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 KitKat1959
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 116
My Weight and My BoyfriendPage 16 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
You will forever feel this pressure with him. I am a big girl as well. My ex accepted me as I was but then was more subtle than your other half that maybe I should lose a few pounds. I found that very hurtful. I did get into weight lifting and lost several pounds and became very fit at one point. He was never someone overweight by a lot but could have lost a few pounds himself for health reasons but I put so much pressure on myself that whenever I started to gain weight I felt awful. I tried and tried and couldn't keep it off and his constant eating of junk food in front of me didn't help. His reply was always....you're the one on the diet so why should I do without. I'm 49 years old now and married and divorced three times to men who were not very sensitive to my weight. Two of my ex's have since hit the middle age spread themselves and the latest now has a girlfriend 10 years younger than him and he's the one losing weight to keep up with her. Do you really want to put yourself through all that. Dump him and move on...you'll just be constantly putting that pressure on yourself. If you want to lose weight then do it for yourself and no one else. Do it for your health. I'm new to this site so I put on there "a few extra pounds" and I have promised myself to be honest with anyone who contacts me. I don't want to put myself into another relationship based on my size at the time because I know from my past I can put it on quickly and the older you get the harder it is to take it off and keep it off. You are a person, you are beautiful inside and out no matter what someone else says. He is abusing you...don't take it...get out now!!!
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 117
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 6:33:56 PM
He may or may not have been "abusing" you. He may have been trying to do you a favor by shocking you into losing weight. One thing is for certain, you are abusing your body by being obese, so lose weight!
 ariatlady
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 118
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 7:25:35 PM
I never had a weight problem UNTIL I hit mid forties and was put on medication for arthritis. I had two worn out arthritic hips that needed replaced. I toughed it out for 15 years-in pain, depressed, and overweight because I couldn't move or have an activity level like I previously had. People were rude to me and told me to my face that I was fat, ugly, and repulsive. I had people to tell me that I needed to quit eating. Obviously, not everyone has weight problems that are related to food. Mine was medication and side effects. People need to put their brains in gear before they put their mouths in motion.

One of these "charming" people who was continually disrepectful was a guy that I dated. Long story short, I had both hips replaced, regained my life and activity level, lost almost 90 pounds and have kept it off. All of the superficial people that had no time for me have started to come around. I have point blank told them that if they didn't have time for me before, then I certainly don't have time for them now and to go away henceforth and forever more.

Girl, you need to dump him. Tell him to "hit the trail". You are better off at home without the verbal abuse and the deplorable treatment that you are tolerating. Under no circumstances do you have to put up with that BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is someone out there who will appreciate you for you! Without all of the superficial guidelines that society has deemed as necessary criteria for dating or courtship.

No one deserves to be talked to or treated like an inferior life form because of extra weight. Period.
 honestspirit
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 119
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:27:37 PM
debeers is a total cretin and a lurker who sounds like a loser. Keep posting things like you did here and you'll never find a single person that could tolerate you. As for your weight sweetheart, if you want to lose pounds do it for yourself, not for anyone else. But never tolerate abuse from someone else, whatever form or fashion they choose to dish it out. I did for far too long from someone and almost lost who I am inside. Know your self worth and always cherish that. Don't take his abuse and let him know you will not tolerate it. Once you get on with your life without that mental baggage of him trying to bring you down, your self-confidence will grow and so will you sense of self esteem.
 SuzukiSamurai
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 120
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/21/2008 11:24:45 AM
I agree with most everyone on this thread - DUMP HIM. As far as losing weight is concerned, you need to remember you didn't put the weight on overnight, and it's not coming off overnight either. I'd like to offer this advice from experience: when I started my soulmate journey, it began at my doctor's office. In December of 2007, when I had my physical, I weigt 330pounds. My doctor basically said, lose it or die. So, he gave me a prescription for Meridia(appetite suppressant-works VERY well) and he hooked my up with a dietician at the local hospital, who gave me a copy of the Canada Food Guide and told me, healthy weight loss for me would be eating 2000-2400 calories per day. She said, write down what you eat. Which I did and now, in October 2008 I weigh 274 pounds. I haven't been on the Meridia since July of this year because it is quite expensive. Even though I'm not taking it, I'm still losing weight; not as fast but it is a loss nevertheless. The trick is to STAY AWAY FROM DIETING/YO-YO FADS and diet books. Record everything you eat and when you see it written down, you know you have to eat more protein/less carbs, whatever. Check out www.fitday.com for a very helpful calorie counting/weight loss plan. I use it every day, it's free and it WORKS.

2milk servings/2meat servings/6-8grain servings/8-12fruit servings per day is a good place to start. Getting moderate exercise, still eating what you want, but controling the amount is key.(drink lots of water) The best thing for you to do is distance yourself from this jerk. If he really cared about you, he'd respect your feelings. To him, your nothing more than a bootycall, and you DESERVE BETTER.
 GuyN3xtDoor
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 125
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:47:12 AM
Wow, it sounds like he says some pretty hurtful things. If it is abusive then you are best off leaving regardless of the time you have been together. You do not deserve abusive treatment under any circumstances, so you need to either leave or ask him to stop the abuse.

He would be much better off encouraging you and being concerned for your health and approaching it that way. I think some people think that if they make something painful enough for someone then they will change. But in this case he is just making you feel worse.

It is true that the majority of men are overly concerned with appearance. This is similar to how some women judge men on their financial position.

If you think he will stop the abuse, then I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart about how he is hurting you and tell him you have the same interest to be healthier, however you need his encouragement. And, if he is unable to stop being abusive, then you will need to leave the relationship.

That is my best advice. Also, you might read a book called Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud.

Best wishes!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 126
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 5:41:32 AM
I'd break up with him, and then use the time you used to spend with him making improvements to yourself. That makes your life much more productive.

Then if I felt like it once I lost the weight, and got myself on an healthy eating schedule with a good lifestyle change I'd probably consider allowing him to stand on his head and spit wooden nickels to try to get me back. And maybe I'd consider it, but probably not.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 129
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:03:10 PM
Why are you people answering a post from four YEARS ago?

Secondly, most guys / girls don't want a big 'en. If you can't control yourself when it comes to cake, muffins and pie... if you don't care enough about yourself to stop shoving Bic Macs down your gullet... well you get the idea.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 130
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:07:01 PM

Why are you people answering a post from four YEARS ago?

My bad - I usually notice stuff like this. OP is probably really thin and married to a whole other guy by now.
 maybe1more
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 131
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:08:58 AM
DUMP HIM!!!!! It will be hard because he is your first love, but you need to date other guys that don't treat you so disrespectfully. You will soon see that most guys don't say such hurtful things to their girlfriends. You deserve waaayyyy better!
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 135
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:58:47 AM
Mentioned before ..i'm sure

Don't change yourself for anyone - they are never worth it if they demand it
But If there something you don't like and you can't change for yourself, then.........


~sc~
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 137
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:31:34 PM
Get rid of him, hes not intrested in you the person. Just like you said he isnt being sensative regarding your position. Remember someone can always loose weight but its much more difficult for ugly to become beautiful
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 139
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:08:42 PM
Why in the world would you stay with this jerk? Kick him to the curb. If you want to lose weight, do it. But do it for you, not for this douchebag. He is controlling and asinine. I wouldn't be with someone who treated me this way. It would totally make me rebel and eat Hershey bars all day long!

Pack all the stuff he has at your place and drop it off at his front door. He's a loser.

Beth
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