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 lisahzgrneyz06
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 179
Girls Night OutPage 4 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Girls Night Out ?? I dated someone that didn't like me having a "girls night out" we're no longer dating !! It's a trust issue..I wasn't cheating and had given him no reason to think I was or ever would cheat. The point is, I had my friends before I started dating him, and if he has a problem with a harmless "girls night out", then he needed to find some quaker woman to date !!
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 181
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 10/17/2006 10:16:41 AM
Do you live together? If so, it makes perfect sense for you to WANT someone to drive her home, or for you to WANT to go pick her up.

Whether or not this can be arranged is up to the two of you talking about it. You have to know how each other feel about it. Communicate.

To the people that are being so hard on OP, I've known a couple of women that fit this profile and were cheating like crazy on their men. I know more women that fit this profile and have never cheated. Cheating IS a choice, but poor decisions can be made when faced with temptations and not being sober. Anyone who has not slept with someone they probably wouldn't have otherwise, probably hasn't been in the situation that would allow for that to happen (including hormones, inebriants, justification and opportunity.) Sure, morals can go a long way... but when taking alcohol or drugs, many people decide to do additional recreational behavior that is dangerous... harder drugs... games involving physical risk... sex... it's a possibility, not a guarantee.

The age thing is important to. If she's young, you're making a mistake getting any more involved than asking how her night was, and what went on. Don't bother being jealous, unless it's kind of playful and turns her on.

But all you can do is talk about it, try to find a way that you are comfortable with her going out with her friends. You can't tell her what she can and cannot do with her friends... that's controlling. You can't even tell her that she can't sleep with anyone else. All you can do is ASK her to tell you about it if it "accidentally" happens, and then you can make the decision to walk or wrap your d!ck around your neck and let her lead you around as a submissive cuckold.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 182
Girls Night Out
Posted: 10/17/2006 11:00:17 AM
if i had a nickel for everytime i kissed/made out with a girl on a "girls night out" -i'd have a shitload of nickels.
-when women go out in a group for "girls night out"-they are prowling like a pack of wolves looking for some fresh meat to tear up and toss the bones away, making sure everyone in the group has her story straight, as to corroborate a suspecting boyfriend or husband warranted fear of treachery. when/if they get caught or feel guilty -they cry and blame it on the alcohol. sometimes they may be innocent (sober) but if you feel anything strange is happaning on these secret escapades -there probibly is treason afoot...
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 186
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/7/2006 12:54:22 AM
Of course it is. Girls night out does not equate with Girls Night Orgy

The thing is here, how often does it happen? it should be once in a while. Not every week. Without getting ticked off and jealous, just work out something that is acceptable. But to expect her NEVER to go out with her friends without you again, like EVER....is seriously controlling....yes. and you are only projecting some ex's bad behaviour onto an innocent person

doesnt sound like you have dealt with the person who cheated on you before, and if you are not careful you will end up taking it out on your new partner. Not good for any future or new relationship.
 altmusicfan
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 187
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/7/2006 2:25:30 AM
I sincerely hope you wrote this tongue-in-cheek -

"...As long as she comes home to you, all is well."

If not offered as dry humor then what you are really saying is "as long as your mate comes home when they are done they can have sex with as many other men or women, and as often as they choose".

I've known some married women who use Girls' Night Out entirely as a cover story for their infidelities -- sometimes these women would get spend an hour after work with their girlfriends and then spend several hours with their liason d'jour. Often they didn't even see their girlfriends that night at all.

--------

In response to the question: Am I being too controlling?

ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NOT!!!!

Now if you had asked if you were engaged in controlling behavior then I would say "yes, most definitely". But that wasn't the question. You need to accept that you will never be in control of your mate. You either trust them to do the right thing or you don't. If you don't, then either move on, or seek therapy, or both.

---------

P.S. I don't have the numbers in front of me, but -- in regards to infidelity, the workplace has to be at least 10 times more dangerous than any girl's night out.
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 188
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/7/2006 2:49:10 AM
If I was a complete jerk and fostered an unhealthy/abusive home environment, I'd be extremely worried about 'the girls night'. I'd sit up all night sharpening the kitchen knives, probably drinking myself into oblivion. I might even stalk her. Yeah, that's it.

If I were a healthy guy with a good attitude in a great relationship I'd be PROUD that my significant other went out and had 'down time' to have a blast with her friends. I'd consider it ESSENTIAL to a solid relationship that she 'de-brief' with her friends, yuck it up and do things in womens washrooms that shall ever remain a grateful mystery.

In short, op, you have issues resulting in an abusively controlling mentality towards others. Your insecurity is your own responsability. If you want to have that much control, buy a sheep and put it in a pen.

ss
 wurl
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 198
Girls Night Out
Posted: 2/13/2007 4:15:35 PM
you're right - such a woman is not to be taken seriously. but why not still do her - everyone else probably is (shrug)
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 205
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/10/2007 1:03:20 AM
When a woman says she suspects and asks if her guy is cheating, other women will tell her to go with her instincts. Well the same applies for you. Go with your instincts or go with your logic.

If your girlfriend is having nights out with the girls and sleeping over, you can be 100 percent certain that it is on her mind, consciously or subconsciously, to meet and sleep over with guys. When she does, her girlfriends will lie for her and give her an alibi. Without a doubt, she would like to replace you with a more desirable guy.

I’m not suggestion that every time or even often, when she sleeps over, she is sleeping over with a guy. Most of the time, she doesn’t. However, when she is in the mood and if the right guy comes along, it will happen. All women claim they don’t cheat. Nevertheless, given the opportunity and if the right guy comes along, most women will cheat, especially when they are ovulating. Telling you they won't cheat and then cheating doesn’t make them bad. It’s part of their nature.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 210
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:54:07 AM
Gardennut, you could a comedian because you have the most amusing way of disagreeing with someone. Even when I cannot agree, I cannot feel displeased by someone that makes me smile.

To understand why men and women cheat, you need to have a good understanding of natural selection during prehistoric times. Modern times are too recent to have much affect on our nature. The winning strategy is to produce the most descendents. For women, who can only have a few children, the winning strategy is to select the father with the best genes and the mate that is the most dependable and best provider. Better genes results in children that are healthier, stronger, smarter, and better able to survive. The best mate will provide her and her children the resources to survive and prosper. Since they are usually not the same, women can win by squaring the circle. Find the best provider for a mate and have sneaky sex with Alpha male when ovulating.

It is a trade-off. The penalties could severe if she was caught doing sneaky sex because her mate might even kill her and/or he child. Therefore, the higher ranking females would be less likely to cheat since they would have less to gain. There mates have good genes.

The winning strategy for the Alpha males is to father the most children. And since they only need to invest a little time and sperm to father a child they would travel far and wide for opportunities to have sex with many women.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 213
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:15:15 AM
I'm like gardennut, I think my man is the handsomest I've ever laid eyes on. And that's just the bonus, he's of course much MORE than that.
Ther may be times when he wants to go out with his friends and I go out with some of my galpals. I wouldn't expect him to need to ask or get my "permission" pfft... just tell me so I could make other plans, I'd do the same. It's just not an issue, as long as you show consideration and let someone know what your plans are so they don't have to guess where you are or give them cause to worry about your safety.
 *Stuart*
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 215
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History
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/10/2007 12:22:12 PM
I totally agree. If you did find out they cheated on me they'd be gone. I'd let them know they had let me down but not that it had got to me. Trust is important, if you can't trust your bird to have a night out and come home to YOU then its either a problem of your own. With no trust there is no real relationship, all to comon nowadays.
 mom2abrat
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 221
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:45:13 AM
im kinda new to the site & just discovered these forums.....just from experience alone....u dont want to be controlling......there is nothing wrong with hanging out with old friends just because u have a new boyfriend.......it all comes down to trust.....if u dont trust her now....u wont have a great relationship.....yes it is hard to trust when u have been cheated on before....u do bring baggage with u......we are who we are because of the experiences we've dealt with in our lives......but if u really like her...u need to trust her until she gives u reason not too....yes that means u set yourself up for a possible heartbreak... but u also set yourself up for the best relationship of your life....only time & the people involved will tell......wish i had this problem, since i cant seem to find a good man.......good luck
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 224
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/11/2007 4:42:57 PM

...if we live together, then ya, you need to bring your ass on home. If they still live in seperate places, then he/she can sleep where they want. As long as it ain't over or under anybody else..

Exactly. Listen to 'mom - she's got sense.

Everyone needs to have their own life - no matter how much you might love somebody and maybe even want to spend the rest of your lives together, that doesn't mean spending every single moment together.

Now, if you haven't seen each other in a week, and you have one night off, and she wants to go out with the girls rather than see you, well, then there's a problem.

sv
 baycitymom
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 231
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:59:18 AM
Yes I feel that you are being controlling. Even when your in a relationship everyone still needs thier space. So her friends are single, that doesn't mean that your g/f is going to hit on other men. I am the only single female in my group of friends and none of my friend's hubby's have an issue with them going out with me, its called trust.
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 232
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:20:40 AM

I want to flirt with other men because my current S.O. isn't making me feel pretty and appreciated. I would never cheat, but I definately go out for the attention.

Yeah, 'cause that makes sooo much more sense than actually communicating your feelings to your SO.

If a woman is in a relationship, she has NO BUSINESS WHAT SO EVER hanging out at a bar with her single friends. Girls night out is for single women ONLY. If she wants to hang out with her friends, there is nothing wrong with going shopping, getting hair and nails done, or a lunch.

Good grief. There's nothing wrong with going to listen to a live band or going to play pool or darts, either.

For the "You're not married yet" is irrelevant, I know women that STILL , AFTER being married, that want the "Girl's Night Out" And their "Whipped' husbands"Over look" it.

Wow. So if you're not totally mistrustful and controlling, you're whipped.

Hmmm... I don't have a problem with 'guy's night out'. Hell, even if it involves a strip club, I don't have a problem with it. I always thought that was a matter of trust - not just in my SO, but also in my judgment of my SO. But apparently it's because I'm whatever the female version of "whipped" is. Totally submissive? Uh, sure. Ask anyone I've been out with how meek and submissive I am.

Seriously, if my SO doesn't trust me to go and have a drink without him, there are definite problems that need to be addressed.

sv
 njust1
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 235
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 10:50:55 AM
I say let'em have there girls night out...This coming from a guy who was engaged to be married until she went on a girls night out and never came home...Well, she came home to get her stuff...But, seriously, I trusted her and she messed up, now she's gone...She accused me of never being jealous or protective...i.e. she was pissed that I did'nt care about her going on girls nights out...Sounds contradictory, but in that you can't control anybody but yourself. thats hard enough at times. So let her do what she will, it proves character...On her girls night, do a poker night or something with the guys, hell sit at home and jerk off, but don't be controlling and question her every move, You will indeed cause her to resent you. Not to mention her friends will hate you, which will in turn cause her to hate you..well in saying all that, your pretty much F#cked no matter what...God I Love Women!!!! LOL...
 singleandhot
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 253
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 6:33:06 PM
Yes, you are being controlling. There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend having some girl time with her friends. You have to get over your insecurities about your previous relationship. You can't put her in the same category as your ex if she has done nothing to deserve it. The distrust in her will only drive her away.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 254
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:01:18 PM
I really wish I had not read this thread.

I had no idea just how inconsiderate so many females where to their guy.

I should have know - by reading all the Independent Women threads - but this one made it very clear.

I am not kidding - I really wish I had not read it.

I really thought two people that cared about each other were naturally considerate of each other’s feelings.

Now I see it is - “if you don’t like it - you can lump it you controlling azzhole”

Is this total lack of consideration only in the younger people or does it go thru all the age groups?

This is very sad.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 257
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:38:33 PM
Oh my "AngelAmbie" - what logic you have

Fire Gal > you go girl - you tell-em
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 259
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:17:57 PM

"If you need to take time apart, do so in an atmosphere not full of drunken idiots, hootchie mama's, and players all over. Go to a movie with your friends, have dinner, etc. But a bar?"

Oh my "AngelAmbie" - what logic you have

She's wife material. The others? Well... The reason they are defending their independence to go to bars is because, in the back of their mind, they are thinking about getting laid.
 njust1
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 260
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:21:08 PM
There have been times when I have wanted to hang out with my friends without my significant other(back when I had a Significant other...lol...) So, Iunderstood her need to go out with her girlfriends, redaurdless of the outcome , if somebody is going to cheat ,all they need is the oppurtunity...That does'nt have to involve liqour or a bar...So, in saying no to GNO, you are virtually saying no to human contact without your presence...Seriously,are you that insecure...Just cause one girl cheats does'nt mean they all will...HOLY PIGEON HOLE BATMAN!!!! In that Line of thinking ... I say all men Love to sit around the house in dirty wife beater T's while drinking beer and watching football,and all women love to spend hours in the bathroom to look gorgeous for that dirty beer drinking sports fanatic,So they can comondere his credit card and go shopping,,,, ... Basically this is kind of a common sense thing. All men don't sit around in dirty T's and all women don't spend hours in the bathroom, but its a great stereotype.... I think that Girls and guys night out have both gotten a bad rap from a few untrustworthy people....(Climbing off my soap box) , Let The girls and Guys nights out Continue...Grow some balls Gentlemen and loose the insecurities. Ladies, have some Ovaries and be honest with your guy...well I guess the guys could be honest as well...I crack me up....Have some Ovaries...
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 263
Girls Night Out
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:44:04 AM

Well, here's a winner.

I understand how it is; you hate it when men know better and because it makes what you say so unbelievable when men see real you behind your veil and pretty exterior. However, throwing a hissy fit and calling us names is not going to change the facts nor will we us be fooled by your antics.
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