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 CuppyCakeBBW
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 33
My Weight and My BoyfriendPage 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

i'm sorry, but if a gf came home with a nasty haircut i'd tell her to change up that shit.
that's stuff you can control.


exactly...CONTROL
 CuppyCakeBBW
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 34
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:38:17 PM

honesty and good taste.

don't put meanings behind what i have to say. if a girl comes home looking like a scene from the lady marmalade music video, things need to be said.

oh and by the way, in this case, no, i'm not an ***hole for saying it.


agreed...but if SHE loved it....then I think it would suck to change it just cus her man told her to. Besides..you know I chose hair cut as an extreme example ...something easy to change and usually not much of an issue.

The main point is, when a man starts demanding change, it's a form of control and you don't want to start a patern of control. So while something may seem tiny and insignificant, it can lead to much worse down the line.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 35
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 2:50:32 PM
This reminds me of a radio talkshow in which a guy hide his invitation to his 10 years highschool reunion from his wife because his wife was the hottest girl at his school when they first started dating and when they got married , but has gained alot of weight since then and he wanted his old buddies to remember him as the guy who got the hot girl, so he didnt go.

He got roasted a new one when the girls started calling in .
he just sounded like an a$$ .
 tickle_me123
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 36
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:03:24 PM
Uh, mortalez, are you sure you weren't listening to Phil Hendrie? Because if you were, his show is a well performed spoof. That sure sounds like PH material.

 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 39
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:14:03 PM

Uh, mortalez, are you sure you weren't listening to Phil Hendrie? Because if you were, his show is a well performed spoof. That sure sounds like PH material.

nope , it was a local show lol . sad but true .
 tcky123
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 40
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:38:13 PM
how is it a show she just came for advice that it, girlfriend good for u you can do better.
 Knute
Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 42
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:51:35 PM

And for the record, I've suggested talking walks with him, and just doing more active things while we're together. He refused, he wants me to run instead because it works better. He just won't let me take my time losing, at all, and damn.. quit pushing when I'm already doing what I can.


Hey Pandora, I know you care about him, but geez, how short sighted is he not to see the opportunities that you are presenting to him!

You know, do what you can, and if he can't accept that, then he really isn't accepting you for who you are.

Good thing with talking with him about it. It shows a maturity that I know at least a few women in this world do not possess.

Don't lose heart. You'll find someone that likes you for you, rather than you for who they can make you.

Knute
 Knute
Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 44
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:16:16 PM
this is a no-brainer. You should never change yourself to keep a man. NEVER. Anyone who loves you won't ask you to change. Hell, even if a guy wanted me to change my hairstyle, I'd say no. Screw that!

If that were the case, then why do so many women ask their SO's if "this dress makes her look fat"?
What kind of a loaded question is that?!?

To most men, that's a yes or no question, not an essay question as women mean for it to be!
Fishing for a compliment even!

I guess I see relationships as being give and take that goes both ways.
With the hair thing though... I mean, if it was a totally hideous hairstyle... I'd have to suggest something.. different. (The 'do from Liar Liar comes to mind -- You know, the one that the receptionist had. )

I guess, though, that if a guy really loves his girl, then he'll find a way to make his preferences known in a way that makes it seem like it's her idea.

Knute
 djc02359
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 45
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 3:00:47 AM
This guy is codependant- that means he thinks you are his job...I agree with the person who says if you lost weight he'd just find something else to criticize. We have NO right to judge others~ and we can't change anybody but ourselves...so HE's the one with the problem. Walk away because if you DO lose weight while you're with him he'll think he is right and continue to try to control you.

I was very heavy for most of my life. I started going to OA when I was 37. I've lost all of the weight over the years ( 60 lbs) but I keep going to the meetings because I continue to learn more about myself and how to cope with Life. One of the things I've learned the hard way is "We teach people how to treat us." I'm still learning to set boundaries, and demand the respect I deserve. One of the hardest things in this whole dating scene is to find someone who will accept you the way you are..and support you in YOUR goals. (not his) To get this you will also need to give it though...This is what I'm working on...Good Luck!
 shelleybear
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 46
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 6:54:22 AM
I just saw you pictures.
This guy is a jerk.
Dump him.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 47
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 7:42:04 AM

(Msg 146) Part of the reason is what we eat--


To OP: Try raw vegetables for a snack or to replace a lunch. Cauliflower, broccoli, mini carrots, green and red peppers, mushrooms, celery........cut up a few of each, wash well and store in a tupperware type container in the fridge. They last for days cut up and sealed.

The rest of the veges can stay in the plastic bag you get from the store. They usually last a week in the fridge. Find a nice dip/salad dressing you like so you'll enjoy the taste of the veges. There are low calorie dips but even the high fat ones don't add much. A couple of tablespoons are only 100 caleries, like one slice of bread.

Easy to pack a lunch or eat a regular lunch and have them for dinner depending on your schedule. The idea is to use them to replace a meal and you will slowly lose weight without being hungry.

For breakfast avoid sugary cereal as it makes one more hungry later on during the day. Try wheat squares or bran cereal. Cut up a banana to help sweeten the cereal.

Lose weight slowly or your body will go into starvation mode and try to retain the fat. There is also no-fat yogourt. All flavors including chocolate-cherry. YUM! Less that 50 calories per serving.

Another bonus is for less than $10.00 a week you have replaced a meal. Inexpensive, good for your body and tastes great! If only people were like that.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 48
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 6:58:35 PM

(Msg 129) Of course no one here knows the whole relationship history, but there IS a thing called love and there's also a thing called working through your problems if you really care about the person.


You probably have a better understanding of what love is than many on this board. I keep reading "throw them to the curb", "dump them", "leave", "get out of the relationship"....that advice from people whose ADs state they're "caring", "compassionate", "loving", "a true friend".

Anyone can walk away from a relationship. That doesn't take any effort at all. In fact, in most cases, it is the loser who walks away. The true winner is the one who stays and fixes the problem.

Hang in there and think things through. Maybe he's going through a time of identity. Maybe he's attracted to thinner women and it's his way of saying he's starting to look. Maybe, maybe, maybe. No, it is not right what he is doing but you will never find your first love again, either.

Sure, there are others out there who will love you. That isn't the problem. The problem is when one ends relationships they may heal and forgive but they never forget. As they go through relationships they develop something like a callus on their emotions. That is the thing people seldom mention and while they feel they are stronger, more emotionally mature, they are simply more emotionally hardened. That happens to all of us to some degree. One is wize to avoid rushing it through ending relationships unnecessarily. There is no shame in trying one's best to fix a relationship. Ego destroys love.
 judythecutey
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 50
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 8:20:28 PM
My problem is he's very insensitive about it. He tells me to just starve myself if that's what it takes. Amongst other things, he's said that he can't see a future with me if I don't lose the weight (he won't get a place with me unless I lose weight because doesn't want to get a "bigger apartment" for me to fit in - wtf??) and that a girlfriend is a representation of him, and all his other girlfriends were pretty and thin and were attractive 'to a broader range of men.'

You're not a representation of him..You're a person..He does not know this. Most men are not so concerned with other men finding thier gf's attractive..unless they have very low self esteem. They are with who they care about.. not in relationships to impress others. . He's verbally abusive. Run for the hills!!
You weighed more when you met him..and I wonder if he has been insulting you like this ...all along and for how long. Tell him to find someone else to prop up his weak ego..and find someone who does not hurl insults at you..Very insensitive is an understatement.and don't expect it to get any better.
If noone ever told you this, I will..whether you weigh 20 pounds less or 20 pounds more or whatever you weigh......you deserve someone who is NICE to you and will pay you a compliment..

Not all abuse is physical, words hurt too..PLEASE leave him!!!! JMO J
 judythecutey
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 52
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/20/2005 8:45:08 PM
It sucks, because I know it's a problem we could work out (as I've said, we've worked out SO many others that were just as hard), I'm just starting to think it's not worth it, and why work it out when he shouldn't have caused the problem in the first place?

Sorry but he needs more help than you can give!! Really..if you know a good clinical psychologist to send him too..and have a Long time to wait..maybe,. I am sorry this was your first love.. this is an emotionally verbally abusive realtionship.I do not know if it sytared out that way ..but that's what itis now..You can't fix him. He needs professional help AND he has to want to change..AND that'd take a long time! I hope you will do some reading on verbally abusive realtionships..and what they can do to the lives of those who stay in them..I doubt you will stay..I hope you don't..And I am glad others gave you complimenst too!! It's prpbably been way too long since you have heard some!! JMo J
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 55
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/21/2005 12:06:19 PM
Everytime he mentions you needing to lose weight tell him he needs to grow a few more inches to his di(k. And if he pushes the point just tell him you said he needed a bigger pri(knot be a bigger pri(k.

Short version is dunmp him you want to change him but he is damaged goods. you wont make a prince out of this frog. dont waste the time trying...plent of other fish out there
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 56
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/21/2005 1:01:53 PM
Hey Pandora I looked at your pics and i have to say...DUMP THE GUY! you list yourself as Big & Tall/BBW which is going over board I think. you are 5'3 with maybe a little extra cushion but I have seen larger women on here listing themselves as average. Change it to "a few extra pounds" or even "average" to be more accurate...but dump the guy as he is making you think you are larger than you are. You are a beautiful young woman...dont waste your time on a guy that doesnt see that.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 58
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/22/2005 9:04:51 PM
pandorarevealed.... ok... what I want to know is "WHY IS THIS GUY STILL ALIVE"?????

This guy obviously is mean spirited... it will only get worse for you. That is a form of mental abuse girl.. get the hell outta there!!! You have to be happy with yourself and he will never let you do that. Now it's the weight... if you lose the weight.. he'll find something else to degrade you about. I'm telling you because I've been there and he will always make you feel bad about yourself over something. It's a power/control thing... LEAVE HIM!!! Ain't no D..i..c..k that good!!!

NEXT!!!
 shelleybear
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 61
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:53:05 AM

This thread is not about weight, it is about a relationship problem. If you're going to offer "advice," at least stay on topic.


Ah, but she is on topic.
One that is near and dear to her. Insults to people that don't fit her idea of perfection.
 femodels
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 63
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/26/2005 5:47:01 PM
If the guy can't accept you for who you are, then obviously he just wants a trophy gf to show off. Move on and find someone who wants you for you.
 jn5218
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 64
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/26/2005 5:52:28 PM
some pf the prettiest women I've seen are larger women. I love looking at the eyes. It's hard getting past the windows of the soul.
 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 65
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/28/2005 12:33:06 PM
OMG how rude
my suggestion - loose over 175 pounds - dump the looser (i figure hes about 175ish - right)

i'd say dump him and find yourself a man who loves you unconditionally

love should never have terms on it

you either love someone or you dont

terms like "i'll only love you if you're skinny" are clearly conditional and anyone, even my dead goldfish deserves to be loved more than that
 UrbanMyth
Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 66
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/28/2005 12:57:30 PM

So I told him this is how I was when he first met me, he's the one who pursued me, and he should deal with it. If he doesn't like it, leave.


Repeat that statement to him, and tell him that he has to the end of the week to decide. If he doesn't decide, kick him to the curb. It's not like you are of an unhealthy weight anyway. Tell him that he better get used to rigthy and lefty as well...
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