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 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 48
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
No and only because I dated an alcoholic and it was the most horrible experience ever. It's a moot point as I'm with someone now. BUt I just wouldn't take that risk again. Not me.
 small*mtn*lake
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 51
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 5:17:42 PM
Only if I was a recovering alcoholic myself..... then we would have something to talk about Follow the bouncing ball..... he is wise.... he is omnipresent
 Sqwooty
Joined: 8/4/2004
Msg: 54
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 6:46:37 PM
I think you hit on the head with your first thought-if he is getting help and not drinking at all anymore then that's great. Let him do what he's got to do for himself. What if he said he has never drank and would never want to have anything to do with people that have or do?
 lacy85
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 57
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 7:03:04 PM
I think it would be a great idea. I was with a very bad abusive alcoholic for years and I left because he is never going to get help with someone there all the time to clean up after him!If this guy is really serious about AA then I think you should stand behind that. Its awesome that he is making the attempt to better his life.
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 65
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/30/2005 5:11:55 PM
I think its great that he is in it already and is on his way to staying sober. Personally i could have an alcoholic as a friend but i wouldnt have a relationship with one. I like to have a drink from time to time. not get drunk but a beer at a picnic or wine in a restaurant type thing. I wouldnt want to be at a new years party and feeling bad for drinking my champagne while they have ginger ale.
 ffhffhfhfh
Joined: 9/3/2005
Msg: 71
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 1/1/2006 7:50:49 AM
No, no no no! I married a recovering alcoholic who became a recovering cocaine addict who then became a recovering prescription pain killer addict. In other words addiction leads to other addictions. Stay the hell away from those people. I learned the hard way!
 hello_kitty
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 87
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 6/13/2006 10:02:27 AM
no offense ladies, but an alcoholic in recovery can never drink again, ever. aa doesn't create "social drinkers" 'cause if you've got the addiction there's no such thing. your dudes might have "handled" it so far, but they'll end up drunk, dead or in jail for having run over some family while dui inevitably. have any of you studied the disease or the program? read a copy of the big book and wake up. i'd date a guy in recovery if he'd changed his character through working the 12 steps daily. anything less is not sobriety. my poor best friend is the only sober person in her family and is in alanon also now that her mom & aunt are volatile 2 yr. olds who drink gallons of booze a day, her sister's become a carbon copy of her dead father and ex bf, who's advanced stages of alcoholism mimic, and or often misdiagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia. turns out her ex really does have the mental illness 'cause after 9 yrs. sober his symptoms are worse off the meds. roughly 86% of people who use addictions to self-medicate have some mental illness that needs proper treatment also. good luck with educating yourselves. it will come in handy, trust me. ps. right on Ooli, you rock.
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 93
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 6/13/2006 3:02:31 PM
I HAVE AND i NEVER JUDGE A MAN.. BUT THE FIRST TIME HE MESSES UP.. HE IS OUT.. NO JOKING.. IF A MAN CAN NOT KEEP HIS WORD.. THEN HE ONLY LETS DOWN HIMSELF.
 funkinrock
Joined: 12/7/2004
Msg: 99
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/25/2006 12:21:09 PM
I am a recovering alcoholic and I sure would hope that would be a good thing not a bad. I on the other hand would have told you within the first couple weeks if not sooner but to each there own. Anyway...I think it would suck to have people turned off by the fact your making improvements in your life. I guess it just depends...There are some people (not you) that might not date an Recovering Alcoholic because they havent faced some of there own issues and its not very self assuring to date or socialize with people that are.
 funkinrock
Joined: 12/7/2004
Msg: 100
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/25/2006 12:23:02 PM
Thats too bad you felt that way but I can completely understand that feeling....ok now why when I reply to someones reply to an original does it show up as a reply to the original post?
 Fanny
Joined: 7/5/2004
Msg: 102
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 9/7/2006 8:03:58 AM
Absolutely! I dated one for four years and he is still the love of my life.

I have dated also dated alcoholics who were not in recovery, and a few who were in denial that there was even a problem. Just being actively in recovery shows that the person has the maturity to take responsibility for their own actions, which is a quality that is sorely lacking in most of society....

Good luck to you!
 Believe_in_love
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 103
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:58:41 PM

Posted By: Fanny on 9/7/2006 8:03:58 AM
Subject: Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Message: Absolutely! I dated one for four years and he is still the love of my life.

I have dated also dated alcoholics who were not in recovery, and a few who were in denial that there was even a problem. Just being actively in recovery shows that the person has the maturity to take responsibility for their own actions, which is a quality that is sorely lacking in most of society....

Good luck to you!


Out of curiosity, why did it work out for him do you think? What did he do consistently and over the long haul that showed he was recovered vs. the ones who weren't? If he's the love of your life, why are you still not with him?

I think to be successful at anything, it is by far better to hear about how and why things work than to hear why they don't.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 104
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:44:26 AM
i'd rather date a recovering alcoholic than someone who is still in denial (a very large segment of the population falls here, in my opinion). however, i've attended al anon on and off for a long time due to my dad and my first husband and one child who turned to drugs. at this point in my life, no active alcoholism but i still go to al anon on and off for myself.

if you don't understand alcoholism and the recovery process, and you like this man, then i suggest that you attend an open AA meeting by yourself or with him. also go to al anon and truly "believe" that he is in recovery and understand what recovery requires of him, let alone you. remember that when one first joins AA, they recommend a good year without new involvements. ask this man more about it, as he must know by now that the big book is out of the bag--or shall we say, glove compartment!?*
 obeythepug
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 105
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:14:57 AM
I feel bad but I don't think I could date a recovering alcoholic/addict. About 5 years ago, my dad relapsed. He'd go into rehab and then check out early. Eventually, he stayed in rehab. He's been going to meeting regularly now for a few years. Life is much better now. Prior to this relapse, he had been sober 20 some years.

I know that relapse is a part of recovery process. I just don't think I could emotionally live through that again. I know that an alcoholism is a disease. I know that I am lucky that I did not inherit the addiction gene. I do commend those who live the program; I just don't think I could date them. I know that I would potentially be losing out on some great people.
 knightvoyage
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 106
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:24:09 PM
Probably never again. Mostly we hear about horror stories of women dating male alcoholics, but it goes both ways.

I had been around alcoholics before, but had no idea what it was really like until I fell for a woman who was a major one. Of course I didn't know it at first. In some ways it is worse with women, becuase when they become violent, they can have a man put in jail if he tries to defend himself or protect her from herself. Police always take the word of a beautiful woman over a man.

Alcoholics current and former are very emotionally needy. There's something about their vulnerability that can be alluring at first. They are also master manipulators. This woman was the best actress I'd ever known. Jekyl and Hyde. Short story, I tried to save her, which was really stupid. She said she wanted to kick it, but the alcoholic mind finds ways to sabotage every effort. And no, I was not enabling her. After so much lying and manipulation, there is no way a person with a self-preservation instinct can stay with someone like that. I also think AA sustains more alcoholics than it cures, or course, they say you can never cure it, so their cycle is perpetual.

After dating some other women who said they were former alcoholics, even one that claimed to be sober for 12 years, many of the nightmarish traits remain, which is why I now believe that personality-shifting brain damage may be permanent. In women, there is a major emotional irrationality that trips up relationships, like being unable to look at any situation objectively. This seems to be worse for the more attractive people in recovery. Maybe it is because they receive false feedback due to so many people catering to their beauty.

I'm sure there are exceptions. But a chronic alcoholic can usually fool someone into being with them for a while and a former alcoholic can find plenty of emotionally-dependent or damaged people. I'm just saying that over the long-term it is unrealistic to expect that a person with their act together can be with someone who is unstable.
 funkinrock
Joined: 12/7/2004
Msg: 107
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:56:34 PM
not everyone is like that or needs all that...failures will fail at most everything they try even sobriety and rehab...so if this comment is from experience then maybe you attracted a failure to begin with.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 110
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:24:34 PM
I'd much rather date a recovering alcoholic, than a current alcoholic.

I rarelly drink myself, so I may possibly be better suited to spending time with someone's who quit drinking, than spending time with someone who drinks regularly.
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 111
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:42:20 PM
I am a recovering alcoholic .i was violated. PTSD. I thought that i could hide by drinking. I became sober at 24 yrs old. 39 yrs old now.
15 yrs sober
quit smoking at 28
11yrsnon smoker

actually, it is rather funny to watch ""you'all drinkers that wouldn't hang out with we non drinking folk" because the more you drink the illegible conversation and the drooling from the mouth is amusing hehehehehehehehehehe
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 115
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:04:20 AM
I don't drink, and don't like clubbing and parties, so I might work well with a recovering alcoholic in terms of being able to avoid alcohol.
 Sugar_Jones
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 116
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:44:26 PM
As a recovering Alcoholic myself, and a member of AA I would say that if your guy or girl works a good program and has some long term sobriety under his/her belt, then I say all is ok with dating a recovering alcoholic. Why? Because if there is one thing AA teaches a person, its how to treat others in a positive, respectful manner. And why does AA teach this? Because OUR sobriety depends on actions such as this. Plain and simple.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 117
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:27:44 PM
No, I wouldn't date someone like that.
 the27thletter
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 118
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Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 5/23/2012 12:58:10 AM
to answer your question, yes.
I would be weary about him if I had first met him though... I would want to talk to him about it. I would want to support him in his efforts and not let shame hinder an open discussion about it.
If he would have problems being open about it, I would probably have problems dating him.

I'd ask him about it. Try to chose your words carefully less you sound condescending. If you have a personal story that you can share, be it your own or about a friend or family member, it may help to break the ice. Point is: you wouldn't want to surprise him with concert tickets for that band he likes and have the show be at a bar where he either couldn't enter or worse, would be tempted once inside...

Just remember that everyone has a story. We are all fighting our own demons. He is lucky in a way, because alcoholism is so widely known and help is easily accessible. If he is really a good guy then accepting his faults will do nothing but show him that he is a good person, and that he does, in fact, deserve good things in his life.

Keep an eye on his moods and anxiety levels around social settings where drinking is involved. Don't ever be afraid to ask him if he wants to get out of here and go for a walk or something.
 missmaddy
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 119
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:43:42 AM
i wouldnt date any kind of addict in recovery.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 120
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 5/24/2012 10:50:26 AM
Hmmm....so many variables here. I too am a recovered alcoholic, sober 27 years now. Although a lifestyle choice now, there is always that chance of relapse (like anything else ie diet, smoking). And probably the majority of people who will understand my next statement are alcoholic as well.

I would NOT date someone in early recovery!!!! It is a fragile situation at best, and I no longer need to eat "AA" for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Do I think I am destined to be with someone in AA? Yes, more likely than not~~
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 121
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 5/25/2012 6:51:15 PM
YES! I would rather date a RECOVERING alchoholic that an alchoholic!
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