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 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 6
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Dating without sex?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Waiting is a good thing.


I never thought I would see this stated in one of these forums.
There's a common theme running through many of the threads around here: "I slept with someone way too soon, and things went badly." And yet waiting does, indeed, appear to have become a bad thing.

I don't get it.
 linne
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 8
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 3:03:17 PM
3-4 months with my current relationship? Apparently inconcievably long by modern standard for people my age.
 LMAN_67
Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 9
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 3:12:24 PM
six months..never...i couldnt/wouldnt wait that long..3 dates??maybe...like someone else said ..sexual compatibility is important.
 Ldygmr
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 10
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 4:41:38 PM
I'm sorry...did you actually ask this question in seriousness?

I have no reason whatsoever to date EXCEPT TO FIND A LOVER. Go a year dating ONE person and NOT have sex? NO WAY. If the chemistry is there and the pedigree is approved then a month is patience enough for me.
 Ldygmr
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 15
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 6:20:41 PM
^^^And surgical procedures. A small amount of forethought will eliminate the procreative bit.
 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 16
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 6:28:59 PM
Not dating, went almost 2 years, lol.

Dating... probably 4-5 months. I dont do it until I feel secure with where the relationship is going.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 19
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 8:15:25 PM
I was married with no sex for a lot longer than that if you don't count mercy sex as being sex. I am a lot happier not having sex than feeling obliged to and it being emotionless.

I would think that if you have been "dating" for over a year and not had sex then there isn't much passion and intimacy in the relationship and thats a red flag to be considered.

Bana-dito
 Captain Sargasmo
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 20
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/20/2005 10:55:56 PM
i didn't read every post...but dating without sex...isn't that like a banana split without the ice cream and banana?

sure...it's a nice dish...and all the toppings are pretty good too...but you're missing the most important parts!!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 32
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:58:39 PM
I start shaking if I go a month or so without sex...


dating without sex ??


what's the POINT ??
 TubaGirl7
Joined: 2/6/2011
Msg: 34
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History
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:39:44 PM
never had sex cause i believe in no sex till marriage... so i guess the longest was a year and a half, since that was also my longest relationship.
 Melinda733
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 41
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:52:11 PM
I am dating in order to find a long term partner. It's been my experience that having sex before 6 months of dating, ends badly. I hate waiting too but I also hate being brushed off after 3-4 months. Sex is not a basis for a relationship no matter how great it is and a relationship is what I am looking for. So waiting seems to be my option .
 Melinda733
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 42
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:57:02 PM
I was so pleased to see man brave enough to state that sex is not a "connection" in the real sense of the word. Waiting isn't easy on me either but when I want a real connection, waiting is the only option.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 43
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:41:53 PM
It's been my experience that having sex before 6 months of dating, ends badly.

I think that's actually superstitious. If you were to take couples who are currently in happily-had LTRs of 2+ years right now, you'd find a majority of them had sex before 6 months into it. If anything, I think waiting too long can usually do damage to a dating relationship if it's long enough.

Waiting isn't easy on me either but when I want a real connection, waiting is the only option.

You can't make a connection in less than 6 months? :) I'm not trying to razz you or anything... and I respect folks who wait a little longer than the average Joe or Jane, don't get me wrong... because if one is really into someone, they'll wait -- as long as there is some progression on the affection level being had. But at some point, which I would say 3 months-max, you either have a connection or you don't. And if the person doesn't have a connection and still want to date them past 3 months, I'd say they've got some issues about connecting with someone (or just not interested and just lonely).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 45
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:41:22 PM
SC67,

Wait... would you guys make out? Round 2nd base at least? Get naked and do everything except-have-actual-sex? I totally agree, sex is an important part of a (real) Relationship. I think it can be held off for longer-than-normal if you're at least getting to 3rd base... but yeah, I think it's safe to say that if someone isn't enough into sexual relations -- they aren't that into you. That could be clouded by weird belief systems, weird/odd feelings about the opp-sex, hangups about sex in general, etc. -- but that ends up being in relation to you and how they feel about you to some extent, so in the end, whatever the reason -- they aren't that into ya.

I had a friend who got dumped because after 3 months he wouldn't have sex with his gf. She threw out the L word to him on the 2nd date on a card... he was apprehensive about things, but she had a great personality and was kinda cute. She liked that he didn't rush to sex. But after 3 months, with the single woman living in the condo above him getting railed by the boyfriend-of-the-week, his gf couldn't stand it anymore when he wouldn't have sex with her. He was heart-broken. But I told him that's just the feeling of rejection -- you weren't that into her. He ended up agreeing after all that dust settled.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 49
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:26:59 PM
"Yes, I've dated someone for a couple of years without having sex"

Were you dating another?How does a guy date a woman he finds attractive and go without sex for that long?Self service is an extreme last resort for a mature male....but it seems a few here may in fact prefer this.
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:59:56 PM
I think this is the smartest answer i've seen in reference to this question. We are all adults. I am 50 yrs old, I am not looking for a long term, but I have needs. I enjoy sex and at my age w/o a partner its not like i can have it everyday, so hey. Am not sorry to say, that if I am seeing a guy and we are attracted to each other sexually i will go for it. I have nothing to loose. Ten Years ago, I wouldv'e replied that three to six months is a good time to wait b4 having sex during a relationship if each live in their own place. However, in a relationship where the couple sleeps in the same bed, I dont see the logic in this, unless they are trying to test their will power, which sounds like punishment. But hey to each its own. Dating w/o sex to me is a bit difficult to understand, I am not sexy, pretty or rich for someone to continue waiting for me , It's either wait till my mojo dies out or i become unable to have sex due to illness. So use it or loose it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 51
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:43:49 AM

Not really, no & absolutely not (in that order). I probably could've been mostly satisfied if all that had been happening. It was just cuddling on the couch.

Ahhh, a cuddle-buddy! ;) I can't believe you were in that for so long! I think your new-found idea is a good one, to bail if things aren't any more affectionate than two friends with sexual tension. IMO, one shouldn't buy into excuses about things if they don't open up physically... it's only going to be one or two things: (a) They're not interested in you, in what real interest is, for whatever reasons they may have to try and make it not sound like it, or (b) they have a lot of messed up issues about things sex-related, and you shouldn't be going out with them anyway.

However, in a relationship where the couple sleeps in the same bed, I dont see the logic in this, unless they are trying to test their will power, which sounds like punishment.

It is pretty much that. I think most will avoid sleeping in the same bed to avoid "naughty things". I think the whole sex-is-bad concept sinks into some people past their teen years, and can stay there well into adulthood for some.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 57
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/12/2011 3:23:26 PM
"Sex, it seems is the central theme of some people's dating experience, when in fact it has nothing to do with it."

If it was central there wouldn't be much to talk about.


" Relationships can flourish without sex, but sex can't flourish without relationships."

I wouldn't classify this as a very solid relationship between healthy people.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/12/2011 4:33:22 PM
There are people who have low libidos & feel like they can't be bothered to have sex.

I would go a bit further than that, though. If it's to the extreme that they don't want to do more than cuddling and keep things on a 6th grade level of kissing when it happens, in an established Relationship, I would think that it'd require not just a low libido but an anti-libido (assuming they really did have interest in the other)! :) I've been not-in-the-mood and gone down on an ex, several times, because, well, it's the concept of pleasing... even though my libido was 'blah'. I would imagine a mere low-libido would be "not enough", not "basically never" -- that'd be anti-libido, or lack of interest + mere low libido.

I would never EVER recommend dating one of those people if you have a normal or above-average sex drive. Trust me...it's frustrating & a real sexual confidence killer.

Oh yeah, definitely! Even if your situation had the guy getting into deeper waters once in a while (but not nearly enough), it'd still be a bad thing for anyone to get into.

being the genius I am...I decided to follow that up with a 5 year FWB situation where he provided all the sex & none of the other stuff.

Well, I'm sure the 1st year at least was a great satisfactory relief... but yeah, one needs both the romantic bonding and the sexual satisfaction. I don't think that's asking too much or being too picky.

Sex, it seems is the central theme of some people's dating experience, when in fact it has nothing to do with it.

It shouldn't be the focal point walking into it, but it definitely does have something to do with it for adults who still aren't culturally conditioned against it and/or have a low libido. It's a natural part of it. If sex had nothing to do with anything, then you could date a dude or tranny, right? Sexual attraction leads to the desire & satisfaction of what kind of relations?

Relationships can flourish without sex, but sex can't flourish without relationships.

I disagree with this... Established Relationships (for adults) can't flourish very far w/o sex... but again, if both happen to be truly culturally conditioned and/or both happen to have a pretty low libido, then I could see it being fine for both.

Sex, in the very least in the moment, can flourish outside a relationship. With the wrong sexually compatible partners, sex could technically be found worse in a relationship than outside with strongly sexual compatible people.

But I understand -- for YOU, it doesn't flow that well. I was just referring to people in general.
 brothatrain
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 61
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History
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:19:44 PM
When i was 19, i actually spent the year seeing women but i didn't want to have sex. Had many things happening outside of them that sex was not on my mind, What was funny alot of young ladies didn't like my decision thats when i found out women were just like men they wanted sex just as much.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 70
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/15/2011 5:26:12 PM

Almost 4 years of of dating and no sex for me. It was a test of willpower.


And then it ended so there was no real relationship.Give your head a shake.
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 71
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:36:01 PM
I dated one girl with no sex for over a year....but I mean, I was 18...so come on, LOL
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 76
Dating without sex?
Posted: 12/27/2011 3:41:20 PM
Until you're mounting her and good she's not really "yours".
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