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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 94
My Weight and My BoyfriendPage 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

My question is.. for other girls who have been in a situation like this, how did you cope? I was originally working very hard to take it off, but his constant criticism has only discouraged me. In my case, I can't decide what to do.. I am so close to just leaving, because he is slowly hurting me too much to care about him anymore, but he's also my first love and means a lot to me.. and losing weight is something I should do anyway.

Oh OP ~ I know this one well. My son's sperm donor met me when I was about 50 pounds overweight. I got the "you have a beautiful face, BUT...." comment constantly. I dropped 50 pounds in about 3 months and then I got the "well, you really should hit the gym...." and for 4 years, I was weighed and my eating was regulated by him. Today, my response would be "fuk you." BUT, I'm 20 + years older and a LOT wiser.

There are things that he did to my psyche throughout those years, and I can assure you ~ once the damage is done, there is very little that can un-do it. I have body issues to this day because of his cruelty. To be quite honest, I allowed it, but I certainly do regret allowing it. My only advice, be true to who you are. If he can't love you for who/what you are: "fuk him." Sorry for the graphics, but this scenerio SCREAMS of mental abuse. He needs to shut up & be nice or move on. Good luck to you. JMO
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 95
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:24:42 PM
Oh Babe, I hope that you dumped that *sshole by now...

I was 290, gained 100 lbs with my daughter when I was 19 years old and it took a gastric bypass when I was 36 to get it gone.. I had it done June 6, 2002.

I was married to a real jackass ( his nick name btw) who said "Sex isn't my thing, I shouldn't have to f*ck you to show you I love you" I heard this for almost 20 years while he was b*tching to my friends about my size..
Funny thing is that he said, "NO you WON'T get surgery" I said, "f*ck you." "Your name's not on my birth certificate and you've been b*tching about my weight for years, I'm having it done."
He moved out in October 2002 when I found out that he had been f*cking around behind my back for years. I had went from a 49 inch waist to a 40 inch waist and was still loosing.. Our divorce was final in 2005 and I was down to a 29 inch waist..

I've gained a little back but I'm at a 32 inch waist now.. No bad for being divorced, a mother of a soon to be 21 year old Daughter and 40 years old !!

Moral of the story. When someone uses your SIZE as a weapon against you, Show Them The Door !! You don't need that crap !! It's an excuse because they can't just say "I want out" and walk away because after all, it can't be their fault...

Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 96
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:33:57 PM
Oh hun......a man who says those kind of awful things to you does not respect or care about you....he is trying to control you too...telling you how you should look or he won't move in with you....cmon....does this sound like a man who loves you for being you? You deserve better than him.....know that.
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 97
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 2:32:26 AM
I noticed that this post (originally) is kind of old, but I'm going to include my $0.02 in case it helps the OP or anyone else.

I've been a big girl since I hit puberty. One of those few people who actually DO have a medical problem. I do, however, work out a lot and eat well. I'm stronger than most of my friends, have more stamina, and can run circles around them...even though I'm a big girl.
I met my ex when I was slightly ligher than I am now. At the time, I was going to taekwon-do nearly 5 days a week, and biking every evening. After we moved, I gained a bit of weight - my program was intensive and I didn't have the money for tkd classes on a student budget. We're talking about 10 lbs on an already heavy frame, over about 2-3 years.
Now, I helped pull this ex of mine out of the gutter. He went back to school, regained some self esteem...and wouldn't you know it, pretty girls started to look his way.

This is when he decided I was now too fat for him. He hounded me about losing weight. If I ate anything that wasn't chicken breast or a salad he'd make a comment about it - despite the fact that he essentially lived off junkfood. He was hell on my self esteem. I felt miserable about myself day and day out, because the man I loved and lived with kept telling me I wasn't to standard. Eventually I asked him to leave. He begged to stay - but why would I want someone around who was hurting my self esteem, and didn't want me for me...simply because he now got more attention from pretty girls?

I've had other instances where guys thought I was really neat, tried to 'get over' my weight issue, and in the end just wound up hurting me and/or jerking me around. I've since learned to only date guys who like everything about me.

To the OP, if you haven't already...let this one go. You will find a guy who adores you for everything about you. It might be hard at first, but you won't believe how much better you will feel later. Especially when you find someone else who treats you like you deserve.

Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 98
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:22:02 PM
I have to agree with the majority; dump him! He's trying to drive you off or control you. Looking at your pics, you are obviously a very attractive woman just the way you are, so that can't be the real issue. He probably has some issues of his own, but for him to use you to make himself feel better is totally stupid.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 99
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:49:27 PM
I'd tell him to get a blow up doll, at least then he'd have a perfect match personality-wise.
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 100
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:11:53 PM
Some people are never happy, I agree that he would just find someone else.

You look fantastic, I suggest you find someone who would appreciate you.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 101
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:17:15 PM
Move on. You are a beautiful girl that deserves a man that adores you head to toe. I have been a size 4 and a size 12 and the men I was with never ever tried to get me to gain or lose. This is a bad sign of a very controlling nature. It will not stop at just a few pounds eventually he will criticise your hair, clothing intelligence etc. Stop it now.
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 102
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:12:04 PM
There is nothing more beautiful than a BBW.

There are many men like me who would not only accept, but adore a woman who is a BBW. Find one and enjoy your life.
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 103
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:32:44 PM
I hope this helps
same thing happened to me
Just not the right guy.
things happen. weight happens
a lot of men will still like you
don't stay with him when he is being a**** Status is bullshit. He is bullshit.
I bet many of his friends like you...look into it
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 106
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:48:36 AM
Regardless of when the thread started, this is an ongoing debate.

A woman who is comfortable with herself at whatever weight shouldn't change herself for a man or to get a man. Either take me as I am or move on.

Now, if you want to lose weight for yourself, for your health, for your life, by all means explore possibilities. You cannot embrace the weight loss plan until you are ready, and not when someone else says you are.
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 107
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:52:50 AM
Yo can't intimidate someone into losing weight. That causes stress which leads to comfort eating.
If you decide to lose weight do it for yourself only. It won't work if you are doing it for someone else.
He should be encouraging, understanding and supportive. He is not, time to go.
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 109
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:21:55 PM
Sweetie I'm a larger girl myself and have never had a "di&%" treat me like that and I wouldn't take it if I ever come across one. You said you met him when you were larger than you are now. He obviously knew this when you met... duh! I only have one thing to say, kick the "dick" to the curb. Don't let him make you feel less a woman because of his insecurities. The next time he says something to you about your weight stand up for yourself and tell him if he doesn't like how you look, tell him he's a****and hit the pavement, otherwise you'll live up to your "big girl" status and throw him against the pavement. I don't usually advocate violence but a girl can only take so much.
Then enjoy your new status as sexy "single" woman on the prowl for a new one.****that is.
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 110
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:28:10 PM
My advice to you, given what I do for living, is much along the same lines as the other wise people on here, dump the loser, this relationship is toxic on so many levels, it would take me an hour, to type it all out. The bottom line is that if he is this emotionally abusive, never mind the fact, that his suggestions for you to starve yourself, are completely above and beyond merely twisted, but show a complete and total disregard for your health, or well-being, physically or otherwise, if his needs or desires are in direct contradiction to your own, to include your medical well-being. This man is being abusive to you, these are your words, and clearly your feeling, do you honestly think he's going to stop with just this sort of abuse? Abuse typically, and statistically, increases the longer it's allowed to continue, do you really want to be on the receiving end of a beating when his emotional abuse is no longer enough for him to feel "superior" to you, and he needs a bigger fix?? People, men and women alike, who degrade their partners in this manner have serious, and severe issues, it is one thing to sit down with your partner and have a compassionate discussion about your concerns for their health if their health is being adversely affected by their weight, or diet, or what have you, it is quite another thing to bludgeon your partner with demands of "starve yourself", this shows neither concern or compassion, but more so, evidences a single-minded desire to diminish your overall well-being, physical, emotional and otherwise, and a more than likely the singular desire to degrade you. No one deserves to be able to do that to you, let alone a miscreant who cares only about himself and what he wants. His statement to you to, "starve yourself", is pretty indicative of some severe emotional immaturity issues. You can do far better, give yourself the chance to do better, and you will get better, but you're the only one that can want that for yourself.

Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 111
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/14/2008 8:23:24 AM
There's almost no point to me even saying anything here because it's been said 1,000 times over already, but all I will say is get away from him before he breaks you down and you're a mess for the rest of your life. As for the weight, that's your call.

God Bless
Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 112
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 11:13:58 AM
If you want to loose 150 #, dump him!
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 113
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:19:16 PM
Do yourself a favor and lose some weight for your own good. Do not let your feelings about how he approached you about it affect you one way or the other.
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 114
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:48:36 PM
Lose weight because it is healthy to do so not because your boyfriend wants you to. I once dated a fellow who thought I was big. I wore a size eight at the time and am five feet one inch tall so I looked pretty good. I got tired of hearing this from him . So I made him a deal. He was five feet six inches tall. I told him that if he grew two inches I would lose ten pounds. He never spoke of it again. I also was once interviewed by a fellow who wanted to know what my weight was because he wanted to date only thin women. So I asked him about the size of his penis. I told him I only wanted to date men with big penises. he could not handle that. My point here is a persons dimensions are not a criteria for loving. I think your boyfriend is behaving like a jerk to you. His behaviour is not loving it is insensitive, disrespectful and uncaring and is bordering on abuse. There are a lot of wonderful loving men out there. Put him back in the pond and go fishing.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 115
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 2:09:49 PM
First- Break the relationship.
Second- Try to lose the weight carefullly and healthy'll feel better
Third- After the weight loss and the New You emerges.... pass him in a store ,
cordially shake your buttocks, (cute as it is) as you walk away from him..
letting him get a good look at the New You............
Fourth- Get around the next corner, out of sight...... and smile and grin real big.

Fifth- Feel Good ... the rest of the day, maybe into the next.

Good Luck Lady!
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 116
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 5:28:40 PM
You will forever feel this pressure with him. I am a big girl as well. My ex accepted me as I was but then was more subtle than your other half that maybe I should lose a few pounds. I found that very hurtful. I did get into weight lifting and lost several pounds and became very fit at one point. He was never someone overweight by a lot but could have lost a few pounds himself for health reasons but I put so much pressure on myself that whenever I started to gain weight I felt awful. I tried and tried and couldn't keep it off and his constant eating of junk food in front of me didn't help. His reply was're the one on the diet so why should I do without. I'm 49 years old now and married and divorced three times to men who were not very sensitive to my weight. Two of my ex's have since hit the middle age spread themselves and the latest now has a girlfriend 10 years younger than him and he's the one losing weight to keep up with her. Do you really want to put yourself through all that. Dump him and move'll just be constantly putting that pressure on yourself. If you want to lose weight then do it for yourself and no one else. Do it for your health. I'm new to this site so I put on there "a few extra pounds" and I have promised myself to be honest with anyone who contacts me. I don't want to put myself into another relationship based on my size at the time because I know from my past I can put it on quickly and the older you get the harder it is to take it off and keep it off. You are a person, you are beautiful inside and out no matter what someone else says. He is abusing you...don't take it...get out now!!!
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 117
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 6:33:56 PM
He may or may not have been "abusing" you. He may have been trying to do you a favor by shocking you into losing weight. One thing is for certain, you are abusing your body by being obese, so lose weight!
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 118
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2008 7:25:35 PM
I never had a weight problem UNTIL I hit mid forties and was put on medication for arthritis. I had two worn out arthritic hips that needed replaced. I toughed it out for 15 years-in pain, depressed, and overweight because I couldn't move or have an activity level like I previously had. People were rude to me and told me to my face that I was fat, ugly, and repulsive. I had people to tell me that I needed to quit eating. Obviously, not everyone has weight problems that are related to food. Mine was medication and side effects. People need to put their brains in gear before they put their mouths in motion.

One of these "charming" people who was continually disrepectful was a guy that I dated. Long story short, I had both hips replaced, regained my life and activity level, lost almost 90 pounds and have kept it off. All of the superficial people that had no time for me have started to come around. I have point blank told them that if they didn't have time for me before, then I certainly don't have time for them now and to go away henceforth and forever more.

Girl, you need to dump him. Tell him to "hit the trail". You are better off at home without the verbal abuse and the deplorable treatment that you are tolerating. Under no circumstances do you have to put up with that BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is someone out there who will appreciate you for you! Without all of the superficial guidelines that society has deemed as necessary criteria for dating or courtship.

No one deserves to be talked to or treated like an inferior life form because of extra weight. Period.
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 119
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:27:37 PM
debeers is a total cretin and a lurker who sounds like a loser. Keep posting things like you did here and you'll never find a single person that could tolerate you. As for your weight sweetheart, if you want to lose pounds do it for yourself, not for anyone else. But never tolerate abuse from someone else, whatever form or fashion they choose to dish it out. I did for far too long from someone and almost lost who I am inside. Know your self worth and always cherish that. Don't take his abuse and let him know you will not tolerate it. Once you get on with your life without that mental baggage of him trying to bring you down, your self-confidence will grow and so will you sense of self esteem.
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 120
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/21/2008 11:24:45 AM
I agree with most everyone on this thread - DUMP HIM. As far as losing weight is concerned, you need to remember you didn't put the weight on overnight, and it's not coming off overnight either. I'd like to offer this advice from experience: when I started my soulmate journey, it began at my doctor's office. In December of 2007, when I had my physical, I weigt 330pounds. My doctor basically said, lose it or die. So, he gave me a prescription for Meridia(appetite suppressant-works VERY well) and he hooked my up with a dietician at the local hospital, who gave me a copy of the Canada Food Guide and told me, healthy weight loss for me would be eating 2000-2400 calories per day. She said, write down what you eat. Which I did and now, in October 2008 I weigh 274 pounds. I haven't been on the Meridia since July of this year because it is quite expensive. Even though I'm not taking it, I'm still losing weight; not as fast but it is a loss nevertheless. The trick is to STAY AWAY FROM DIETING/YO-YO FADS and diet books. Record everything you eat and when you see it written down, you know you have to eat more protein/less carbs, whatever. Check out for a very helpful calorie counting/weight loss plan. I use it every day, it's free and it WORKS.

2milk servings/2meat servings/6-8grain servings/8-12fruit servings per day is a good place to start. Getting moderate exercise, still eating what you want, but controling the amount is key.(drink lots of water) The best thing for you to do is distance yourself from this jerk. If he really cared about you, he'd respect your feelings. To him, your nothing more than a bootycall, and you DESERVE BETTER.
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 125
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:47:12 AM
Wow, it sounds like he says some pretty hurtful things. If it is abusive then you are best off leaving regardless of the time you have been together. You do not deserve abusive treatment under any circumstances, so you need to either leave or ask him to stop the abuse.

He would be much better off encouraging you and being concerned for your health and approaching it that way. I think some people think that if they make something painful enough for someone then they will change. But in this case he is just making you feel worse.

It is true that the majority of men are overly concerned with appearance. This is similar to how some women judge men on their financial position.

If you think he will stop the abuse, then I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart about how he is hurting you and tell him you have the same interest to be healthier, however you need his encouragement. And, if he is unable to stop being abusive, then you will need to leave the relationship.

That is my best advice. Also, you might read a book called Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud.

Best wishes!
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