Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > My Weight and My Boyfriend      Home login  
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 301
view profile
My Weight and My BoyfriendPage 13 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I really shouldn't say anything here because I love my women thin. But I will put in my 2 cents because you are trying to lose weight. I will try not to offend you.
I think if a man cares about his womans health he wont let her get obese. You are not obese and are quite beautiful. Not as thin as I prefer, but to a lot of men you would be incredibly hot. You look like you are still healthy. But since you are trying to lose weight it appears you agree with him, that you should do so.
BUT- He is very ride about it. Making jokes about a big apartment to fit you, and manipulating you by dangling the carrot is horrible. Someone called it mental abuse it is actually emotional abuse.
Normally I would say leave him, but maybe he is being mean and thinking it is "tough love" like what you do to a drug addict or alcoholic. If you believe this is the case then get some counseling. He needs to realize the damage he is doing to you. Even if you talk to him he may not take you seriously, so get counseling and maybe you can work it out together. I know if I was dating someone who gained weight I would want to say something, because of the health factor, but you are not gaining weight, but actually losing it. If it is not fast enough for him he has a problem. If counseling is not an option or doesnt help, then leave him.
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 302
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:57:55 AM
Run as fast as you can, you can do way better than a creep like that!
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 303
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:12:04 PM
There is nothing more beautiful than a BBW.

There are many men like me who would not only accept, but adore a woman who is a BBW. Find one and enjoy your life.
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 304
view profile
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:16:59 PM
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 305
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:32:44 PM
I hope this helps
same thing happened to me
Just not the right guy.
things happen. weight happens
a lot of men will still like you
don't stay with him when he is being a**** Status is bullshit. He is bullshit.
I bet many of his friends like you...look into it
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 306
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:56:08 PM
My first husband did the weight loss gripe thing after me having a 10 pound baby. I couldn't loose it fast enough to suit him.. Even told me that I would never be skinny no matter how much weight I lost. And even went as far as to ask me why I couldn't look more like his buddy's wife.. (she was 5-4, 100 lbs)
It fed into me the wrong way, and I started a crash diet. Was obsessed with loosing weight to show him he was wrong. I excersized to the extreme, twice a day, or more if I found the time.
I went from 236 lbs, to 117 lbs, in about two months! I starved mysef so bad, I had medical problems, and would even pass out from being malnurished. The doctors even said if I hadn't gotten help when I did, I prolly would have died!
It took it's toll on me at the time, and my weight gradualy went up to about 160-180 over the past 25 years or so. (i'm 5-8 3/4)
So yes, now I have gained about 35 lbs, in the past year and a half due to medical problems, and the medications they had me on,but I'm alive because of it....
You think a man will ever get to me and tell me to loose weight like that again? Hell no... I will loose because I want to loose, not because some man wants his woman to look like a Barbie Doll. And so far I have taken off 9 pounds of that and trying to take off more. But since my accident in July, it has been hard trying to excersize like I used to.
It's funny to see men thought of being "Braun" if they gain weight, but a woman is considered "fat" if she does.......
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 307
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:27:17 AM
Leave him, do it for yourself, and do it promptly. I had a boyfriend who constantly made remarks about my weight, never went as far to say lose it or lose me, but still.

You are a human being, you are his equal, and deserve to be treated as such. There will ALWAYS be someone out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. Go find him girl! Don't let this creep drag you down, his ego will sink every relationship he starts until he grows up and figures out how to treat a woman.

Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 308
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:48:58 AM
ew...what a sick and twisted..awful man. I can see it now..10 years down the raod......"honey...i know you've had three of my babies..but your stretch marks are too stretchy...Your too fat fat fat fat fat fat fat...." How rude...I'd leave his ass...I have no idea what your waiting for...Your future with this dumb ass looks pretty bleak....and fankly...a waste of your time
 good kitty
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 309
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:24:04 AM
The OP is from year 2005.
She has resolved the issue by now closed her account and moved on.
Let's be optimistic and think she has found love

On topic:
Ther is a "as is" rule in relationships. If a girl meets a boy with a severe football addiction, decides to date him "as it", she can not demand to have him change it later.
If a boy encounters a girl with few extra bucketloads of fat, enters relationship "as is" he can not demand she lose it later.

The exception is they meet, become "friends" lose the weight/mullet/smoking habit (or whatever) and THEN date, the first date becomes the "as is" point of reference.

Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 310
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:47:05 AM

Even if you lose the weight,,,once you do, then he will just find something esle to find fault with.

seriously. If you are too thin, he tried to put weight gain on you. Then you gain 8 pounds and he complains cuz youre too heavy. Then you dont wear what suits him, you dont cook right , you dont clean to suit him, etc etc etc

Find someone who aprreciates you!!! im not kidding.
And do you know what else? the person who has a problem with YOUR weight, etc, probably is just as overweight as you. or more...way more. ! I know that to be a fact in most cases.

good luck
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 311
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:48:36 AM
Regardless of when the thread started, this is an ongoing debate.

A woman who is comfortable with herself at whatever weight shouldn't change herself for a man or to get a man. Either take me as I am or move on.

Now, if you want to lose weight for yourself, for your health, for your life, by all means explore possibilities. You cannot embrace the weight loss plan until you are ready, and not when someone else says you are.
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 312
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:19:14 AM
Here is what I see:
1) Honey, please go starve yourself. No not cuz we need the money cuz youre fat
2) If you dont lose weight we are done, its over and I will turn the love switch off
3) If you are fat we will need a bigger apartment for you to fit in and I'm not doing it
4) Iam insecure so a girlfriend mus be a representation of me and cant be fat
5) All my girlfriends were pretty thin and were attractive to a broader range of men. Even though they were thin I critisized them about things and they left me because the broader range of men appreciated them.

Add yourself to his list and join the ex girlfriend club. Do you think he loves you like you love him? He is more worried about your weight so that in his eyes he doesnt look bad. Its not about you its about him. He wants to parade around with someome who other guys want so he can puff out his chest instead of puffing out his chest because you are an awesone women and he loves you so much.

If he focused on helping you because he loves you and wants you to be healthy and happy then maybe keep him but he's not.

Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 313
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:04:41 AM
I understand you very well and if I was in that situation I would leave him and see what happens .If he loves you he will want you for who you are ,not your size !Its what is inside that is important and if that isn't there you have nothing ! He is trying to control you by telling you to starve yourself for him .You have to be happy in a relationship and there are lots of men out there who will love you no matter what size you are ! I am not slim and could not handle a man that would put me down for my weight .Life is too short to have someone on your back ,nagging you about something like weight .I would suggest you tell him you are leaving him and watch how fast he will come begging you to come back if he truly loves you !!
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 314
view profile
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:17:44 AM
As a guy, I say dump him. It is one thing to be concerned for your health, and want you to live longer, and happier, by losing some weight. It is another thing to be abusive about it. He should help you, not hurt you. Perhaps he thinks he is helping, in which case he needs more education. Starving makes your body hold onto the fat you have more, so it is more difficult to lose it. It will be easier to lose weight if you do not think, worry, and stress, about it. Accept yourself as is, and get a guy who can do likewise, and then relax, and the pounds will start coming off. If he is more worried about how you make him look/seem, it is time to dump him. Some guys actually prefer BBWs, and others-like me-can take them, or leave them. Some guys want nothing to do with them. Find a guy who likes you as you are, and does not feel the need to change you. If you were with me, I would do all I could to help you lose weight...if you decided that you wanted to lose it. I would also be fine with you staying the way you now are, or even gaining more. Weight/size are not that important to me. Honesty, sense of humor, etc, are. The women I've come closest to marrying have been BBWs, and they broke up with me; not me with them. In both cases, their families objected to my color. One was black, and another filipnia, while I am white. So, I know there are guys out here who will accet you just as you are, and not nag at you to change. Keep looking, and you will find one. When you do, grab him.
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 315
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:50:25 AM
I didn't feel like reading 4 years of posts before my reply, but I do have an opinion:

So I told him this is how I was when he first met me, he's the one who pursued me, and he should deal with it. If he doesn't like it, leave.

YAY! Exactly right! I hope by now you've ditched the jerk and found someone who can appreciate you for WHO you are!
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 316
view profile
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:52:50 AM
Yo can't intimidate someone into losing weight. That causes stress which leads to comfort eating.
If you decide to lose weight do it for yourself only. It won't work if you are doing it for someone else.
He should be encouraging, understanding and supportive. He is not, time to go.
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 317
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:03:35 AM
How did I cope? I divorced him...........

Now he sits alone in his raggy duplex while I have gone on to lose the weight because I no longer have him nagging at me and acting as if he's the food police. Oh and BTW, he's an alcoholic. Funny, he could harp on me about my "fatness" and how I ate like a man while he couldn't stay sober long enough to ever even drive a car past 4pm.

It's a form of mental abuse plain and simple. You didn't share with us what he's like but I bet he's got some kind of issue that he's trying to hide behind. First one that comes to mind is that he's a jacka**. Dump him and find someone who loves you for you, I certainly did.
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 318
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:49:26 AM
It's pretty obvious this guy isn't looking for a relationship but instead a "trophy gf"...
He regards you much the same as that disposable douche (paris hiton) regards her pets.... as an "accessory" to make him look good... ugh

He does not care about either your emotional well being or health.. Think about it.. you would not tolerate a gf to berate you like this..abd advising you to "starce"yourself? so why put up with it with a so called boyfriend who claims to "love" you?

The fact that he is verbally abusive and feels free to insult you like that makes me only wonder not about him but about why you think so little of yourself to allow it.....

If he cared about you, he would be a positive force in your life encouraging you in a positive way to loose weight for health reasons in a healthy way..

I do not know your health situation of course but I do have a beautiful sister who happens to be overweight and I am well aware that her weight has contributed to a plethora of health concerns from high blood pressure to diabetes heart disease etc... I love her .. I would never berate her - Instead I try to motivate her in a non judgemental and positive way do get more active.. walking together with me .. give her new recipes ideas etc.... and guess what? she is feeling better about herself and loosing the weight..because she wants to and feels good about herself..

You can of course do the same when you feel good about yourself and dump the negative energy in your life.. your bf

This Sadist er boyfriend of yourself is doing the old carrot n stick routine.. berating you to loose weight but at the same time breaking your spirit so that you will only feel worse about yourself and eat more!!...

Do yourself a favor hun... Flush that jakal and love yourself more!
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 319
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:29:29 PM
Tell him to kiss your beautiful fat ass and find someone who values you and doesn't treat you this way!
Believe it or will naturally lose the weight when you lose the fathead...hes keeping you where you are...feeling bad about yourself! Walk out with your beautiful head high and shake your cosmic thang on the way out! YOU GO GIRL....don't let anyone treat you like this!
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 320
view profile
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:14:23 PM

So I told him this is how I was when he first met me, he's the one who pursued me, and he should deal with it. If he doesn't like it, leave.

Well this seems like a very dead topic, but I'll pipe up anyways and just pretend that she's still here lol.

OP - you said it all right there with just that one sentence. It's who you were when you two first hooked up, and he was the one that pursued you, so obviously he liked what he saw. That, or he saw good qualities and a weak enough spirit that he assumed he could "change" you, else he'd leave. It's a power trip. But you really said it all right there...if people don't like what they see, why did they bother in the first place? If the intent was to "change" you, why do people feel the need? It's stupid. That's like buying an expensive car and then 3 months later saying you don't like the color. Well you liked it enough to BUY the damn thing, but now you wanna change it?

Men and women who aim to "change" their mates are the ONLY ones that need in, direct reference to their attitudes.

I can relate to this in a personal way too. My ex fiance was overweight when we first met. I knew this, 'cause hey, I have eyes in my head. I didn't care. I pursued her (albeit briefly), only to find out that the pursuit was mutual and I just didn't see it. From the day we first got together, up to 5 years in, she gained weight. Still, this didn't faze me at all...she would often joke about losing weight, and I told her that she could do what she wants but if she lost too much (say, below the weight she was when we first met) that I'd have to reconsider staying with her. Her weight peaked at 206lbs (and I had long since proposed to her), and she finally decided that she wanted to lose weight.

Ask any man, and it's a catch 22 for them. This is one of those conversation pieces that a man NEVER EVER wants to engage in with their SO. EVER. I knew she wasn't joking this time, so I just told her that if she lost weight it would have to be because she wanted to, and this wasn't in any way an effort to please me. I even went as far as to ask her if there was ever any time that I gave her the impression that I wanted her to shed some weight. She said no, and she doesn't care about how *I* feel about it...she wanted to lose weight for her.

I liked who she was in the beginning. I liked who she was even at peak weight. The "man" you described in your story is no man at all. If you're concerned about the weight because he/she is unhealthy and it's clearly ruining or impairing their health, then yea, say something about it. If you're concern is what others think seeing her/him next to you out in public, then you need to get every square inch of your ass kicked. No man would ever expect his girl to starve herself to fit some "ideal" in the eyes of the world.

If people get disillusioned after the honeymoon period, which can and may happen, then it's natural to speak up. But tact counts for a lot. I don't see why people allow themselves to be pressured or belittled by their SO "for the sake of" the relationship. Once that relationship becomes toxic, you lose sympathy from most people because at that point, you're just allowing yourself to be hurt. People, both men and women, need to stand up for themselves and if they're not comfortable being belittled or bullied or berated...they need to speak up!

There is nobody important enough to reduce yourself to this kind of behaviour, by allowing someone to treat you like shit. The sooner people realize that he/she just ain't worth the powder to blow them to Hell, the better off we'd all be. No one should stay in a bullshit relationship (especially where abuses of the mind, finances or body are present) just because they don't wanna be alone. If you really think about it, staying in that type of relationship, you're already there...alone.

Stand up and shout. Get out. Leave. Why waste any time with someone who doesn't appreciate what they have?

Just my $0.02.

Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 321
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 4:33:12 PM
First matter if you are thick (as I) or thin..YOU have to LOVE yourself...It is what it is...If your health (like mine) is NOT in dire straits then you take your time to do what you need to do for you. He should not be the one to make you feel good about yourself. That is YOUR job. He should help you make yourself feel good. Support from him is what you need. And if he can not or refuses to give it to you...Honey tell him "there is the door..step..."
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 322
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:19:15 PM
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 323
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:20:43 PM
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 324
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:21:55 PM
Sweetie I'm a larger girl myself and have never had a "di&%" treat me like that and I wouldn't take it if I ever come across one. You said you met him when you were larger than you are now. He obviously knew this when you met... duh! I only have one thing to say, kick the "dick" to the curb. Don't let him make you feel less a woman because of his insecurities. The next time he says something to you about your weight stand up for yourself and tell him if he doesn't like how you look, tell him he's a****and hit the pavement, otherwise you'll live up to your "big girl" status and throw him against the pavement. I don't usually advocate violence but a girl can only take so much.
Then enjoy your new status as sexy "single" woman on the prowl for a new one.****that is.
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 325
view profile
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:28:10 PM
My advice to you, given what I do for living, is much along the same lines as the other wise people on here, dump the loser, this relationship is toxic on so many levels, it would take me an hour, to type it all out. The bottom line is that if he is this emotionally abusive, never mind the fact, that his suggestions for you to starve yourself, are completely above and beyond merely twisted, but show a complete and total disregard for your health, or well-being, physically or otherwise, if his needs or desires are in direct contradiction to your own, to include your medical well-being. This man is being abusive to you, these are your words, and clearly your feeling, do you honestly think he's going to stop with just this sort of abuse? Abuse typically, and statistically, increases the longer it's allowed to continue, do you really want to be on the receiving end of a beating when his emotional abuse is no longer enough for him to feel "superior" to you, and he needs a bigger fix?? People, men and women alike, who degrade their partners in this manner have serious, and severe issues, it is one thing to sit down with your partner and have a compassionate discussion about your concerns for their health if their health is being adversely affected by their weight, or diet, or what have you, it is quite another thing to bludgeon your partner with demands of "starve yourself", this shows neither concern or compassion, but more so, evidences a single-minded desire to diminish your overall well-being, physical, emotional and otherwise, and a more than likely the singular desire to degrade you. No one deserves to be able to do that to you, let alone a miscreant who cares only about himself and what he wants. His statement to you to, "starve yourself", is pretty indicative of some severe emotional immaturity issues. You can do far better, give yourself the chance to do better, and you will get better, but you're the only one that can want that for yourself.

Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > My Weight and My Boyfriend