobody here has , even to op said he didnt mind her hanging out with her friends , it is just the activities she chose . If I'm in a relationship and my girl want to hang with her friends at "chilies" or "TGIF" I have no problem with that , if she want to hang with her friends at a meet market then I question my choice in girlfriends .
It is simply a matter of respect , why bother to be with someone if you are going to act like you dont have anyone .
Me personally , I have grown out of clubs , I work in clubs so I know too much about them and what goes on in them . Relationship are hard enough why ad drama to them , many here say either you trust or you dont , well that is not true , trust is based on behavier , if you act trust worthy you will be trusted if you act like one of those trollups on "girls gone wild" then I wouldnt trust her as far as I can throw her car.
And I would not knowingly date a woman like that anyway , but sometimes they fly under the radar , like you meet them in another setting like at work or at a coffee house only to find out much later about there other side .
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 104
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/20/2005 10:51:49 PM
Once in a while is ok. Yes, I would think every week is bad thing and no I wouldnt like unless I could come too, then its quite ok !! : )

I have to agree its jealous and insecure behaviour to expect and ban a partner from going out with their friends, whether its drinking or not

You have to come to an agreement. Once a month, once every two months, something like that. Sounds like you are carrying over issues from the past relationship
Where are your friends in all this? dont you want to use this time to catch up with them

You either trust her or you dont.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 106
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/20/2005 11:27:55 PM

when she does girls night go out and have fun with the guys or whoever whats the mistery , people don't own people . as soon as you lie a leash on she becomes a pet . woof !!


The problem is that it seems like she has more fun with her friends than with him , if thats the case he needs a new girl , life is too short to be with someone who is not into you .

heck her friends can come to his house who says they have to get smashed to have a good time , .

Me personally I have more fun with a girl than with guys , they cant give me as much of a rush .
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 107
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/21/2005 5:31:32 PM
^^ ayup - how else are we going to get time to talk about you ?? ha

From what I can gather its more the activity the OP is on about, eg going drinking clubbing and so forth.. and its a valid concern up to a point. I think it depends on frequency. How much is too much time apart. and whats acceptable is something that can be unique to each couple

I would hate to be with a guy who was at the bar every night, who always got home at dawn or not at all. But if he wanted to go out for some drinks eg a few hours worth - once a week or month or whatever...Im fine with that. Gives me time to visit the gals. In all my long term relationships I always made a night once a week or weekend afternoon with 'the girls' It didnt involve clubbing though, just dinner or movies, lunch or a drink somewhere to catch up

Personally I think a well balanced relationship both he and she have gotta have some time apart...there are just things you can talk about with your same-gender pals...thats lets face your b/f isnt going to be interested in, Like.... you know...boring girl stuff like hair colours and shoes sales and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 109
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/21/2005 6:19:18 PM

mortalez women need time to be with their friends ,


I agree , but not at bars ,niteclubs and other meat markets . Hell if she want to gather with her friends I can fire up the grill , she can invite them over and I can invite my friends over them in the den and me and my friends in the guys room. if its just hanging with your friends it does not matter where you hang out .


don't you liek to just hang out with the guys now and then and shoot the shit play pool hang with girls ( not that your looking when your commited ) that kind of thing ?? It's fun and it's natural .


Yes I do WHEN I'M SINGLE !!!!! , I mean hanging with the guys is fun but not AS MUCH fun as hanging with my girl , its like comparing driving a car to riding the bus , the bus is ok (better than walking) but its only something you do when you dont have a car (exept when your car is broke down IE having relationship problems) but you still should try to fix your car before it gets worse ( IE.. work on your relationship).
 RasIsephI
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 110
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:39:48 AM
How bout you have a little confidence in yourself and not let another influence you emotions so strongly. You cant stop another from haveing a good time and if you try to you will loose her so that is my advice. i see it like this when my girl want to go out that is a great time for me to go out and see some of my friends that I may be neglecting just a little because I have started to spend so much time with her. Space is always good in a relationship and can only bring a better level of love trust and respect to each of you. the mistake we all tend to make sometime is that we spend the whole time they are out wondering what they are doing istead of takeing care of ourselves and mabie giveing ourself the time to do whatever it may be that we like to do.
 RasIsephI
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 111
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:40:49 AM
I agree completly thank you for you short but accurate and intelegent post
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 112
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 1:08:59 PM

How bout you have a little confidence in yourself and not let another influence you emotions so strongly.


Easier said than done , when you inter into a relationship with someone you open up your heart to a degree , feeling arent things one can control (unless you are on prozaq) , it is like telling someone not to feel pain when someone chops their arm off . just because it is not physical pain does not make it less damaging .


You cant stop another from haveing a good time and if you try to you will loose her so that is my advice.


You are right you cant stop someone from doing what they want , but you can stop your self from being made a fool of , you can break it off if you are not being respected , if she is not that into you and views you as some minor part of her life then its best to cut it short .


i see it like this when my girl want to go out that is a great time for me to go out and see some of my friends that I may be neglecting just a little because I have started to spend so much time with her.


I dont se it that way , sure I like hanging with my buds , but I like hanging talking to my girl more , its just more fun to me , its like comparing hamburger to steak , a big mac is cool , but a poterhouse beats it hands down .


Space is always good in a relationship and can only bring a better level of love trust and respect to each of you.


Actually for me its the opposite , I trust the sun because it has been rising without fall everyday for billions of years . consistancy breeds trust , throwing the system off track leads to unknowns which have no place in a relationship .


the mistake we all tend to make sometime is that we spend the whole time they are out wondering what they are doing istead of takeing care of ourselves and mabie giveing ourself the time to do whatever it may be that we like to do.


Well I would agree with you if you are talking about f^ck buddies or friends with benifits and that is understood from day one , but if hanging out with her whore friends in a meatmarket and getting sh!tfaced is more fun than hanging out with me , then I have the wrong girl .
It is amazing how selfish most selfish are in this time period .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 114
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 5:43:42 PM
I agree , this me first , work on me , I can be fine on my own , I dont want my partner to define me attitude is the reason we have such a hi divorce rate in this country.
In the past most people grew in the same direction they both had friends but her friends were usually the wives of her husbands friends , married people did not take seperate vacations , etc etc ......
flash forward to today , he has his friends she has her friends , they are "individuals" , and 5 years later they grew in seperate directions and are nolonger attracted to each other and divorce insues .

It is sad really , conservatives and the religious right , blame gays , porn and rock music for the destruction of the american family when the real culprate is simply the selfish me oriented nature of the general population (which is a conservative concept. ).
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 115
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 5:45:15 PM
I agree , this me first , work on me , I can be fine on my own , I dont want my partner to define me attitude is the reason we have such a hi divorce rate in this country.
In the past most people grew in the same direction they both had friends but her friends were usually the wives of her husbands friends , married people did not take seperate vacations , etc etc ......
flash forward to today , he has his friends she has her friends , they are "individuals" , and 5 years later they grew in seperate directions and are nolonger attracted to each other and divorce insues .

It is sad really , conservatives and the religious right , blame gays , porn and rock music for the destruction of the american family when the real culprate is simply the selfish me oriented nature of the general population (which is a conservative concept. ).
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 116
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 5:47:54 PM
I agree , this me first , work on me , I can be fine on my own , I dont want my partner to define me attitude is the reason we have such a hi divorce rate in this country.
In the past most people grew in the same direction they both had friends but her friends were usually the wives of her husbands friends , married people did not take seperate vacations , etc etc ......
flash forward to today , he has his friends she has her friends , they are "individuals" , and 5 years later they grew in seperate directions and are nolonger attracted to each other and divorce insues .

It is sad really , conservatives and the religious right , blame gays , porn and rock music for the destruction of the american family when the real culprate is simply the selfish me oriented nature of the general population (which is a conservative concept. ).
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 117
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:09:33 PM

Today everyone sees that as being controlling for some reason.....its a two way street if I respect her enough not to go do stuff like that I would atleast like the same in return. Any girl who has a realtionship with me knows where I am every minute of the day and night..and I don't see that as being controlled I see it as building trust with that person. Is that too much to ask??


I you are 200% right , the point being its a matter of respect , relationships are hard enough without putting unneeded stress on them .
Even the appearance of wrong doing is enough to hurt someone , and yes trust is not given its earned based on your actions , if you behave in a trustworthy manner you will be trusted , getting drunk and not coming home will not do much to build trust .
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